Ambiguous feelings filled my veins as if I were struck by a lighting bolt of confusion. How did I get here? I recall my day piece by piece in an attempt to clarify my ambiguity and make sense of the situation. 

     The day began as all mornings do with the tedious routine of waking up and such. "Beep beep…" the agonizing sound of the alarm menacing through my ears. I reach over to hit the snooze and roll back under the covers.

     "Ring ring…" the telephone rings, I look at the clock; 6:51 am, I must have turned off the alarm.

     “!” I shouted as I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. Fortunately I dressed for work the night before. I brush my teeth and grab a granola bar then raced down the stairs to my sister waiting patiently in her car behind the gate.

      I put my shoes on in the car and fix my hair and make up. It’s at least a 30 minute drive from my house to work, so my sister and I car pool. I lean back in the car seat and listen to the grafecul sounds and vibrations which flow through the car speakers. The Psychedelic Furs are singing, “Love my way, it’s a new road. I follow where my mind goes…”

     It was in that moment that I suddenly knew. I fetl a premonition creep up behind me. The little voice I can never put a face to seems to whisper in my ear, “It’s a new road”.

      I recall the words of Churchill, “Today is not the beginning, today is not the end. It is the beginning of the end”.

     How true. I feel refreshed. I feel cleansed of the end. I feel ready and willing to create the day, my way so I can love and enjoy it.

     Adrenaline pumps through my body as we pull into the parking lot of work. I smile incessantly and wave hello to all the people I pass on my way to the time clock. After three years of working at this place it somehow became like a new beginning. The thrill and anxiety of starting a new job was with me once again.

     I went straight for my schedule and began my work expertly and excitedly. I must look at life as the cup half full, not half empty. With an optimistic attitude I am learning to love life. The end of the work day simply marks the beginning of my life’s adventure.

 

      I come home, positively in tune, only to be angered by the situation. Decadent and intentional decline filled the air. Chaos. No order whatsoever.

     Apathy, I can feel it trailing close behind me, but I can’t give in. I wont let the fear get the best of me. I need to be strong. To love life I must first learn to deal with it’s imperative obstacles. I take a deep breath and attempt to release all my negative energy.

     When at the top of the mountain, glory and pride. But when the mountain crumbles, I'm at the bottom of another mountain, only fear and anxiety now. The next mountain seems unfeasible and infinite. The top of the mountain manifests flawless victory and blissful certainty. I must overcome my fear and start the climb. The bottom of the mountain is simply a lesson in life. It will be over soon and all I have is paradise to look forward to when I reach the top again

     I quickly make my way to the radio and turn it on. Bob Dylan’s, Mr. Tambourine Man suppresses my tension, “I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade, into my own parade…”.

     I light a cigarette and laid down peacefully on the on the balcony, tuning out all distractions and allowing negativity to flea my body.

     Positive energy fills my veins and numbs my fear as the I become one with the lyrics, “take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship, my senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip…”

    'Things cannot end this way,' I think to myself. Good old Bob Dylan sure knows how to inspire love of life.

     I grabbed my key and made my way to the carport. Soon I became the captain of my own magic swirling ship.

     I drive aimlessly to destination unknown. I find myself driving through the orange groves and clear out to the Valley. My magic swirling ship brings me to the shore of Oliver’s island.

     Oliver is a childhood friend who shares similar thoughts and feelings on life. His Island is actually his house. It is often the center of madness and obscurity.

     Inside, Faye is laying comfortably in the bed as Nikki dances gracefully around the room to the absent music. I smile and join them in a smoke out.

     I'm drifitng deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind. But it cant end here, I wont allow it.

     I watch as Nikki makes several phone calls in an attempt to locate psychedelics. No luck.

     “They’re holding out on us,” Nikki explains defiantly. Her eyes squint with a passionate anger as she leaps up and motions her dancing hand gracefully towards the car.

     We climb in and drive away into an unfamiliar abyss of danger.

     “Down this road to the left, be careful that road down there is rocky,” Nikki explains as she guides us to a Nursery. The Nursery is dark and quiet.

     “Kill your lights. Leave the car running, I’ll be right back,” she whispers and nervously exits the car.

     I follow her orders and wait patiently for 7 minutes.

     Gunshots suddenly resoun throughout the brisk summer night air. In the distance I can make out two figures running quickly towards my car. As they approach I recognized Nikki’s silhouette.

     She awkwardly tosses her body through the window and I speed away as she struggle to pull her legs through the window.

     We drive at top speed over the unstable road towards the main road, hitting each ditch and rock with painful strikes.

     Civilization, at last, however still paranoid. I make a quick escape through narrow roads and back to Oliver’s.

     I light a cigarette and relax. Finally peace and sanctuary. Oliver’s house settles my nerves and paranoia escapes my body. We are safe here, it’s a difficult place to find and doesn’t hold a inviting demeanor, for privacy purposes. Its dark and eerie with five large dogs guarding the entrance at all times.

     Nikki opens a small container containing five small tabs. She dances gracefully around the room feeding one to each of us. Oliver is sitting on the fuzzy orange carpet rolling joints and passing them to Faye who sits on the couch behind him smoking them, completely unmoved by the situation.

     Nikki places a tab on my tongue and I allow it to dissolve before it travels down my throat.

     The clock reads 9:00 pm, so what now? This is only the the first episode of an intense series full of adventure. We pack up the car and drive away.

     Now we a simply a lingering shadow as we surrender to Mr. Tambourine man and he guides us to our next scene.

 

     We arrive at the Towers, somewhere 13 miles east of Oliver’s. Residence of Grease and Molly. A fateful encounter.It was't mere coincidence, it was destiny.

     Charlie greets us at our car and we make our way into the a smoke filled apartment. Alex, Grease, and Molly sit anxiously on the couch. Pupils wide and grinding jaws, Molly quickly rises to share her love with hugs.

     The room is hot and sweaty with menacing vibrations all around us. We each find a comfortable spot. I lay my weary body behind the couch and await Mr. Tambourine man’s spell to come over me.

     I close my eyes, images of bliss and eternal pleasure crowd my mind. I open my eyes to find Charlie creating esoteric swirls of multi colored lights with his hands. My eyes follow the lights anxiously as they create splendor and ic sensations.

     Traces of light stay with me long after he quits. I stand, blood rushes from my head. My legs are weak, flimsy like cooked spaghetti. Numbness takes over as my body is stripped of all senses. My head is light and I'm floating on clouds. Pleasure, tickles each pressure point.

     I walk outside, Nikki follows. We lay peacefully on the balcony and allow the diamond sky to dance charmingly around us. The moons is the cheshire cat's grin and he laughs hystericlly at us.

     I light a cigarette and allow Mr. Tambourine Man to work his magic.

     It's no coincidence that Nikki and I felt the urge at the same time. We venture off to explore the endless possibilities of this drug.

      We remove our shoes and climb over the balcony, making our way through the muddy bushes. We crawl through a desolate lot and out to society.

     Its 10:30pm on a Tuesday night. Most of the world is preparing to rest for the their tedious routine. But not me, I am ready and willing to live this trip out to its fullest.

     I press the crosswalk button at the intersection. I patiently wait admiring the sky. She is a puppet master holding the strings that make the stars dance gracefully.

     "Walk," reads the signal and I obey.

     Walking has never been so strange nor has it ever been so lovely. I lean back and raise my knees up high taking long weightless strides, so as to not weigh the clouds down.

     Across the street we are met by a grassy knoll. I walk through it slowly, allowing my toes to sink deep into the the cold wet grass.

     The air is cool and crisp but I pay it no mind. My body creates it own personal blanket where cold cannot reach it.

     I dance freely through the grass and attempt to enjoy nature in its limitless beauty.

     “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind…Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. …To dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free…Let me forget about today until tomorrow,” I recall Bob’s lyrics once again.

     I forget today and trail pieces of the past behind me. I allow myself to become one with nature. I hear the breeze whispering my name. The earth's fresh frangrance fills my senses.The Cheshire cat is smiling down on me form the midnight’s sky and he winks to make his body disapear.

    Fear and care subside. This is a perfect moment, nothing matters except this moment. I finally reached it, this is the 4th plateau.

    What is a plateau? Well, plateau’s are a high's limits. They vary, depending on a person’s tolerance. They sum up the stages of drug use. The 4th plateau is rarely reached because most humans cannot handle the fuel taken to reach it. If your lucky and have enough fuel, the 5th plateau is feasible. I believe Nikki is very near the 5th plateau, considering her natural ability to provoke excessivness.

    Faye and Charlie have reached heights beyond all of us. They're the only people I've known to reach the 6th plateau successfully. Surely they are ones too admire. They act as the Godfather of all plateaus due to their unlimited knowledge and experience.

    The 4th plateau can be described as complete peace and crystal clear understanding. But the 4th platue doesn't last long and can never be recalled. It, alone, holds the answer to all of life's problems. The answers cannot be recalled when we return to reality. Many chsae the moment trying to physically record it to review in reality. Impossible.

     Who really wants to know the meaning of life anyway? If we knew our purpose in life there would be no reason to climb plateaus.

     Nikki and I made our way to the corner liquor store. Our pallets dry and desperate. A few drinks later and wander back to the towers.

     

     Before we reach the Towers it suddenly hit me, like a knife to the jugular. I gasp for air. I got the fear. This is the transition in reverse. No mercy. Quickly my plateau begins to decline with no warning whatsoever. My body aches and paranoia creeps up on me. I dry heave, and struggle to breath.

    Nikki grabs my shoulders and drags me back before my condition deteriorates. I stumble in and retrieve the spot behind the couch.

    Oliver rolls a joint and hands it to me. I smoke it and relieve my body form further torture. Power nap, a quick 15 minutes to rest my eyes and regain control of my senses.

    I here the word “bump” in my conscious state of sleep and adrenaline rushes through me again. I jump to my feet and look around the room.

    “Where?” I ask Faye impatiently.

    Only she will ever understand me because we are hetero lifemates. She knows my thoughts before I do and is always prepared to participate in my notorious antics.

     She points to the room on the left and winks at me, her actions speak louder than words. I make my way quickly to the room on the left.

     Inside the music is pounding. Sweaty bodies lean against each other as Grease racks out several lines of white powder.

     I participate and quickly become one with numbness.

    The sudden urge to empty my bladder leads me to the bathroom. A large pit bull wags her tail and jumps up to greet me.

    The stench of the bathroom was enough to make me gag. I look on the floor and see large yellow puddles and piles of dog scatted through out. The slimy toilet is not an option. It is no condition for it’s intended use. I jump in the cleanest part of the restroom, the shower. I turn on the water and pop a squat. I pull up my pants and desperately leave the room never to look back. Only the mrmory of that rotten mess will haunt me for years to come.

    I tiptoe my way through a sea of lifeless bodies and realize this cannot be. I look at my watch, 3:00 am.

    Finally, time for rest. No more of this blissfull nonsense. Reality will soon rise and I will have another adventure waiting for me in tomorrow.

    Some aren't ready to end their journeys and that is okay. I will let them continue hte climb until they've peaked.

    I make my way out the front door into the cool summer night. In my mind I waive goodbye to a series of delightful moments. I have completed the first journey of my life’s saga in mint condition.

    Cheerful and grateful knowing that I accomplished what was intended, I drift into the night, knowing that, if I died tonight, I would die happy. Because I can finally love what life has to offer.