I'm Sorry For Ever Liking You
I'm Sorry For Ever Liking You
-----------/Dongho's POV\-------------
The box of chocolates that I was holding on drops to the floor. My eyes starts to hurts and moisten. I was shaking not because of the falling snow but because of the sight that seems to hurt me.
Have I been clinging on for too long ? What am I doing here ? Why am I so naive not to see their relationship?
I didn't know who to be angry at. One was my best friend, another was the person I love. How can two emotions be felt at the same time ? I felt betrayed and disappointed.
Turning around as I quickly ran behind a van to hide from Kiseop. Tears unknowingly fall. The scene replays in my mind. I tried to get it out of my head, but nothing seems to work. Giving up, I fell down with my back against the surface of the van. I was crying so much. I can't help it.
I admit.. That I am in love with Lee Kiseop.
Holding back the tears, I walk back to the place with a betrayal felt. The place that haunts my life forever, but Kiseop had always pull me back before the haunting gets worser.I was and really dependant on Kiseop only. Erasing my memories of him, I shed a tear as I dance amongst the crowd filled with strangers. What am I really doing ?
"Yah~ Shin Dongho. Finally met you again." A voice too familiar to me called out to me.
"What do you want ?" I turned around to look into the eyes of my ex boyfriend. The one that had hurted me through and through. Not emotionally, but physically. And my mind went back to the erased memories of Kiseop.
-Flashback-
The noises gets louder. My yelling, our yelling could be heard. He started to hit me hard. First, my face then my back and soon my stomach. Continously doing this everynight when he gets drunk, he vents it on me. And I wonder why I had never left his side. I started shouting at him, throwing fits at him but he never seem to care. I felt like a useless human being.
Then he came, the one that is brave enough to save me. Like a prince in shining armor, he punches, kicks and eventually won. I was thankful to him, but I know he was not willing to take my kindness for granted. He was who he was. He was the kind soul that has an exterior of a tough guy. Pulling me up from the ground, he carries me bridal style as we walk back to my home. I could never forget those words that he quietly whispers into my ears.
"Shin Dongho, I'll protect you from now on."
-End Of Flashback-
What could I do but stay by Kiseop's side forever. But never would I had imagined that I will fall in love with him. But to him, I'm just a friend, a best friend and someone who he took pity on. I didn't want to be those things in Kiseop's eyes only. I had to show him I was independent but nothing seems to work out.
"Yah ! Where's your little boyfriend ? He got guts beating me up 2 years ago." He continues taunting Kiseop the way he always do.
But I wonder what had got into my mind then. Clenching my fist, I punched him directly in the face. Why was I being like this ? I stopped in my tracks, my reflexes seem to stop because after a few moments, I was dropping to the floor. It was starting again. The memory of being physically hurt, but this time Kiseop wasn't going to save me. No one is saving me.
Yet a memory flash through my mind once again.
-Flashback-
He puts me down on the bed gently like all the prince in fairytales would have done. He sat to me as he gave out a big sigh. I glance at him through the corner of my eye. There was a bruise near his lips and eye. Trying to get up, I limped to the kitchen to get a wet cloth.
Gently pressing on his eyes, he gave out a loud wince. I ask him to calm down as he started to fidget. He looks at me with those innocent eyes, more innocent than mine. I wondered what he was thinking. But I knew it could never be me. None of his thoughts could have me in it. I was just an unimportant person in his life.
But his smile, his voice, his sweet whisperings. He was so flawless. I could never compare myself to him. He was too wonderful and a person that I couldn't erase from my life.
He is my source of light in the darkness. He is my pillar of strength. He is my best friend. He is the person I fell in love with and he is my one and only prince charming.
"Dongho yah. Thank you. "
-End Of Flashback-
As if knowing that I will be beaten up soon, I shut my eyes tight, its been a long time since I was beaten up. I must be crazy but I missed the sensational pain that I just get from the beatings. Could I just stay here and be his punching bag once again like old times ? But I didn't know or was just plain confused. Did I really missed it or was Kiseop the reason why I've gone mad.
"SHIN DONGHO ! WHERE ARE YOU?" I heard Kiseop's voice shouting out my name from afar. I had prayed that Kiseop would not find me or even come near, but he was Kiseop. He had his instincts.
"Yah Shin Dongho, what are--" Kiseop looks to his left to see my ex glaring at him. Kiseop smirks as if he angry at the fact that I was back to my usual self.
Waiting for the worst, but somehow the worst didn't came. Kiseop had gone to my side and gently carried me bridal style once again. I hated how I could just fit in perfectly with him but we could never be together. Walking out the bar with people staring at us, I felt perfectly comfortable in his arms. Felt like everything was repeating itself except there was one person in our lives that would never change.
"Kiseop ah, Let me down." I said, on the verge of crying.
"Didn't I say I will protect you forever ?" Kiseop said as he continued walking.
"Lee Kiseop ! Just put me down, please. " With a sigh, he agreed to put me down. But as he look into my eyes, I could see a shock in his face. My tears started to flow down my dry cheeks, feeling the burn of it.
He starts to wipe the tears of my face as if he knows everything when I know he doesn't. The kiss that I've been waiting and wanting for has been given to my best friend. I know that Kiseop loves him more than anything in this world, even I was no match to my best friend.
"Dongho ah. Lately you've changed. Are you angry at me? What have I done wrong?" Kiseop ask, looking curiously at me and still attempting to wipe my flowing tears off my face.
"What you do is really none of my business now. Now that I know that I've been blinded by the truth."
Kiseop looks at me curiously. He didn't know after all. He was always so dense yet he is a sweet guy but what's the use ? He wasn't mine to begin with. My happiness was shattered by those few moments yet I'm still hanging.
"Truthfully, you.. You don't like me the same way I like you."
"Its not that I don't like you but there is a sense of burden." I was shocked by hearing what he said. "Back then, you look so helpless. I had to save you. But I didn't know that you would develop feelings for me. I only wanted to protect you."
"Kevin likes you. You don't think of it as a burden right? " I sighed as I watch Kiseop hung his head down looking at the ground. I started to laugh fakely through my tears.
"I'm very strange. I've always been a burden to the people I'm close to and also to the one that is important to me." I start to stand up and continue walking. My tears flow down more and more.
He admits it.. Kiseop admits that he loves Kevin.
"Yah ! Shin Dongho !"
I turned around to look at Kiseop for the last time. I've decided. I had to, it was for the sake for my own happiness and his too. But I do realise I'm more happy with Kiseop than without him.
"I'm sorry for ever liking you."
And I walked off to a life without Kiseop. A new independent life without Kiseop. I realised my world has only revolve around him. And the only one thing I couldn't live without in my life
Was Kiseop himself.
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