It's not easy when you live under the same roof as someone you desperately want to molest. I don't mean this in a positive way either. Not like you see on television with gentle hugs and pats on the back, or a cheek on the kiss. I'm talking about full-on back rubs with my tongue, following the slight curvature of his hips and seeing where it ends and- did I mention it was a man?

Donghae. Lee ing Donghae. Lee that I'd love to Donghae.

He is my problem and my solution. It isn't easy when the person you love is a man and society dictates that as disgusting. It's worse seeing him everyday, seeing him half- everyday. It's as if God is torturing me for some misdeed I might've done, and God knows exactly what it is because I don't. Catching boners every time he even smiles my way is horrific enough, but Leeteuk has even caught on.

But Donghae, that sly y bastard, he even his upper lip. There's nothing there! I've even shouted at him publicly because my pants were tight enough (thank you stylists -sarcasm-)

Yet as much as I want him (and I desperately do, I've even started collecting fanart) I just...can't. I could just see the press having a field year with the headlines "LEE DONGHAE AND LEE HYUKJAE FOUND MAKING OUT LIKE RABBITS BEHIND SM STUDIOS" and "EUNHAE IS REAL!?". Although fans would be supportive (I have the fanart as proof), our families and friends would think otherwise. Hell, SM would rip our careers to shreds. Everything we both worked for destroyed because little Hyukjae couldn't stay calm for two ing minutes.

"Hey Hyukjae!'

I swung in the chair I was sitting in to locate the sound of that voice and instantly regretted it. The newspaper that I held crushed within my fist and my jaw clenched painfully.

"These new outfits are cool right? I feel like our comeback will be amazing! The stylists really went all out."

To make matters worse, he twirled (very manly though) and smiled at me so brightly that I nearly fainted.

"W-wha" I could barely speak. y, Free, and Single had nothing on this. Hell Mamacita wasn't even y. Our debuts? Evanesce? Every song in our entire history!?

Currently this god, was wearing tight ripped black jeans (shredded completely, the amount of thigh showing is illegal in somewhere), timberland boots ( he knew I loved those on him) and that's it. THERE WAS NO ING SHIRT! Instead the stylists decided to murder ELF -me- by strategically placing tattoos all over his body. And to top it off, he had on eyeliner. Please shoot me.

The left side of my face twitched. This wasn't an outfit. This was a -me-now costume.

"So Hyukjae? It'll be your turn soon. I think they'll give you fake earrings again. I'm debating dyeing my hair."

Internally, I fainted. On the outside, I looked as if I had a heat .

"Oh my god are you okay? Feeling sick again? I'll tell-"

I grabbed his arm and regretted it, slumping further into the chair. He had started to work out again.

"Hey Hyuk, stop acting like a little and get inside. You look like you just came all over yourself." Heechul exclaimed. His hair was dyed blonde and spiked upwards. He looked like an Angel with the smirk of a Devil. He walked up to me, punched me in the arm and swung his arm around Hae's shoulder.

"Come on Hae, I'm thirsty." He glanced over at me and cackled. "So is Eunhyuk apparently." And then pulled Donghae away laughing.

Apparently, fate wasn't on my side. Ever.

"You're too skinny." Siwon grunted while lifting 50 lbs weights as if they were nothing. "You need to gain weight to gain muscle mass. Just check out these babies." He flexed and I swore I heard something fall in the background.

I, in turn lifted my 30lb weights (barely) and listened in on his advice.

"Ladies love muscles. They can't help themselves. Show them a good looking bicep and watch how they swoon. You need to do the same. You have the abs, but your biceps are tiny man. Like really, 30 pounds? I know a 60 year old lady benching 140."

I groaned and watched Siwon. Everything the man did was perfect and effortless (well except his dancing). I must've looked like a child next to him. He was shirtless, muscles bulging everywhere and I wore a tank with "puny" biceps.

"Hey guys! Working hard I see." The weight slipped from my hand and fell onto Siwon's foot. I could vaguely make out his chanting of biblical scriptures as I was too busy gazing at Donghae. He was covered in sweat, like he had just came from his own workout. He smiled, laughing awkwardly as he reached over to help Siwon. He bent over me, reaching downwards and I could see the fabric of his sweatpants pull tightly over his glorious buns and I cried aloud.

"Oh! Are you okay?" He reacted immediately and placed both hands onto my shoulder. "You didn't sprain anything though."

"I DID" exclaimed Siwon. His face was reddened and he was gasping for air. "I'll help you Siwon." He moved beside me and bent down, wrapping one arm around Siwon's waist. "Come on buddy." They began walking slowly, Siwon wobbling on one foot as Donghae looked back. "Be more careful next time Hyuk. See you at practice!"

I looked down at my own tightening sweatpants and sighed. Another cold shower for me.

I exited the bathroom, towling my hair dry when Siwon came bouncing in the room with crutches. Heechul immediately flew to him, caressing his biceps and catching one too many feels.

"Oh my! Are you okay, Wonnie?"

I chuckled at how corny he sounded. Too damn obv- I quickly shut my mouth catching Heechul's infamous glare.

"Come-" Really? "-sit down on the couch. How did you get hurt?"

I whistled innocently and sat beside Siwon on the couch, staring off into space. He turned towards me and pouted. Aww for crying out- Heechul smacked me right upside the head and my body naturally flung to the side.

At that moment, Donghae came rushing in with a white plastic bag and rushed to Siwon's side.

"I bought you some painkillers, a back scratcher for your foot in case you get itchy, some migraine pills, and cookies." He exclaimed excitedly, removing each item and placing them into Siwon's lap.

"And if you need a massage, I will help you out."

I damn near purred, from the angle I laid in I could clearly see the bubble that was Donghae's . My eyes rolled back and I collapsed onto the couch with an exaggerated sob.

Please God, forgive me for I have sinned.

I felt a hand rubbing against my thigh and I peeked to find Donghae staring at me worriedly. He continued to rub against my thigh and I began reciting scriptures. Siwon, being the oblivious idiot that he naturally was, began reciting with me. Heechul scowled and walked off.

Good. I found a Devil repellent.

"I can give you a massage too, Hyukkie."

K.O.

I fainted like a 13 year old boy experiencing his first .

When I woke up hours later, I overheard my Angel speaking to the Devil.

"What do you think is wrong with him? is he sick, Chullie?"

"Yeah, he is, Hae. You have to nurse him back to health."

I groaned. Please don't do this to me, Heechul. I will let you do whatever you want to Siwon, whenever, I'll even donate my collection. Just let me live.

"Go ahead, he should be waking up soon. Maybe give him a massage?"

I felt my cheek become wet and realized I was crying. Was this a blessing or a curse? I looked down at my sweatpants and sighed, definitely a blessing for him. I heard the door open and immediately closed my eyes.

"Hyukkie are you awake?"

Little Hyukkie is!

"Maybe I should come back la-"

I coughed loudly. What? I'm not rude, he didn't come all the way here for nothing.

He flicked on the lights and upon seeing me, sprouted into rainbows.

"Thank goodness you're awake!"

He then decided it was the perfect time to practice sumo wrestling as he threw himself right ontop of me. I screamed like a little and my cried out from the pressure.

"I'm so happy you're okay!" He squealed and promptly sat right on my lap. Did he feel anything at all? I mean, not to brag, but I've seen Yesung before and I am packing some heavy equipment.

As he hugged me, he rolled his hips over my lap in excitement and I swore I could see my soul waving goodbye to me...

"Are you feeling okay?" Are you feeling okay? Cause now my confidence is shrinking a bit.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good."

"Okay turn on your back and I'll give you a massage."

I smirked. "Does that mean I get to take off my clothes?" Heechul is going to smother me with my own intestines and then make a ing coat out of my skin.

Donghae blushed bright red and smiled. "Only if you want to." He bent down to my level and whispered, "either way I can still do you good."

K.O.

Dear diary,

A man named Donghae has destroyed me with one shot. Please bury whatever is left of my dignity and body (after Heechul is finished murdering me a second time).

Sincerely, Lee little Hyukjae

"So was that a yes or no, Hyukjae?"
 

A/N: I am a tease~ this is part 1 of 2 parts...or is it? Yall waited 4 months for this, idek what to say except thank you my cherished lovelies.