Onew, Jonghyun, Key, Minho and Taemin.

            They are just one of those groups of friends who just happened to live inside the same house, share almost the same room, and share everything that they can. They are always open with everything. Be it with school grades, crushes, or embarrassing moments. Though, three of them are not really opening up to everything…

…and that three were Onew, Jonghyun and Key.

…Onew loves Key…

              …Jonghyun loves Key…

…But Key loves Jonghyun…

However, they are too scared to admit it or rather,

…they are afraid of rejection.

But then sometimes, one must have courage to tell what you feel right?... and that’s what Onew did.

--

Onew and Key were alone, watching a certain TV show on the couch with Onew’s head on Key’s lap and Key playing with his hair.

“Key…” Onew’s voice croaked, speaking for the first time that moment.

“Hmm?” Key hummed, eyes not leaving the TV and hand still continued to play with his hair.

“Can I…tell you something?” he asked, looking up at Key.

“Mmm…’kay” Key nodded.

“Key, look at me” Onew said as he got up and held Key’s hand softly. The action made the latter blink in surprise but urged the former to continue.

“I…I was actually keeping this a long time ago” Onew paused, looking carefully at Key to see any reaction but saw nothing so he decided to continue.

“Ever since I saw you, I’ve felt this kind of feeling that I’ve never felt before” Onew said in a nervous tone.

“What do you mean hyung?” Key asked, afraid of what’s coming next.

“IthinkIloveyou” the older blurted out fast.

“I’m sorry, I think I didn’t caught it” Key grimaced, hoping that what he heard was only an imagination.

“Key…I think I love you…” Onew slowly said this time, letting go of Key’s hand.

Key was shocked, he didn’t saw this day coming. He didn’t expect that Onew will confess his feelings for him. Especially that he knows he loves Jonghyun.

However, little did they both know, someone overheard Onew’s confession and unfortunately, it was no other than Jonghyun.

Jonghyun felt his chest tighten; he felt his heart shatter into million pieces. He knew that Onew had feelings for Key, but he didn’t expect him to confess too soon. A tear fell from his eyes as he threw a pillow over his head and lured himself to sleep, not wanting to hear Key’s answer.

“Key, I’m waiting for you” Onew said anxiously. He watched Key opened his mouth but then closed it back. He watched the younger do it multiple times until Key finally sighed.

“I…I’m sorry Onew-hyun…but…I can’t return your feelings….I’m really sorry” Key said in a low voice, eyes on his hands. Onew’s heart sank, but he tried his best to smile.

“You...you love Jonghyun don’t you?” he asked, making the other’s head shot up and look at his direction.

“How...how did you know?..” Key asked, Onew just shook his head, forcing out a croaked chuckle.

“I just knew”

“I..I’m sorry hyung”

“It’s okay…we can still be friends right?” Onew asked; a glint of hope in his eyes. Key smiled and nodded before hugging Onew.

“Hyung…komawo”

          …and Onew just smiled.

--

Days passed, Jonghyun changed. He actually became a total drunkard. Stayed all night in the club, go home in the early morning drunk and wake up in the afternoon with a massive hang-over.

This worried the others, especially Key. He knew something was up with Jonghyun. He wouldn’t be like that if something’s wrong right?

“Jonghyun-hyung, why are you being like this?” Key stood by the door one night.

He had been actually waiting for 5 hours just to talk to him.

He watched Jonghyun almost stumble and fall but he immediately caught him. However, Jonghyun suddenly pushed him away which surprised Key from his actions.

“Don’t come near me” Jonghyun coldly said, glaring at him.

“H-hyung! Why are you like this? You’ve been always avoiding us, avoiding me! Hyung, what’s wrong?! I thought we’re bestfriends, why hyung? WHY!?” Key gripped his shoulders and shook him. Jonghyun saw a flash of red in his eyes; he didn’t know what he was thinking when he punched Key, hard.

“Hyungs! What’s happeni— Omo! Key hyung!” Taemin shouted, rushing by Key’s side who was now sobbing as Minho and Onew came out from their room.

“Jonghyun-ah, what’s with you?” Onew asked, helping Key up.

“What’s with me?” Jonghyun scoffed.

“If you only considered my feelings first then nothing will be wrong from the start!” Jonghyun yelled before walking out the door.

‘What..what does Jonghyun hyung mean?” Taemin asked. Onew looked at Taemin before glancing at Key who was now being led in his room by Minho.

“I think I know” he muttered.

--

Days passed once more. As if nothing happened way back day ago, the five friends were eating silently that morning when Jonghyun’s phone suddenly went off.

“Excuse me” he said before standing up and answering his phone.

Key saw how Jonghyun’s eyes lit up when he talked at the phone, he watched him smile and nod enthusiastically before hanging up.

“Guys, I’ll be out for a moment, I’ll be right back!” Jonghyun called out before grabbing his coat ad wore his shoes.

“Where are you going?” Onew asked,

“Just somewhere!” the other replied before closing the door.

--

“Uhm..there’s actually someone I want all of you to meet” Jonghyun said, his hand on the back of his neck.

“Hm? Who is it hyung?” Taemin and Minho asked at the same time.

The four watched Jonghyun opened the door and a girl wearing a red coat entered.

“Guys, this is Shin Ae. Shin Ae, these are my friends” Jonghyun said,

“Annyeong haseyo, I’m Jung Shin Ae” Shin Ae slightly bowed and smiled.

“…is she..” Minho trailed off

“Yes, she’s my girlfriend” Jonghyun grinned.

Key’s chest tighten, his throat twist as tears started to well up his eyes before hugging Jonghyun while starting to sob.

“K-Key, why are you crying?” Jonghyun asked, surprised.

“Pabo, these are tears of joy. I’m so happy for you!” Key said though his sobs.

“Thanks Key” Jonghyun smiled patting his back.

Though, those tears were actually tears of pain.

--

Shin Ae frequently visits them. Brings them food and sometimes cook for them.

“I like Key umma’s cooking better” Taemin silently mumbled one day.
Key just chuckled and ruffled his hair.

Shin Ae frequently visits them. To cuddle with Jonghyun and flirt with him even they’re in front of his friends.

Shin Ae frequently visits them. To show intimate actions with Jonghyun even they know that the others are around.

Shin Ae frequenty visits them…

…and Key couldn’t take it any longer.

That night, after Shin Ae left, Key locked himself in his room. He opened his table side drawer; got a pen and some paper, and then he started to write.

Taemin-ah,

            Umma is going somewhere far, I’m sorry but I will never comeback. Please be a good maknae to your hyungs, never ever give them trouble. So that, when we meet one day, umma will be so proud of you. Take care of yourself okay? Don’t get sick okay? Remember that umma loves you.

I will miss you Taeminnie,
I love you…

Love,
Key umma

Minho-ah,

            I’m going somewhere far, and I’m never coming back. Please take care of Taemin. Don’t let him drink too much banana milk every morning. It will make him feel sick the entire day. If he’s hungry don’t hesitate to cook some for him right away. Even though it’s just ramen, as long as it’s a food he would gladly eat it. Minho-ah, thank you for being a good friend, Thank you for always being there when we needed you. Please protect everyone when I’m gone. Stay safe.

I will miss you.

Love,
Key hyung

Key neatly fold the two papers and labeled it with Taemin and Minho’s names. He grabbed another paper and started to write for Onew.

Onew hyung,

            Thank you…for everything.

You still loved me even though I can’t love you back. You stayed with me through the times I needed someone. You held me in your arms everytime I break down. You hugged me tight when I cried, even though you’re hurting much more. I’m sorry that I can’t love you the way you did. I’m sorry you had to love me.

I love you too, hyung.
You’re the best friend one could have.

Sorry for being a big disappointment but I can’t take it anymore. I’m not strong like you. Just…please... take care of the boys, okay? Even without me…you’re the best leader, and I know that you’ll be able to do it…Thank you hyung…I will miss you…

…I’m sorry

Love,
Key

He opened his table side drawer once again and pulled out a red paper. He got his pen and started writing once again. His last letter before he go…

That night, Key silently went out from his room. Carefully, not waking the others up, he trudged out the house, sobbing uncontrollably.

He didn’t bring anything. He didn’t even bother wearing his shoes…

The only thing he has is a red bracelet on his left wrist…

…a friendship bracelet…

…his and Jonghyun’s.

--

Red.

The color he despised yet he loved so much.

The color he knew that shows love… but also pain at the same time.

The color he will not forget after he jump on the bridge where he’s standing on right now.

Kim Kibum smiled bitterly, as a tear fell from his right eye.

Pain.

That was what he is feeling right now.

However, he knows that once he finally jump off,

All the pain will go away,

All the tears will finally come to an end.

He saw the sun slowly rising on the horizon.
He saw the sun’s red, blinding light.

“I love you Kim Jonghyun”

He jumped.

And the color red splattered all over the icy river.

Jonghyun,

            I’m so happy for you Jonghyun…You’ve found the happiness you’ve always wanted…You’ve found a girl for you…

As much as it hurts me, I have to accept it and be happy for you right?

But…thank you…I’m lucky to know someone like you…I’m lucky that I’ve got to be your friend…and most of all, I’m lucky… that I’ve fallen in love with you..

Yes… I love you…so much...enough for me to be in pain…but I can’t take it anymore…I’m sorry…

…I love you.

-Key