Donghae doesn't know what was on his mind when he chose to study medicine in college. He's been asking himself this question ever since the first day. He still doesn't have an answer now, in his third year. Perhaps he wanted to be useful to the world, wanted to say he didn't live in vain on his death bed, that he saved lives. Or maybe he just wanted his mother to stop nagging at him.

Either way, Donghae despises it now. Being a student is no joke and the stress and continuous flow of information have taken a toll on him. He wakes up every morning with the thought of going to sleep at night. He doesn't even go out with his friends much, preferring to relax at home, alone with his music when he has free time. His days are monotonous, and he thinks that he shouldn't be so boring at his young age; he's letting his youth go to waste.

He broods over his pathetic college life as he walks the busy streets of Seoul, heading for Seonyudo Park. Summer is in bloom and the sun shines merciless upon him. The scorching heat leaves him breathless, making him want to return to the cool confines of his room with each step he takes. Still, he keeps going. Donghae’s not a fan of going out, not to crowded places and not during unbearable heat. He prefers solitary evening walks when the weather is pleasantly chilly. He prefers taking strolls in Seonyudo Park with the moon as his only companion and his thoughts as the only source of chatter.

He used to love that. Nowadays, he visits the place in late afternoon  when parents take their children to play after school and elders take walks without threatening their health. The reason for this drastic change is silly. Others would tell him that he's wasting his time, but he disagrees.

He enters the park and wanders for a few minutes, not sure about his destination. Seonyudo Island is not small and he has no idea where to find what - or rather who - he's looking for. Everything is green wherever you look and children's joyful laughter echoes in the distance. The vegetation and the patches of water provide a cool haven, making you forget about the unforgiving summer. Donghae thinks that maybe going out at this hour is not so bad either as long as he chooses the right location.

After some time, his quest comes to an end. The student knows it because sounds of awe, laughter and clapping can be heard nearby. Taking a turn at the end of the ally he's walking along, he spots a small crowd on the lawn. He pushes through the people as gentle and polite as he can and stops in the second raw (the first is reserved for kids).

In front of them is a man who seems the crowd's source of entertainment: a masked man, dressed in casual clothes, with short, fiery hair and a lean body, performing magic tricks. He is also the source of Donghae's obsession for the past month and the reason the student changed his going out habit. He arrived just in time to see a vanishing trick. The man plays around with the toys kids offered, making them disappear into thin air and appear again - and although Donghae had seen it every day since he has started coming, he still watches as fascinated as the first time.

Magic is not something commonly accepted as real. Not even difficult, intricate numbers are taken seriously most of the time. Magicians, although appreciated as a source of entertainment, do not receive any form of respect for their job. Most people don't think magic is a real job; just a useless hobby or skill. Street magicians in particular are looked upon with contempt - God forbid they expect money for it!

The first time he saw the street magician, Donghae was spending quality time with his family in the park. They noticed a crowd and curiosity being the human nature, they approached. People were surrounding a masked man who did magic. Donghae had the time of his life then, witnessing the impossible become possible in the mysterious man’s hands. Changing the colour of scarves, knotting many pieces of cloth together and fusing them into one, vanishing and levitating objects, card guessing - the man did it all. The student has been completely charmed ever since. After the performance was over his family resumed their stroll, but Donghae left behind a part of him along with the street magician. Later that evening, when they gathered for dinner, he could not help but bring him up in the discussion.

"Poor man," his mother had said, "must be awful having to turn to performing on streets and in public places. He seemed young too ..."

Donghae went back to the same place in Seonyudo Park the next day. The magician was there, people surrounding him. As he watched him perform again, the student thought about his mother's words and almost felt offended on behalf of the masked man. No hats, boxes or cups were around the guy - he wasn't doing it for money. Donghae had been even more intrigued.

He went to see him again and again, almost every day. Sometimes it's difficult to find him in the huge park because the man often moves from one place to another and he changes the masks too. Sometimes it's a plain, white, plastic mask that covers the entire face, leaving only the eyes visible. Other times, superhero or cartoon masks, which the children adore. Less often, elegant, fancy masks like the ones you would wear at a gallant ball. Those are Donghae's favorites, because it allows him a glimpse of the man's hidden face, uncovering plump lips and a sharp jaw line to die for. The magician never talks, he communicates with his audience through body language; even so everyone understands him perfectly.

As he walks back home, Donghae wonders why the man conceals himself; what is it he hides from the world, what kind of secret he keeps. Without even realizing it, he finds himself drawn to the magician in a way he has never felt attracted to anyone. As it slowly turns into infatuation, he considers the fact that maybe the man has caught him under a spell; a charm so strong it makes his head fuzzy to the point the masked figure is the only thing he sees.

~~~

Donghae returns to Seonyudo Park three days later, on a Friday evening. He just left university and decided to stop by the park on the way home; with a little luck, the masked magician would still be there. The student has not seen him for three days, college keeping him busy enough to feel drained and lifeless at the end of the day. He is dead tired even now, but he's willing to cope with it, only to see the guy. As strange as it might be, he has missed the magician and even felt guilty for not going to watch him – as if he had skipped a sacred ritual.

It's around 9PM when he arrives at the park. The air is warm around him though slightly windy; it sends shivers throughout his body and he crosses his hands across his chest to rub at his sleeveless arms, trying to provide some warmth. His hair gets in his eyes at the slightest breeze and he brushes the chocolate bangs into their right position with annoyance. The leaves seem to tremble along with him, their rustling being the only sound around.

To his utter disappointment, it turns out Donghae is too late. He finds the man on a bench, but the magician is already packing his stuff, getting to ready to leave. The student stops in the middle of the alley, a few meters away from the man, and stares at him, not sure of what to do next.

Should I simply walk past him like I don't know him? Or I turn around and walk back?

The thought of leaving dissipates from his mind as the magician's hands move towards his mask, intending to get it off. Nimble fingers take hold of the thin, knotted cloth that keeps the mask secured and Donghae's breath hitches in his throat with a hushed gasp. As silent as it is, the other man catches it; he turns towards the student with wide eyes, his movements coming to a stop. They stare at each other without a word for a moment and Donghae forgets how to breathe. The man's arms drop, leaving the mask intact, and looks at Donghae as if waiting for the student to say something.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to disturb you, I ... well, I usually come see you everyday but I've been busy nowadays," Donghae blabbers; the words leave his mouth before he can even think them properly. "I was hoping I would still catch you tonight, but I guess I'm late ..."

The magician stares at him with a face of stone. Donghae fiddles with the hem of his T-shirt, wishing for the ground to open under him and swallow him whole. The redhead turns back to his bag, takes out a thin, short, red scarf and moves towards Donghae. The student panics and by the time the man stops in front of him, he freezes. He is even more shocked when the scarf is raised towards him. He blinks once and in the magician's hands, a yellow rose with red tips is blooming from the red scarf. The man offers it to him with a charming smile. 

"F-for me?" Donghae asks, baffled.

The other nods and encourages him to take it, the smile never leaving his face. Donghae accepts the rose with shaky hands and a racing heart, asking himself if this is real.

"Thank you. I don't know what to say ..."

The magician shakes his head as if telling him that no words are needed. Donghae though believes that many words are needed. He is confused and lost; the man he has been admiring for some time now and maybe on whom he developed a crush on offered him a rose - a yellow rose with red tips. Why?

Before he can voice out the question, five people approach them, two of them being police officers.

"Him!" a guy yells and points at the magician from a few feet away. "He is the one who tricked me and took my money! The masked one!"

Both Donghae and the red head watch as the men get closer, flabbergasted  by the accusation; a false one, Donghae is sure of it.

"Sir, this man claims you have stolen his money while doing a magic trick," one of the policemen informs.

Donghae is quick to reply, aware that the magician will not. "I'm sure this must be some kind of misunderstanding. I've been watching him perform, and he has never touched anybody's money."

"Were you there when the incident happened?"

"No, but-"

"We were!" some other guy cuts him off, probably his friend. "This crook distracted us with stupid magic tricks and then fooled us into giving him money! He run away the moment it touched his fingers! He disappeared in the park before we could catch him!"

"Are you telling me you, three young, fit men failed to catch someone who was alone and carrying a bag at that?"

"Are you calling us liars?!"

"I'm not calling you anything. I'm just pointing out that your story sounds shady."

"Calm down, gentleman," the officer intervenes. "Now, we can't be sure of what happened. However, the accusation is founded. It wouldn't be the first time someone complained about a street beggar stealing their money."

"He's not a beggar! He's a performer!" Donghae argues, driven by anger.

The officer ignores him. "Men like him make their living by fooling innocent, naive people. Their lives are based on trick after trick. You could say they are professional liars. Surely you can understand who we choose to believe."

"No, I do not understand! What kind of justice is this?"

"Besides," the other officer says, "performing on streets, or whatever you call it, is not accepted by law. Even if these gentlemen are lying, which I doubt, we still must take this man to the station and fine him for breaking the law."

Donghae can't say anything against that. His hands form tight fists as he sees the guys smirking in victory and mocking him with their eyes.

Unlike the fuming student, the red head nods at the policemen and calmly takes his bag, ready to follow them.

"The mask must come off."

The magician freezes. His jaw clenches and anger flickers in his eyes, just for a few seconds. He looses the knot of his mask with slow movements and discards it to the ground before stomping away with the officers.

Donghae steals a glance at the face he has been dying to see, hastily trying to memorize as many features as possible. He then watches the red head's retreating back, feeling defeated and helpless.

~~~

Donghae taps his foot on the floor obnoxiously while waiting for the lady at the counter to finish writing the papers. He still can’t believe the crazy night he's having. After the incident at the park, he went home, asked his mother for money and rushed to the police station where they have taken the magician. He was surprised to find out the man has not received only a fine for disturbing a public place by illegally performing; he has also been put in a cell for defying the men of justice. The student can't wait to find out why, but he doubts the magician will tell him. He bailed the red head out and now he waits for the paperwork to be done and the man released.

The yellow rose is in one hand and the man's mask in the other. It's a half-mask, the kind Donghae likes the best; silver with a black, elegant design and discreet spots of gold blending in perfectly - a piece of art. The student gazes at it, engrossed by its beauty, and remembers how well it fit the magician. The contrast between the prominent, fiery hair, the soft-coloured mask and the pale skin produced an exquisite sight, one that you could not stop marvel at.

A door opens and two pairs of feet enter. Donghae raises his head to find the red head signing papers at the counter. The man then leaves without sparing a look at anybody despite the lady still talking to him - Donghae understands now what the woman meant by defying the law. The student, too, exits the station together with him.

Once outside, the magician walks away with heavy steps. Donghae follows him shortly.

"Are you okay?" he asks when they take a turn on a different street.

The man slows down and exhales deeply. "Yes. I needed to get away from there."

"You talk!" Donghae shrieks, stopping in the middle of the pavement. When he asked he wasn't really expecting an answer. "I thought you're—"

"Mute?" the read head laughs, amused by the wrong judgement rather than offended. "Sorry for giving off the wrong impression. And thank you for getting me out. I'm Lee Hyukjae."

The magician - Hyukjae - bows to him and Donghae returns the gesture in a daze. He wonders if there are more shocks left for the night - he doesn't think he can handle more.

"Lee Donghae," he offers his own name.

"Would you like to go for a drink, Donghae?"

The student answers a bit too quickly. "Yes, of course!"

They find a still open cafe nearby and settle at a separate table, even though the place is not busy. The chairs are comfy and ambient music is softly playing in the background. They both order hot chocolate. A nice young man serves them.

Donghae has many questions for the man in front of him and many things to tell him - how much he admires him, how much his magic fascinates him and how he can't stop watching him. Yet he finds nothing to say now, without sounding like a creepy stalker.

"Thank you," Hyukjae breaks the ice first. "For bailing me out and for defending me in the park. It was very kind of you."

His voice is deep and smooth. It caresses Donghae's ears pleasantly, making him wish he could listen to it forever.

"They were wrong!" the student's anger resurfaces. "Magic is an art like any other. They shouldn't make fun of people who practice it just because they're too stupid to understand that."

Hyukjae lets out a bitter chuckle. "Art is not trully art to many people," he says, his hands taking hold of the forgotten mask; Donghae placed it between them on the table when they arrived, along with the rose. "They worship the products, yet mock the producers. Men like me - there is no place for us in this society."

Donghae's entire being fights to reassure the red head, to comfort him; but deep down, he knows it's true. He changes the subject.

"Your masks are extraordinary."

"Thank you, but they are not mine, sadly," Hyukjae laughs. "My best friend is a Theater student. He gets them for me from the University's props."

"I think he picks the best ones. They suit you well."

"Do you like me better like this?" he asks, covering his face with the mask. His lips quirk into a sad smile despite the teasing remark. With the mask and that expression he looks as the main character from a tragic opera.

"I think you are charming either way," Donghae replies. He realizes what he said only when the magician's eyes widen in shock. The student clears his throat and turns his attention to the steaming cup of hot chocolate, too embarrassed to look at the other.

Hyukjae puts the mask back on the table. "I hate and love them at the same time," he says.

"The masks?"

"Yes. They hide the real me, but I can only be myself when I wear them. Quite ironic if I think about it."

"May I ask why you wear them?"

"To hide myself," Hyukjae answers. "I come from a wealthy, respectable family. If they knew I go around doing magic tricks on the streets ... I wouldn't be able to bear their disappointment. They think I'm studying hard to get my Master's degree and become the best lawyer of my generation."

Donghae nods in understanding. "And you don't want that."

"I want to create art. Magic, dancing, music, acting - I want to do them all. But I don't want to break their hearts."

"So you break yours instead ..." Donghae murmurs. Hyukjae hears it and looks at him with astonishment. "I'm sorry! It's not my place to meddle," he quickly apologizes. "Don't you think it's a pity though? You only have one life - this one chance. Are you willing to allow someone else to live it for you?"

Hyukjae looks at Donghae for a long time, with unreadable eyes. There are many emotions swimming through them, but the student can't name any of them. As the magician keeps on staring at him without a word, Donghae wonders if he crossed the line.

"You're right," Hyukjae eventually says. "Maybe it's time I stop pretending."

He jumps on his feet and searches his pocket for money, which he leaves on the table.

"I must go. Thank you - for everything."

Before he leaves, his eyes fall on the rose. He picks it up and looks at it longingly. "I knew you came to see me often. I noticed you and I prayed every nigh that you will be there the next day as well. Have you got any idea about the meaning of rose colors?"

"N-no ..." Donghae mutters, taken aback by the sudden confession.

"Perhaps you should look into it then."

Hyukjae offers the rose to him once again and grips the student's fingers when he takes it. "Let's meet again someday, Donghae."

~~~

The first thing Donghae does when he returns home that night is research about rose colors and their meaning. The results he finds leave him perplexed, and he does not know how to react for a long time.

Yellow with red tips - falling in love.

Falling in love. Does Hyukjae really feel that for him? Donghae is tempted to search every home in Seoul only to find the red head and hear the answer. Reality slaps him in the face though and so he collapses on his bed defeated. Hyukjae's handsome face pops up in front of him and the student closes his eyes, hoping to make it go away. He fails miserably; even in the dark confinements of his lids, the magician's features continue to linger. Donghae replays their conversation in his mind, hears the man's voice in his ears as if he were lying there next to him. He thinks of his sadness as he talked about art and wanting to pursue it more than anything; but being unable to do so because he's a thoughtful, kind human being who puts others' happiness above his own.

Donghae pities him. He has always had the liberty of choosing whatever he liked so he doesn't know what it's like to be chained by someone else's dreams. Even the situation with studying medicine. Yes, he might have done it to please his mother, but he has also made the decision of his own free will; because he has a natural talent for helping people and he takes pride in it - he rediscovered that tonight while he was talking to Hyukjae. Did he help the poor, distressed soul? He hopes the answer to turn out positive. He imagines how frustrating it might be for Hyukjae, whose heart and soul are wild and restless; and exhausting, constantly switching between his real self and the image he has to fake.

Donghae wonders which part of Hyukjae is the real one in the end - the mask or the one behind the mask?

~~~

Hyukjae is nowhere to be found the next day; the following day either and the next and the one after that. Donghae stops going to Seonyudo Park after the second week. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months until leaves start falling from trees and green turns into orange. His rose has long withered. He accepts the idea that he might never see Hyukjae again. Still, he can't help turning his head after every red head he spots, in hopes of one of them being his red head; because Hyukjae gave him a yellow rose with red tips and said Let's meet again someday. Perhaps someday needs more time to happen.

On the 1st of October, Donghae stops by Seonyudo Island before going home; as closure, he tells himself. The place looks the same, only its colours changing with the passing of time. There are less children and more couples, walking slow, hand in hand, laughing together and exchanging words of love; the student swears to himself that he’ll never come to this cursed park ever again.

He stops halfway on the bridge that connects the island to the rest of the city. He leans on the railing and watches the Han River peacefully flowing under him. He doesn't feel like going home. The noises of the forever busy Seoul don't appeal to him right now. Despite his oath, he feels like returning to the park and spend the night there, sleeping on the grass under a tree. He has always wondered what it's like to sleep out in the open anyway.

His lunatic thoughts are interrupted by a figure coming behind him, alarmingly close. A strong chest presses softly against his back and a pair of arms traps him against the railing. Donghae panics and considers gripping one of the arms and yanking the offender over his shoulder straight into the river. He notices what the hands of those arms are doing though and he freezes, heart and mind going equally crazy. A white scarf is presented to him; he blinks and a single red rose comes out of it. Donghae gasps and takes it with trembling fingers, much like the first time, before turning around to face him. He thinks back to rose meanings, and his body turns to jelly.

Red - love, passion.

The same trick, and yet different persons. The last time it was a masked magician giving him hints. Now, it's Lee Hyukjae himself offering him a discreet confession.

Donghae disregards any sense of being proper and latches himself to the read head, bringing their lips together with ardour.

~~~

"I've settled for a compromise," Hyukjae tells him. They sit on the grass, under a tree just as Donghae wished earlier. The ground is cold, but Hyukjae's body is warm as he holds him in his arms as tight as if he'll never let him go. "I figured I don't have to torture myself by choosing a side when I can make peace and live with both. I talked to my family about it. They were skeptic, as expected, but they understood me in the end. So I'll get my Master's degree in Law, start working part time for a company and study Performing Arts at the same time. I already got accepted."

Donghae hums thoughtfully, his heart swelling with pride as he listens to Hyukjae. It seems he did help him that night. "It won't be easy," he says.

"I don't expect it to be. I won't have much time for myself and I'll be dead tired most of the time. But I'll get used to it after a few months."

"You'll manage just fine. In a couple of years you'll be the most feared lawyer and the most loved artist! I believe in you!" Donghae backs up his statement with a long kiss on his lover's cheek.

Hyukjae laughs merrily and embraces him even tighter. "How can I not, with such strong support behind me?"

"What about magic?" the younger asks, relishing in the love pouring from the red head.

"What about it?" Hyukjae asks, planting butterfly kisses along the little expense of skin on his neck uncovered by the jacket.

"You're not going to just abandon it, are you?" Donghae presses, half-laughing because of the tickling sensation.

"I think I'll save it for my personal fanboy only," Hyukjae replies, teasing dripping from every syllable escaping his lips.

Donghae cackles and turns in the other's embrace to kiss him long and hard.

The answer to his question is easy, he thinks. Hyukjae is both the mask and the person behind it, blended in a perfect way.