When I saw that shy, shivering hand point to me, I swore my heart stopped.

Screams erupted from the audience in cheer and I could feel my friend’s hand clenching excitedly around mine, but my throat felt parched and I couldn’t utter a single word over all the noise.

Me? What? Mino... he couldn't have possibly recognised me right?? 

Still in shock, I nodded my head feebly but Mino's bright eyes already looked a little disappointed.
The talk show was a regular variety program that invited an idol group and a whole crowd of that group’s fans to be a part of the audience. It was just a regular talk show, with questions from fans and strange acts of affection and hosts that found absolutely everything funny. But what made this all different was that the guests were Winner, the 5 members with charming personalities, and I was part of the extremely large group of audience.

Just minutes before, the host asked each member to pick a fan out of the audience, to answer a fan’s question and participate in games. Jinwoo’s fan was a tall, shy-looking girl, Seungyoon chose glasses-wearing fanboys, and Seunghoon and Taehyun chose short, petite girls that looked no older than 15.

I didn’t think much of it until Mino pointed to me. 
Lots of questions were racing in my mind. In the past, Mino was initially a trainee intended for the male group Block B, but he left the group before debut because of me. I was the reason that he couldn't debut, as he chose me over his dream. He didn't want to forgo our relationship. He didn't know how much of the great talent he had for rapping. As a result, I wanted to make a sacrifice, just for him to become an artiste, I initiated the breakup shortly after. The first few months after breakup was cruel, heartbreaking, however, I am glad that Mino learnt to built a wall around his heart. He started pursuing his dreams by auditioning into YG entertainment company. He became a part of Team A, and won the title of WINNER. Even though I still love him, all I could do was to become his fan, and although regretful, at least I could stay by his side again, along with thousands of innercircles worldwide. I had changed alot since then, growing a longer hairstyle, wearing a completely different style of clothes, and transforming into a different look.

 

“Do you…want to come up?” Mino asked me, once the crowd had died down. “It’s ok if you don’t want to.”

“I…um…”

“Let’s just move on, shall we?” the host cut in as I was still struggling to find my voice. I felt deeply saddened as Mino was forced to choose someone else, an enthusiastic young girl.

I sat in silence, tears welled up in my eyes when I thought of our past. I felt so suffocated. 

The rest of the show continued seamlessly and soon enough, it was time to depart. Winner performed one of their songs 'Smile Again' and walked off with cheery smiles and grateful waves, with Jinwoo throwing hearts right until the very end. The audience was then asked to leave, but I took my time, as I was not quite ready to return home just yet.

I was walking slowly towards the exit when I felt a hand tap on my shoulder, and when I turned around, my heart almost stopped again.

“Hey, woah, sorry to scare you,” Mino said quickly, retracting his hand. He has some kind of aura that I can't keep my eyes off him. His eyes filled with concern gazed into mine, and I realised I actually missed him. 

“Oh! It’s um…fine, yeah,” I replied awkwardly, with a small laugh.

“I’m sorry to bother you but I just wanted to ask if you were okay? You looked a bit…sad, when you were in the audience. I hope I didn’t do anything hurtful?” Mino asked, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks looked flushed and he gave me a slight smile.

I stalled for a moment, fiddling with my hands. “Um…”

“Because I really didn’t mean for that host to make me choose someone else!” he cut in, biting his lip. “I was going to wait for you first, so I really am sorry about that.”

“No, it’s okay, I understand! I’m sorry that I kind of um…didn’t answer straight away? I was so shocked I couldn’t even breathe properly,” I laughed.

Mino smiled with relief, then glanced behind him. The set was being taken down and moved and all the audience had since gone home.

“Can I ask you something?”

The words had left my mouth before I could reign them back in; the question had been lingering in the back of my mind for the entire time, and it seemed that I couldn’t control that either.

Mino flipped back to face me and nodded with another toothy smile.

“Why did you choose me in the first place? Like just now for the game segment?” I asked, fiddling nervously with my hands. “I’m just a little curious.”

Mino swallowed, and I watched him pick his words. “Well…it wasn’t at random, if that’s what you want to know. The other guys just chose the first person they saw so I didn’t want to be like that. And because I  ...I thought you were cute and you remind me of someone I knew in the past,” he mumbled quickly.

I felt my mouth drop open as Mino looked shyly to the ground.

Did he just say what I think he just said?

Part of me hurts that he couldn't recognise me after these few years but at least he still remembers. But I couldn't reveal my identity to him, YG certainly forbid artistes having relationships and moreover I can't afford to ruin his career too.   ..But I missed him.

I mentally scolded myself for having to think this way and I didn’t have any more time to mull over it because it was then that one of the managers came in to drag Mino away. He pleaded for a little more time but there was nothing that could be done to rearrange the schedule. The manager tugged on his arm, but Mino quickly broke away and whipped out a pen, bending down to write something, before coming back to me.

“Sorry about this, I really wanted to talk to you for a little bit more.” Mino pouted.

I chuckled quietly. “Me too. But it’s ok, I think it’s getting late anyway. And I don’t want to waste your time.”

“You’re definitely not wasting my time.”

He grinned at me; I could feel my pulse rate sky-rocketing at the crooked curve of his lips.

The manager made a noise, and Mino quickly nodded and bid me goodbye, shaking my hand. His fingers were warm as he held on for a little longer, just enough for the small piece of paper to safely reach my palm. When he pulled away, I clenched my hand around it so it didn’t fall out.

“It was nice meeting you…?”

As he was being tugged away by the manager, a happy feeling started to well up in me. Moments later, one of the crew members asked me to leave so they could finish moving all the equipment.

I gladly went, uncurling my palm to find a small, scrunched up piece of paper with messy scrawl all over both sides.

Sorry again that I had to go but I meant what I said before ^^ Now I’m sort of glad that you didn’t come up the first time, because it’s given me the chance to talk to you even more. That is, if you want to? Here’s my number, call me anytime.

          - Mino