“Do you believe in angels?”

 

Doojoon placed his mug of steaming hot coffee down on the table in front him and gave his best friend an amused smile.

 

“I didn’t know you were into those, Jun.”

 

Usually the other would laugh at his comment and agree with him. Today, he simply stared at his drink. The stirrer in his hand went round and round causing a small whirlpool to form in the no-longer-hot chocolate.

 

Now, Doojoon was a practical guy.

 

Sure he had fantasies about a pretty girl living on the moon, wondered whether Santa was real and hid from the monster under the bed like all other kids did.

 

However, unlike other kids, he realised the truth at about eight-years-old.

 

A pretty lady did not live on the moon. It was made out of rock and had no oxygen. Santa Claus was not real but if you were a good boy, maybe your parents would grant your wish. And last but not least, there were no monsters under the bed. There were dust mites though and they caused epic sneezing fits and rashes so Doojoon learnt to be neat and clean.

 

His practicality has brought him far in life. He landed a good job just after graduating from university and he still has enough money to spare thanks to being thrifty from young.

 

It was also this same practicality that constantly reminded him. No matter how hot and able your best friend was. No matter how much you were in love with him. It would never, ever work out. Because in Seoul, gay relationships were frowned upon and the only thing practicality could see coming out of this would be the loss of his best friend forever.

 

“What about those angels, Jun?” The businessman asked again. The least he could do was hear his friend out, even though today wasn’t the best day of his life thanks to being scalded by hot water.

 

Junhyung ran his hand through his dirty blond hair and Doojoon had to steady his jumping heart. 

 

“Well, I believe I found one,” he stated.

 

Doojoon blinked at him in confusion, wondering whether or not to believe him. He mentally checked the date. Nope, it wasn’t April Fools’. Then it hit him. One of the questions that he had been dreading to ask besides asking him out of course.

 

“You mean….” The older male began, not quite wanting to go any further.

 

Junhyung just nodded, fingers playing with the hem of his coat “I didn’t know how to break it to you really. I mean… It’s not everyday that you tell your best friend that you like… Another guy.”

 

So it was a guy.

 

Doojoon wanted to laugh. Laugh till his face turned blue. Was this some sort of cruel joke of life? Here he was, a man who had loved his best friend for about four years now. Only to have him snatched away right under his nose. Oh and to add the icing on the top, his best friend was apparently not straight either and only thought to tell him now.

 

But of course, practicality dictated that in situations like this, one needs to be happy for your best friend. Because one ought to be happy when your best friend finds happiness. Doojoon wanted to tell practicality to go stick itself up its own and leave him alone.

 

“You love him?” Doojoon watched as his best friend’s face softened and a smile formed.

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

Those words cut straight to Doojoon’s heart like icicles, puncturing any vestiges of hope left in them. He forced himself to return the smile.

 

“Then, that’s great,” he patted Junhyung on the back. “I’m happy for you.”

 

They parted ways a while later with Junhyung promising to bring him along the next time so that they could meet. Doojoon only hoped that Junhyung didn’t see how white his knuckles were from clenching the edge of the chair.

 

A familiar ringtone sounded and Doojoon withdrew his phone from his pocket. The caller ID flashed the name of his boss. He was really not in the mood right now so he let the call divert to his message box.

 

“Mr. Yoon, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but our company needs to go through restructuring-“

 

Doojoon slumped into a nearby park bench, chucking his phone on the floor. He didn’t need to hear the rest. It wasn’t as if the day couldn’t get any worse already. What did they call this? A series of unfortunate events? He laughed drily. More like a series of nightmares. He buried his head in his hands.

 

The man hardly noticed as a hand picked up his phone and placed it on the bench next to him. A quick flash of blond in front of him startled Doojoon into looking up and around.  The streets were just as empty as before with the occasional straggler here and there. A strange scent of fresh summer and the sun lingered in the air.

 

Doojoon glanced back down at the phone next to him which he had thrown on the floor. Clearly he was starting to go mad. Might as well drown that madness in some alcohol he decided. He pocketed his phone and headed for the bar.

 

 

 

The bitterness of the alcohol was lost on Doojoon as he gulped down his fourth glass, or was it his third? He couldn’t remember anymore. The bartender raised an eyebrow at him as she cleared his empty glasses but she didn’t question. People like him were common at bars like these.

 

Unfortunately, rowdy customers were also common at bars like these and judging from the raised voices coming from the other side, the usual bunch of drunkards were causing trouble again. Doojoon took another swig of his beer. It didn’t really concern him and besides, he was just here for the beer.

 

At least that was what he convinced himself until he smelt it. It was an odd smell to be lingering in a place like this. His alcohol-dulled brain took some time to create a link but it finally did. It was the same fresh summer scent from earlier at the park bench. There was something a bit off about it though. Doojoon sniffed again and turned around, realization dawning on him.

 

Blood.

 

A group of three men were huddled around a much shorter figure. The lady bartender was frantically trying to dial her manager in the corner. One of the bigger men had grabbed the victim by his shirt, hurled him up and slammed him against the wall. The force caused his hat to fall off, revealing almost white blond hair.

 

“Useless piece of ,” the man laughed as he spat into his face. “Hey lady! Since when did you let under aged boys in here?”

 

Something within Doojoon snapped.

 

He hurls the first punch.

 

The man reels back in surprise, letting go of the boy. A roar went up from the other patrons as they decided to join in the brawl for no apparent reason. The still sober ones took this chance to escape while they still could.

 

Doojoon cursed as a broken piece of glass slices past his cheek. He had little time to consider the pain as the man from before grabbed him from behind and landed a fist to the side of his head coupled by a knee to his gut. The copper-like taste of blood filled his mouth and he spat it back at his aggressor, rejoicing momentarily at the blindness he caused.

 

Despite the size of the other, Doojoon was much taller and he used this to his advantage. He rained down blows on the man until he was quite sure he would be feeling it all the way till next month and tossed him aside. The crowd had already taken care of the other two men and were already resuming their partying.

 

He winced as he limped over to the trembling blond, one hand on the wall for support.

 

“You okay?”

 

The boy looked up, lips quivering as he used his sleeve to clean Doojoon’s bleeding wounds.

 

“T-thank you,” he smiled softly.

 

It was a pure smile that shone straight into Doojoon’s heart. Something no other person has been able to do before.

 

“We need to get you outta here,” Doojoon grunted as he extended a hand to help him up.

 

 

 

Upon reaching home, Doojoon dug out a t-shirt and a pair of loose pants.

 

“Here,” he tossed them to the blond boy. “If you need anything else, let me know. You can use my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

 

The taller male failed to suppress a yawn as he left the boy to get changed. A quick look in the medicine cupboard revealed antiseptic and some bandages and plasters. Doojoon grabbed the lot and returned to the living room. The effects of the alcohol were already beginning to wear off thanks to the adrenaline pumping through his system just over an hour ago.

 

Doojoon had some thinking to do he decided as he proceeded to disinfect his wounds. Truly, he had no idea what came over him. Drowning his sorrows in alcohol, hailing a cab home and crashing onto his bed was part of the plan.

 

Getting into a bar fight, was not.

 

He had to laugh at himself again. Today was really not going according to plan. Not that he had one in the first place to begin with. Maybe he should’ve bought a number this morning. He could have struck the lottery for all he knew.

 

Doojoon placed the final plaster on his cheek and aims the now empty bottle of antiseptic at the trashcan. It went in for the first time. Yup, totally should’ve bought a number.

 

He eased himself up from the old couch, wincing involuntarily at his newfound injuries. Doojoon couldn’t resist taking a peek into his room on the way back to the kitchen. It wasn’t often he had anyone staying over at his place besides Junhyung from time to time after a night of drinking.

 

The blond figure was already curled up underneath the blanket. Doojoon watched as it rose and fell softly, a strange sense of calm overtaking him.

 

When dawn came the following morning, Doojoon awoke to find himself in his bed wondering if last night’s events were all but a mere dream. There was no sign of the other boy save for the neatly folded stack of clothes from yesterday and a soft white down feather.

 

Two fingers brushed his cheek, meeting smooth unbroken skin. Unconvinced, Doojoon removed his shirt and stood in front of his full-length mirror. There was not a single cut or sign of any injury at all on his body.

 

Doojoon took an unsteady step backwards and sat back down on his bed. He glanced towards the pure white feather as he contemplated in silence.

 

 

 

The second time Doojoon encountered the boy again was about four days later.

 

He had almost forgotten all about the incident save for the feather which he had decided to keep on a whim in a wooden box he had found.

 

Doojoon had finally decided to stop being a useless hermit and get off his lazy unemployed to buy some groceries. He could stand being a hermit, judging from the concerned calls from Junhyung that he had been ignoring. Not that Doojoon actually wanted to talk to him right now.

 

He could also stand being unemployed. It was a strange feeling after working for so long but it wasn't going to kill him. What had the highest possibility of speeding him to his death (though not by much and rather painfully) was the lack of food in the fridge.

 

“Sorry to bother,” a voice interrupted Doojoon’s search for his favourite brand of instant noodles. “Could you help me get that please?”

 

He straightened, preparing a well-used line to send some irritating kid running back to their parents, because he wasn’t in the mood right now.

 

Instead, Doojoon came face-to-face with the blond from before in grey hoodie.

 

“What? Oh, you,” was the most intelligent answer he could come up with.

 

“No, I mean that.” The shorter male pointed at the banana milk on the top shelf.

 

“Oh.”

 

Doojoon plucked one off the shelf easily and handed it over, earning himself a polite “thank you” in return. He stoned for a while as the blond turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

 

“H-hey! Wait!” Doojoon called after the retreating figure. He grabbed the nearest packet of instant ramyeon and chased.

 

He emerged from the aisles to find the boy staring hesitantly at a ₩50000 note before handing it over. Seriously, who pays for banana milk with that big a note? The boy must either be pretty rich, just got his allowance or just likes a lot of spare change.

 

Doojoon walked over, placed the appropriate amount down and paid for his own groceries along with it. As they exited the super mart, the other proceeded to head off in the direction of the park.

 

“Hey wait!”

 

The boy turned around, yellow straw in his mouth.

 

“Did you manage to get back safely that day?”

 

“Mmhmm.” He nodded and started to inspect the packaging of the milk in amazement. “This is really good! It’s my first time trying this.”

 

“No kidding?! They sell these all over Seoul. I grew up drinking it!”

 

The look Doojoon received in return was one of sincere shock and he wondered if it were possible for the boy to be more shocked than he was. He certainly did look it with his head tilted slightly to one side, eyes round and wide, and his mouth hanging open just a little.

 

“Well, uh I gotta go now,” the blond smiled sheepishly. “I’ll catch up with you again next time. Bye, Doojoon!”

 

Only later did it occur to Doojoon that he still didn’t know the boy’s name and that he didn’t mention his own at all.

 

For now, the little white feather caught on the edge of his coat would have to do.

 

 

 

They settled into a strange yet familiar routine of happening to bump into each other around the area. It seemed coincidental in all sense of the word if one didn’t think too much into it. Not that Doojoon had anything in his house worth stealing or thought that he was a person who would fit someone’s ‘ideal man to stalk’ or anything like that.

 

They would just happen to meet each other while one was out on a stroll. A hot day would find them queuing up behind each other to buy ice cream. Late night stopovers at the convenience store to stock up on banana milk would require Doojoon’s assistance once again.

 

It was like a little game of hide and seek. Of who spotted the other first. That person would then get the right to choose where and how to spend the next few hours. Doojoon only won this game once. No matter how hard he tried (and he did), the blond would always be the one to surprise him. Slowly, he found himself keeping a lookout for any sign of the smaller male’s signature white blond hair.

 

Today, Yoseob, as Doojoon had found out the boy was called, had insisted on coming over to his place. The blond had immediately jumped on the couch and made himself at home, despite having only been over once.

 

Doojoon emerged from the kitchen with two packets of chilled banana milk and placed one on Yoseob’s forehead, smiling to himself as the other jumped from the sudden cold. He sat down next to the shorter male and started drinking.  Funny how he used to just grab a cup of coffee and down it for a quick pick-me-up. Now he was happily enjoying his favourite childhood drink at least twice a day.

 

“So why is it that a decent looking man like you is spending his time all cooped up at home?”

 

The cool yellow liquid paused in its journey up the straw before falling back into the packet.

 

“I don’t have a job,” Doojoon shrugged.

 

“Oh, how come?”

 

Doojoon sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

 

“I got fired,” he explained. “Business needed to cut back on losses so they had to dismiss a bunch of people.”

 

“But that’s not all that’s bothering you right?”

 

That made Doojoon freeze and he slowly turned his head to the right. A pair of sincere brown eyes met his gaze. There was something in them that Doojoon couldn’t quite place.

 

Pity? No, it wasn’t that.

 

“I’ll be willing to listen,” said Yoseob in a quiet voice. “If you want.”

 

Security.

 

It was an odd sense of security and trust.

 

He had only known this boy for a little over a week and yet, Doojoon felt like he was an old friend. Someone who wouldn’t betray his secrets. Someone he could talk with about anything under the sun, just like Junhyung.

 

Doojoon felt his chest tighten at the reminder. He thought they were close. Close enough to share all manner of secrets. And yet… Junhyung didn’t even see the need to tell him about his new love, or the fact that he wasn’t straight either. That was what hurt the most of all.

 

“But you shouldn’t take it out on the poor packet either,” the shorter male poked his hand in alarm.

 

Doojoon realised that he had been gripping the milk packet so tightly that it was starting to lose its shape. He decided to place it down on the coffee table in front before he squashed it into oblivion.

 

“It’s a long story really…”

 

“Well, we have till evening,” Yoseob grabbed a cushion and propped his chin on it, all the while looking in Doojoon’s direction.

 

“I have a good friend,” he began. “A really good friend called Junhyung.”

 

And Doojoon spoke.

 

He spoke of how he first met Junhyung. How they became friends in middle school and later on took different courses in the same university. How through each conversation, each look, each smile, he started to fall for him. And finally, how Junhyung is now forever out of his reach.

 

It felt as if the walls that he had built up around his little secret were slowly being taken apart brick by brick. If he had to describe this strange feeling, it would be as if a warm light shone through and the weight on his heart was lifted with every word.

 

Somewhere along the way, Yoseob’s smaller hand found its way into Doojoon’s bigger one, squeezing lightly for moral support.

 

They had talked for a bit longer and after the blond had gone off, Doojoon returned to the couch and sat back down. He twirled the white feather absentmindedly, bringing it up to inhale the fresh summer scent that he had gotten used to.

 

For once in his life, he allowed himself to imagine. Dream about what he really wanted. Not what society wanted or dictated.

 

He drifted off into a peaceful sleep, with the hand clutching the feather resting on his chest.

 

 

 

It was a slightly cloudy Thursday morning when Doojoon decided that he’d had enough of bumming around at home. He threw on one of his recently washed shirts, acid-washed denim jeans and his red beanie and headed out the door.

 

It had been quite some time since he had dressed so casually, since his previous job was in an office. His daily attire had been the usual collared shirt, tie, work pants and a suit. Boring and stuffy, as Junhyung had called it but it was alright since Doojoon looked good in it. If only he really knew how much a simple compliment like that meant to Doojoon.

 

A group of office ladies walked out of a café in front of him holding their plastic cups of takeaway coffee as they made their way to work. From the looks of it, the café had been open for some time.

 

Doojoon couldn’t help but feel shocked. He should’ve noticed it earlier along with the new mall across the road. His area had really changed a lot from his last memory of the place. He usually took the train to work so he hardly had time to look around due to the morning rush. Right now, he felt like a tourist rediscovering everything.

 

His favourite comic store had moved to another part of town and he was sad to see it go. He and Junhyung used to spend their afternoons after school browsing the shelves together. Doojoon sighed audibly. He really needed to stop thoughts of Junhyung from creeping back into his head.

 

In place of the old colourful comic store signboard was a simple black and white sign that read ‘J Studio’. Curiosity won over and Doojoon decided to step in.

 

At first glance, it looked like someone’s living room with a small couch in one corner and what looked like a mini kitchen on the opposite end. Doojoon was about to turn around and excuse himself when a stout middle-aged man emerged from the back door. A pair of expensive headphones hung around his neck and he wore a huge green jacket with yellow lining.

 

“How may I help you boy?” His gruff voice was raised over the loud music that filtered out through the open door behind him.

 

Doojoon’s attention however was caught by something else. Inside the back room, was what looked like a recording studio.

 

“Wanna take a look?” He raised a fist with his thumb pointing behind.

 

Doojoon simply nodded and followed the man inside. As soon as he passed the soundproof door, the cold blast of air-con hit him immediately and he wished he had a jacket too. The studio itself was surprisingly well equipped in comparison to the reception area outside. It was fitted with a mixing console and an iMac. There was even a DJ console next to it and a mini recording area. A long haired female was busy fiddling with the dials with one hand as she held one side of her headphones to her ear.

 

A smile tugged at his lips as his eyes swept across the equipment. If it weren’t for the fact that the earlier portion of his life was ruled by his other best friend Practicality, Doojoon would’ve wanted to become a deejay. In a way, he regretted not pursuing music. It definitely would’ve gotten him closer to Junhyung who was studying music composition while he chose the safe route of management back in university.

 

“Handled one of these babies before?”

 

Doojoon nodded. “A couple of times. Here and there.”

 

The man folded his arms and gave him a once over.

 

“We handle the mixing and recording for some of the smaller indie companies,” he explained. “It’s just the two of us now, Gina and I. We could use more people around here. If you’re interested that is.”

 

Here was his chance.

 

Practicality awoke from its slumber and was now chiding him.

 

It’s not gonna pay. It won’t support you. Go get a better job. You’ll regret doing this. You should be sending resumes to an office. You have a degree do you not?

 

Doojoon hesitated.

 

Images of the past moments in his life when he could’ve chosen something but gave up instead, flashed through his mind. His previous conversation with Yoseob surfaced.

 

“But you’re Yoon Doojoon, not Yoon Society,” the blonde replied in a confused tone. “Shouldn’t you be living Doojoon’s life and not Society’s life?”

 

He steeled himself and pushed those thoughts away as he slowly stepped forward. He placed a hand on the edge of the console.

 

“May I?” Doojoon asked the woman who looked over in askance.

 

The man shot her a toothy grin.

 

“Gi hun, let’s see what this boy can do.”

 

 

 

The weather was female. Doojoon was sure of it. When he had stepped out of the house up till the point the blond had dragged him to get ice cream, the blazing sun had been shining at full force. It definitely did not explain the sudden rumble of thunder and dark clouds.

 

Doojoon grabbed Yoseob’s hand and ran for the nearest shelter, which happened to be beneath one of the nearby apartments. As soon as they had gotten out of the fierce drizzle, the clouds let loose and the rain came pouring down with enough force to splatter their pants as it hit the pavement.

 

The taller male whipped out his phone and sent a quick message to Gina telling her that he’ll be over once the rain stops. From the looks of it, that was going to be a while.

 

Yoseob had made himself comfortable on the steps leading up to the apartment, his full concentration on the strawberry ice cream cone in his hand. Doojoon sat beside him and took a of his own chocolate cone. This was the first time he was eating a cone on a rainy day.

 

He had only succeeded in consuming about a quarter of his ice cream when Yoseob leaned over and took an experimental .

 

“Not bad,” he remarked, a thoughtful looking on his face. “But I prefer mine.”

 

“Where’s yours anyway?” Doojoon held his cone away from the blond just in case he decided to try stealing some again.

 

Yoseob grinned. “Oh I already finished it.”

 

Doojoon eyed him warily and reached over. He placed his thumb on Yoseob’s lips and wiped away the pink cream on it.

 

“Yeah and you should learn to eat a bit neater.”

 

He paused, realizing what he was doing. His thumb lingered on the other’s lip momentarily before Doojoon drew back. He glanced away quickly and continued to at his cone while pretending nothing was wrong.

 

Pretend that his heart didn’t just jump and speed up tremendously. That he couldn’t feel the blood rushing to his face. It had been a natural reaction but for some reason, it was just different when it came to Yoseob.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

No, it couldn’t be what he thought it was.

 

Doojoon repeated it over and over in his head until he was more or less convinced. Yoseob was just, Yoseob. Just a boy he met and happened to become friends with. There wasn’t anything more than that.

 

The blond smiled at him and Doojoon could feel his resolve crumble into bits.

 

They waited together, Yoseob huddling against him for warmth from the cold wind, while the rain slowly drew to a halt. Doojoon had no heart to refuse him, more so because that very same heart had taken it upon itself to be all excited about it. He made up his mind to ask Yoseob what shampoo he used the next time they met. That fresh summer scent was becoming slightly addictive.

 

 

 

He took a seat across from the figure slumped on the table and stared. Yoseob's eyes were closed, his features relaxed as he napped.

Doojoon lightly ran his hand through Yoseob's white blond hair. It was softer than any girls' hair that he had before. Yoseob shifted, turning his head to the side. A smile formed on Doojoon's face as he watched the sleeping boy.

 

Before he could stop himself or regret it, he decided to act on impulse.

 

Doojoon leaned over and kissed him.

Yoseob's eyelids fluttered as he shifted again. Doojoon's eyes widened and he sat back quickly in his chair. After a few minutes of hearing his own heart thumping loudly in his chest and the ticking of the clock, he confirmed that the boy was still asleep.  He heaved a small sigh of relief and made his escape to the other side of the room.

 

Why do I feel as if I’ve stolen something?

 

He shook his head and raised his finger to his lip. He could still remember the feeling of Yoseob’s lips on his. It couldn’t be that…

 

He was falling in love with Yoseob?

 

The sound of the door opening jerked Doojoon back to reality, his head snapping towards the sound to see who it was. He froze in his spot.

 

“Doojoon?!”

 

“Junhyung…”

 

He watched as his best friend entered, followed by a slightly shorter blonde girl. Doojoon blinked. No wait, that was a man. Everything clicked. This rather feminine-looking person must be Junhyung’s lover, judging from the way they held hands.

 

“What are you doing here, Doojoon?” Junhyung placed a hand on his shoulder, still in shock. “I’ve been trying to contact you over the past week and you didn’t return my calls at all.”

 

Doojoon just wished that Junhyung wouldn’t look at him like that with such an expression. He knew that Junhyung cared but his face was just bringing back bitter feelings that he thought he had buried.

 

“I recently started working here.”

 

“Oh? With Gina and J?”

 

“Yeah, they’re not around now though.”

 

“Oh, I wanted to do a little mixing on a track and get their opinions,” Junhyung explained. “By the way, I didn’t know you were interested in all this.”

 

It occurred to Doojoon then that he didn’t really mention about his interest in music production to anyone, not even to Junhyung. He laughed mentally at himself. Well, he supposed that made them equal in the secret department then.

 

“Yeah, have been for some time,” he replied vaguely. “I don’t think they would mind if you used the studio. So just make yourself at home I guess.”

 

Junhyung smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

 

“This is Hyunseung,” he continued, turning towards the feminine-looking male. “I wanted to introduce you guys but I couldn’t get a hold of you.”

 

Doojoon simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

 

Hyunseung’s attention however was not on Doojoon but on Yoseob who had finally woken up and was making his way over to the group. He glanced towards Junhyung. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who had noticed the looks of surprise on the faces of Hyunseung and Yoseob.

 

“Do you both know each other?” Junhyung asked, looking back and forth between the two.

 

Hyunseung tilted his head to the side, his brows furrowed in concentration. “I don’t know, it feels like I’ve seen him before somewhere.”

 

Junhyung gave Doojoon a baffled expression and he shrugged in return, feeling equally as puzzled.

 

“This is Yoseob,” Doojoon introduced. “I met him recently. And this is Junhyung, my best friend.”

 

The blonds greeted each other politely, though Doojoon couldn’t help but notice Yoseob’s nervousness as he kept glancing from Hyunseung to the window outside.

 

“You alright?”

 

Yoseob nodded hesitantly. “I’ll catch up with you soon, Doojoon. Something came up and I need to leave first.”

 

“Alright then,” Doojoon ruffled his hair once more before the boy ran out of the studio.

 

He grabbed his coat which was hanging over the armrest of the sofa and shrugged it on. “Shall we get started, Junhyung?”

 

 

 

The day was passing by a little too slowly for Doojoon’s liking. Being cooped up in the same place with Junhyung and Hyunseung for a few days in a row was not doing any wonders for his emotional health. The dull ache was still present. Though his mind kept drifting back to Yoseob.

 

The more he tried to push the thoughts away and deny them, the more they insisted on appearing. Doojoon was beginning to wonder if the boy was a master at inception or something. After the image of the blond smiling popped up in his head for the nth time, he decided to give up. It made his day a lot more enjoyable anyhow.

 

It was not long before he was out of the studio and back in the comfort of his own home and ready to sleep. Doojoon sat on the edge of his bed and picked up a wooden box from his side table, placing it on his lap. He ran his fingers over the simple carvings before flipping the latch.

 

The box opened, revealing a bunch of white feathers close to overflowing out of it. Doojoon placed the latest one on top, pressing down lightly to fit it in. It was a mystery he had yet to solve. The mystery of why he kept finding these feathers around after Yoseob leaves. He was absolutely sure they were both connected but he couldn’t put a finger on just how exactly.

 

At first it was just small fluffy ones but lately, the white feathers that he had been picking up were longer and more pointed. They looked just like bird’s feathers. Doojoon stuck his hand into the pile, feeling the softness against his skin. He would have to find another box to contain the feathers soon. Any more and he could sew a small pillow if he knew how.

 

Doojoon closed the box quietly as he looked towards the ceiling. The cracks in the paint were beginning to show.

 

 

 

The sun was shining brighter than usual today. Curiously, Doojoon didn’t feel the blazing heat that came along with it.

 

Houses of all kinds lined the street he was on for miles and miles. Each house was a work of art in itself. Intricate designs and lines came together in a symphony that formed the structure. Doojoon didn't even want to begin to imagine how they were created. The sight of it alone would make architects shed tears for the next century.

 

A sound from behind made him whirl around quickly and he came face to face with someone’s chest. Doojoon squeezed his eyes shut on reflex and braced himself for the incoming impact.

 

There was none.

 

He opened his eyes to find the tall blond already halfway down the street. Doojoon briefly wondered if he had turned into a ghost. All of a sudden, there was a white flash across his vision.

 

When he opened his eyes again, he was inside what appeared to be a bedroom. The door opened and the tall blond from earlier entered. Doojoon’s first instinct was to scramble for a place to hide before he remembered that he couldn’t be seen. Still, he backed away into the furthest corner of the small space.

 

The door opened again and this time, it was Yoseob who stepped in. Doojoon watched as the both of them conversed in low voices. The taller one looked worried as he reached behind Yoseob and gently extended what looked like his wings, or what was left of it.

 

Where it should have been filled with feathers, there were large gaping holes. The main structure of the wing was barely discernable. It looked more skeletal than organic as it should’ve been.

 

“Why do you do this?” The taller one asked, his voice quivering. “You know what the consequences are…”

 

Yoseob simply lowered his head. He was muttering something but Doojoon couldn’t catch it no matter how hard he tried.

 

His surroundings went dark once more.

 

 

 

Doojoon’s eyes flew open. He raised his head to look around before letting it fall back onto the pillow with a soft thump. It was a dream.

 

He breathed in and out slowly, trying to process what he just experienced. He couldn’t chase away the nagging feeling that the dream was important. But, what exactly about it? And why was Yoseob in there?

 

The wooden box was still in his hand. Doojoon had fallen asleep with it. He brought it closer and stared. Could the dream be the answer to the feathers in the box?

 

 

 

It was about a week later when he saw the blond boy again, the longest so far. As usual, it was Yoseob who had found him. This time, with his shorter arms encircling him from behind in a back hug. Doojoon turned around to face him, enveloping the shorter male in a hug. He tried not to think just how perfectly Yoseob fit into his arms as if he were meant to be there.

 

“So whereabouts would you like to go,” Doojoon ruffled Yoseob’s hair.

 

The blond looked up and Doojoon’s heart skipped a beat. Yoseob looked as cute and flawless as he always did. But this time, something was off and Doojoon knew it. It was just a small hint, barely there if one didn’t pay close attention.

 

However, Doojoon had been paying attention.

 

Ever since this ball of sunshine had appeared like a small light ray of hope. Every smile, laugh and word from him was like a small beam of light that crept through the darkness of his life. They broke down the walls he had put up; walls he didn’t even knew existed. Bit by bit, they shone on the hidden scars, healing them. What the young Doojoon had sacrificed in order to be a perfect member of society, Yoseob had reawakened. This was just the beginning of the life that the young Doojoon only dreamed of having, until Practicality came along and with its restrictions and whispers.

 

Yoseob was without a word, perfect.

 

Something that Doojoon couldn’t really comprehend. There didn’t seem to be anything negative or flaw to fault him for. He was always full of energy and life and a sweet smile.

 

Which was also why Doojoon now noticed how Yoseob’s eyes flicked to the floor just a fraction of a second. How his hug seemed to be a little bit tighter than usual, lingering that much longer.

 

“Can we just go to your place?” Yoseob asked. “It’s getting late. Sorry about that.”

 

“Sure.” Doojoon extended his hand, curling it around Yoseob’s as their fingers interlinked. “I still have some milk in my fridge.”

 

Soon, they were once again on Doojoon’s couch like always, with a packet of banana milk in hand. This time, Yoseob’s head rested on a cushion on Doojoon’s lap. Doojoon threaded his fingers through his blond hair, enjoying the softness as he gently it. He wondered if he ought to mention about the dream that he had but decided against it. It was probably nothing.

 

“Doojoon?” A small voice broke the silence.

 

“Mm?”

 

“Do you believe in angels?” Yoseob tilted his head upwards to look at the taller male, shifting his position a bit.

 

Doojoon’s hand came to an abrupt stop. A few weeks ago, he would’ve told anyone off if they had asked him that and he would’ve felt justified, given the circumstances.

 

Now, it barely even ruffled him. Though he was shocked at the suddenness of the topic.

 

“I’m not sure really,” Doojoon shrugged. “Do you?”

 

Yoseob had a thoughtful expression on his face before he nodded. He didn’t say anything else on the matter.

 

They stayed like that for the next few hours, making small talk until Doojoon yawned. He raised a hand to cover his mouth. ‘2:06 AM’ shone in red digits on the face of the clock.

 

“Sleepy?” Yoseob laughed.

 

Doojoon smiled back, nodding lazily. “A bit. Work’s been getting a little busy.”

 

“Mm, could you do me a favour Doojoon?” The blond pulled himself up into a sitting position on the couch.

 

“If I can help, sure.”

 

“Do what you did that time when I was over at your work place.”

 

Doojoon stared back at Yoseob trying to remember what he did. Yoseob had come over quite a few times but they didn’t do anything special… Unless…

 

“Before Junhyung came in,” he reminded, slightly pink.

 

It took Doojoon a full minute of silence to process this piece of information in his head. Oh. That.

 

“You mean… You were awake?”  Doojoon felt like burying into the couch right there and then.

 

“… Yes.”

 

Wait, but this meant.

 

Yoseob didn’t mind. Which meant he liked Doojoon. But Doojoon didn’t mind either. Which meant he liked Yoseob too. No one was going to say he couldn’t do it. No one could stop him from it. Except… Himself.

 

A voice in his head asked, What about Junhyung?

 

It was then that Doojoon realised. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for Junhyung anymore. He still did but there was no more pain. His heart didn’t feel like shattering into bits anymore.

 

Doojoon reached out a trembling hand, fingers brushing against Yoseob’s cheek. He closed the gap in between them as their lips met and the missing piece of his heart clicked into place.

 

When they pulled apart, Yoseob’s eyes were watery.

 

“You okay?” Doojoon asked, concerned.

 

Yosoeb broke eye contact, tilting his head down as he smiled. “Thank you.”

 

This time, it was the blond that leaned in for the next kiss.

 

 

 

Doojoon awoke the next morning to find himself back in his bed and the memories of last night’s kisses still playing in his head. Didn't he fall asleep on the couch?

He blinked at the ceiling. A large piece of the paint was threatening to crack and would probably fall on him if he didn't fix it soon.

He his side, pushing his blanket off with his free hand. A small round object rolled out of his hand onto the covers.

Doojoon sat up groggily and picked it up, bringing it to eye level. The iridescent pearl was perfectly round and seemed to emit a soft glow on it's own.

A familiar scent was in the air. He smiled.

"Yoseob-ah?"

There was no answer.

On his bedside table there was a note and a feather as usual. Yoseob must have left already.

Doojoon reached over to pick both items up. This was the first time that a note came with the feather.

I'm sorry I can't say anything now but please wait for me. I promise I'll be back.

- Yoseob

Doojoon's mind was blank as he read the note. What did it mean? It sounded as if…

 

He gripped it tighter. It couldn't be true.

Not after everything. Not after Doojoon had finally realised that he loved him. That he loved Yoseob.

He tossed the note on the bed and got up. Thirty minutes was all it took for Doojoon to wash up and get dressed. He sent a short message to J and Gina to let them know that he wouldn’t be coming in today.

 

Yoseob couldn’t have left after all, he convinced himself. Doojoon would walk around town and Yoseob would appear out of nowhere like always and surprise him.

 

His feet led him to the convenience store, out and past the park bench, pausing underneath the apartment where they ate their ice cream and finally strolling past his workplace. Everything was just as it was. A perfect day that was neither too hot nor too cold. The city went on as usual.

 

Just without a sign of Yoseob.

 

Clearly real life was completely different from what was portrayed in the movies and shows. It was not that easy to find a single person at all, much less in a city that boasted a population of over ten million. He didn’t have any of those fancy tracking devices and he wasn’t blessed with the Incomprehensible Luck of a Main Character.

 

A flash of blond at the corner of his eye.

 

Doojoon whirled around and grabbed the boy’s arm. His heart soared. Finally, he would win the game for today. Yoseob wasn’t gone at all.

 

“Yes, may I help you?”

 

Doojoon stared back at the confused face before him.

 

No, it wasn’t Yoseob at all.

 

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled. “Sorry.”

 

Doojoon retreated backwards, the outline of the bricks digging into his back as he half-slumped half-leaned against a nearby wall. About a million and one thoughts rushed through his head at that moment ranging from where the boy could be to just what the hell Doojoon himself was doing. The sinking feeling in his stomach refused to leave.

 

He was just overreacting… Right?

 

The rear of his head met with the wall as he gazed upwards at the bright blue sky that seemed to mock him.

 

“Yoseob-ah,” he whispered at the cloudless expanse. “Where are you?”

 

 

 

A week soon became two, then three… And before Doojoon knew it, the page on the calendar had flipped. He had spent whatever free time he could get off work combing the streets. In his desperation, he had even gone back to the pub hoping that perhaps there would be a sign. Any sign.

 

But there was none.

 

The cycle repeated over and over again each day with the end result being the exact same: Doojoon stumbling tiredly into his house at three in the morning after yet another fruitless search.

 

He sat back down on his bed and placed the wooden box on his lap. If tossing all the feathers out in a flourish would bring the boy back like some summoning spell, he would do it. Alas, this was no fairytale.

 

Doojoon picked up the very last feather that was left behind from its resting place at the very top of the pile. This was the first time he was looking at it properly. It was rather long, longer than the others. He picked up one of the earlier ones and stared at it. It was shorter and shaped differently. Very much like the wing feathers one would find on a bird.

 

Perhaps.

 

He shifted the box to the bed and flipped open his laptop. A quick search on the Internet located what he was looking for in less than a second. Doojoon zoomed in on the picture and began laying out the feathers one by one.

 

When he was done, it formed a pair of familiar-looking wings.

 

Doojoon didn’t need a degree to put two and two together.

 

 

 

The kitchen was still somewhat intact. The glass was still in one piece and not shattered across the floor. The house was still relatively clean and habitable even though the ceiling demanded a repainting job. With the exception of a growing pile of empty air freshener cans in the corner, Yoon Doojoon decided to give himself credit for not trashing the place in frustration.

 

52 days and counting.

 

He aimed a light kick at the tiny mountain of metal cylinders, letting out a dry laugh as they rolled haphazardly across the floor. None of them even came close to the scent he was looking for.

 

Come to think of it, it would probably feel really good to create some havoc right about now. Doojoon used his foot to roll one of the empty spray cans into position and gave it a harder kick. The metallic clang as it ricocheted off the opposite wall did little in the way of lifting his spirits.

 

Doojoon sighed and fumbled for his phone that had gotten buried underneath the cushions on the couch. It rang promptly the moment he picked it up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Doojoon-ah?” A worried voice answered. “Are you coming over today? It’s rather lonely without you.”

 

“Oh, Gina-noona…” He failed to keep the slight disappointment out of his voice. “Um, no. Not today. I'm not feeling well.”

 

“… I see.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“Is there anything wrong, Doojoon?”

 

“It’s nothing, noona,” he lied. “Nothing at all.”

 

“If you say so…” She trailed off, not sure what to say. “See you around then. Take care.”

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

Doojoon checked the time before returning it to its former hiding place beneath the cushions.

 

He half wondered if the past few months were actually nothing but a dream. A nice summer dream. Meeting Yoseob, spending time with him, falling in… Love.

 

Maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe he was just imagining… No, dreaming everything. Like in that movie, Inception.

 

If that were true, then Doojoon would rather live in that dream forever.

 

Maybe it was time to let go.

 

 

 

Crimson red and pale yellow leaves tumbling from the trees signaled the change in seasons as autumn arrived. It wasn’t only the season that changed however.

 

With the studio managing to land a contract with one of the major production companies, J Studio had moved to a newer building with upgraded equipment. The first thing J, Gina and Doojoon did upon gaining access to the new studio was to record a celebratory tape with the former two singing and Doojoon rapping along.

 

A few days after, Gina pulled him aside to confess. Doojoon told her to give him some time.

 

In retrospect, Gina was one of those nice and gorgeous women that had an endless string of male admirers. If Doojoon had met her much earlier, he probably would be lining up and accepting her confession in a heartbeat.

 

Dream or not, he couldn’t forget. No matter how much he wanted to.

 

Doojoon pulled his jacket tighter as another cold breeze blew.

 

Everything was changing. Life itself was moving on. Everyone was happy. Except Yoon Doojoon.

 

He pulled out his phone, scrolled to Gina’s name and pressed the call button.

 

 

 

“How long has it been since you know…”

 

“About a week after you joined us,” Gina replied from the other line hesitantly.

 

The familiar outline of his house came into view and Doojoon wondered how long it would take for her to bring up the main point of the subject.

 

“Ah, I see…”

 

He slid his hand into his pocket, retrieved his keys and stood absolutely still.

 

Now if this were a movie, he supposed that it was the time for a suspenseful thud to start playing from the moment his phone hit the floor.

 

Doojoon stared.

 

He didn’t know how he did, but he knew.

 

The lone hooded figure curled up at his door looked up and their eyes met. It was as if a single ray of sunlight shone through the mundane cloud of life.

 

Doojoon’s eyes never left the other, watching as he lowered his hood and smiled.

 

Before he knew it, his legs were moving on their own. With every step, a dash of colour seemed to saturate the surroundings, making them more vibrant.

 

As he fell to his knees, his arms slipped around the smaller body, hugging it tight. A warmth filled his body, from his heart, dispelling the chill caused by the weather.  

 

It was Summer once more.

 

Doojoon buried his face in the crook of the blond’s neck, the familiar scent filling his senses. When he finally pulled back, he could feel the tear he had been trying to hold back roll down his cheek.

 

Yoseob laughed softly as he raised a hand to wipe it away.

 

“You should be more happy to see me, Doojoon,” Yoseob poked his cheek.

 

Doojoon was silent as he took in the other boy’s haggard appearance. His fingertips trailed lightly across Yoseob’s gaunt features. A face that used to glow with innocence and life. Now, it showed the traces of weariness and hardship.

 

For once, he seemed so ordinary.

 

He placed a hand hesitantly on the smaller male’s back, looking at him for permission. Yoseob simply nodded and took off his jacket, shivering slightly as the cold air hit his exposed skin.

 

It was just as Doojoon thought.

 

He gently touched the two faint scars across Yoseob’s shoulder blades. It was all he needed to confirm.

 

“I thought you were never going to come back,” Doojoon finally spoke up.

 

Yoseob smiled. That angelic smile that made his heart flutter.

 

“This time, I’m not leaving.”

 

Doojoon pulled Yoseob into a slow, passionate kiss.

 

“I love you, Yoseob,” Doojoon whispered, imprinting the confession against his lips.

 

“I love you too.”

 

 

 

That night at the bar, Doojoon believed he saved an angel.

 

Tonight, he knows for sure.