The shiver was brief, only resides in the fleeting moment the chilly night air hit him. The small movement, however, did not go unnoticed, and he soon found an arm wrapped protectively around his shoulder, the owner of the said arm looking at him with his face scrunched up in unnecessary worry.

"Is it cold Jinan-hyung? Do you want to wear my scarf?”

"No, it's alright! Really!" He quickly replied before Kim Hanbin would actually strip all of his clothes so he can wear it. "It is quite warm actually..." Warm is sort of an understatement because he is actually burning hot from all the embarassment—which are the result of someone's casual, mindless touches.

"You can't get sick, you really shouldn't." Hanbin half scolded as he fix Jinhwan's jacket, rearranging the other's beanie so it can properly cover the reddening ears. "The school contest is only a week away, Hyung.”

Jinhwan smiled reassuringly, convincing the team leader that he is okay and perfectly comfortable with everything. A little white lie, of course, because he can feel something clenching harder at his heart and it is getting kinda hard to properly breath.

He had promised himself that he will not get easily affected by petty stuffs like this, by how his junior seems to unconciously play with his feeling: how he will hold him firmly in his hand, just to ignore him in the hallway. How he treats him like he is special, just to subtly remind him that it is all just for the club's sake.

Jinhwan wants to play nonchalant, but crushing on his underclassman slash club president slash walking home buddy is harder than expected.

"Thank you for escorting me home, again. Eventhough I can clearly defend myself, which I simply have to say to you, again." Hanbin laughed and Jinhwan resists the urge to squish him into a hug. He would not let the fact that the younger had to walk two blocks further just to accompany him actually gets into his head—and heart.

"Of course, but I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing something bad might happen to our precious vocalist, right?"

There, that's the reason why.

There’s nothing to get excited about if you’re simply precious to the team. Not him.

So they bid their friendly goodbye just like usual. And Jinhwan spends hours awake in the night thinking of a certain someone as per usual.

And they have the guts to ask him why he is good with sad, mellow ballads.

*****

"Yah, don't slack off! Give it more power!"

Hanbin yelled at Yunhyeong from his position, eyeing their every moves with hawkeye precision. Everybody knows that once practice begins, the playfull Kim Hanbin will be long gone. There, standing  in front of the room, is a figure passing beyond age border and position. Even Goo Junhoe respect the boy, and it speaks in the loudest volume.

“Chanwoo, moves broader!” Piercing gaze, a scowl, and knitted eyebrows. It seems that they are doing so many things wrong today. “STOP! Everybody, just stop!

Yah, why are you guys like this? This is the worst I’ve seen of you. Are you that satisfied with yesterday’s compliment? Do you think you’re alredy far better than anyone that you think you can slack off? Junhoe, what’s with the half-assed vocal? Bobby, you’re missing the beats far more than when you began. Donghyuk, that’s not even a dance. And Jinhwan-hyung,” Jinhwan could feel his mouth goes dry, he hates it when Hanbin picks on him. The scars kinda touch beyond what profesionally allowed. “you’re simply the worst today. You don’t even concentrate at all. Do you think it is fine just hitting the right notes? If your heart is not here, you better go take a breath or something before coming back.”

Hanbin stops and now regards everyone in the room. “Do we stop right here today, or there’s anyone who is not butthurt enough to continue?”

Everybody yelled out their answer in unison. At this point, they already understand every bits of concern hiding behind Hanbin harsh words. Jinhwan, however, does not walk back to his position.

“I’ll get some fresh air for a bit.” He quickly said and hurried out the door, missing the tiniest bit of guilt passing through Hanbin’s eyes.

*****

The rest of the day went off in a fairly good note. After passing through his sudden mood-swing, Jinhwan came back to practice, b with his usual vigor and energy. They end the session with smiles and laugh and that just they way they are. Because more than anything, they’re just a bunch of boys striving for the same dream, burning with the same passion.

“See you tomorrow!” Yunhyeong excitedly waves his hands. He and Chanwoo are taking the same train. Donhyuk walks in the opposite direction, while Junhoe is taking the bus with Bobby—and it is a huge mystery why the two of them are still pretty much awkward around each other.

“Jinan-hyung, let’s go get some ramen.” Hanbin smiles widely as his hand sneaks around the other’s shoulder, holding him close. “I’m starving.”

Jinhwan stares confusedly at him. “But you said you’ll just eat at home when Bobby insist to eat out with the team...”

“I changed my mind. And I know he is just running away from his homework. Very typical of Bobby-hyung.” Hanbin scoffed. “Please, hyung. I only have you...”

When he is not being a strict leader, Hanbin is just a simple kid who likes to wear baggy Mickey Mouse t-shirt—and a peculiar boy who refuses to get rid of the tag on his hat.

Jinhwan is  merely a weak high school senior with a fragile heart.

“Okay, okay... stop pouting! It’s disgusting!”

Hanbin makes his pout more visible and start to form silly, ugly faces that Jinhwan could not help but to laugh at.

The younger boy, however, only smiles proudly to himself.

“What?” The older boy challenged.

“You finally laugh.”

There, that smile. They way Hanbin smiles unassumingly, with nothing else but an upward curve of his lips and all the warmth in his eyes. Jinhwan suddenly feels afraid that he will just fall into his knees any second now—not that he was not already falling in a completely different, and much dangerous aspect.

“I laughed a lot today.” Jinhwan scowled to hide his creeping blush.

“No, you’re not.” He hates Hanbin. He hates it when he starts speaking through his eyes, and smiles, and laughs, and touches. How would he not get overwhelmed with all of that? “Let’s go, hyung!”

So he gulps down any hope and yearn and everything in between, following the younger boy’s lead and trying his hard to appear normal despite feeling otherwise.

“Woah! It looks delicious!” Jinhwan grins from ear to ear, stomach grumbling at the sight of the steaming ramen. He does not know he is that hungry. “Let’s see who can finish this first!” He challenges but Hanbin only laughs.

“Why? I am not in a rush. Let’s just eat it slowly, and savor the moment to the fullest.”

Jinhwan calls him a coward and mimicks a chicken in a joking and playful manner. Hanbin’s laugh gets louder. “Stop acting so cute! Here, I’ll give you my meat.”

Jinhwan stops. Suprised, not by the generous offering, but by the other’s passing comment.

“You don’t want it?” The younger curiously asked.

“Ani, but why though? It’s meat, the most precious food in Taehyun’s dictionary.”

Hanbin scratch his neck, some kind of a nervous habit. “Hmm... I am glad? Relieved? Yeah, something like that.” Jinhwan just continuosly stares at him, still puzzled by where this conversation actually going.

The younger takes his hat off and starts rearranging his hair. A sign that he only becomes more uneasy.

When he his lips, Jinhwan is strunggling to not stare too hard.

“I’m afraid that you are still down from this afternoon. You know how I can be too harsh on people sometimes...” Ah, about this. Jinhwan thought. “I just can’t help it. When it is related to performance, or music, it is like there’s a switch and I become super strict. I’m aware that I often hurt people by acting like that—and I hurted you particularly bad today.” Hanbin exhales a heavy breath. “Sometimes I’m afraid that people will just get fed up with everything and leave...”

Jinhwan hits the back of his head, and the younger yelped in pain. Staring increduously at the suddenly fuming mathyung.

“Are you stupid?”

The last time Hanbin checks, people still regard him as the genius composer. “Huh?”

“Do you seriously think we will wait this long to leave? It has been more that a year since you started being our leader. And you’re as harsh in the beginning as it is now. If our members are that weak, they will alredy leave you months ago.” Jinwhan stops to take some air back to his lungs. “We believe in you. We know that you are just a stupid guy who blindly loves music, and we put our trust in you for that. Even the prideful Junhoe listens to you, and we the older members follow you. Can’t you see how we sincerely trust you?”

Hanbin is close to tearing up, and in a quick motion he swipes Jinhwan into a loose hug—which despite its gentleness still renders the older breathless.

People are starting to stare at them, but both could not care less. “Thank you, hyung. I know I can always rely on you as my mental pillar.” Hanbin whispers, gratitude latching in his words.

It takes everything he had for Jinhwan to convince himself there’s nothing more to that.

*****

The competition day comes in a blink of an eye. They suddenly find themselves nervously waiting at the backstage, glancing worriedly at the packed school hall. On stage, a group of five upperclassmen is currently performing.

“They are good...” Donghyuk said, voice overflowing with envy. “Seungyoon-hyung’s voice is really strong.”

“Ballad is Winner’s strong point. They knew their weapon and executes it well.” Junhoe mindlessly answered. Concentration taken by the flowing melodies.

“We have our own missile, relax. We will liven up the stage and amaze the audience in our own unique way.” Bobby said reassuringly. A smug grin plastered on his face. “We will win this for sure.”

They form a praying circle as soon as the previous group get off of the stage. They shouts encouraging words and hug each other, trying to shape the building tension into excitement.

When it is his turn to hug Jinhwan, Hanbin stays a bit longer, and hugs a bit tighter.

Is he smelling my hair?  

Jinhwan’s heart is hammering inside his ribs, but he is feeling strangely calm as Hanbin softly runs his hand on his loosely styled hair. “I know you’ll do well.” He queitly whispered.

Jinhwan never felt happier being on stage before.

*****

“Is that even possible, she is just a middle schooler!” Hanbin look at the complaining Jinhwan with an endearing smile, feeling particularly amused. “Is it even legitimate for her to enter the contest?”

They just lose to Akmu, a brother-sister duo, who surprises everyone—maybe also themselves— when they beat even Winner, the contest’s favorite candidate. Hanbin had to admit that they bring out a new and fresh kind of music, and by how much the crowd love them, they have every right to bring home the prize. “We’re an affiliated school, we even have an elementary school contestant, hyung.”

Sure, he is frustrated as hell for not winning despite everything they poured at, but things are surprisingly easier when Jinhwan is not crying like he usually does.

Their mathyung is a total crybaby, and everyone—including Jinhwan himself, is well aware of that. That is why, knowing that his cry will only bring them down even more, Jinhwan chooses to REALLY play his part as a hyung and save his tears for maybe later.

“You won’t secretly cry tonight, right?”

Jinhwan groaned, throwing an abhorrent glare at Hanbin. “I won’t!”

“I’ll pretend as though you are not. But in case you need a shoulder to cry on, call me.” Hanbin smiles and teasingly winks. Oh, how could Jinhwan not hate that?

“I won’t cry! I mean, it is not as bad as I think it might be...” They’ve entered a few contest as a team before, and everytime they did not get a good result result, or everytime he made a mistake on stage, Jinhwan will get stressed out—and that is partly why he often cries. “I don’t know... but I think it is because I actually enjoy being on stage today. Like, I had a lot of fun with you guys. The practices... the match... everything!”

They let the night engulfs them with its silence. Jinhwan can feel the summer breeze blowing past him, and he feels weirdly refreshed. “Maybe it is because despite us losing, I know I will stand on stage with all of you again. In other contests, other festivals, profesionally even! We will make it big someday and stand in many many many stages!” Jinhwan pauses and looks at Hanbin right in the eyes. “I am just sooo excited for what we have ahead, I mildly don’t care with the—”

His words are being cut out by a quick peck on his lips.

They both just stare at each other, frozen by the sudden development. When their brain finally regard whatever happened between them, Jinhwan just dumbly stands on his feet while Hanbin blatantly panics.

“Gosh! Hyung! Sorry—“

“Arghhhh, what am I doing?”

“Hyung, I’M SO SO SORRY!”

“Kim Hanbin why are you so stupid?”

“Aaahhh, please don’t hate me, Hyung!”

“Hyung, just—“

Hanbin crouches down and buries his head deep on his knees. He feels stupid, extremely stupid. Gosh, he can’t even control his raging hormon! “I’m sorry, hyung...” He mumbled onto his knees. “I promised myself not to do anything despite my feeling and then I did something terrible. I mean, I know that eventhough I like you I shouldn’t do something—“

Jinhwan snaps at the word ‘like’.

“What?! You like me?!” He asked, slightly overwhelmed by just everything.

“What? You didn’t know?” Hanbin questioned in return, pretty much dumbfounded by all of this. “I thought I made it pretty obvious?”

“How!?” The older’s voice goes up a pitch higher. Seriously, how are THOSE obvious.

Hanbin blinks and blinks and blinks.

“SERIOUSLY HYUNG? All the time I’m taking you home? The way I shower you with countless praises? The way I take care of you? Look at you? Flirt with you? Touch you? All those hints and you DON’T know?”

“BUT YOU’RE NEVER CLEAR! I thought you did that JUST because I’m an important part of the team! I mean, you keep saying something like ‘you’re our precious vocalist’, ‘you should have enough rest so you can sing beautifully’, I mean. DUH!”

At this point, they are practically screaming onto each other’s ears.

“But you never respond back, hyung!” Hanbin is exasperate. “I thought you don’t like me back. You never look happy or excited about my moves. That’s why I don’t want to be too obvious... I don’t want you to hate me because I’m being too pushy.” Tired of everything, Hanbin just drops down and sits on the pavement. When he speaks again, his voice comes as a soft whisper. “If it is impossible to have you, then I’ll just be grateful to have you by my side. So, please. Just forget about everything and don’t hate me.”

“I can’t forget this...” Jinhwan sits accross the younger boy. “Because, you know... I kind of like you to...” He shyly adds.

“You, WHAT?!”

Jinhwan groaned. “Well... I like you, but I didn’t think that you like me. So, I just want to play it cool, you know? I don’t want to look like a desperate senior who have a desperate crush on his junior and... well, you never gave me a clear enough sign...”

They just sit there in silence. Motionless, speechless. Everything just came crashing down at them like an avalanche.

But a sweet avalanche, a strawberry one, maybe.

“So, you like me?” Hanbin asked, more to himself. “And I like you...” Jinhwan nods on his approval.

They stare into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out everything between them.

And they laugh.

Loud, clear, and finally free.

“I feel so stupid!” Hanbin exclaimed.

“Oh, you tell me!” Jinhwan echoed.

Maybe they both are indeed stupid. And dense. And insecure. And they both need to take a class on symbols and signs.

But there’s no more ‘maybe’ in their love equation as they both lean in to kiss (and try their best not to just make out right there on the street).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Binhwan shippers are really nice! That's a lot of comments I received for my last one-shot. Hahaha

It makes me reeeally happy! Talk to me guys! Talk to me! #getkicked

I hope you all enjoyed this one, too ;-)