Youngji had opted to sleep in my room tonight. I have no idea why, but by the time I clocked Hyunsu out and got home, our guests had left, our living room was a mess, and Youngji was passed out on my bed. Maybe she had been waiting to talk to me before succumbing to sleep prior to my arrival. Maybe she just didn’t like being alone at night, and this made her feel less like I wasn’t home. Whatever the reason, it made me feel worse. Just looking at the sleeping girl, the girl I had grown so fond of, knowing that she would be the target of obsession made my stomach curl. 

It was almost 3 in the morning, and I had not been doing anything but staring at Youngji tossing and turning in my bed. If someone had been spying on us, it would’ve looked like I was the one who was obsessed with her. I was a bit overprotective, but at least I wasn’t trying to be Pygmalion. 

I was going crazy. You can judge me all you want for even thinking of continuing contact with Jackson, but there was also the factor of necessity. I couldn’t deny that my business was boosting thanks to the way he helped with my modeling. There was a necessity I had to support myself, for the future. Youngji wouldn’t be my roommate forever, and even now, she wasn’t exactly alleviating the debt I had. 

It was morality versus necessity. It was my well being versus hers. I hated myself for being selfish, but knew that I was also being rational. 

I let out a loud groan, slamming my head against my desk. I didn’t even have to check if I woke Youngji; she slept like a rock. It also meant I didn’t have to worry about answering phone calls while she was sleeping. 

The caller ID on my phone showed Hyunsu being the caller, and as annoyed as I tried to make my voice sound, I was secretly relieved. 

“It’s three in the morning.” I said, without greeting him. 

“Sure, let’s pretend that you were sleeping.” His eye roll was clearly envisioned. 

“Well, I could have been. What do you want?” 

“Come outside.” He commanded. 

“No.” I said, even though I was already tiptoeing my way to the front door. 

“Please? I’m freezing out here.” He pleaded, sounding like a child. 

“Do you have something for me?” I asked. I’m sure my voice was heard through the thin door. He turned around, holding the bag of convenience store goodies up for me to see through the peephole. I grinned widely, unlocking the door. He hung up the phone first, smiling at me. 

“I figured Semi could use a beer.” He handed me a can while I resisted the urge to throw my arms around him. More often than not, Hyunsu was an annoying coworker. He was a flirt, he was lazy, and he took all of my jobs, and my tips. He couldn’t be quiet for one second. But sometimes, under all of that nonsense was a really freaking nice guy. One that was observant, caring. He knew when I needed things like this, and didn’t keep his knowledge to himself. This hadn’t been the first time he had come over at ridiculous hours to get me to unwind. He’d bring a six pack, some potato chips, and sit in front of my door with me, drinking, sometimes sitting in silence, until he decided that it was time to leave. 

“Semi appreciates your existence right now.” I closed the door behind me. I had tried various times before to get him to drink inside with me, where it would be more comfortable, but he always refused. “But only right now.” 

“Whatever.” He chuckled, plopping himself on the ground, motioning for me to sit next to him. 

We sat without speaking for a while. The only thing that could be heard was the large gulps of beer we were taking, along with the crunching that seemed exaggerated in our silence. I kept glancing over at him. For this first time in my life, I wanted to tell him what was on my mind. I was hoping he was receptive enough to get my hints. He knew I was glancing at him. I could see him glancing back. 

“Am I really handsome in this light or something?” He asked, facing me finally. 

“The only light you’d ever be handsome in is no light at all.” I rolled my eyes at him. 

“That’s not really any light then?” 

“Hyunsu!” I snapped. I knew he saw that I wanted to talk to him, and I knew he was just being incredibly annoying before he asked me. 

“Sorry, sorry. I just get so used to hearing you tell me that you don’t want to talk about it, asking seems kind of counterproductive.” 

“Have you ever, like, really messed a girl up?” I asked without waiting for him to actually ask me if I wanted to articulate my problems. He was obviously taken by surprise. He gave me a dumb look instead of answering me. “Like, have you ever become obsessed with an image for a girl that you literally pushed onto her before leaving her?” 

“I never imagined you’d be telling me about any of your problems, let alone guy problems.” He took a giant gulp of beer before crushing the now empty can in his hands. 

“It’s not really my problem.”
“Whose then?” 

“Youngji…” I said, looking behind my shoulder as if the sleeping girl could hear me. Hyunsu did nothing but laugh as a response. “What?” I cried out in annoyance. 

“You seriously think Youngji will have a problem?” He said, gasping for air. An exaggeration, I’m sure, but everything Hyunsu did was an exaggeration. 

“That’s the entire reason I’m upset!” I cried again at his lack of empathy. I opened myself up to this guy once, and he chooses to make it so I will never open up to him again. 

“Sorry if I’m being a little insensitive to your totally rational feelings right now,” he began once his laughter had died down, “but Youngji is the last person who would need any sort of protection.” 

“You’ve never spoken to her.” 

“I’ve met her a whopping total of three times, thank you. And every time I left under the impression that she could destroy me, or anyone, if she wanted to. She’ll be fine. You’re the one who needs work.” He handed me another can as I finished my first. 

“Excuse you?” I took the beer anyway, even if I wanted to chuck it at his head the second it was in my hand. 

“You’re paranoid and overprotective. You haven’t had a decent amount of sleep in years. You’re basically projecting yourself onto Youngji and her immaculate stability, and freaking out because you feel like someone could mess that up for her, and in turn, you.” He didn’t tear his eyes away from me throughout his whole diagnosis. 

“Since when are you so well versed in the science of the human mind?” 

“I took an online class.” He flashed me a toothy grin. It earned him nothing but a slap. 

“You are a useless .” I mumbled, playing around with the top of the can. 

“At least I’m not in denial.” He mumbled back, imitating me. “Maybe I am an with a bull theory, but you can’t deny that you are incredibly overprotective over someone who has their own life. She’s a big girl, you can’t keep her in a nest she doesn’t really belong in.” 

I stayed silent after his analysis. What bothered me the most about it was that he may very well be right about it, about me. I didn’t want to be examined, not when I was trying to unwind myself. 

“But I admit, I’d worry too if I knew someone wanted to do that to my friend. But she can handle herself, remember that. She isn’t the snow queen for nothing.” He said, breaking the silence. 

“Snow queen?” I asked, perking my head up. 

“She has that nickname and reputation around the university. You catch a lot of gossip about a lot of people you don’t know when you work weekends.” 

“Thanks.” I sighed, after a few more moments of silence and contemplating. “I guess I feel better now.” 

“You won’t feel better until you’ve had a decent amount of sleep.” I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Do you go around telling blind people that they won’t feel better until they start to see?” 

He inched closer to me until the warmth of his body was the only thing I felt. I peered up at him, confusion evident in the way my eyebrows found themselves upturned. 

“C’mon, Semi, just try it.” He grabbed my head, much to my surprise. Before I had time to protest, he shushed me, moving my head down to meet his shoulders. “Close your eyes and shut up.” 

“You’re telling me to shut up?” I scoffed. He shushed me loudly again. I had no choice but to go along with his ridiculous and disturbing methods. I admit that for a while, it made me relax, once I got passed the uncomfortable aspect of it. But it did not much else. I didn’t feel sleepy. I didn’t even feel sane. 

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” I groaned, my eyes still closed. 

“Then why around you moving?” He asked. I could hear the grin in his voice, challenging me. 

“Because your stupid hand is preventing me from being able to.” I answered in the same ridiculous tone. He moved his hand away slowly, letting me free. Strangely, I didn’t move. 

“Well, it’s gone now. What’s stopping you?” 

Right before I could make a move, loud stomping caused me to open my eyes. I could see a familiar figure stomping passed us. Before he entered his house, while he was unlocking his door, his eyes left me feeling like the temperature dropped far lower than it already was. Normally, I would at least be concerned about him coming home so late, drenched in sweat, having practiced for so long, but the only thing I could focus on were the daggers he was shooting me. Hyunsu noticed too, I guessed, because he tensed up under me. 

Maybe I was crazy, or delusional, but I swear I had seen that look somewhere before. It wasn’t anything like the tired eyes he was sporting when I delivered food to his practice room earlier. It wasn’t even resentment towards me for the conversation that made me leave in a huff. Granted, I wasn’t that experienced, but I had seen that emotion portrayed enough in different media to recognize it in an instant. 

I might be insane, but I swore Jackson Wang was jealous. 

The slam of the door behind it caused us both to move away from our close proximity, and up to  our feet. 

“Is that the guy you’re trying to save Youngji from?” He asked, his eyes never leaving the door that had barely stopped shaking. 

“Yup.” I said, my eyes looking at the same place his were. 

“I never believed in the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ before but…” he trailed off with a shiver for added effect. 

“He looks at her a lot nicer, I guess.” I commented dumbly. He looked at his watch, seeing it to be almost four in the morning now. 

“I should get going.” He started speaking, but I interrupted him. 

“Can’t you just stay? You can crash on my couch if sleep is what you want.” I was surprised by my own words, but more by how desperate they sounded. I enjoyed Hyunsu’s company tonight, and the thought of going back to a cold room with nothing but a sleeping girl and a bright monitor to keep me company made me sadder than it needed to. He looked surprised too, searching my eyes for some indication that I was joking. I wasn’t, and he saw that. 

“Semi…” He looked at me for longer. I wanted to ask what he was thinking, why he was so hesitant, but I couldn’t intrude any further. “I have my reasons for not staying.” 

“Can you just forget those for a second? I was getting somewhere before.” I motioned to the ground, signaling to where we were previously sitting for his foolish experiment. It was a lie that it was doing anything for me, but I suddenly wanted his company more than I could understand. He sighed deeply before nodding, signaling for me to open the door. I smiled, leading him inside, and onto the couch. I sat, resuming the position we were in before. The uncomfortability died down over time, even if he rubbed my arm continuously. He eventually fell asleep.

Sleep never came for me, but it did feel better to have a beating heart capturing my attention for three hours. He woke up in a huff, his eyes puffy, searching almost wildly to identify his surroundings. He had to rub them to confirm that it was me he was seeing in his embrace. 

“Don’t worry, nothing weird happened.” I said, in a reassuring but bored voice. He nodded, regaining his composure before declaring that he had to leave. He even denied me walking him to his car, saying that the door would be further than he really wanted me to walk him. I did it anyway, seeing him off despite his odd behavior. When we stepped outside, our lovely neighbors were just leaving, too. They saw me, and shifted their gaze from me to Hyunsu, questioning us silently. It wasn’t until BamBam whistled suggestively that any of them said anything. Now, they were shushing him, while Hyunsu blushed. 

“It’s not like that.” I said quickly, not wanting them to think of me as indecent. 

“Don’t worry, we won’t judge.” Jinyoung responded cheekily. 

“Just quit it. We’re late.” Jackson said, emerging from the back of the small crowd the boys made. He had the same, angry walk as he had yesterday. I couldn’t help but think it confirmed my previous thoughts. But that was crazy. He had set his sights on someone else. 

I didn’t know what any of it meant. 

Hey guys, it's been a minute. 

I'm really sorry if anyone was waiting for an update, but my priorities shifted for a while, and it never seemed like the right time to update this story. But I'm back now, and still hoping to hear from any of you. 

J