2012

The dorm is cramped, dilapidated. Some cheap apartment on the outskirts of Seoul where strata doesn't exist and neither did a functioning heater. The smell of dirty dishes left by exactly fifteen other girls sharing a cramped space curdles in and out. God -- she needs to make it. She needs to make her dreams come true because she is so close to combusting.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry mum. I'm sorry dad."

Her voice doesn't shake. She's not ready to cry. She's too exhausted to feel anything other than the ache in her muscles and the cheap creaking floorboards digging into her back as she stares at the mouldy ceiling.

"I promise this will work out. This... this life -- I can't give up now. It's, I mean I'm turning 19 soon. The other girls are either in middle school or barely out of it. I can't even imagine doing anything else, you know? We've talked about it before... no really... mum stop it, please, he's going to ask why you're crying and it'll just be a big mess again. Okay, good. I don't know what else to say... this is what makes me feel alive. Tell dad I'm sorry."

Her eyes scan the training schedule. Fourteen hours. The usual.

Her jaw is clenched, the words barely making it past her wall of teeth as she continues on the phone, "I swear. This will be the last agency, and if I don't debut in the next year I'll go to college and run the shop with you."

2013

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She didn't deserve to win!!!

What about Sojin?!!!??

A complete set-up by DSP. Youngji didn't even participate in the first two rounds. Not a KARA fan anymore. 

They should've just promoted as three tbh....

Plastic surgery. Double lids are so obvious

---

She doesn't even care that netizens are in uproar about her winning the KARA Project.

The only thought that that flickers through her mind is that her mum will finally stop crying herself to sleep and her dad will look her in the eye again and the words "Get out. You're not welcome here anymore. I onlu have one daughter who is useful, one daughter who is loyal to this family. We are not sending you money anymore. You are nothing to me," won't sting her heart so badly anymore. 

She gets to debut. 

Now is not the time to be complacent, she thinks.

The dull light of her laptop casts a shadow across a photo of her and the other trainees posing in front of the large training room mirror.

Years of gruelling hard work has led up to this point. Her blood, sweat, tears, irritated ligaments, torn muscles. Living with verbal abuse from vocal trainers, dance teachers, choreographers, the higher-ups who evaluate your every move and every mis-step each month, losing friends who opted out -- who wanted out, watching debuted peers' mild successes or their unfortunate demise by falling through the cracks... it has all come to this point. 

This is her time now and she is not just pretty Youngji with the big eyes.

She is going to give this her all, enjoy the ride, enjoy the company of people who are as driven and motivated and dedicated as she is. Basking in the glory of fame has no place in her new life. She cannot disappoint.