I put on my coat before bidding goodbye to my mom. It’s a snowy afternoon when I decided to go back in a house that I used to live in, to simply get the things I left there.

 

            I plug in my earphone, get inside the bus and sit at the very back. I looked outside as the snow is falling heavily today. It’s so beautiful; the snow is covering the entire road and trees. Winter is my favorite season.

 

            About an hour of riding the bus and I already arrived at my destination. I walk a few steps and here I am standing in front of our home which now an empty house. It’s been a year since I last went here. Tears are tending to fall from my eyes so I look up, hug myself and heave a sigh before I got the urge to open the door.

 

            Once I enter inside I can tell that this is an abandoned house. It’s too dark, too cold and too quiet inside.

 

            Only the croak of the door and my footsteps can be heard.

 

            I turn on the light switch. I’m surprised it’s still working. I look around and see that the sofa and the furniture are covered with white thin cloth.

 

            It’s just a common house. Not too big but not too small for two people. This has been my home for 6 years. 6 years of living with him, 6 years of love and 6 years that he made me realize how beautiful my life is.

 

            But like other couples out there, things didn’t work out well between us. We’ve been so busy in our work; in ourselves to the point that there are times wherein we’re not talking anymore even we’re just beside each other, because we are just plainly tired.

 

             There is no more pain in my heart, only regrets. I regret that I didn’t make myself and didn’t try my best to be good enough for him. To be what he needed the most.

 

            If I knew back then that things would turn out this way, I should have talk to him more, hug him a little tighter, kiss him a little deeper and let him know everyday how much I love him. But as much as I wanted to bring back the past, I can’t.

 

            I walk around the small house which has a lot, a lot of good precious memories he and I made for six years. I would not trade our memories for anything, even for the most expensive diamond in the world.

 

            I should still be thankful to God, and I am, because we have a lot of good memories to remember until I grow old.

 

            I unconsciously went in our room, it’s like someone is dragging me to this place. I looked around and saw our picture in the small drawer beside the bed. I carefully sit in the bed and grab our photo. I stare at us, we were so young and so happy, and we’re standing in the middle of a small road while the snow is falling heavily.

 

            He was hugging me from behind and we’re smiling like we have the whole world in our hands. And suddenly I remember that moment, it was the first snow of the year and luckily we got to see it together. And I guess that is the reason why winter is my favorite season.

 

            I shook my head and stare at our photo once again while rubbing my thumb in his face and one word came out from my mouth.

 

            “Doojoon.”

 

            Just by saying his name again after a long time makes me shiver and I feel like all my blood goes up to my head.

 

            Before something might happen to me, I hurriedly put the photo frame inside the small drawer and decided to get all my clothes that I left behind, before I forgot that it is the main reason why I go back here.

 

            As I open the closet, I saw our clothes. Him on the right side and mine on the left side all neatly folded.

 

            “So he still didn’t come back here. Yet.” I mentally said.

 

            As I’m putting all my clothes inside the bag, one of his used shirts falls. I bend down to get it. I don’t know what comes to me but I put his shirt on my face. It smells ancient but I can still smell his perfume. Oh how I miss this smell. The reasons why I always hug him is because I love him and I love the smell of his perfume.

 

            I quickly fold and top it in his tower of shirts and hurriedly goes out of the room.

 

            I’m a one brave girl for coming here again. I make sure that this is the last time I’ll go here. I’ll leave everything here but I’ll bring our memories with me.

 

            I looked up the house again before I finally decided to go out and went back to my new house.

 

            I’m still 20 minutes away from home when I choose to get off the bus. The sky is already dark but I want to walk because I wanted to enjoy the snow even though it’s so cold.

 

            I put both of my hands inside the pockets of my coat since I forgot to bring winter gloves. I walk and walk until someone caught my attention. I saw a figure of a man standing in front of a convenience store. My throat gets tight and my heart skips a beat. One thing is I’m assuring of, it’s him.

 

            I continue walking while looking at him. I almost lost my balance and fall on the floor when our eyes locked. Oh how I missed those eyes that used to look at me every day. After a year we saw each other again.

 

            I want to talk to him and ask him how he’s been and what he’s up to now. But, before I open my mouth, a girl who’s a little smaller than me with long curly hair locked her hand in his while saying “Let’s go.” And I assume she’s his girlfriend.

 

            He look down to her then turns his head to look at me again. His eyes are sad, it seems like he’s telling me “I’m sorry.”

 

            I don’t want him to pity me and feel burdened so I smiled to him, intending him I’m okay and I’m happy for him.

 

            And….. He smiled back to me. Not a painful smile, but a smile of feeling relieved. Because back then we thought we couldn’t live without each other. But now, we’re both fine and living happily with our own lives.

 

            I passed by them while looking at him, tears are tending to fall again but instead, I smiled. And I promise to myself that I will not cry again, that my tears will be like the snow falling from above, frozen. Because for once, life worked out for the both of us, and that is enough.

 

            “I hope you’re real happy now, Yoon Doojoon.”