Have you ever felt like life isn't worth living. I have this thought everyday in my mind saying it should end. I like the feeling of walking on stage and hearing people scream my name, but is it worth it or is it all worthless? I like the fact that people look up to me, but what of all the people that look down on me. I always feel like the odd one out. Even my own members. When one is bored or wants to hang out with someone, but they never call me just each other. Am I just a burden to them? Am I just there? Even the fans would rather choose them over me. Would anyone miss me if I disappear? Probably not...they would just have a celebration. I'm no one just the one person no one wants as a friend, son, or brother. I don't even think Junho loves me anymore. He never calls me or pick up when I call. He always says he's busy and I understand, but even a call once a month is good. Am I really that big of an embarrassment? Did anyone ever even love me?

I just got home and no one is here. Yoochun and Jaejoong hyung went out with Hyunjoong again. They must really hate to be around me. It's ok though as long as there still there. I had the worst day today. I went on JYJ's fancafe and ask on a private account if anyone liked Junsu. Most of them said no and they only tolerated me because Yoochun and Jaejoong hyung would get mad if they didn't. I guess no one really likes me. I also called my mom today saying that I had a day off today and I might come over. She started yelling at me saying why do I go over so little and that she'd rather only have hyung as a son. Is that people really think about me?

I had a concert today with Yoochun and Jaejoong. You would expect me to be happy, but I'm not. Earlier we had a fanmeet and when ever Yoochun and Jaejoong turned away or look down they all glared at me. I also got some letter. I was really happy until I found they were death threats and antifan mail. They said that JYJ would be better of without me and that I should go kill myself. They aslo said they were going to poison me or murder me in some kind of way. It was about 2:00 a.m. when I finished reading all of the mail. I went to my drawer to go get some clothes and stuff to take a shower and go to bed when I heard the 2 hyungs talking with each other. "Why did we let Junsu join with us again? He shouldv'e just stayed with Yunho and Changmin. We don't need a useless burden." "You seriously think anyone was gonna let us debut with only 2 people. Use your brain Park Yoochun, but I didn't know he was going to be that useless." When I heard this I ran into the bathroom and started to cry. Did they really hate me that much? I calmed myself down enough to take my clothes off and get in the shower. They must of heard me in the bathroom because I heard some knocks on the door. "Yah, don't take to long we have to get ready to." If they hate me that much I'll just go to sleep and stop bothering them. Forever.

Today is the day. Do you know why I chose today? I chose today because it is December 15th my birthday. I'v always wanted to die the same day I was born. Why? It would be sentimental death. Everyone was asleep and I locked my room so no one could stop me. I already wrote a letter. They'll get to see it in the morning when they find me. I bought a think rope at the hardware store the other day that I never got to use so now would be the perfect time. I already tied the rope at the bottom to fit my neck so