The breeze ran through my bare skin as I shuddered from the coldness of it as the winter season comes to an end. I haven't really noticed how fast time had passed.

Once, I saw the trees loose its leaves and in a blink of my eyes the grounds were covered with snow and I hear the joyful melody of the Christmas carols. I did not get to enjoy the holidays because I had to work, just like what I have been always doing for the past seven years.

I was used to it. Before, I had never felt the burden of being in this group but suddenly I just woke up one day wondering who would I be today if I had not gone into the auditions almost fifteen years ago. Could it be that my life will be better?

Questions of what ifs lingered in my mind as I live the following days with uncertainty. Why am I like this? I'm never the serious type among us. What could be the problem?

I continued to walk through the place, admiring the silence and serenity of it. It calms my lonely heart. I don't know how to calm myself when the wound is still fresh.

You wonder why I am being like this? It's because of her absence. Her.

We were laughing just a few days ago when she called and now who would have predicted that I would be losing my long time bestfriend just after my birthday? Who knew?

I have many friends but when she left I felt alone. My smile had changed since the day she left. And all that she had left me was the memories of us.

We were total strangers before.

I still remember that day when I first met her. I was a new trainee so I don't know anyone yet. I came inside the studio and sat there quietly while watching everyone talk with their friends.

I was shy to approach anyone so I just waited patiently for the trainer to arrive. That was until I felt someone sit beside me.

I looked at my side and I saw her. She looked at me and smiled shyly. And with that smile, a friendship was born.

We learned each other's names and with an unspoken agreement, we stuck with each other throughout the whole night.

Later, I learned that she was also a newbie and she came from the US. Maybe that's why others were intimidated to befriend her. Well, I did not mind it.

We became so close in just short span of time.

Days, months and even years of training had passed by and I became her closest friend. Of course we had met other friends here but in terms of closeness, I was the one who knew her best.

Secrets and laughters were shared between the two of us. We just stare at each other and we knew what the other feels or wants. We help each other overcome our weakness. I coach her in dancing and she pays back with singing lessons with me.

The weariness of waiting for our debut is not really so noticeable when you have a friend by your side. I have found a bestfriend while doing the things I love and that is all I want.

I did not only gained a sister but a family.

Back then when sunbaenim gathered all nine of us in the studio after dance practice to announce an important news, we all cried in happiness when he told us that we were finally debuting onstage.

We hugged each member and beyond those words of congratulations my eyes finally met hers. I was happy that we will be together in this new journey ahead for all of us.

A month later, we all moved in a one dorm where more of our memories will happen in the future. That dorm holds a lot of memories of the family of nine.

When our room arrangements were decided,  I became excited when I learned that she will be my roomate. I've heard that she is a heavy sleeper so tons of ideas on how to wake her came up in my mind.

Not all friendships are perfect.

Among the days when we get along with each other, there came a time where we also fight and misunderstood each other.

One day, during a very exhausting dance practice we had another fight. I went downstairs to search for some dance steps we can use but when I came back she shove me her cold stare. I asked what's wrong and then she accused me of slacking off while they were all tired of practicing.

It hurt me to hear that and soon I didn't realized that I had said hurtful words too. The rest of the practice went by with a tense atmosphere. Nobody dared to make us reconcile while we were still mad at each other.

I can't remember how we made up but I knew that it involve some teary eyes while saying sorry and hugging each other tight. I smiled at her and she also flashed her shy but sweet smile.

It wasn't our first fight nor our last and we know that there would be many more to come in the future. No matter how much we fought we would always forgive each other before the day ends. That is how our friendship is.

In front of the cameras, behind the backstage, always together.

It was fun being with her anytime during our schedules. Sometimes she sits beside me during the interviews. Sometimes we play with each other while performing our songs. We make fun of each other and fans labeled us as the violent couple.

She was the person I always love to tease and pull pranks. I don't care as long as I hear her laughing I knew she is enjoying it.

When we have individual activities we never fail to show support to each other even though we are busy with ourselves. Such gestures shows our love and concern to each other.

And behind stage we gather in a group hug along with the other members before going onstage. Once we have started the concert, once in a while our eyes met and she flashes a child-like smile.

Our friendship is just like that, simple but sincere. I wouldn't be friends with someone for so long if I don't care for her. I love her. She is like a sister to me.

I care for her as much as I care for everyone in the group so I was shocked when I saw her sns post directing to us and the company.

I knew that I was also at fault since I didn't do my best to defend her. I argued with the other members to let her stay but we were also hurt with the decision. Sometimes we have to be responsible with our choices too. We want to stay together, but we can't split ourselves into half just to do our responsibilities with the group and other things.

I was hurt when I realized that she will not be with us anymore. I clenched my fists tight when I was in the airport that day the news became public. It was all I can do to prevent my angry tears from scaping. I did my best to stay composed when I heard the crowd shout your name.

For the first time, the warmth within the group grew cold when we lost our ice princess. Ironic isn't it? The holes in choreography, the different voice singing your lines,  all of these doesn't make sense.

I forced myself to be enthusiastic for that dream concert that we all had been preparing. The whole group tried to move on despite our hearts breaking everyday.

I had never cried so hard in public,  not until that night while singing our debut song. It was so bittersweet. I don't know if it was a farewell for you or a welcome for a new chapter for the group.

Days passed by and each one continued to live our lives as it is. I saw you move on with your own life and I knew then that I need to move on with mine as well.

I can now accept that you're not within our group anymore but I can never accept losing you as my best friend. Deep in my heart, I am wishing that one day we would bump with each other in the company building. I am wishing that you would answer my calls or reply to my texts. I am wishing that I would a still see and hug my beloved sister. I am wishing that you would hear my explanation and forgive me.

I am waiting for that day when I would really smile with my usual self again. That day, I would look into Sica's eyes again and smile at my beloved best friend.

For now, all I wish for her is to be happy with her decision. I wish I am brave enough to do the same.

Saranghae.

A/N.

After two days of thinking about this plot, I finally wrote it. I am feeling down these days and some of my sadness were put in this fic. I know I should have been updating my other fic but I'm sooo sad that I can't find a right time to update the next chapter. So, about this fic, this is mainly a friendship fic between Hyo and Sica -- the two members I loved the most in SNSD. I know everyone is aware about what happened with the girls last year. I'm still trying to accept the fact now and I'm hoping that they would regain at least their friendship back.

I have a best friend whom I haven't seen in years. We've recently reunited last New Year and despite without proper communication for a long time, there wasn't any awkwardness between us. We caught up with each other's lives and reminisced the old times. I always remember her whenever I look at Hyosica's friendship, we were just like them so I'm hoping that they will reunite too just like us.

Anyways, I really need to get back to my old self so I can update my other stories.... >_<

Thanks for reading! Comments and suggestions are appreciated  :)