People said that as human grows, human becomes more and more independent, and in a way, individualist. As human grows old, human will face the fact that every links, every connections, every relationships, are all temporary; based on human's need at the moment. As human's age continues to add up, human will discover that forever is merely a fairy tale.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

"A schedule? All of us? Together?" breathed Yuri, nervousness clearly present in her tone.

 

"Yes, why do you look so surprised?" asked Taeyeon in suspicion. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, "Are you unhappy?"

 

"Non sense!" said a voice from behind, the owner back-hugging the nervous girl cheerily. "Yuri unnie is only surprised because it's been so long for us to have a schedule together, aside from performing and concert! Right, unnie?"

 

Taeyeon narrowed her eyes even more as she noticed that the said girl stiffened visibly.

 

"Is that it, Yul?"

 

"Of course," replied Yuri, a beat too quick to sound normal. Taeyeon frowned, but Yuri shook her head and flashed a quick smile. "Let's just—let me go to prepare, then." She untangled herself from Yoona's embrace and walked briskly to her room, leaving a confused Yoona behind. The doe-eyed girl looked at Taeyeon, who sported a thoughtful look in her face, and asked,

 

"Unnie, does Yuri unnie... have her time of the month... or something?"

 

Taeyeon cocked an eyebrow at her in return. "Am I supposed to know?"

 

"Aren't you?"

 

Taeyeon only snorted.

 

"Uuuh... do you think I should go and check on her?"

 

"No," replied Taeyeon quickly. "Follow me. I need to make sure that the others also know about the schedule."

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

"So Yoona, do you maybe have a problem with Yuri?" asked Taeyeon in the most natural tone she could afford. They had knocked and reminded Tiffany, Sunny, Hyoyeon, and Seohyun about the schedule, and were now in their way to Soosica's room.

 

"No, why?" answered Yoona, confused at the sudden question.

 

"Well..." They had arrived in front of the said room, and, slowly, Taeyeon knocked the door. "Well, you see, I think..."

 

The door was opened, revealing a red-faced Jessica. Yoona craned her neck and saw Sooyoung with her back leaning to the wall, her face impassive.

 

"Oh hi, Sica, do you know about the schedule..."

 

"The schedule of us together?" hissed Jessica quickly. "Yes, I know." With a louder voice, she said, "Let me sit next to you in the van later, Tae."

 

"Huh?" Taeyeon blinked, "Ah. Er, sure."

 

"Thanks." The ice princess moved past them, her pace quickened without ever be quick enough to be considered as running. Taeyeon shifted her gaze to Sooyoung, mouthing, 'what was that?', which gained Sooyoung's nonchalant shrug in return.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

"Unnie, come quick! Sit beside me!"

"Alright, alright! Geez, you're too excited, you know?"

"Well, how can I not? We'll have a schedule together! Yay!"

"*laughs* Honestly, Yoona, aren't you tired? Yesterday you were filming 'till midnight."

"Now that you mention it... *yawns*"

"See? *shakes head* And you still manage to look excited..."

"Of course I'm excited! It's been a while since we're together!"

"You like it that much, huh? Us together?"

"Um! Um! *yawns* Ah, s-sorry... I do feel tired, to be honest... a little... *smiles sheepishly*"

"*chuckles* You're really something, you know. Here, lean onto my shoulder."

"But unnie, your shoulder will—"

"Aish... you're tired and all you can think of is my shoulder's health? Come on. Place your head onto my shoulder comfortably and sleep. I will wake you up when we get there."

"..............."

"Do as I said or I change seat with Taeyeon."

"...okay, okay, but! You should wake me if your shoulder begins to hurt. Deal?"

"Deal."

"*leans hesitantly*"

"................"

"You should really wake me up if your shoulder feel hurt, okay?"

"Okay."

..............

..............

..............

"*snores*"

"Good, she's asleep already... God knows how much you need sleep, Yoong. I hope you'll take care of your sleep better. I don't want you to fall sick, and you always refuse to drink Ma! Don't you know that it's good for your health? I'm about to go crazy worrying over y"

"*snoores*"

"Look at you, so peaceful when you're sleeping..."

"*snooores*"

"*chuckles* Aigoo. Sleep tight, my Yoong."

"And of course I won't wake you up even if my shoulder begins to scream bloody murder at me."

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

As a loud honk blared through the dorm's wall, Taeyeon made a round to call everyone and ushered them outside. The honk wasn't stopped and it forced the girls to pop out from the dorm as soon as they were ready. It was only after Sooyoung and Tiffany stepped out from the dorm that their manager stopped abusing the car's honk.

 

Yoona glanced worriedly to the stairs when Hyoyeon dragged an unwilling Jessica outside. Yuri hadn't come out yet, and Taeyeon had roared with mouth full on fire. When Seohyun lectured Sunny into leaving her games and Taeyeon was counting her present sheeps members, Yoona squared her shoulders and said,

 

"Taeyeon unnie, Yuri unnie hasn't come downstairs yet."

 

Taeyeon glared at the stairs. "Ugh. I'll go find that Kwon. You should go enter the car, Yoona, manager oppa is puffing like a dragon."

 

"Okay," said Yoona hesitantly, restraining herself from pointing out that Taeyeon looked like a dragon too. A pregnant dragon. A pregnant, protective dragon.

 

As Taeyeon went upstairs, muttering to herself about the downs of being a leader, Yoona turned around and exited the dorm. I'll secure a seat for her, she thought as she swung her legs towards the car. Maybe I can get her to talk her problems out, then. She seems stressed these days.

 

Arriving in front of the red car, Yoona peeked in to see the occupied seats. There were Jessica, Tiffany, Sunny, and Hyoyeon, leaving a spot vacant. Weighing the situation, Yoona turned to the other car, which was blue. There shall be only Sooyoung and Seohyun. Peeking in and confirming her suspicion, Yoona nodded to herself and got into the blue car.

 

"Hey, where are the others?" asked Sooyoung.

 

"Taeyeon unnie is checking on Yuri unnie," answered Yoona as she scooted to make more room for one particular person. "And the others, Jessica unnie Tiffany unnie Sunny unnie and Hyoyeon unnie, are in the red car."

 

"Red car?" exclaimed Sooyoung, turning to face Seohyun with a scandalized look. "You said Jessica hasn't come out yet!"

 

Seohyun grimaced. "I'm sorry, unnie."

 

"Wait, Seohyun lied to you?" queried Yoona. "Wah, since when do you get smart at lying?"

 

"I'm not smart about it yet," mumbled Seohyun, face red.

"But—oh they're coming!"

 

"They who?" asked Sooyoung. She followed Yoona's gaze and 'ooh'ed as Taeyeon and Yuri appeared from the dorm. Both walked briskly at first, Taeyeon a step faster than Yuri, but as they approached the cars Yuri called the leader and the leader turned around. The sudden halt called the blue car's passengers' attention.

 

"They stop? Why do they?"

 

"Oh, they glance at us!"

 

"What... are they discussing something? Can't they discuss it later? "

 

Yoona shrugged, observing the whole situation in silence, while Seohyun was too busy furrowing her brows to say something, letting Sooyoung to run off with her commentary.

 

"Oh, Tae glances at us again. Wait, did Yuri just nod? What did she nod to, anyway? Tae glances at us again—she should know that Tiffany isn't here, shouldn't she? Why does she glance at us so much? Oh! Yuri glances at us too! OH! THEY NOD TOGETHER. Now I'm really curious about—hey hey HEY, why are Taeyeon walking to our car?" Sooyoung looked at Yoona, "Aren't you supposed to save Yuri a seat here? Why is Yuri coming to the red car?"

 

Yoona didn't reply. She could only stared off at the direction Yuri was walking towards, which was not to her. She squirmed in her seat, an ugly feeling settling in the bottom of her stomach.

 

The car's door opened and Taeyeon showed up.

 

"Hi," she said. Her eyes went over the passengers, and Yoona held her breath in.

 

"Oh, so Yuri's right," mumbled Taeyeon to herself, unfortunately not unnoticed by Yoona. She got into the car slowly, while Yoona's mind overworked the kid leader's last statement.

 

"Unnie, what do you mean by that?"

 

"Huh?" Taeyeon looked at her, bewildered. "What do I mean by what? Oh, that. No. Nothing. Just, Yuri predicted that you guys are in this car, so—"

 

"So Yuri unnie knows that I'm here," said Yoona softly. "Why she picks the other car, then?"

 

The ugly feeling in her stomach turned around, evolved into something bigger, uglier, as Taeyeon avoided her eyes and didn't answer her question.

 

"She should know that I'll save a seat for her, right?" asked Yoona again, faintly this time. "She must have. I always do, just like she always does."

 

"So...... why?"

 

Taeyeon sighed, her hand reached out to squeeze the younger's. Noises came from the outside, and a red car passed them with a honk—signaling their car to follow right away. As she caught a glance of Yuri who focused her eyes to the front, Yoona felt her stomach churn in a very bad way; and it had nothing to do with foods.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

"Here, Yoong. I save you a seat."

"Okay, thanks unnie."

"Anytime."

"..............."

"Do you get enough sleep?"

"Um."

"Good. Do get enough sleep from now on."

"Um........."

*silence*

"Is there anything funny? You've been staring at your phone a lot."

"Ah, no... I'm just exchanging message with someone..."

"Ah.."

"..............."

"Yoong?"

"Hmm?"

"Who are you messaging with? It's not one of our members, is it?"

"No... it's just an oppa I know."

"Okay......."

"..............."

"Are you conversing something funny? You're chuckling..."

"Ah, sorry, don't mind me..."

"Don't you think you'll get a headache if you're reading in a car?"

"Honestly unnie, stop bothering me. I'm ok."

"......sure. I'm sorry."

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Yuri spun her phone in her hand, her gaze thrown to the outside although her mind wasn't on the sideview. She didn't even know what she wanted to think right now. She felt awful. Sad. And restless.

 

She tore off her gaze from the window and looked at her side. Hyoyeon was preoccupied with her phone, reading and giggling at the little thing. A question popped into her mind and Yuri swallowed, remembering what happened the last time she asked the same question to a living person.

 

"Do you read something funny, Hyo? You've been staring at your phone a lot."

 

She waited nervously as Hyoyeon looked at her. "Ah, me? Nah, it's just Seohyun."

 

"Seohyun?" she breathed, somehow in relief. "Why? I mean... we're only separated for the two hours long journey and you guys message each other?"

 

"Yes, what's wrong with that?" replied Hyoyeon, her eyebrows raised in a teasing manner. "You and Yoona can't even handle being in two separated cars, you shouldn't comment on me and Seohyun. Ah, wait—"

 

Yuri grimaced, her relief soon disappeared into the thin air as Hyoyeon stopped talking. Hyoyeon seemed to sense something odd at her own sentence, and she narrowed her eyes to the panicking tanned girl. She discovered the odd part.

 

"Where's Yoona?"

 

"In the blue car."

 

"And why aren't you here?"

 

"Different taste?" suggested Yuri. Hyoyeon shot her with an are-you-kidding-me look, and she huffed. "It's nothing. I just want to catch a break, we're not joined in the hips, you know?" she rambled quickly. She rubbed her sweaty palms together, taking a deep breath.

 

"So what're you talking about with Seohyun?" asked Yuri in hope to change the topic.

 

Hyoyeon pondered for a while, marking the tanned girl's act as a bit off. But her phone beeped, and Yuri looked at it in interest, and she did notice the change in gesture when Yuri heard Yoona's name. The tanned girl looked even more restless.

 

So she decided to drop the matter off. For now.

 

"Gogumas."

 

"Huh?"

 

Opening the new message, Hyoyeon grinned at the confused girl. "Seohyun and I are talking about gogumas. Do you know that Seohyun has a folder with goguma-only information in it? There are some facts, and some not-so-convincing facts, and there's an article listing foods that can be made from gogumas........"

 

Hyoyeon excitedly talked on and on, explaining into great details about gogumas and, sometimes, Seohyun’s choice of emoticons. Yuri nodded every now and then, pointedly ignoring the envious feeling she had towards the closeness Hyoyeon and Seohyun had.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

How did you know you drifted apart from someone? If you asked that question to people, the answer would vary; but if you examined them carefully, there would be a red string connecting those various answer to one.

 

You'd know when it was too late.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

"Hi, Tae!"

"Hi to you too, Yul. Just finished? It's almost midnight."

"Yeah, filming got dragged a little. Anyway, do you know where is Yoona?"

"Hmm? She's in the kitchen, half dead, half eating, I don't know."

"With Sooyoung?"

"No, she's by herself. Said she wants to wait for you 'till you return. What's with you two, anyway? You always wait for each other no matter how late the other comes back from a schedule."

"*smiles* It's a tradition, Tae. You probably won't understand."

"Well, just don't go overboard and fall sick, ne?"

"*salutes*"

"Now go. I bet she's a quarter and a half dead by now."

"I'll make sure she gets a good rest after this, don't worry! *runs to the kitchen*"

"*sighs and shakes head* I will always have to worry over the two of you, you troublemakers."

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Taeyeon looked at her watch. “It’s still nine p.m., Yul. Why so quick?” asked Taeyeon slowly. It went without saying that Yoona hadn’t come home and don’t you want to wait for her? were the unasked questions.

 

“I need my sleep,” muttered Yuri. “You know, individual schedule tomorrow.”

 

“I do know,” said Taeyeon. “I just don’t understand. Before—“

 

“Before is irrelevant,” Yuri cut her off. Taeyeon stared at her, scrutinizing her with a questioning look. The tanned girl sighed,

 

“Look, I really need my sleep. See? I’m starting to be grumpy because I’m sleepy and all.”

 

Taeyeon still stared at her, doubtful. Realizing that the kid leader wasn’t going to believe her easily, Yuri scowled.

 

“Since when do you hold us off of going to bed, anyway?”

 

“Since you told me that it’s a trad—“

 

“Before. Is. Irrelevant,” said Yuri forcefully. “Full stop.”

 

Taeyeon looked at the closed door, to Yuri, to the closed door, and back to the tanned girl again. She opened , wanting to ask what should she say when Yoona comes up, but she closed it again hesitantly.

 

Yuri shrugged and turned around to go towards her room.

 

“Yul!”

 

Her steps halted, she swallowed down.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Your joined beds,” began Taeyeon carefully, “no matter how things going, do not separate them.”

 

“Is that an order?”

 

The silence stilled for a full minute. It really did. Yuri counted every seconds of it, not knowing what answer she was expecting. So when Taeyeon’s voice finally rang all the way to her ears again, she couldn’t decide what to feel.

 

“Yes, it’s an order.”

 

She took a deep breath.

 

“Okay.”

 

She resumed walking, without asking “why?”, even though it was rare for Taeyeon to order the members about something, even though Taeyeon actually had no right to order her about the beds, even though Taeyeon had an answer if she was about to ask.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

“Yoong, do you love me?”

“Of course, unnie!”

“Really? How much?”

“Well… ummm… ah-ha! I know. You’re my favorite unnie. The most perfect. The most lovable. The most—“

“Ok, ok, I get the picture.”

“Cool. Don’t doubt my love, unnie!”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“I will never leave your side. Like, ever. That’s my spot.”

“*chuckles* Your spot? Do you mark it with a marker or something?”

“*pouts* I mark it with my love!”

“*smiles* Okay, okay. But… you will find a man. In the future. And forget about me.”

“*gasps* No! I won’t forget you, unnie. Will never happen. That’s not even possible. You’re running around my mind for like, every millisecond. No chance of forgetting you. Really.”

“……you promise?”

“Of course! Promise. Serious promise.”

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Taeyeon looked up at the sound of the door being opened. The time she dreaded for finally came in the form of Im Yoona, coming back from her individual schedule with a tired face and hunched shoulders. Her doe eyes swept around the living room, passing Taeyeon, the turned off television, and the empty couch. When she found nothing else, Yoona sighed deeply.

 

“Yoona,” called Taeyeon.

 

“Hi, unnie,” replied Yoona, stopping beside her. Her eyes swept around again, as if confirming her earlier inspection. She smiled bitterly when she confirmed that her first sight was right.

 

“How’s schedule?” asked Taeyeon softly.

 

“Tiring,” answered Yoona in a whisper, “but aren’t they always?”

 

Taeyeon hummed, her eyes watching the younger girl carefully, waiting her to ask something—or someone. Yoona leveled her gaze, silence descended, and Taeyeon was going to throw another conversation bait when Yoona sighed.

 

“I’ll go sleep,” the doe-eyed girl declared.

 

“Huh? Wait—“

 

“Do you still have something to tell me, unnie?” asked Yoona, stopping her movement. She waited. Taeyeon swallowed.

 

“Why aren’t you asking about……” Taeyeon gestured to the empty couch.

 

Yoona glanced at the couch. The emptiness it emanated. The coldness it surely had right now. She shook her head at the image of someone waiting for her in the past. She swallowed.

 

“Is there something I should know?”

 

Taeyeon hesitated, “Well I had a talk with Yuri earlier, and—“

 

“Hold it right there,” said Yoona softly. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly through her nose. “Unnie, you don’t have to comfort me.”

 

Taeyeon froze. “No, I’m not—“

 

“Just tell me one thing, unnie,” said Yoona with a strict smile. “Did she tell you a reason, or was it an excuse?”

 

Taeyeon gulped. Her gaze met Yoona’s, the doe eyes stared back at her with tiredness lurking behind it, and she knew she couldn’t lie. But she couldn’t say it outright either. She greeted the silence as she looked away, and Yoona concluded the gesture immediately.

 

“I thought so,” she heard the younger girl whispered. “Good night, unnie. Thank you for waiting me ‘till this late.”

 

She heard Yoona’s footsteps getting further and further from her. She wished she could call her and say something to comfort her. But Yoona had said it herself; she didn’t need comfort. Not from Taeyeon. Not from anyone else but a particular someone. Exactly the one who’d refuse to comfort her at the moment.

 

Sighing, the kid leader got up and walked towards her bedroom. Her head ached. She needed to sleep. Maybe in her dreams she would find a way to repair the bond between those two. Maybe in her dreams Yuri would tell her what’s wrong. Maybe in her dreams Yoona would take her comfort.

 

God, why does dream sound so beautiful and inviting?

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Yoona carefully opened the door to her room and peeked in. The light wasn't turned off, she noticed as she slipped in quietly. The closet greeted her first. And then the tables. The mirror. The big rilakkuma plushie Yuri bought for her for her birthday. And the beds.

 

The still-joined-beds.

 

Yoona released a shaky sigh as she felt like her heart had been relieved by something big. Slowly, she tiptoed to the left side of the beds, where Yuri was sleeping soundly. The sticking out tongue confirmed it. Yoona approached the sleeping figure slowly, softly, careful to not making any noises. She lowered to her knees until her face was on the same level as the sleeping Yuri’s.

 

“Hi, unnie,” she whispered.

 

Of course, no sound came to answer her. Not that Yoona hoped. She raised her hand, carefully tucking away the raven-black locks, which covered Yuri’s face behind her ear. Yuri grunted softly in her sleep, and Yoona smiled.

 

Her face is so peaceful.

 

Lightly, very lightly, Yoona poked the tanned girl’s face. When there was no respond, she slowly touched the latter’s cheek. When Yuri’s eyes kept closed, she released a long breath and moved her hand to caress her cheek gently. Yuri sighed in her sleep, and Yoona furrowed her brows in slight amusement.

 

I wonder what she’s dreaming of right now. She looks content. I…

 

I wonder if I’m in it.

 

She stopped her hand, the gentle caress, brought it to her side. Yuri’s brows formed a line, unnoticed by the younger girl who was deep in thought. When Yoona focused her gaze to her again, Yuri’s face was back to neutral.

 

“You look peaceful, unnie. So peaceful and content, like life doesn't bother you. Like a child. Sleeping like this,” whispered Yoona in a very low voice. “I always tell you that you need more sleep. I………”

 

“I’m glad that now you do.”

 

Although I miss seeing you trying to fight off your sleepiness while waiting for me, added Yoona silently in her mind.

 

“What happens, unnie?” she whispered again, her voice lower than before. “I can barely talk with you now. I can barely catch your eyes. You and me in the same room alone, it equals awkwardness. I have to wait until you’re asleep like this to be able to look at your face without you looking away...”

 

A drop of liquid greeted her arm, warning her about her tears’ appearance. She sniffed, her right hand busily set to work to wipe off her tears. She looked at the sleeping girl again, her lips forming a shaky smile, her voice inaudible except for her own ears……

 

“I miss you, unnie. I’m sorry if I was, or am, hurting you. I wish you’d tell me why. I wish you'd let me to sit beside you and hold your hands again. You should see my heart, unnie. There’s a big hole in it. I don’t know how to cover it…”

 

Yoona leaned forward, and before her courage flew away, she pressed a gentle kiss on the sleeping girl’s forehead. She held it ten seconds before pulling away, in fear that her tears wet her forehead and woke her up. She let out a long breath when the tanned girl kept asleep.

 

“I love you, unnie. So hard it makes this painful. Please… please come back to me.”

 

Silence descended, as no sound answered her plead, and no words offered her assurance. So she got up, careful not to stumble and messed anything up. She walked to the right side, far from the sleeping girl, and proceeded to prepare to sleep. She wanted to respect her even though her highest wish right now was to sleep while hugging her. So she tried to stay away.

 

Amidst Yoona’s preparation to sleep, the sleeping girl’s tongue slowly slid back to . Her eyes fluttered open, as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

 

I miss you too, but we’re drifting too far.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Two hearts drift away. Two hearts separate ways. They can come back, they can re-intertwine; but only if both of them try to do so. It’s a work of two.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

The day after, Yoona woke up to find that she was the only occupant of the beds. She looked at the clock in the wall and realized that Yuri must’ve gone off to her individual schedule. She rubbed her eyes and yawned widely. And then her stomach grumbled.

 

“Breakfast it is,” mumbled Yoona on her own.

 

The kitchen wasn’t packed; the only visitors at the moment were Sooyoung and Sunny. Sooyoung was wolfing on the breakfast that was already served on the table, while Sunny calmly turned the page of the magazine she was reading.

 

“Morning unnies,” she said as she made her presence known.

 

“Hi Yoong,” answered Sunny, her eyes briefly left the magazine to nod at her.

 

“Hmmf hooing.” That was Sooyoung.

 

Yoona shook her head and walked to pick a plate. Bringing it with her to the table, she noticed the magazine Sunny was reading, and asked,

 

“What magazine it is, Sunny unnie?”

 

“Milk magazine,” replied Sunny. She took off her eyes from the magazine and looked at Yoona. “They’re going to interview Yuri today, y’know.”

 

Yoona blinked. “Really?” She looked at the cover and wondered what questions the tanned girl would have to answer. “When will it be published? The part of Yuri unnie’s interview, I mean.“

 

“I don’t know, but I’ll keep you informed,” offered Sunny. “I’m kind of addicted to this magazine for a while now.”

 

“Okay,” Yoona smiled. And then her eyes fell to the breakfast—or what’s left of it.

 

“YAH! SOOYOUNG UNNIE—LEAVE SOME FOR ME!”

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

“What happens, unnie?”

 

God, the words had been haunting her ever since she woke up. If only she had really been sleeping... Yuri closed her eyes and let out a long breath. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by her interviewer, however, as the interviewer asked with concern,

 

“Are you okay, Yuri-sshi?”

 

“Ah yeah, I’m okay, a bit thirsty ‘s all,” she answered with a smile. The interviewer signaled to the crews immediately. Shortly after, the production team provided her with a bottle of water, and she took it gratefully.

 

After she drank the water, the interviewer smiled and asked, “Should we continue…”

 

“Yes, please. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

 

The interviewer waved it off. “Okay, now… I wonder… ah, there it is.” The interviewer looked at her with a smile, “We have arrived at the questions regarding your members.”

 

Yuri chuckled in amusement. When it was said that way, it almost felt like she was SNSD’s leader. Sometimes it was easy to overlook the fact; but there were times when they were reminded of Taeyeon's leadership. Her big burden, her hardships, and her attention to the members. She once thought that Taeyeon didn't grow taller because of the pressure; but Taeyeon always tried to be positive and offered a smile whenever she can.

 

Maybe that was why Sooyoung came back to the dorm and hugged Taeyeon tightly when she was interviewed last time. Which reminds her—she had given Taeyeon a hard time lately. She’d hug the kid leader too after this... The interviewer coughed, breaking off her train of thought.

 

“Ah—forgive me, I was... caught in the moment. Sorry,” she said, bowing slightly. “Go on. Sorry again.”

 

“It's okay. So... you have been together for… years, yeah?”

 

“Almost a decade, yes,” said Yuri with a smile.

 

“Right,” the interviewer nodded, and smiled so wide that Yuri wondered what's written in her cards. “We’re counting with you too. So, first question… among SNSD members, you and Yoona have trained together since young; what do you think about it?”

 

Her smile froze. “Me and Yoona?”

 

“Yes,” the interviewer replied, oblivious to her inner chaos. “Can you talk about the relationship between you two?”

 

“I can barely talk with you now. I can barely catch your eyes. You and me in the same room alone, it equals awkwardness. I have to wait until you’re asleep like this to be able to look at your face without you looking away.”

 

“I……”

 

“I love you, unnie. Please… please come back to me.”

 

“We……”

 

What are we?

 

What does she want us to be?

 

What do I want us to be?

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Yoona looked at the clock. She knew that Yuri’s schedule today was packed. She knew that yesterday Yuri didn’t wait for her. But she wanted to wait. Would it make the older girl uncomfortable? Would it be the best course to take?

 

“Yoong, go to sleep,” said Tiffany when she peeked into the living room to see why the light’s still on.

 

“But unnie,” whined Yoona, “Yuri unnie hasn’t come back yet!”

 

“Did she promise you a pink cotton candy or something?” asked Tiffany with raised brows.

 

“Pink what candy?”

 

“Pink cotton candy.”

 

“Oh,” Yoona pouted, suddenly wanted to eat something sweet. “No. Do you have a candy? I can use—”

 

“Sleep!”

 

“But unnie—“

 

“Sleep or I’ll tape your eyes so hard you’ll only see blackness,” taunted Tiffany. Yoona gulped as she realized that this was not Tiffany—this was Hwang Manager on the roll. “Sleep, Yoona! You need your sleep!”

 

“Ok, ok, just a min—“

 

“NOW!”

 

Yoona fled to her room with a scared shriek.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

The only antique clock in SNSD’s dorm chimed twelve times, signaled that the day met its end. Shortly after the last chime sounded, the YoonYul’s bedroom’s door creaked open—and a figure entered the silent room silently. The light was still on, although the same couldn’t be said for its occupant.

 

A soft smile graced on Yuri’s lips as light snores came from the sleeping Yoona.

 

She walked towards the younger’s, but her steps halted halfway. Several thoughts rushing into her mind as she froze in her track. Do I still have the right? She pursed her lips, contemplating. Her legs took a step back. Yoona’s snores filled the silence as Yuri weighed her pros and cons.

 

You hurt her.

 

She hurt me too.

 

But she said sorry.

 

Is a sorry enough? She broke her promise—

 

Which she probably doesn’t know, since you don’t tell her.

 

If she forgets, then the promise doesn’t mean anything to her.

 

She’s forgetful sometimes, Yuri. And it’s a long time ago. She asks you to tell her what’s wrong, doesn’t she?

 

She wants me to come back—

 

Yeah, and you miss her too.

 

But my heart—heart doesn’t heal fully.

 

Well, maybe because you don’t let the one who can heal it to heal it?

 

Shut up.

 

Talk it out. You talk to her. Don’t just talk to yourself like a crazy person.

 

Shut up. Shut up.

 

I’m a part of your heart, Yuri. I know you.

 

Shut up—

 

As I know that she’s another part of your heart, too.

 

Blame her mind for being annoyingly logical. Yuri took a deep breath. And another. And then another. Her hand fisted and unfisted quickly. Then after a nod of determination, she walked towards the sleeping girl.

 

Yuri smiled as Yoona's innocent face came to her view. The rilakkuma plushie was hugged tightly into oblivion—if it was sentient, it might shriek and beg to be released. Sighing, Yuri ran her fingers on the sleeping figure's hair once and leaned in. She kissed her cheek gently, before adjusting the comforter to make the sleeping girl more comfortable. She couldn't say anything. Had no words to be said; or rather, she was afraid that words had failed her. So she didn't use words, not now.

 

With a last look, Yuri turned around, preparing to go to sleep herself.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

You'll never know through what ifs. You know through trying. Through risking and chancing. And only by risking going too far will you know how far you can go.

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

It was a quiet day. It supposed to be, because the only occupants of the dorm were Yoona, Seohyun, and Taeyeon. Yoona was shifting from foot to foot in front of the bathroom, Seohyun was taking her business in the bathroom, and Taeyeon was nowhere to be seen. And oh,the bathroom's door opened—

 

“MAKNAE!” yelled Yoona as soon as Seohyun stepped out from the bathroom.

 

“Y—yes?” sputtered Seohyun, looking up from her phone. Yoona halted on her words, her eyes narrowing at the sight.

 

“You. Bring. Your phone. To the bathroom!?”

 

“Yes, well, there’s a big chance that people will go through distortion when they are taking their business on the bathroom… whether it's a distort in sighting, hearing, or thinking; so bringing phone or something to keep your mind on is advised.”

 

“Really?” asked Yoona with eyes widened. “And what did you read on your phone?”

 

“Gogumas.”

 

“Oh geez, I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

Seohyun shrugged, pocketing her phone. “So, why are you yelling earlier—“

 

“AH YEAH! YEAH! I want to tell you something very, very, very important…”

 

“Yes…?”

 

“……Yul unnie squeezed my hand when she was going to exit the room earlier! KYAAAAK~~~”

 

“…eh, okay?” said Seohyun unsurely. She took a step backward just in case if Yoona suddenly felt a need to shake something to express her giddiness.

 

“Seohyun, do you think I have a chance?”

 

“What chance?”

 

Yoona didn’t answer the question; instead, she bolted out of the maknae’s sight with a loud squeal which boomed throughout the dorm, leaving Seohyun confused.

 

“What’s that screeching noise?” asked Taeyeon as she appeared from the kitchen. Seohyun blinked.

 

“That’s Yoona unnie, Taeyeon unnie.”

 

“Yoona?”

 

Seohyun nodded. “She’s squealing.”

 

“Oh God,” mumbled Taeyeon. “Maybe she finally snaps.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Nothing, maknae,” assured Taeyeon, although Seohyun didn’t really sure when the leader said it without a smile. “I just think that I’m too old to handle complicated things. Why can’t everyone be like Tiffany? She’s ok with anyone as long as they don’t hate pink.”

 

“…eh, okay?”

 

“Or you. You never hate anyone who don’t hate gogumas.”

 

“I don’t hate anyone even if they happen to hate gogumas, unnie,” said Seohyun. “I merely become concerned, insist them to tell me why and act accordingly.”

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

Then night came. Yoona glanced at the clock; nine p.m. She pursed her lips and looked at the kitchen, which was filled with busy members. They were cooking dinner, since today every members had no schedule later than nine.

 

"Yoong, come to the kitchen," yelled Hyoyeon. "Help Sooyoung with her kimbap!"

 

"Yah, she will make it all salty!" protested Jessica.

 

"I will not allow her to make it salty, Princess," replied Sooyoung. "At least not yours."

 

Snorting at the overlapping voices that followed Sooyoung's flirt, Yoona walked towards the kitchen. Seohyun was slicing gogumas with love, Hyoyeon arranged the slices on the plate carefully. Only God knew what the two were attempting this time after the totally failed gogumisu (a 'crossbreed' between goguma and tiramisu). Yoona shivered as she was reminded about the dish. She shifted her gaze to Jessica, who was reading a magazine beside Sunny who did the same. Except that Jessica had the magazine very up that it covered her face.

 

And then the ice princess shifted the magazine to take a peek.

 

Yoona followed her gaze and smiled in amusement as it rested on the figure of Choi Sooyoung. Those two bickered and avoided each other like tomorrow's the doomsday, but they had one of the longest bond too. She wondered if there's more to it than it looked like.

 

Rolling up her sleeves, Yoona approached Sooyoung who was struggling with her kimbap. She responded to Sooyoung's warning about 'breaking this masterpiece with a disrespectful amount of salt' with a merong, and soon she fell into the procedure. Stuffing, seasoning, rolling, slicing. Stuffing, seasoning, rolling—

 

"Where's Yuri?"

 

Yoona's knife stopped in mid air. Seconds passed, she brought it down and sliced the kimbap as nonchalant as she could. "Oh, she hasn't come back yet."

 

"Really? Should be anytime now, then."

 

"Mm-hmm."

 

"Do you—hey, the slices aren't even!"

 

Yoona stopped and looked down. True enough, some were sliced bigger than the other. "Oooops," she said. "Sorry..."

 

Sooyoung shook her head. "If it's not salt, it's knife," mumbled the shikshin. "Sit. Keep Taeyeon a company; she looks stressed."

 

Pouting, Yoona left the kimbaps and washed her hands in the sink. She turned to the dining table and raised her brows; Jessica and Sunny were still reading, while Taeyeon had her head laid on the table. She sure looked depressed.

 

"Hi, Taeyeon unnie!" said Yoona cheerfully as she took the seat beside her. Taeyeon lifted her head and blinked to recognize the greeter—

 

"Oh, hi Yoong."

 

She slammed her head to the table again. Yoona winced at the sound, while Jessica and Sunny merely shifted their chairs a little further from them.

 

"Unnie, you shouldn't abuse your head like that."

 

"Mm-hmm."

 

"Are you stressed? You look stressed."

 

"Mmm."

 

"Is there anything I can help?"

 

Taeyeon shot up, her gaze jabbed into Yoona's. "Yes. There is. Make. Out. With Yuri."

 

Jessica coughed.

 

Sunny's magazine slid into the table with a thud.

 

Yoona yelped, "EXCUSE ME?"

 

"Huh? Oh, sorry—I mean make up, yeah. Totally not make out. What am I thinking? God, I'm getting older and older."

 

Jessica shook her head, while Sunny picked up her magazine and began reading again. Yoona let out her breath shakily. "You scared me for a second here, unnie," she said, rubbing her chest.

 

"Yeah. Sorry. I meant to say make up. My head's messed up."

 

Yoona fiddled with her thumb. "Um," she said, "how... how do you make up with someone, unnie?"

 

"Talk," said Taeyeon without hesitating. "Or make out."

 

"UNNIE!"

 

"Okay, maybe not make out. But you can talk. Or give her something. I don't know."

 

Yoona pouted. "What if we... what if we're drifting too far?"

 

"You'll never know through what ifs," said Taeyeon. "You have to try."

 

At the very moment, a rustle was heard, and Seohyun's voice excitedly said,

 

"Welcome back, Yuri unnie! Dinner's almost ready!"

 

Yoona lifted her gaze just in time to see the tanned girl entered the kitchen. She sat there, unblinking, as Yuri greeted Seohyun and the others. And then Yuri's gaze fell on her. She swallowed, didn't know what she hoped, while Yuri strode towards her with tired steps.

 

"Hi Tae," she greeted.

 

"Hi, and don't hug me again," replied Taeyeon. "I'm sensitive right now."

 

Yuri chuckled. Yoona held her breath when she felt the older girl's attention shifted to her. It's ok, Yoona, if she doesn't greet you, you can greet her first, she thought nervously. It's ok, totally ok—

 

"Hi, Yoona," said Yuri softly. And she ruffled her hair.

 

Yuri walked to another unoccupied seat beside Taeyeon and sat in it. Taeyeon glanced at the two back and forth, until Yoona stood abruptly and ran to the bathroom. The door's closed, and before Taeyeon could wonder what Yoona was doing, a loud squeal was heard from there.

 

Shaking her head, Hyoyeon brought the ready dish to the table. "That choding amuses me sometimes. Doesn't she know that our bathroom isn't soundproof?"

 

"Let her be, Hyo," said Yuri. "What's this dish?"

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

It was going so well until their schedule crashed each other's, which meant that there'd be no little gesture to be exchanged, much to Yoona's disappointment. Yuri came really late while she had a very early schedule the day after. Or the other way around. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to stay up waiting the other.

 

Sighing, Yoona wore her bunny slippers and stepped out from the room. She was free today, but the same couldn't be said for Yuri, who again have her schedule packed. And tomorrow—Yoona had to leave very early. While Yuri was probably sleeping her very much needed sleep.

 

Entering the kitchen, Yoona raised her brows as she saw Sunny on the dining table again.

 

"Oh hi, Yoong!"

 

"Hi Sunny unnie," she answered, taking the seat beside her in the process. "You really like this magazine, huh?" said Yoona, gesturing to the scattered magazines in front of her.

 

"Oh, yeah!" said Sunny excitedly, "You should read this one—"

 

She pushed a magazine towards the younger.

 

"It has Yuri's interview in it," declared Sunny with a wide smile.

 

Yoona's eyes bulged out. "Really??" She picked up the magazine and flipped the pages. "I'll—I have to—I need—" Yoona took a calming breath, "Do you mind if I borrow this for a while?"

 

"Not at—"

 

"THANKS, UNNIE!"

 

Yoona ran back to her room, leaving Sunny with mouth opened, her sentence unfinished. She shook her head and went back to read, until...

 

"Wait. Yoona hasn't had a breakfast has she?"

 

 

~o@:*:@o~

 

 

Yuri groaned softly as she dragged her feet upstairs. It was pitch black outside, and so did her mind. Pitch black. She was so tired, and sleep sounded most inviting right now. As the door to her room came into view, she lifted her hand and twisted the door's knob open—

 

"Hi, unnie."

 

Yuri froze. Her hand was still on the knob, her legs were about to step in when her gaze found Yoona. A very much awake Yoona.

 

Does she... wait for me?

 

"Come in, unnie," said Yoona softly. "Or do you want to stand here until tomorrow?"

 

Yuri swallowed and stepped in. Closing the door behind her, she walked and put her bag on the table. She looked at the beds; Yoona was on the right side, as usual. Taking a deep breath, she strode towards her empty bed slowly, all the while trying to ignore Yoona's gaze on her.

 

She settled comfortably, a sigh escaped as the bed welcomed her aching body. She turned her head to Yoona, who startled when their eyes met.

 

"Hi, Yoona."

 

Yoona quickly regained her composure and flashed her a smile. "How's schedule, unnie?"

 

"Tiring," replied Yuri, her gaze shifted away. "But aren't they always?"

 

Yoona hummed. "So," she said, "Milk Magazine, eh?"

 

Yuri froze. Her mind quickly turned its gear to think what date it was. Ah, yeah, my interview is published today, she thought nervously. Yuri threw a glance at the girl beside her. Yoona was fiddling with her fingers, a slight smile playing in her lips. She breathed deeply and replied,

 

"Yeah. Have you read it?"

 

"Sunny unnie bought one," replied Yoona softly.

 

The corner of her eye twitched. "Really?" Yuri looked at the door. "Suppose I should thank her tomorrow, then. You know, for contributing on successing the selling rate."

 

"Mmm," hummed Yoona. "I read your interview, unnie. How did you do it? The interview? I mean, you're always professional in handling things like these..."

 

"Professionalism aside, my answers contain truth, Yoona."

 

Yoona fell silent at the answer, while Yuri closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. She knew that Yoona was asking about a certain part of her interview. And she hoped Yoona knew that she was talking about the same part.

 

"Well then," said Yoona softly, "It has been a long time since we have heart to heart talks, doesn't it?"

 

"Many things happen, Yoona," murmured Yuri. "Many habits wear off, too."

 

"Many things happen, indeed," said Yoona, trying to brush off the last sentence. "Like, in the past, people associated you with Mickey Mouse,” she pointed out. “Now you’re in one sentence with panda.”

 

Yuri bit her lip, trying to prevent her from saying her own analogue of the situation. Like how they associated Rilakkuma with you in the past, but dating news in the present?

 

“I watched the show, you know. It amazed me. The part where you prepared the panda’s food," she released a breath, “wow. That got to be the most beautiful thing of you I’ve ever seen.”

 

Yuri blushed. She glanced at Yoona, who was staring at her blatantly, forcing her to quickly look away while fanning her suddenly heated up face. "Ah, why are we talking like this?"

 

Yoona chuckled. "What do you mean why?"

 

"The atmosphere has gotten weird," decided Yuri. "Let's change the topic."

 

"Okay," said Yoona, still smiling in amusement. Then a topic popped up in her head, "How about dramas? Have you watched anything new? Oh my God have you watched Pinocchio?!"

 

"I have, I have," replied Yuri, smiling in amusement as the bed shook because of Yoona's excited bounces. "After all, I promised Jongsuk oppa to watch."

 

In a flash, Yoona transformed into a silent person again. She looked away with a scowl unconsciously presented on her face. Yuri glanced at her and raised her brows as she noticed the scowl.

 

"Anyway," Yuri said, "I was amazed at the plot. At some points, the drama took unexpected turns. It's good to be surprised, I guess. I cried several times too."

 

Yoona pouted. "Of course you did. Maybe you're heartbroken because Jongsuk oppa kissed someone else."

 

Yuri let out a startled laugh. "What? Yah, what are you saying?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Aigoo," the tanned girl shook her head. "I cried because of the plot, Yoona. Because of the character, not because of the actors. Because I wondered what if I was on their situation, how hurt it must feel. Sometimes I laugh, too. Like, what if I go through the Pinocchio syndrome?"

 

Yoona finally looked at her. "Yeah, what if you go through the Pinocchio syndrome, unnie?"

 

"I don't know. It must be really awkward and difficult," replied Yuri.

 

"What if I ask you what color Tiffany unnie likes and you answer black, do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

"Are you kidding? Of course I will, everyone knows Tiffany likes pink more than the life itself."

 

"If I ask you who's SNSD leader and you say Sooyoung unnie, do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

"Do you want Taeyeon to murder me? Of course I'll hiccup."

 

"If I ask you do you avoid me because I do something wrong and you say no, do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

............

 

............

 

............

 

"I will," replied Yuri softly.

 

Yoona exhaled slowly through her nose.

 

"If I ask you do you miss me and you say no, do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

Yuri looked at her, their gaze locked together. Silence stilled as Yuri bit her lower lips and Yoona held her breath...

 

"Yes."

 

"If I ask you do you think we have a chance to repair anything broken and you said no... do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

Yuri inhaled deeply, their gaze still locked, opened up and a single word came out in a whisper,

 

"Yes......"

 

Yoona broke their contact and looked down to her lap. "If I... if I ask you do you miss cuddling with me and you said no, do you think you'll hiccup?"

 

The question was greeted with silence, and Yoona closed her eyes in despair. This is it. This was a no, wasn't it? She tried. She tried like Taeyeon advised and... good, Yoona, you're risking too far, she scolded herself. The bed shifted, but Yoona didn't dare to look up. Maybe Yuri got up from the bed and prepared to go to the living room, leaving her behind.

 

"Yoong, look at me," said Yuri softly.

 

At the nickname, Yoona opened her eyes and slowly brought her gaze to the older girl.

 

Yuri was smiling at her, her arms opened.

 

The distance between them reduced.

 

And Yuri's words rang in her eyes, "Come here, you choding."

 

Yoona released a shaky breath, her eyes blinked rapidly to ensure her that her eyes were ok. She wanted to say something, but she choked up and words hid away from her. So she nodded jerkily, and crawled towards Yuri. She seek her gaze, confirming that it's really okay, that Yuri wouldn't suddenly move away and stick a tongue out to her. The older girl sensed her hesitation, and she pulled her to lay down. To her arms. To her embrace.

 

To home.

 

Yoona curled up against the warmth she had been longing for, her hands automatically wrapped around Yuri's waist. She inhaled the scent of the older girl—

 

"Hey, don't inhale deeply like that," whispered Yuri to her ear. "I'm smelly. But too lazy to take a bath."

 

Yoona giggled as she buried her head to Yuri's chest, listening to her heartbeat. "You smell wonderful, unnie."

 

"Smooth talker."

 

"Not every words of a smooth talker a lie, though."

 

Silence descended as both of them tried to relish being on the other's presence, for once not feeling miserable, for once not feeling like the other was so close yet so far. For once forgot about the barrier that once existed...

 

"Tell me what I do wrong, unnie," whispered Yoona through her sleepy state. Yuri's steady breath was lulling her to sleep, not to mention her hand which started to her hair gently; but she needed to get into the bottom of it all.

 

"Do you really want to know?"

 

"Mm-hmm......"

 

"Well you broke a promise......"

 

"What promise?"

 

Yuri inhaled through Yoona's hair slowly. "The one promise that you'll never forget me. It's a long time ago, really—"

 

"But I never—"

 

"You ignored me several times while you're focusing with your phone, giggling alone, snapping at me when I asked you what you're doing..."

 

Yoona fell silent. It went for almost a minute that Yuri worried she had done something wrong. Her hand stopped her hair, and she asked worriedly,

 

"Yoona, are you okay?"

 

"I'm not okay," whispered Yoona. "In fact, I feel like kicking myself hard right now."

 

Yuri released a breath. "Why?"

 

"Why? Because—I don't know! How do I make it up to you, unnie? How do I repair this? I forget it. I break a promise. I can't promise you another because maybe I'll break it again...... and see? You have stopped my hair! I... I messed up big time," Yoona's voice cracked at the end of her sentence, her eyes got misty. Oh God why am I so stupid.

 

Yuri stifled a chuckle and resumed the younger's hair, gentler. "Do you intend to break the next promise?"

 

"No," whispered Yoona brokenly. "But I'm bad at keeping promises. I can't hurt you again and not even knowing why."

 

"The thought's what counts," stated Yuri softly. "I hurt you too, Yoong. I broke my promise to never hurt you."

 

"You promised that?"

 

"To myself," she confessed softly. Her hand had stopped and was now switching to caress Yoona's cheek gently.

 

"But... why?"

 

"Why I promised that?"

 

Yuri inhaled deeply before leaned in and pressed a kiss on the younger's forehead,

 

"Because I love you, Yoona. And I'll not hiccup even if I have a Pinocchio syndrome."

 

It was fascinating—Yuri's heartbeat was quickened so hard, Yoona almost thought it was holding a Rock and Roll concert. And then Yuri's words entered her ears, and her brain proceeded it, and she froze. Froze because Yuri said she loved her, froze because her brain didn't even try to come up with a rebuttal. Her mind only filled with two words—acceptance. And relief.

 

Yuri sensed Yoona tensed on her embrace. She held her breath, ready for the younger to snap, but then Yoona relaxed against her and she didn't understand what's going on. Yoona looked up and their gaze met. No anger. No question. No disbelief. There was only love, and Yuri wondered if Yoona truly felt that, or if what she saw was merely a mirror of her own gaze—

 

Then Yoona raised her head to press a gentle kiss on Yuri's lips.

 

Explosion. Butterflies. Plushies. Fluffy plushies. Fireworks boomed everywhere. A beautiful chaos in the silence, then five words...

 

"I love you too, unnie."

 

Yuri released the breath she was holding as Yoona buried her head back to her chest, her lips secretly smiled as Yuri's heartbeat won against Rock and Roll concert.

 

"I love you, unnie. I love you and this love is special. It's only for you. It takes me long to get there but it's true. I love you. If I said otherwise in the future, check for a polyjuice potion because it's not me."

 

Regaining her senses, Yuri smiled at the Harry Potter reference and pressed a kiss on the latter's forehead. "I love you too, my Yoong."

 

Then she yawned, which resulted in Yoona's giggles.

 

"Let's sleep, my unnie. You're wasted. Let's sleep and love tomorrow because it won't go anywhere."

 

"Promise?"

 

Yoona closed her eyes and told her brain to memorize this moment as clear as crystal. To never forget. To never lose it against time. To really mean every words she's about to say.

 

"Promise. And I won't hiccup even if I'm a Pinocchio."

 

THE END