Rain. I always enjoy moments like this. I’ve fallen in love with rain. I like the atmosphere—the cold yet fresh weather, the sound of water fallin from the sky, the unique scent—I’ve fallen in love with the romance that always felt everytime rain falls.

There is another reason why I love rain. Rain always reminds me of him…

:::

“You will come back again, right?” I asked him.

“Of course I will,” he said.

“Promise?”

He chuckled and ruffled my hair, “Promise. Don’t you believe in me?”

I nodded surely, “I do.”

“Then wait for me, okay?”

I  nodded again and watched him laugh. In that time, I was only a ten-year-old kid. What can be expected from me? I hadn’t understand the world—although I felt like I can face everything.

And I fully believed when Jinyoung-hyung said that he would be back again. He was my first love. Jinyoung hyung—Jung Jinyoung—was a music course teacher who lived next to my house. He was ten years older than me. It sounds so silly and ridiculous that a ten-year-old kid ‘fell in love’ with a twenty-year-old guy.

Jinyoung-hyung said that he had to go to Australia to continue college. He promised that he’d be back as soon as possible. I didn’t understand what college is, and I don’t even know where Australia is or how far is it from here. I was only ten, afterall.

Jinyoung-hyung would leave for Melbourne in a month. I would never go a day without him. I wanted to be with Jinyoung-hyung as long as I could!

:::

“Café au lait, mister?” the waiter asked politely. I looked up, smiled at him and nodded.

“Thanks,” I said when he put my order on the round, shiny table in front of me.

My ears caught some sound. Piano. I searched for the source. I found a pianist sitting behind a black grand piano at the corner of the café, playing a tender song. I know this song. Grandfather’s Clock. The very first song I could play with a piano.

:::

It was my first time seeing a piano. Jinyoung-hyung’s piano. I was visiting his house—my excuse that time was that I wanted to play with Jiyoung nuna, Jinyoung’s sister who is a year older than me. But, when I walked into his dining room, I saw a huge thing with black and white keys. A piano. I often saw a piano in television, poster or magazine. I also often heard the sound from cassette, radio or from Jinyoung hyung’s house. But this was my very first time seeing a real piano.

“What’s wrong, Chanie?” a voice I knew too well was heard. Jinyoung hyung’s.

I turned to look at him. “Piano,” I pointed at the piano.

Jinyoung hyung smiled. “Wanna play?”

I nodded enthusiastically and followed Jinyoung hyung who walked to the piano.

“Sit here,” he said, patting on the piano chair. I sat. “Can you play?”

“If Hyung teach me, I can,” I answer.

Jinyoung hyung chuckled. “Okay then. I will teach you.”

He played Grandfather’s Clock. I smiled at the simple yet sweet melody. I liked it. I asked Jinyoung hyung to play it again—a bit slower so I can follow him.

That song then became my excuse to come to his house everyday.

:::

“But I don’t want a new one,” a kid’s whine interrupted my thoughts of the past. I turned to find a kid—around the age of seven—whining to his mother.

“But he won’t be back, Joonie,” his mother tried to explain.

“I don’t care! I want Momo to be alive again! I don’t want a new hamster!” the kid started to cry.

“Sshhh, don’t be like that. Momo won’t like it. Eomma promise to buy you a new hamster that look exactly like Momo,” the poor mother tried to coax her son.

“No! I don’t want to! That is not the same! I want Momo!” the kid insisted.

Almost all eyes were on them then. The young mother passed us an apologetic look while taking the kid out of the café.

I smiled a little. I knew how it feels to lose something—or someone—that means so much. Moreover if we know that that something or someone will never be back again. It’s not easy.  But what can we do?

:::

I had always waited for Jinyoung hyung to come back. I was so glad when mom said that he’d arrive today. I waited for him at the terrace of my house. I sat there for hours, taking all of my toys and books with me to keep me away from boredom—while glancing at his house every now and then. Who knows if he had arrived?

Rain started to pour down. But I didn’t care. I wanted to be the first one to see Jinyoung hyung coming back home. I wanted to be the first one to welcome him when he arrived at his door. The weather was getting colder. I stayed outside anyway.

I still remembered clearly when my mom came, asked me to come inside and eat.

“No,” I said. “I’ll eat later. I’m waiting for Jinyoung hyung.”

Mom kneeled down next to me. “Chanie, you have to eat. Jinyoung hyung wouldn’t like it if you skip your meal.”

I blinked at her. “If I eat now, Jinyoung hyung will arrived earlier?”

Mom nodded. Immediately, I stood up and went inside. I sat behind our dining table enthusiasticall. Mom chuckled at me.

“You really miss Jinyoung, don’t you?” mom prepared my meal.

I nodded. “He has been gone for so long,” I pouted.

“And now, he is on his way home,” mom smiled her warm, kind smile.

I didn’t know why, but I felt something strange when mom said ‘home’. What was happening?

And my question was answered. The ring of the phone broke the silence in our house.

“Hello, Gong family’s house,” my mom said after picking up the phone. “Yes? What happened?... What? Jinyoung…?”

I, who was looking at the rain from the window, paid full attention right after mom mentioned Jinyoung hyung’s name. I watched my mom, although I couldn’t understand what was being talked about. Mom looked very shocked. It makes me feel even more uneasy.

Mom put the phone back.

“What happened, Mom?” I asked.

“Jinyoung,” my mom started. “He got an accident on the way here from the airport.”

“What?!” I cried. “How is he now” I was so panic back then. Jinyoung hyung, are you okay? Please come back. I want you to come back. You promised me. I miss you so much.

The rain turned into a downpour. The rumble of thunder were heard after the lightning flashed. No… Something inside me told me that Jinyoung was not okay.

“He…” mom inhaled deeply. “He passed away.”

:::

The rain has stopped. I stood up from my seat and walked out the café. I looked at the still cloudy sky. I inhaled deeply the scent of after-rain. The refreshing air filled my lungs. I strode the wet sidewalk.

Now, I am older than Jinyoung hyung when he left me forever. But I won’t forget him. Never. Not that I don’t want to. I can’t. He was too precious. Time might pass by, but our memories will remain forever.

comments are luffed (:

like, really. i hadn't written for a while now, and i think i start to lose my ability to write (like i had one in the first place lol) ;-;

please do tell me truthfully about my writings.

thanks a lot for stopping by (: