Wonshik watched from the kitchen as his hyungs cuddled in the living room. If you could call it cuddling. It was more like Hakyeon had taken over the couch and was laying on Taekwoon as they both watched a movie. It was like any other movie night, but Wonshik could see the differences. First off they were alone. But secondly, and maybe more importantly, were the light touches and small smiles that were left unchecked. The stolen kisses that they thought no one could see. Wonshik realized they were incredibly respectful about the whole thing, keeping the PDA to a bare minimum in front of the other members and especially the fans and management. The blonde boy couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have someone like that? Someone to touch and talk to late at night? Someone who knew you on the most intimate level and accepted you, flaws and all?

“Why are you being a peeping Tom?”

Wonshik jumped, grabbing at his chest, heart racing.

Jaehwan stared at the younger boy with a smile. “Did I really scare you?” he laughed. “Wow, you must have been in deep thought.”

The rapper rolled his eyes and tried to force his heartbeat to slow, “Why are you still awake?”

“Well, why are you awake?” Ken asked back.

“I got hungry,” Wonshik muttered.

“Me too,” Jaehwan pouted. “But manager-nim said I have to stick to the diet this time, so I just got water.” The older boy shook his water bottle as if it were proof that he was not breaking any promises.

Wonshik frowned, eyeing the bottle. “I don’t see why they put you on a stupid diet anyway. You’re just fine.”

The vocalist poked his soft stomach with a small smile. He wasn’t fat exactly but without the muscle of someone like Wonshik in front of him, he might as well be 300 pounds in the media.

“The fans would probably like me better if I had a body like yours,”he said. Quickly he began poking the rapper in his most ticklish areas and heightened his voice to sound like a girl, “Wonshik Oppa! I love your chocolate abs!”

The younger boy batted at his hyung hands, trying not to laugh. “Hyung! Go to bed!”

“Can you keep it down? Hakyeon just fell asleep.”

The boys froze when they heard Taekwoon’s voice from the living room. Snickering like school children who had been scolded by a parent, they made kissing noises at their elders. One look from dark haired singer had them running to their shared room, grateful that the sleeping leader had become fairly dead weight, holding Taekwoon to his seat.

Each boy fell to his bed in quiet laughter. They grew quiet after a while and Wonshik watched as Jaehwan took a drink of water and made a face.

Silently the rapper went to is closet and dug around for a box. He came back and sat on Jaehwan’s bed, holding out a Chocopie. “I have Pepero too, if you would rather eat that.”

Jaehwan looked at the cake in his friend’s hand and at the water bottle. “I’m alright with this.”

“Just eat it hyung,” Wonshik sighed. “It won’t help you or anyone else if you deny yourself when you’re hungry. That’s how I stay the way I am, I eat when I’m hungry and set time aside to work out. One of these won’t kill you and you’ll dance everything off tomorrow anyway.”

Jaehwan took the snack with a small smile, “Gomawo.”

“Try to get some sleep after that.” Wonshik padded over to his bed and laid on his stomach.

Minutes passed and the rapper heard the older sigh and slide under the covers after finishing his water and snack. The singer undoubtedly must have thought his dongsaeng was asleep when he whispered, “Tomorrow is a new day Lee Jaehwan. Fighting!”

Jaehwan had always been a source of mean comments, but it seemed like lately they were getting to him more and more. Wonshik thought about it and bit his lip. Rude cooments about weight and looks were not uncommon in their career but it was mostly Jaehwan that was the target; it was mostly Jaehwan lately that people said didn’t belong. He wasn’t annoying or ugly like anyone thought. He was a sweet and caring person, outgoing and funny, especially once you became friends with him. Wonshik considered himself lucky to know someone as wonderful and loyal as the boy. But sometimes it was hard trying to convince the “mood maker of the group” to be happy and outgoing; it was hard to believe even someone like him could crack.

And it was hard for Kim Wonshik to believe that he was sometimes the best person to hold his friend together.

Wonshik didn’t know if his bladder or the sniffling was the reason he woke up in the early morning hours. It was more than likely both, but only one caught his immediate reaction.

Jaehwan was curled in a ball under his blankets and Wonshik was willing to bet that he was holding his favorite One Piece plush doll and trying to not call notice to himself.

Without even thinking twice, Wonshik walked over to the blanket that was forming a tent over the older and tap on it with his fingers. “Can I come in?” he whispered.

There was a pause.

“No.”

The blonde smiled a little bit and lifted the blanket anyway, crawling in beside his bandmate. He his side and watched as the older boy covered his face with his plushy and his hair. Jaehwan’s phone was between them. He had been reading comments again.

Wonshik felt an aching in his chest that made it hard to breathe. “Why do you do this to yourself?” He bit his lip to keep it from trembling and wrapped his arms around the older boy. Jaehwan let it happen, seeking the warmth and comfort of another being who understood. How could he ever ask for more? That was his only desire – for someone to understand and tell him it was going to be alright. Wonshik began to hum and Jaehwan felt himself growing calmer until he finally managed to doze off. When the rapper was sure that his best friend was not going to cry anymore he let himself relax.

But he never let go until the morning sun woke them hours later.

Days went by and neither boy spoke a word about what happened. Jaehwan was happy and playful like any other time and Wonshik was the smooth and charismatic persona he put forth. But Wonshik kept a close eye on his elder, defending him against rude comments and sticking close to his side. He felt amazed that the boy never let it show how hurt he was. The younger boy also began to follow a diet so as his friend was not alone.

And Hakyeon noticed it all.

“He loves him,” Hakyeon whispered. Taekwoon was next to him almost asleep when he came to the realization. “Taekwoonie do you think they are together and haven’t told us?”

The singer smiled in the darkness at the use of his nickname and his boyfriend’s shocked tone.

“I’m sure they would tell us,” he said.

“How do you know?”

“Well, why wouldn’t they?”

“Taekwoon what if they think we’ll judge them? For being gay!”

The dark haired boy covered his face with his hands, trying not to laugh. “Cha Hakyeon, think about what you just said.”

The red head stopped and looked at his boyfriend shyly as his cheeks began to turn red, noticeable even in dim light. “Right.”

The singer pulled the dancer over until he was laying on Taekwoon’s chest and kissed his tan forehead. “If they want or need to come to us I am sure they will, but they may take care f this on their own.”

“And if they don’t?”

“They aren’t that stupid.”

It turns out they were indeed that stupid. Much to Taekwoon’s growing annoyance.

“This is ridiculous,” he growled during breakfast one morning. It was their day off and the others had one out to have fun. Hakyeon calmly sat across from the younger boy, eating.

“You said they would take care of it on their own.”

“I also said they weren’t idiots.”

“Yes, you did.”

“So how do we help the two lost little ducklings?” Hakyeon grinned scotching his chair closer to Taekwoon’s.

Taekwoon shrugged, “You’re the one that meddles in these things, not me.”

“I do not! And as the father figure of this group you’re supposed to help!”

“You meddle like a nosy mother and you know it, I’m too blunt for plans and games.”

Hakyeon was silent and Taekwoon looked over in alarm, worried he might have said something wrong. The older was smiling, eyes alight with a plan.

Wonshik stood outside the door to Jaehwan’s room. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. There was no way. He looked down the hall at Hakyeon who ushered him to open the door. The rapper didn’t know if he should take anymore advice from the leader; it was Hakyeon and, surprisingly, Taekwoon who had come up with the bright idea that Wonshik confess to his friend about his feelings. Yes, Wonshik had figured it out that he liked Jaehwan, but there was a slight problem with that.

It turned out Jaehwan didn’t like Wonshik.

Wonshik could almost cry thinking about the scene that had practically ignited the air three weeks ago.

It had been a day off for the group. Hongbin and Sanghyuk had gone to an arcade and bowling alley most of the day while Wonshik and Jaehwan had gone to the zoo, something that had brightened Jaehwan’s spirits immediately. No one had thought twice about Taekwoon and Hakyeon staying at the dorm, no one really wanted to think about it. For Wonshik the day had gone perfectly with Jaehwan, feeding animals and taking lots of pictures and eating junk food (Wonshik had promised to keep it their secret). It was during the daytrip that Wonshik realized something was different. Something about how he felt, but he pushed it to the side, determined to have nothing ruin the day.

They all were in good moods that night and had retired to their rooms, but not before hakyeon had grabbed Wonshik and taken him to the kitchen.

“You need to tell him,” Hakyeon stated right away.

“What?” the younger boy looked back and forth between his hyungs in surprise and worry. “Tell who what?”

Taekwoon sighed, “Don’t play dumb or he won’t let it go. He can be an annoying little .”

“Yah! You agreed he was taking too long earlier!”

Wonshik swallowed, putting two and two together. “No.”

Both boys looked at him.

“I’m not saying a word,” Wonshik said. “It’s not the right time.”

“Yes it is,” Hakyeon argued. “Of course it is. Do you know how miserable you both will be if you don’t say anything? You’re both so stubborn! You both like each other, you stare at each other and are always around each other. It’s hopeless to deny it Kim Wonshik.”

Taekwoon had merely shrugged and Wonshik was frightened enough of Hakyeon to risk saying something to Jaehwan.

“I like you.” Wonshik repeated. Jaehwan continued to stare at him, eyes wider than usual and mouth partially open in disbelief. “Please say something,” the blonde whispered.

“No.” Jaehwan shook his head and backed away from the younger boy. “No.”

“Wait, what?” Wonshik bit his lip. “What do you mean ‘No’? But I thought…”

“I don’t like you,” Jaehwan said quickly. “You’re my friend but that’s it.”

The older boy had looked like a caged rabbit, frightened of the person standing in front of him. It was a look the younger boy had never seen before, and it made him feel like a disease. Something to be disgusted with. Wonshik swallowed, feeling like he had been punched in the stomach, went he saw his friend quickly turn and leave the room. His breath came in shallow gasps when he heard the boy he had discovered he liked as more than a friend ask to switch rooms with one of the younger members. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

Hongbin stood in the doorway, feeling lost and hopeless, watching as Wonshik crawled onto his bed and curled into a ball, tears running down his face. He cried harder remembering how he had held Jaehwan not too long ago for being in the same position.

His chest felt like it was being cracked open.

Who would hold him?

Wonshik forced himself from his memories as he felt a tightness in his throat. The two members had not spoken in three weeks unless instructed to do so by management for the fans and cameras.  He hated it. He hated not knowing what his friend was thinking; he hated the possibility that Jaehwan had no one to turn to when he was upset.

What he hated the most was that the other seemed to have no problem ignoring him.

The blonde tugged at the hem of his loose shirt, they had all grown to be loose from lack of food and sleep, and took a deep breath before opening the door.

The singer was watching One Piece on top of his bed. He was facing the screen but his eyes were unfocused and Wonshik didn’t know what to do.

“What do you want?” Jaehwan asked softly. He rolled off his stomach into a cross legged position, eyes now focused on the floor. Focused anywhere but on the younger boy at the door.

“Why are you being like this?” Wonshik bit his lip, stepping closer. “What did I do wrong?”

The older shook his head, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just let it go.”

“No,” the rapper blinked away tears. “I want to know what I did. Why couldn’t we stay friends and roommates? Why won’t you talk to me or look at me? How can you be okay with our hyungs liking each other but you treat me as if I’m the lowest of the low and hate me for liking boys too?”

Jaehwan continued to shake his head, running his hands through his dark golden hair. “I don’t hate you, Wonshik-ah. I just…” he sighed trying to think of the best way to convey what he was thinking. “You can’t like me Wonshik-ah. It’s not good for anyone involved.”

The younger continued to watch his hyung, letting the words sink in. It’s not good… he his lips, trying to keep a tight hold on his emotions. “You said it wasn’t good. You didn’t say that you don’t like me this time.”

“I don’t!” came the quick reply.

“You’re lying.” Wonshik crawled on the bed, ignoring how the singer shifted away slightly. “You do. You like me and you’re lying about it because you think it’ll go away.”

“Get out of my room.” Jaehwan’s lip trembled. “Please leave.”

“Is that what you really want?” Wonshik could see the other struggling. Could see that the singer was battling something inside of him. Why wouldn’t he just say something?

“I want you to leave.” The words were weak, less of a command and more like an empty suggestion. They both knew that it wouldn’t happen, but Wonshik’s temper still came through.

“Why won’t you let me in?” the rapper demanded.

Jaehwan shoved off of the bed. “Do you think this is ing easy for me?” he yelled.

Wonshik finally saw the older in the light, he too was thin and pale. His eyes were red from tears and the skin beneath them dark from loss of sleep.

“Do you actually think I like pushing you away?” The tears began again. “I’m doing this to make it easier for you. I can’t sleep without you being in the same room, I can’t eat because I hurt you. But I can’t do this. I can’t risk everything being ruined for you Wonshik. You have worked too hard to lose it all for a boy like me. I am nothing compared to you. Why don’t you see it? The fans do.” Jaehwan felt empty and cold, “What do you see in me Wonshik-ah?”

What do you see in me?

Those words spun the rapper’s mind.

Moments passed and Jaehwan turned, walking to the door. He should never have hoped for an answer.

“I see everything.”

Wonshik wrapped his arms around the older boy, burying his face in his friend’s back.

“I see a boy who is beautiful in every way possible. A boy that is sweet and kind, loyal to anyone that proves themselves worthy. A boy that is so talented with his voice he could take the world by storm without band members or even write songs and never have to perform again. I see someone that could be the biggest actor in South Korea.”

Wonshik paused, feeling the boy tremble. “I see someone I love and that loves me, even if they won’t admit it yet. You match me in strengths and weaknesses, Lee Jaehwan. Even if you don’t see it for yourself. No matter how broken you think you are, I will try and show you how you’re not. To me, you are perfect, but I know you won’t see it yet.”

“I’m sorry,” the singer whispered. He turned and gripped his friend, “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Wonshik-ah. I’m sorry I hurt the group. I just wanted to protect you from anything bad that could happen. Please forgive me.”

The younger closed his eyes, feeling a weight slowly fall off of his shoulder. He smiled his first genuine smile in weeks. “There is nothing to forgive, hyung.”

Jaehwan nodded, but silently disagreed. “I should apologize to the others.”

He went to step back and felt the blonde tighten his arms.

“Do it later,” was the muttered response.

When Taekwoon had gone to check on them a smile lit his features, causing his eyes to crease in a way many never saw but would describe as adorable if they were gifted with the sight. He heard content murmurs on the other side of the door.

“Please don’t do this again, it’s so much worse than playing hard to get.” Wonshik the hair of the boy laying on him.

“I’m –”

“Don’t apologize either. I understand, I really do.”

Jaehwan smiled, snuggling in closer to the boy who felt solid under his hands. He chuckled softly.

“What’s so funny?”

“Maybe,” Jaehwan reasoned. “Maybe, I’m softer because so I can fit perfectly to you. Maybe it’s because I’m yours.”

Wonshik laughed, filling the room with the sound. He gently kissed the older boy’s forehead.

“That true.”

Um wow. That was long wasn’t it? over 3,000 words. -__-  Lol well. There ya go! I hope you guys like it. It was inspired by “You’re Mine” by VIXX with Minah from Girl’s Day. Feel free to leave some comments if you want! I enjoy them good or bad. YAY COMMENTS!!!! \(^.^)/

But seriously tell me what you think and I will keep working on stuff in the meantime. I promise my update for Can’t Forget You is coming up. I swear! Just be patient please because I’m in school and I have to put those things first. But have a wonderful day! Or night!~