Practice was over and the group was collecting their things. Taekwoon watched as Ken bugged Ravi and Hongbin and Hyuk quietly joked. He was glad they had all worked out their differences. Not many people were aware that the younger boys had all disliked each other for various reasons when they had first been put together. Hongbin had never wanted anything to do with the young Sanghyuk, but manager-nim and the rest of the VIXX team had fixed that by putting the two together for tasks on their diary show. As much as Taekwoon despised cameras and a lack of privacy he was grateful for how they could also push people together. People could be far too hung up on limiting perceptions, ignoring actual possibilities.

“They’re all best friends now aren’t they?”

Taekwoon looked over at his hyung, Hakyeon. Bright red hair stood out against beautifully tanned skin and Taekwoon felt his heart speed up. The feeling was one he had grown accustomed to – like the lonely feeling of knowing you could never be with the person you wanted the most. Silently nodding, Taekwoon looked away.

“I’m glad,” the elder smiled widely. “I was afraid there would always be tension. To be honest I was afraid we wouldn’t last as a group. That’s not something the leader should say, I suppose, but it was what I felt in the beginning.”

Taekwoon chewed his lip, what would it have been like if they hadn’t been a group? What if he had never met any of these boys? The thought immediately transformed on its own… what if he had never met his hyung?

“You’re quieter than usual Taekwoon-ah.” The thin boy poked the younger’s cheek. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Taekwoon said softly. “Actually, do you think it would be a problem to stay and work a little longer?”

Hakyeon frowned thinking. “I think the others have had enough for one day…”

“No, they don’t have to stay. I mean I can stay by myself.” Taekwoon just wanted a little time away to work on his own song, although being away from the rowdy members would be a plus. The image of the boy, who was standing a little too close for comfort yet again, laughing throughout practice and dancing came to Taekwoon’s mind for the thousandth time since the morning. A little time away from a certain member in particular would be especially beneficial for his sanity.

“I will check with Manager-nim.” Hakyeon said walking away.

Taekwoon stared at the sheet of lyrics in front of him. No. This wouldn’t do; it was nowhere near being done. It was all wrong. He couldn’t focus. With a sigh he crushed the paper and tossed it at the wastebasket.

“Yah! Jung Taekwoon, stop wasting so much paper! Trees are dying every day because of people like you!”

And there was the reason he couldn’t focus. 

Manager-nim had agreed to let Taekwoon stay longer.

But on the condition someone stayed with him.

Of course, as the older boy had later told Taekwoon, what kind of a leader would he be if he wasn’t willing to stay?

Taekwoon sighed again and shot a death stare at the older boy.

Hakyeon ducked his head with a small squeak, “I’m just saying…”

It grew quiet in the recording room, each boy seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Taekwoon peeked at his hyung before quietly digging into his bag on the ground for the small notebook he kept. The pages were filled with lyrics and song ideas and melodies. His fingers trailed along the words of a song he had written some time ago. He had never really thought about finishing it, but Taekwoon suddenly felt the need to pick up his pen.

He became absorbed in his thoughts, following his memories and feelings to find the right words, oblivious to a certain someone watching him with piqued interest.

It felt like only minutes had passed but when Taekwoon leaned away from the pages of the notebook he felt stiff muscles scream that it had been hours since he had begun.

The other boy had put in earbuds earlier and music softly played. Taekwoon shot a quick look in his hyung’s direction to ensure there would be no focus on himself.

Quietly Taekwoon began to sing the words he had written on the pages. So many things he had wanted to express for so long came to the surface as the words spilled from his moving lips.

Hakyeon watched in silence, pulling his headphones from his ears, as his dongsaeng’s voiced filled the room. Angelic was a word many fans might use to describe the boy’s voice, peaceful and strong full of promises and hidden depths.

It was about someone Taekwoon dearly loved, someone he wished to confess to. The leader felt a lump developing in his throat and fought to swallow it away. He had known the boy for years and knew that he held every emotion in most of the time. But with a few words he set them free. Any girl that was loved by Jung Taekwoon would be incredibly lucky; he would protect them and do anything within his power for them. Yes, anyone that was loved by Taekwoon would be lucky. Cha Hakyeon had learned that much by being the vocalist’s friend.

The dancer smiled sadly and thought about a life that would allow him to love and be loved by someone. A life that didn’t require as many demands. He loved being an idol, but it could seem like nothing existed beyond that title. Most people saw an image and believed in that whole-heartedly. Even the fans, with all their love and knowledge, would never fully know him or the other members. Not in a way that broke boundaries and walls that were built up for self-protection.

They would never be able to believe that sometimes Ravi was the most awkward and incredibly shy member of their group, rivaling the image put forth by Taekwoon. Or that Sanghyuk was so intelligent and actually much more mature than how he was portrayed. Who would ever believe that Ken was homesick every day? No one. No one would ever fully understand the pressure to be perfect that idols were faced with every day. They would never know the weakness Hakyeon saw in himself when looking at his reflection.  No one would ever fully see the adorable and sweet person Taekwoon was when he was not living a persona of brooding silence and good looks.

The red head registered the silence and withdrew from his thoughts. “What inspired that?” he asked quietly. “Or rather, may I ask whom?”

Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon with wide eyes, “No one, really, I just… came up with it.”

It was a lie. They both knew it. Taekwoon hoped his friend would let it go, but it wouldn’t be his hyung if the subject was left alone.

“No one comes up with words like that without meaning them for someone,” Hakyeon pressed for answers with a bright smile. “So who is she?”

“There is no ‘she,’” Taekwoon muttered.

The older boy felt a little lost, battling between hope that what the younger had just said was true and disapproving of himself for thinking that way. Why on earth would he hope for Taekwoon to be without a girlfriend?

Because then he wouldn’t be yours would he? He wouldn’t be your friend anymore would he? There would be no room for you.

The thought came from the darkest part of his mind, the darkest side of himself. This was the side that he tried to ignore, tried to erase. This was the side he would become lost in if he let himself.

“You mean that there is, but you haven’t gotten her attention yet,” N forced himself to laugh. “You don’t have to worry Taekwoonie. That song will get her attention no matter what, if it doesn’t then she isn’t deserving of your love.”

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon shift in his seat. He had never looked so uncomfortable in his own skin.

“Can I,” Hakyeon cleared his throat. “Can I hear it again?”

…Saranghae…

The word cut through the air as Taekwoon pushed his voice to the limit. Every word he had never spoken to the other was held with this one note. It was meant to pierce through the heart and bury itself deep, seemingly shattering the glass of the recording booth and refusing to let anything stand in its way.

Hakyeon couldn’t help the goose bumps that covered his skin or the flush that came to his cheeks when he heard the younger boy’s powerful voice fill the air. Taekwoon held a hand to his headphones, eyes closed as his soul was recorded and played back for the elder’s ears. The leader felt his heart squeeze at the sight and sound from behind the glass. The sound of that voice could smother him if he let it. And Hakyeon realized he would, without thinking twice, if it were truly an option.

Before Taekwoon could see him, Hakyeon wiped away stray tears that had fallen down his high cheekbones, his mind and heart racing.

Since when had he been in love with the younger?

Since always.

How long would this heartache last?

More than likely forever.

Before he could stop it, sobs were racking Hakyeon’s thin body. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t feel this way. He shouldn’t be acting this way. This was wrong. He wrapped his arms around his middle as if it would hold him together, as if it would keep him from shattering further. The younger had broken him and never even knew it. The silly, silly boy had no idea.

This realization caused a new wave of aching, but what hurt more was knowing that he could never be what Jung Taekwoon truly wanted or deserved. He would never be good enough.

He was just a freak.

He had always been the boy with the strange dialect, the boy with skin that was too dark, and now he was the boy that loved another boy. He was the boy that was never meant to be loved.

Every thought left a mark on him, even if it couldn’t be seen by another’s eyes. He could feel them and he would nurse them to tear himself apart because he was hopeless.

Taekwoon stopped singing as he heard sobbing. He looked around in a panic. What was happening? He took his headphones off and ran from the booth when he saw his hyung through the glass.

Hakyeon was a mess, rocking and sobbing, nearly ready to topple from his chair. Taekwoon gently kneeled in front of him, looking at the soundboard to see the button that the mic to the sound booth was on. Hakyeon had no idea he had even hit it.

“Shh,” Taekwoon pulled the older to his knees on the floor, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy and burying his nose in bright red hair. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The only reply was a new set of sobs.

Taekwoon’s stomach churned as he held his best friend in his arms and slowly rocked back and forth, holding on tighter and waiting for the cries to end. He would wait. He would wait as long as needed.

Minutes passed before Hakyeon was able to say anything. His first idea was to fix the situation he had created. “I’m okay,” he whispered. “You can let go.”

“I’m not letting go,” came the low reply.

“Please, Taekwoon. Everything is fine. I just – It’s just stress. I feel better now. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Taekwoon tightened his grip, “You never cry from stress. That’s too easy of an answer and you know it. Why were you crying?”

Hakyeon sighed, trying to find an answer that wasn’t exactly a lie. He couldn’t lie to him. But he couldn’t tell Taekwoon the truth and risk ruining their friendship. “I got caught up thinking about how you and the other boys deserve the world and how lucky the girl you love is going to be.”

“I already told you there isn’t a girl,” Taekwoon growled.

Taekwoon swallowed. He didn’t give himself time to think or evaluate, there was no time to weigh the pros and cons or the consequences.

It was now or never.

He leaned back and took Hakyeon’s chin in his hand, tilting his face upward, and gently pressed his lips to the elder’s.

It was a soft kiss, filled with every promise of what could be in the future. Gentle and caring, every ounce of sweetness possible poured from Taekwoon’s lips to Hakyeon’s. Years could have passed and neither boy would have cared. There was nothing but their lips touching, hearts aching for the other to fully understand.

Taekwoon pulled away and looked at Hakyeon, “There is no girl. I think I have loved you since I met you. There will never be anyone who can change that. I wrote the song for you. Every day I am with you I love you more than I thought possible. I can’t get you out of my head and I don’t want to try anymore. Hakyeon, I love you. Even if you don’t love me.”

The red head stared in silence… This couldn’t be real. This wasn’t how things worked. This wasn’t a drama or a fairy tale.

“Now who’s being quieter than usual?” The brunette flashed a half-hearted smile. Had he misread the entire situation? Had Hakyeon really just been thinking about the future of his bandmates?

The older boy touched his lips, at a loss for words. Reality sunk in as his mind replayed the words that had been expressed. A giggle spilled from his lips. Giddiness began to take the place of the anxiety that had gnawed a hole through his stomach. In one swift move he tackled the more muscular boy to the floor and wrapped his arms and legs around him, laughing in excitement.

The two boys lay on the beds they had pushed together after returning to the dorm. Shoulder to shoulder, they interlaced their fingers, Hakyeon’s bronze skin contrasting starkly against Taekwoon’s pale creamy skin.

“I love you, Jung Taekwoon. I don’t know how or when, but it happened. I’m glad it did though.”

“I love you too Cha Hakyeon… to be honest I don’t really care how or when it happened. But I think it will last a long time.”

“How long are you thinking?” Hakyeon looked at the younger boy with wide eyes. It was meant to sound like a joke… but how long was long? A year? Two years? How long until the younger boy decided he could find someone better?

Taekwoon smiled and propped himself up on his elbow. He bit his lip and flashed a rare eye-smile. He pressed his lips to his new boyfriend’s.

“Forever?” he asked.

Hakyeon smiled looping his arms around his other boy’s neck and pulled him closer, “Sounds like a deal.”

He didn’t know if it was possible, but with the warmth of the other boy’s body and the sweetness of his words, Hakyeon was willing to take the risk of finding out.

TADA!!! Well what do you think? I got the idea from Love Letter which is probably my favorite VIXX song. I mean Leo's voice? I can't function correctly when he sings saranghae. I can't. It is impossible. T^T   It was kinda fluffy I know and probably not that great but I kinda just came up with it lol. I hope it wasn’t too long!!    >.<  And I might make a ty bonus chapter… I’m not sure yet. I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you! If you want feel free to comment or anything really^^ Bye guys~

P.S. I totally ship Neo. Like I will ship that ship until it sinks like the Titanic. But LeoBin is my second ship I think… but then I kinda like HyukBin too… crap I like so many gah! What are your favorite ships? Vixx or other! Let me know. (=

…..Wow I use a lot of emojis and whatnot… what the ? lol