I don't know what got to me that I chose to write this. Honestly, this idea has been in my drive for the longest time so I thought I should write it. I'm sick right now so I didn't put much thought into it.
Enjoy!

EDIT: I reread it again and it's going to be my second time editing this story. There's just so many mistakes and grammar errors (is English even my first language? lol) and also there were words that was offensive and I just… was that even me who wrote those words (I'm so mad at myself for it). Anyway, there isn't anything new (I think), I am certainly making a sequel for this and maybe it'll be chaptered. So please look forward to that!
Again, Enjoy!

Thanks…

Hi, I'm Taemin. Lee Taemin, but you already know that. The reason I'm writing is because I… fell in love.

And honestly…?

It hurts.

***

Jinki, Lee Jinki was his name. He's the guy who made me fall in love and stole every little inch of my heart, and for what reason you may ask? Nothing. It was all nothing but a bet.

Jinki is older than me by four years. I know, I know, I should've put more thought into it when he first asked me out, but little ol’ stupid me thought he had the same feelings as I had for him. Well I guess I just got blinded with the images of us being together as a couple. If only I opened my eyes earlier to the truth then maybe I wouldn't be here sobbing my poor heart to you all…

First off, Jinki and I have the same friends but he had friends outside of our group too. I knew I couldn't get close to them though, they were just so different from the people I was usually with, so I kept my distance from them. Since they weren't close with me and vice versa, they thought I was a good choice to place a bet on. The thought that they'll choose me for the bet out of anyone in the world didn't even go into my head. Obviously, they didn't care about how others felt, otherwise using someone for a bet wouldn't have been thought of as a fun thing to do.

Honestly speaking, I thought Jinki was different from them. Really different. From what I saw, he was a soft guy who would come to you when you need comfort. He'll try to make you smile when he could see that you were having a bad day. He was also this plain clumsy goofball who would mess around with you, but not to the point that he'll hurt you. I was wrong with all those points, huh?

We became friends because of mutual friends we had, so naturally we hung out together. In the group there were Key, Jonghyun, Minho, Krystal, Kai and a bunch of other people. In his other group of friends there were Joon, Daesung, Doojoon and a bunch of others who I didn't know the name to.

From all the times our friends hung out together, Jinki and I got close to one another. I never ever would have thought that he'll use me as a joke. All this time he had been nothing but sweet and caring to me, even before I knew I had feelings brewing up inside me for him, called love.

Yes, I admit, I think I did fall in love with him the first time he spoke a word to me, I just didn't know it then. I know… that's a little fast isn't it? But I promise, you also wouldn't be able to keep from falling for him. His voice was angelic and I wanted to hear more of it, his soft facial features won't get you tired from looking at it too much and his thighs… they were a beauty, creepy right? Sorry.

Anyway, back to the story. As our friends began to hang out quite a lot, we would talk to each other and not pay attention to what the other was saying—well… I wasn't paying attention. While we talked about this and that, he would constantly do something that would make my heart beat out of my chest. He would smile and that would leave me to stare… He would laugh once he catches me staring, and that beautiful sound along with that smile of his would continue to have me dazed… Anything he did made me do things that usually wouldn't happen when he wasn't around.

During those hangout we had with friends, he would sometimes ask me out to eat with him and of course, I agreed. Stupid right? While we ate, we talked a lot more and I got to know more about him and as he explained what his life was like in that angelic voice he had, I would fall deeper. And you know what else is stupid? What's stupid is that sometimes I would be the one asking him out to eat. Now that I think about it, I just know that after all those “dates” we had, he would call one of his friends and explain what happened and then laugh, or maybe he would call them altogether and have a good laugh at how foolish I am.

All my friends knew that I was not one to cry especially at times where normally you would. I didn't want to break that… I didn't want to cry in front of my friends because my parents told me that showing a weak side to me would make people walk all over me. I trust my friends so only a handful of them had witness me cry at least once. I somewhat kept a promise to myself that I won’t cry because I couldn't see my parents often, it was a way to tell me that they're always there for me even if they were just a call away.

But…

He made me break that promise. He made me give my heart to him when I thought he would do the same.

When I found out that I was only a bet to him, all kinds of feelings that I thought I would never feel at the same time went to its maximum point. Feelings of dejection, sadness, anger, and hopelessness, and the feeling of being unloved entered both my head and heart. I didn't want those feelings. I wanted to be that cheerful friend all my friends called me. I wanted to be the person who I was before… and yet I couldn't because now, I'm broken.

I'm writing in this hopeless journal… I have absolutely no idea as to why I would do this here… this was a journal full of happy memories and now I'm writing about how broken and stupid I am, as if to mock myself in the future that no one could ever love me back. Ever.

I gave Jinki everything he asked for and even the things he didn't ask for, but what makes me feel like the biggest in the world is that I gave myself to him. Ask anyone and they'll tell you I never had anyone have me. They’ll tell you what I always told them, “I'm going to do it with someone who I truly trust.” that's what I always said…

I gave myself to him because I thought he would cherish me, make me feel special each and every day. I was wrong, I was so wrong.

I remembered that night. We laid on my bed, sweaty and under the covers. He touched me in ways I knew lovers would only touch each other; ways that you can feel they loved you back. That was how intimate that moment was.

But again, I was wrong…

As I was with him during all those times, I had forgotten that Jinki was as cold-hearted as his friends were. I forgot that at the very first time our friends hung out and Jinki and I still haven't talked to one another, I was told that Jinki was a player and didn't care about the hearts he's broken. I forgot all those little important details because I was in love. In love with him.

Jinki’s a player… and I was stupid enough to forget that.

I was the least to cry in our group and I made a promise to myself.

But you… Lee Jinki, made me break that.

You made me fall in love with you, to see if I'll actually cry.

Well you have done a fantastic job.

Thanks…

I don't know if this story made any sense but I hope you all enjoyed it!
Also! I'm working on a sequel!!! But I don't know when I'll have it up.
‘Till next time… Bye!

EDIT: I know I said I was working on a sequel a long time ago. I was working on it but I stopped because life got in the way. People were waiting for it and some even deactivated, hopefully they'll be able to read the story since they were the ones who asked for the sequel. Anyway, it will be the next story that will be up! Thank you!
‘Till next time… Bye!