“Mark, give it back!”

Anger builds up in him every time he sees the two of them together, no matter what they are doing; eating, practising, singing or whatever. He always gets this weird (weird because he doesn’t know how to describe the feeling. He has never felt that way before) feeling and it confuses him. What’s this? Why am I angry? Why? Unanswered questions bother him every night, and what bothers him the most is that he doesn’t know the answers.

But what in hell is this then? Why does he feel angry and jealous while watching them having fun? Is it because he’s a selfish bastard and doesn’t want to share his best friend with other people? But that sounds stupid. And he clearly isn’t that stupid and immature to be like that. Is he?

What confuses him the most is whenever he sees the other laugh, he feels betrayed and angry. He blames it on his selfishness, but it doesn’t make sense. Why was he like that? Because he’s a sadist that wants to see other people in pain instead of– of course not! Maybe it was the fact that the reason behind those cute smiles, adorable laughs was a person called Jackson? Maybe it’s the fact that Jackson makes Mark happy makes him angry? Maybe because it bothers him that Jackson’s the reason behind his happiness and he is not.

But why does that bother him? The reason behind someone’s happiness shouldn’t matter as long as they’re happy, right? The person behind their smile shouldn’t matter as long as they’re smiling. Well, not really; not when you’re Jinyoung, at least.

Don’t get him wrong, he really is not a selfish sadist. He’s far from it. But according to him, he’s the biggest selfish bastard on earth. The raven doesn’t know that he’s wrong; that these feelings he’s feeling is not because he’s selfish and a sadist, but simply because of a word that consists of four letters; love. So simple, yet so complicated. For Jinyoung’s part it is complicated. So ing complicated, that when he finally found the answers to his questions, he was too late. Or he wasn’t exactly late, he was scared. A ing coward because he couldn’t say it; he couldn’t tell him he loves him. He couldn’t say the words he once wanted to. He couldn’t say I love you.

It’s funny how miserably it is.

It’s funny how this thing called love; this feeling that we are longing to feel ever since we are young, wrecks us and tears us apart and makes us feel like complete . It’s funny how we all believe that love is a great thing and that love makes us brave. Because that’s a lie. Even though we know that it’s a lie, we can’t help but believe it; try to, at least. Because we are desperate. Human beings are desperate.

It's especially funny how miserable he was looking right now. His eyes red, skin pale, heart cold and dead. He was crying, and the sky was keeping him company, crying with him; for him.