[[YoungJaes POV]]

The first time you let go of my hand, it was snowing...

You fell down with a thud and my heart stopped, you were coughing violently... and then I saw you spit out blood. I ran to you and held you in my arms, calling for help. We spend the night in the hospital, you told me it was nothing but I couldn't believe it and the doctors proved me right. I let you lean on me when we walked back home.

It was snowing when you fainted at work; we had a fight that night. I wanted you to rest and recover, lean on me. I could support us. You didn’t want that, you said I was your responsibility.

I said I was old enough. You smiled and ruffled my hair, as you weakened everyday.

It was snowing when I pretended to be asleep in my room, curling in my quilt while I heard you fight with Yong guk hyung, I didn’t even realize my cheeks were wet from the warm tears trickling down from my eyes. It was the first time I heard Yong guk hyung raise his voice. He was hurt… I could tell from his voice, I could tell from his words.

It was snowing, the day you couldn’t get out of bed any more. They said it was genetic, like a family disease or something… if something like that can even exist. I saw your smiles turn lighter and weaker everyday. And all I could do was cry in the corner of my room.

Yong guk hyung said he’ll take you away. I didn’t want that, selfish much? But you loved him and he loved you and it didn’t even matter if you were my first love.

 It was snowing when Yong guk hyung talked to me in our living room while you slept. He said he’ll take you abroad where you can get the right treatment but you kept refusing because of me. It made my heart clench in so many ways… but for you, for us…

I let you go.

You were never mine to begin with. You already had found your special someone by the time I came into this world; it makes me so envious that I wish so much that I could be Yong guk hyung instead. I wish I could embrace you like he did. I wish you could have seen me the way you saw him. But I guess I should be thankful for what I did get from you…. your love as a hyung, even though we weren’t related, you loved me more than any older brother would.

Thank you Himchan hyung.

It was snowing when your dry lips pressed that still soft kiss to my forehead. It was snowing when Yong guk hyung finally took you away from me… Took you far away and I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever get to see you again. It was snowing when I returned to our empty and now lonely, cold apartment, where your smiling self wasn’t there any more to brighten the place. I told myself I wouldn’t cry but I did anyway, curled up in your bed.

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Snow still reminds me of you; it’s been four years since you left with Yong guk hyung and I don’t even know if you’re still alive or not. All I know is that no one is as warm as you were but… I found someone who holds me when it snows and he’s pretty warm, warm enough for me to not cry over you any more, warm enough to brighten up this place, warm enough for my heart to swell when I look at him and beat just that little bit faster. I will never forget you and will always love you as my hyung…

I know you would’ve liked him if you ever met him, his lips are soft against mine, and he holds my hand when we walk through the snow. His smile is brighter than the sun, his laugh melodic. Hyung… I love him.

I love Daehyun. And he loves me back, the way you loved Yong guk hyung and he loved you back. But I’m always scared… that one day he will fall in the same snow you fell into, I’m always watching his back. And it scares me; I don’t want to be scared any more. I want to love Daehyun freely, the way he loves me, the way you and Yong guk hyung loved.

So please… come back.

Come back healthy.

Come back happy.

Come back alive.  

yeah... haha xP Anyways, wrote this for my sis. ^^ hope you enjoyed? 

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