CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

One week passed so fast, Siwon has spoiled me and taken care of me all the time, after work, he went for me as usual behaving like a normal couple. I want to believe in him, in all that he represents now for me, I deserve to be happy and to have my own family with him and our baby. He begged me for another chance and I accepted him in my life again because I never stopped loving him even though I´m not sure if we will be happy forever but I´m willing to take the risk. I hope I can never regret it.

I leaned my head on his shoulder while we were holding hands inside his car. We were out of Sully´s house. We were just enjoying our time there for a while before entering the house. I wanted him in my bed. I wanted him to stay the night with me too so without hesitating I started to kiss his neck seductively. I trailed kisses all over his delicious neck and earlobe making him moan. I always enjoy seeing Siwon lose control with me. I´m happy to see it´s me who causes it.

“Kyu…don´t stop” – he said between moans arching his body to give me more access.

“I want you, Siwon”

“I can tell…” – he said burying his fingers in my hair dominating the attack on his neck by me. I loved it.

But suddenly his phone rings. He ignored it at the beginning because he wanted to enjoy all the actions I was giving him but when the sound of his phone became nasty. I obliged him to answer the call.

He took his phone out and answered letting me continue with my actions on his neck. I started to open his belt and pants in order to please him in the car but suddenly he froze and his body tensed up.

“I´m going right now…” – it was all he said with a serious tone.

I stopped what I was doing and I met his eyes to find an explanation. He was pale, looking like a ghost. I was worried about him and at the same time I was curious. What the hell happened to let me stop my actions on his body? It must be important…

“Is there any problem?” – I asked afraid. He looked lost.

“I want you to enter the house, Kyuhyun. I have to go right now. Donghae had an accident – he closed his eyes and swore – Please enter the house. I will call you when I can”

“Is he hurt? Can I go with you?”

“NO!” – he shouted without looking at me – my brother is in ICU and doesn´t answer. I have to see him and I need you to get out of the car, Kyuhyun”

He was hurt and afraid. I understood that but I wanted to be there for him. I loved him. I didn´t want him to suffer alone.

“Siwon, please let me go with you”

“GET OUT OF THE CAR!” – he yelled at me so loud that I froze. This was another Siwon. With tears in my eyes I opened the door of the car in silence. He continued looking at the front.

He was very upset. He didn´t want to talk to me or look at me. I was hurt too with his actions but I understood his preoccupation. Donghae had always been first in his life.

I didn´t want to cry in front of him. Once I got out of the car, he disappeared from my sight without saying anything. He didn´t look at me either. I couldn´t help him. I was not necessary.

I let my tears roll down my cheeks freely. I was hurt. My heart was broken once more. I wanted to believe that once he arrived there, he would call me up. Yes, I wanted to believe that.

I took a shower and I went to bed immediately. I couldn´t get asleep. I was worried for Siwon and his brother. He had hurt me a lot but I wish that he could be ok.

Siwon didn´t call me during the night. Not a single call.

I went to work early still worried and frustrated. Siwon didn´t need me in his life now and that thought made me sad.

I saw Eddie during the afternoon and called me to his office. I prayed he could tell me something about Siwon and his brother´s condition. I was sure he knew something.

“I received a phone call from Eunhyuk in the morning. He is in the hospital now worried about you. Siwon appeared in the middle of the night there furious. Eunhyuk was worried about how Siwon had left you –he said - You know that Siwon and Donghae are not in good terms for the first time in their lives and now Donghae is in this serious condition making Siwon crazy. He is not taking it in the right way now. Eunhyuk was worried about you”

My heart was broken even more after hearing Eddie´s words. I hated that Siwon were feeling so much pain and I could do nothing about it. I was the reason why Siwon was separated from his brother all this time. I felt guilty somehow. I felt tears forming in my eyes. Siwon didn´t call me and that made me think that he didn´t want to talk to me anymore.

I was a fool for believing in fairytales with him. I didn´t fit in his world. He needed his family right now. I was not his family. I wasn´t even accepted in his family. How could I fit in all of this?

“I-I d-don´t know what t-to do…” – I stuttered.  My voice and hands were shaking. I wanted to cry but not in front of Eddie.

“He loves you, Kyuhyun” – he whispered softly.

I was not sure anymore. I had caused that Siwon were against Donghae all this time and now he even could lose his brother forever.

“D-do you think so?” – I asked. I needed to hear it from him.

“You know it is true, Kyuhyun. He loves you for real. I have never seen him behave the way he treats you. It´s the first time I see him in love with someone else. You have to believe it”

I didn´t answer. I´m not sure about that anymore. I don´t fit in his world and the only idea that my baby can be hurt by his family destroys me. I shook my head and I left Eddie´s office while my heart was broken into thousand pieces.

oOo

I hadn´t been able to close my eyes during the whole night. I sat on a leather sofa beside the bed where my little brother Donghae was lying full of needles and tubes everywhere and with a bandage around his head. He had an accident practicing horse-riding. The animal was wild and threw him on the floor hitting his head. He was deadly injured. The last words that I had told him were rude. I did it because I wanted him to grow up. He behaved still like a child sometimes.  Now looking at him like this, there is a chance that he could never open his eyes again. That destroyed me. I was furious when I saw him like this yesterday. So weak. So vulnerable.

I wanted him to open his eyes and see me. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I promised him that he would always have me no matter what happened but I failed somehow. I rejected him because he couldn´t accept Kyuhyun.

Oh my God! Kyuhyun! I was a jerk for leaving him like that yesterday. I had a knot in my stomach but I couldn´t call Kyuhyun not while Donghae were here. I had said that Kyuhyun was first before but at this moment my brother is first than Kyuhyun. I was sure that if he knew that I was beside him he would open his eyes for me.

Eunhyuk entered the room.

“I talked to Eddie. Kyuhyun is fine but at the same time worried and angry with you”

I am such an idiot.

“Of course he must be angry with me because I yelled at him last night. After my mom called to tell me about Donghae, something in me died and broke. I was furious and I yelled at him to get out of the car….Oh God! … but I can´t do anything while my brother is here in this condition”

“I don´t know if I understand you, Siwon…he is pregnant right? – I nodded and he added – so that´s why you engaged to him?”

“How do you know that?”

“Donghae told me”

“I did it not because of the baby. I love Kyuhyun. I can´t live without him. I just wanted that Donghae understood that. I have been someone very important in my brother´s life since we were children. I had been like a mother and father to him. He was the most important person in my life before I met Kyuhyun. I still hope he can understand that  someday”

“He will but not that easily, Siwon. Give him some time”

“Please keep me informed about Kyuhyun”

“Of course, Siwon. I will do that for you”

“Thanks brother”

Eunhyuk smiled at me and caressed Donghae´s cheek tenderly. I could see he was worried a lot too. That was weird because they didn´t get on well before. I swear I could see a special bright in his eyes while he observed my brother.

“Go for a coffee now, let me be with him for a while. You need a break, Siwon”

“