7

He lies in bed scrolling through their conversation history, feeling slight twinges of annoyance when he’s interrupted with texts, always the same are you okay, you know we’re here for you, please talk to us Jungkook. Jungkook ignores all of them. The only way he will respond to a text is if the conversation he’s scrolling through pulls him back to the bottom with a new message.

It’s hopeless though, seeing as that message will never come.

His eyes continue to fill up with tears, streaking down the sides of his face into his hairline. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t move. He just keeps blinking them away, scrolling up and up and up. Past messages and pictures and emojis and an abundance of I love you’s that, he notices, often went without reciprocation.

All of a sudden, Jungkook feels sick. He flings his phone away and turns over, shoving his face into his pillow and sobbing. Maybe it wasn’t apparent then, but it is now.

He had been loved so much. Jimin had loved him so much, and he had never been afraid to show it either. Always getting up in his space, demanding random cuddles no matter where they were (much to the annoyance of their math teacher that one time), holding his hand and pressing kisses to his lips regardless of who was watching. He had done so much, with his face scrunched up in his beautiful smile that had never faltered even when Jungkook jokingly pushed him away.

He had never showed Jimin that he loved him nearly as much, had he? Knives go through Jungkook’s chest when he realizes that now, he’ll never get to show him. 

6

He doesn’t leave him bed for the whole day. One or twice, he gets up to use the bathroom, where he’s greeted by members of his family. Words never leave his mouth even though questions fly at him. He just wants to be surrounded by silence.

In his room, silence is what he gets. There’s no longer a short, cheerful boy bursting in and making noise, whether it be some his favorite music, favorite movie, favorite video game, or his own laugh.

Jungkook’s room is silent because he wants to hear that more than anything, and he refuses to listen to anything else.

The silence is eventually broken by a tap at the door, which is opened to reveal Taehyung, a worried look on his face and Jungkook’s favorite ramen in his hands. He seems to know not to talk, opting to shut the door quietly behind him and set the food on Jungkook’s nightstand while a pair of dull eyes watches him.

He sits on the bed, even though Jungkook doesn’t scoot over for him. He finds Jungkook’s hand in all the blankets, squeezing it with own and never letting go.

Jimin used to do the same thing. His hand was slightly smaller than Jungkook’s, and Taehyung’s long fingers surrounding Jungkook’s is a foreign feeling, even though Taehyung is like a brother to Jungkook.

Taehyung is the only person allowed to see Jungkook cry.

5

He requests that everyone leave him alone for the day. He knows they mean well, but he hasn’t really had any time to himself lately. Apparently, when you’re sad, it’s best to be surrounded by friends and family, but Jungkook just feels suffocated.

His friends reluctantly agree at Namjoon’s prompting. He always seems to know what’s best for everyone, so why would this be any different?

Jimin had been sentimental one year, and actually took the time to make a scrapbook for Jungkook for his birthday. Inside, it’s full of pictures, full of memories, from the time they were kids right up till the present. It’s a huge book, practically a binder, and yet looking through it just isn’t time consuming enough.

It’s not enough even though Jungkook spends at least ten minutes on each page (there are a lot of pages) to just run his fingers over all the work Jimin had put into creating it. He can recall each memory like it was yesterday.

He desperately wishes he could go back.

4

Seokjin brings them all together the day after the funeral to have a mini ceremony of them all. Since none of them except Yoongi spoke at the actual funeral (he’s the best with words, and Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to write a speech), they all prepared at least a few memories to recall in Jimin’s memory.

Taehyung goes first. He talks about how he met Jimin in middle school in detention for falling asleep in class one too many times. Jimin had ended up in there for being late too many times, and they immediately became friends, constantly known for causing trouble and generally being idiots. Taehyung is almost crying by the end of it, still wishing for someone to hang out with in detention because if one of them ended up in detention, the other would find his way in as well.

Seokjin is next. Being next-door neighbors with Jimin his whole life, he doesn’t even remember a time when Jimin wasn’t around. His favorite memory, however, is when Jimin tried to teach him how to dance and was rewarded with a sprained ankle for his efforts when Seokjin had tried to spin, and had spun right into Jimin as a result. He’s laughing by the end of it, but his laughter turns into sobs not long after. He hides his face in Namjoon’s shoulder, who takes this as his cue to talk.

The most memorable thing to Namjoon is Jimin’s gymnastics. He always ran around flipping, and once, landed a flying kick right to the back of Namjoon’s head. This had resulted in a minor concussion and a personal servant for Namjoon for a week, much to his amusement. Whenever Jimin had wanted to flip after, Namjoon would remove himself to a good couple feet away. This hurts a lot more than being kicked in the head.

Yoongi is next. Being always immersed in music and enjoying writing lyrics, he was drawn to Jimin by his singing voice. Jimin liked singing wherever, whenever, whatever. His voice was really good too, so not many people found themselves annoyed by it. Yoongi had showed some of his lyrics to Jimin, mentioning that they should work together on some songs. Jimin had cheerfully agreed, and they had done a few songs together. Yoongi has one, still incomplete, and now it will remain that way.

Hoseok goes next, trying hard to talk through his tears. Besides singing, Jimin had also been a really good dancer, although Hoseok is slightly better than him. It didn’t stop Hoseok from dancing with Jimin at every chance he got, his favorite time being the school talent show. Together, they had won first place and $100. Even though he has the opportunity to dance in local groups now, Hoseok feels that it wouldn’t be right unless Jimin was dancing with him.

Jungkook is expected to go next, and he tries really hard. He wants to talk about the first time Jimin ever told him he loved him, two summers ago, sitting on their favorite bench in the park. Jungkook had cried, promptly freaking Jimin out, but he had said it back with the biggest smile on his face, causing Jimin to tear up a little as well.

He tries to talk, but he can’t. When he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a weak sob before he breaks.

3

The funeral is awful.

He wears a black suit, with a black tie, with his black shoes and black eyeliner. There is too much black, in Jungkook’s opinion. Jimin never liked black all that much, favoring brighter colors. Even the day is dull and cloudy, like Jimin took the entire visible spectrum along with him.

Jungkook sits in the front with the other five and Jimin’s family. If he had a choice, he wouldn’t even be here, but everyone had insisted that he needs to honor Jimin’s memory properly. Whatever way that could possibly be.

The funeral is a blur, literally, because he cries the whole time. Taehyung sits next to him, prepared with tissues that are used up all too quickly.

The funeral is open casket, which just makes everything so much worse. Jimin lies there like a wax figure, eyes closed in a supposedly peaceful fashion, but Jungkook wants to scream. The body in the casket doesn’t look anything like Jimin. Jimin was full of life, Jungkook’s own personal sunshine.

The sun isn’t shining today.

2

He feels lost and frozen in time. The world continues to spin on, but he remains in one place, crying out and reaching towards a hand that will never reach out back.

Everyone is in disarray. For the first time in forever, Jungkook avoids everyone like the plague. The one person, whose company he craves right now is gone, can never be with him again.

He holes himself up in his room, absolutely refusing to help with terrible things such as funeral arrangements and packing Jimin’s things in a box.

His own things are thrown around his room, smashed and destroyed in his grief. He vaguely notices knocking on his locked door, but he ignores it in favor of kicking a chair over and throwing textbooks at the wall.

Soon, everything there is to throw and turn over and broke is thrown and turned over and broken, and Jungkook is curled up in the middle of it, on the floor, staring blankly as nothing while tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, only notices that when he finally moves, night has fallen.

He hears quiet footsteps outside his door, a gentle tap, and the sound of something being placed on the floor.

He drags himself up, making his way slowly towards the door. Unlocking it, he opens it a sliver and peeks outside. No one is there, and he looks at the floor.

There is a box there.

He opens the door enough to retrieve the box and then shuts the door, kneeling on the floor to open the box.

Inside, neatly folded, is Jimin’s favorite hoodie. Jungkook’s eyes well up again, and he lifts it carefully up out the box, pressing his face into it and inhaling.

It still smells like Jimin.

With his face buried in the soft fabric, Jungkook screams.

1

The snow is coming down hard, and Jungkook frowns out the window. He hopes the roads aren’t too bad, because Jimin is driving up to Seoul for the weekend to visit his cousins. He had been really excited, talking never ceasing as he lists all the things he wants to do up in Seoul, even though Jungkook knows he’ll never have enough time to do them all.

“One day,” Jimin had promised, eyes sparkling. “We’ll go to Seoul together.”

Jungkook had merely rolled his eyes playfully and agreed, leaning up for another kiss.

Now, however, he paces his house nervously, waiting for the call from Jimin, telling him that he made it to Seoul, he’s alright, he can’t wait to see Kookie when he gets back, and he’ll take lots of pictures.

An hour later, he gets a call.

It’s not from Jimin.

It’s about Jimin.

Jimin isn’t safely in Seoul with his cousins.

No. Instead, he’s in the wreckage of his brand new car, broken and bloody.

Just like Jungkook’s heart.