There was a noticeable distance between the two girls as they walked down the streets late at night. The older girl was tempted to reach over the slightest bit to hold onto the other’s hand but did not. If it were the beginning of their relationship, Mijoo would have instantly held hands the moment they started walking, but things had changed.
 

“I heard you have a test coming up soon.” Mijoo’s breath is visible, the cold wind hitting her cheeks painfully.

“Yeah.” Yein answers, nodding. Even small talk was a challenge for them now.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Mijoo wants to see if Yein would attempt to carry on the conversation but she already knew that the girl wouldn’t do it. She ignores the sting in her heart and stares at the ground as they walked. They arrive at Yein’s house and Mijoo says goodbye quietly. Usually, she would give a hug and kiss to Yein before she went inside, but Yein walked into her house before she could even blink.

The girl stands for a few seconds, staring at the closed door with glossy eyes. She takes in a deep breath, the cold air hitting her lungs. Turning on her heel, she walks home, cold and alone.

She lays in bed that night, rewinding every memory she’s had with Yein for the past year and half of their relationship, trying to figure out what she had done to get Yein to become so coldhearted. She wracks her brain trying to figure out what had gone wrong, what she maybe have said to Yein to get her upset, what had caused Yein to become distant. It was no use.

For all of their relationship, Mijoo had been so caring and so nice to Yein. What could had possibly gone wrong?

The thought of Yein getting bored of her after a year of dating suddenly hits Mijoo and she’s closes her eyes tightly, hoping it was all just a bad nightmare.

-

She heard the front door slam with such force that it shook the whole house. She reaches around with shaky hands and grabs her phone, clicking the first number she had saved on speed dial.

It takes a few rings before Yein picks up.

“Can we talk?” Mijoo’s breath was short and choppy. She furrows her eyebrows when she hears mumbled talking on the other line. Her heart breaks into pieces when she hears Yein laughing.

(She hadn’t laughed around Mijoo at all, recently.)

“Is it really urgent? I have a friend over.”

Mijoo blinks away her tears and brings a trembling hand to her head, grabbing onto her scalp. She shakes her head and exhales, “No. It’s not urgent.”

“Okay, bye.” And Yein hangs up.

Mijoo bites her lip and resists the urge to shout in anger. She throws the phone across the room and it hits the closet door with a loud thump. She curls into a ball on her bed and tries her best to keep her tears at bay.

-

“Why did you call me the other day?”

Mijoo jumps at the sudden speaking from Yein as they sat at the cafe one day. Yein never started conversations with her.

Mijoo shrugs, “It was just my mom.”

“Oh.”

A strong void began to eat away at Mijoo’s innards. Yein had not even asked an, “Is everything okay?” or a “Did anything happen?” She just replied with, “Oh.” Mijoo curls her hands into a fist under the table.

“I didn’t say anything because you sounded…” Yein stares at her, “...like you were having fun. And I didn’t want to ruin that.”

Yein doesn’t even answer.

After a moment of deafening silence despite the chatters of other people in the cafe, Yein stands, “I have class early tomorrow.”

“Right.” Mijoo unclenches her hands and stands, grabbing her backpack and paying the check before following Yein out the door. She was tempted to not even walk Yein home but she knew that if anything happened to Yein on the walk home, then she’d never forgive herself.

This time, Mijoo did not even walk next to Yein. She was behind Yein, a few steps back. Not once did Yein even glance behind her to check if Mijoo was still there and Mijoo was glad because if she did, she would see the tears building up in Mijoo’s eyes.

Not once did Yein crack a smile to Mijoo that day. Not once did Yein manage to hold eye contact with Mijoo longer than three seconds that day. Not once did Yein show any other expression besides a blank one to Mijoo that day. It was like Mijoo had a day out with a stranger.

And when the conversation of her mother came up, Yein didn’t even seem to care. Yein knew about her mother, Yein knew that Mijoo’s mother had the tendency to drink and blow up at Mijoo. Yein knew all of that but today it seemed like she didn’t. She didn’t even bother.

Yein walks up the steps of her porch and stops at the last step as Mijoo speaks.

“You should at least pretend to care.” Mijoo’s voice is raspy and is nothing like Yein’s ever heard from the girl before, the girl who always seemed to be cheerful and excited.

She freezes in her walk and is silent for a few moments. Mijoo stares at the girl’s back figure. When she realizes Yein continues to walk up the steps without even turning around, Mijoo lets a tear drop down her cheek and she spins on her heel, rushing home so she could cry in peace.

Yein didn’t even care anymore.

-

The next day she checks her phone for any text messages for Yein. Mijoo had hoped for a text from Yein, explaining what had happened and why she distanced herself. Mijoo hopes that Yein still cared and she hopes that Yein still loves her like she said she did earlier that year.

There were zero messages.

-

Mijoo watches spitefully as she sees Yein and a girl she’s never seen before get close together. They were both laughing and smiling and Mijoo’s heart ripples with a searing pain all through-out. She had gone to the market to pick up food for herself because she knew her mom would be of no use in helping her survive when she saw Yein. She quickly hid herself and watched from afar as Yein holds the other girl’s hand with such comfort.

She clenches her jaw to avoid crying in public. She walks the other way and continues on her day, trying to push the thought of Yein laughing so easily with someone else, while she had to try really hard to get the girl to even smile, at the back of her head.

-

“Let’s break up.” Mijoo chokes out her words through her closing lungs, the air getting hard to breathe as she sees Yein’s eyes widen. Mijoo had purposely wanted to meet up in Yein’s house instead of in public to avoid a scene. Although it took a few minutes of arguing over text for Yein to agree to let Mijoo in the house, which she never used to do before, Yein agreed. And now, here they were, breaking up in the middle of Yein’s bedroom.

“Why?”

It struck a nerve inside Mijoo that Yein had the audacity to ask that when she was the reason their relationship had fallen apart.

“Because you,” Mijoo spoke and it was so obvious that she was so, so, so broken, her eyes were veiny and her face was pale, her lips were trembling, “- you don’t care anymore, that’s why.”

Yein crinkles her forehead and that’s the most emotion Mijoo had ever seen from her as of recently.

“You don’t care and you have been so cold to me recently,” Her eyes glossed over with fresh tears, “- and you seem to be fine with everyone else. You laugh with everyone else but me. You can hold hands with your friend in the supermarket but you can’t even look me in the eyes. You -”

“- In the supermarket? When did you see that? Why were you there at the same time as me?”

Mijoo’s shoulders slump in defeat and she slouches a bit, trying hard not to get Yein’s accusing tone get to her, “A few weeks ago.” It sounded like Yein was saying that Mijoo had followed her around, “- and I was there to get food because my mom had a fit and broke the fridge.”

Yein blinks at her.

“Though, it wasn’t like you had any idea about that. You never reply to my text messages and whenever I call you either never pick up or you’re too busy having a good time and I end up not telling you because I’m afraid it’ll ruin your fun.” Mijoo shrugs, “I thought I would have gotten used to you being so emotionless around me, but I guess it’s something I can never get used to.”

“Mijoo…”

“You know,” Mijoo’s voice was trembling, “If you cared about me half as much as you do to other people, if you smiled to me about half as much as you would with other people, I probably wouldn’t be breaking up with you right now. But it’s fine.” It’s not fine.

She walks towards the door but stops at the doorway, remembering something. She turns, walking back to Yein and reaching down, taking Yein’s hand in hers. Like Mijoo remembered, her hands were soft and warm.

Yein feels a cold object placed into the palm of her hand and she realizes it’s the promise ring she had given to Mijoo when they first started dating. Mijoo gave a heart-wrenching smile and let go of Yein’s hand.

-

Mijoo wrecks her room that night, throwing practically everything she could get a hold of. She sobs and holds her bleeding hand, ignoring the fact that she had cut herself in the midst of her own mini sabotage.

She cries and screams that she hates Jung Yein but it was obvious that she dearly loved that girl, and that’s what made everything worse.

She still ing loves Jung Yein.