“Are you napping?” Choi Dal Po asked very softly.

It was a mellow afternoon, the surrounding was idyllic and the girl lying next to him on the picnic blanket could easily have been mistaken for a forest nymph. He was half afraid that if he spoke louder than a whisper, all of it would vanish in a heartbeat. That is why after he had taken in the sight of Choi In Ha lying peacefully, with her eyes closed, resting her clasped hands in a demure manner across her middle that he had also laid down next to her, the back of his head pillowed on a book he had failed to read even a single page of, even though Choi In Ha did not say a word to disturb him. But after listening to her breathe evenly and counting each one of those for the past 10 minutes, he had opened his eyes and stared through the canopy of tall trees that swayed with the gentle breeze and let bits of sunlight to break through, upon the clearing in the forest where they had camped for lunch.

“Nope.” Choi In Ha answered clearly, indicating she was not asleep, or even half asleep.

Choi Dal Po smiled a half smile. So, perhaps she too found it impossible to fall asleep, given their physical proximity and outward casual calmness. It was special day out of the everyday pressure cooker existence that they led in the city. The job that sapped their youthful energy, the pretenses in public and before their family that stifled their spontaneity and the loneliness of their self-imposed separation, all seemed like a distant nightmare. The 3 mile hike on an inclined plane was tiring but not draining as they had chatted, smiled and helped each other the entire way. They hadn’t met anybody else on that trail, so they had let their handholds linger even after the occasional difficult stretch of road was crossed without any trip or fall. He had not felt the need to glance around before he had tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear that had escaped her pony tail. She had smiled sweetly instead of jumping up at his touch. But it was just one day out of thousands that were nothing like it. And there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

“Choi In Ha, where do you see yourself, five years from now?” He posed the question to her because he was too afraid to ask that question of himself.

She chuckled softly, “What is this? A job interview?” She still had her eyes closed. But her lips were curved in a smile that lingered.

Choi Dal Po wrinkled his nose in self-reproach. Indeed it was a very cliché question that any candidate for any job, from the entry level to the senior level, had to answer. But it could give a glimpse into the person who answered. That is where personal ambition was sniffed out, team players were identified, and true commitment to the job position was revealed. And any experienced interviewer could discern a fake and rehearsed-to-death answermore and note accordingly. There was no single right answer but there was a matter of just the right combination of how much you wanted to reveal, how much of yourself you wanted to hide and a tad bit of how much you didn’t know yourself. And he wanted to see where he stood vis-à-vis Choi In Ha’s future plans.

“No, it is not. So you can be honest about it. I won’t judge you.” Choi Dal Po wanted to assure her.

She exhaled and seemed to gather her thoughts before she spoke. She was not being flippant about it, which piqued Choi Dal Po’s interest.

“Ummm…let’s see….definitely being an investigative journalist…..probably turning in 3 to 4 series of stories per year. An award or two to show for my work on the mantle wouldn’t hurt. Not that it is necessary but I need to know that I am being judged by the stalwarts of journalism and they find my work meritorious. Like a giant pat in the back……and knowing that I am making a difference. That bit is more important than anything. Hopefully earning a bit more money. A senior correspondent position would be fine with occasional forays as story editor for newer journalists.”

She turned her head towards Choi Dal Po and opened one eye, which scrunched up her nose in the most adorable way. She caught Choi Dal Po’s eyes and asked his opinion because it mattered to her a whole lot more than the awards that she had just spoken about.

“What do you think? Too little? Too much? Doable? Not doable?”

Choi Dal Po turned his head away to stare at the trees overhead. He pursed his lips and struggled to contain the streak of disappointment that shot through him. “Work? All about work?” He wondered if that’s all that she actually thought about or she was not comfortable discussing her feelings about her personal life. So he decided to answer her questions before probing any further.

“Well, designation and awards are not assured but definitely not out of bounds. You just have to be a little more judicious with your reactions. You get excited too fast and then get disappointed really easily. You need to show more equanimity in job situations. You have gumption. So, that’s a big plus. You have guts, which makes for fearless and objective reporting. You just have to learn to be a little more patient. Yeah….I don’t see why it can’t be achieved.” He stopped for a moment, letting his words sink in. But he was in two minds as to whether he wanted to probe more.

“Is…that…all? No other…..goals…in the horizon? Familywise?” There, it was out in the open. Too late to retract his question, he hoped that he didn’t seem too curious. The veneer of casual ignorance is so difficult to maintain in the rare moments of privacy, when your youthful heart feels only love for the other person.

She turned over to lie on her stomach, resting her cheek on her palms stacked one upon another, facing him but still keeping her eyes closed. She didn’t want him to look into her eyes for she feared that her anguish and frustration would be easily visible. She decided to sidestep the question by giving a ‘no fault’ answer.

“Oh yes. Hopefully Appa wouldn’t have to worry too much about money by then. And I can get that huge TV that grandpa has been eyeing slyly. But where in the world would we hang that humongous thing? May be by that time, I can save up a little nest egg to put down a deposit on a little bigger place.”

She opened her eyes and looked directly at Choi Dal Po, “I wish you would move back in with us.”

Choi Dal Po held her gaze and answered truthfully, “You know that it wouldn’t work, right?”

He didn’t want to explain and she didn’t want to acknowledge. They were caught in a strange stand-off. But away from their daily life, with its professional chaos and personal limitations, Choi In Ha was willing to test the boundaries a bit. She wanted to put Choi Dal Po in the spotlight. She tried to sound like a casual well-wisher, “So, do you intend to live alone for the rest of your life?”

Choi Dal Po was caught off-guard because he was pondering on the same possibility. If you can’t be with the only person, who has dominated your heart forever, you have no other recourse but to live alone, right? He presently tried to wriggle out of the tight spot by putting the ball in her court, “Why would I be alone? Are you going somewhere? When have I ever been alone? You have always been by my side. We work in the same field, we spend our leisure time together. I don’t see any reason to change the comfortable set up we have got going here.”

Choi In Ha looked intently to find any crack in his smooth answer. But there was none. She sighed softly. One of these days they were bound to end up yelling out their frustration. The question was, who first? The rest of the day didn’t get a chance to witness that watershed moment though. It was pleasant and uneventful, interspersed with subtle moments of stolen intimacies and unspoken words. The drive back was unusually silent as they both were going back to their stifled existence and the status quo that was both their solace as well as the reason for their anxiety. Choi Dal Po dropped her off first, at a safe distance from the apartment complex where she lived. She didn’t ask and he didn’t need to be told why that was the way it was. An agreement of silence on uncomfortable issues that bonded them, throttled them as well. Choi Dal Po and Choi In Ha, both didn’t sleep well that night. They both knew that about each other and yet neither confessed to the other as they picked up the thread of their usual masquerade the next morning.

Choi Dal Po noticed him first as he sat nursing an extra-large, extra-strong coffee in that café where they had met the first time. He seemed preoccupied and tensed. He answered in mono syllables and tersely, which seemingly broke the cheerful barista’s heart. As much as Choi Dal Po was in no mood to strike up a conversation after a sleepless night, he was intrigued. He got up and picked up his coffee and covered the distance to reach Choi Young Do, who practically ran into him since he had his head down. Choi Dal Po put out his arms to prevent the inevitable collision by halting the taller man in his tracks. Choi Young Do looked up, his expression startled rather than annoyed.

Choi Dal Po smiled at his confused stare, “Remember me? You alright? You seem awfully unmindful. In this state, you will run into a car out there.”

Choi Young Do didn’t smile back but instead said the oddest thing, “Can’t…not today.”

Choi Dal Po raised an eyebrow, confused himself. Choi Young Do recovered slightly and inhaled sharply before he dramatically replied, “This is it, Newsboy! Today is the day! My mettle will be tested. If I make it, there will be no fanfare. But if I flunk, I will be skewered! So, no….can’t die today. I may have a good reason to do so by the end of the day today. Check your newsfeed tomorrow for an unidentified body in the Han. Right now, do not get in my way because I will mow you down.”

Choi Dal Po was more amused than alarmed at the theatrical speech. He quickly fished in his pocket and took out his name card and stuck it in the pocket of Choi Young Do’s jacket as he answered cheekily, “There! At least you won’t be unidentified as long as you keep your jacket on and I will get an exclusive.” Choi Dal Po stepped aside with the over-the-top flourish of a court official and a hardly repressed smile.

That was the last amusing thing that Choi Young Do encountered that day. The test server changeover was a mini disaster. Seo Beom-jo was the only man, who didn’t look at him like he was ready to murder him. He knew that there were snickers and derisive comments that were not so well couched in polite words, directed at him. Seo Beom-jo had only looked at him sternly and had said, “You should had prepared better for possible failures.” Choi Young Do had tried to keep his chin up and show that he was calm and composed in spite of the terrible fallout but he was thankful even for the no-nonsense reprimand from Seo Beom-jo. For once he was glad that his colleague was not given to emotions. Around 10 P.M. he finally decided to call it a day and trudged down the stairs because he was afraid that he was going to overhear somebody in the elevator, talking about the five minutes when everything went to hell in that office that day.

From across the street, Choi Dal Po noticed the tall silhouette of a defeated man walking down the pavement in front of the SBS office. Choi Dal Po felt oddly sympathetic for a man he barely knew. But he was sad to see a usually happy and energetic person look so down in the dumps. He quickly crossed the road and started walking towards the taller man, who didn’t even notice him as he passed him by. His head was bowed, his steps dragged and his shoulders were slouched. Choi Dal Po intentionally spoke up loudly, “So, I take it that you got skewered today.”

Choi Young Do stopped and slowly looked back. A self-deprecating smile touched his lips as he took in the younger man, who looked mildly interested but not exactly gloating. Choi Young Do felt somehow safe in the presence of that relative stranger to show his true emotions for the first time since that afternoon when he had stood in the server room, watching in horror, as the SBS site had crashed. He exhaled and nodded in resignation and then tipped his head back and groaned aloud in frustration, “No Newsboy, I messed up! Big time! I was too confident and now, I regret it.” The air of helplessness and self-loathing that surrounded him seemed thick enough to drown him. Choi Dal Po didn’t like it. He wasn’t sure why, but certainly didn’t like this version of Choi Young Do. He was cocky, smug and too smooth for Choi Dal Po’s liking but this was even worse.

Choi Dal Po quickly reached Choi Young Do’s side and said softly, trying to keep his voice neutral, “Let’s go then. No use hanging about the battlefield when the battle has been declared.” He nodded to Choi Young Do to follow him as he walked ahead. But when he didn’t hear him follow, he stopped, turned around and waited. Choi Young Do seemed puzzled, so Choi Dal Po walked up to where he stood and leaned in to whisper, “I know the shortest route to the most desolate spot on the river bank. An eye-witness account always lends credibility to an article, especially the human interest ones.” Choi Young Do looked slightly shocked and amused at the same time. Choi Dal Po continued in his mock serious tone, “But, first things first. I owe you some food. We have to square that up first. I hate owing anyone anything. And granted it was coffee and a sandwich but given the delicacy and the urgency of the situation, we can definitely swap those for snacks and soju.” Choi Dal Po spied a taxi and waved it down even before Choi Dal Po could answer his atrocious suggestion. He opened the passenger door and called out, “Come on! Time’s a wasting.”

Choi Young Do wanted to go home and his wounds in solitude but there was something so earnestly charming in the way Choi Dal Po was trying to cheer him up that he was torn between flat out refusing his offer and actually jumping into the cab with him. He had a feeling that even Choi Dal Po was stepping out of his comfort zone to do him one solid. And even he, himself, wasn’t sure that it was a good idea. On an impulse, throwing his reservations to the side, he stepped down from the pavement and got into the cab anyway. Only after he settled in the seat and relaxed his stance, did he realize that probably it was a good call since he was too distracted to drive. He watched with tired eyes and a weary heart as Choi Dal Po gave details of their destination to the driver, always calm and even toned. Then he quickly fired off a text to somebody….probably, Choi In Ha, Choi Young Do guessed. On any other day, he would have been curious and probably been fishing for more information but right then, he felt a little irritated that they seemed to be so thick. He smirked in his mind, wondering who between them was the controlling or the possessive one.

Choi Dal Po seemed to relax after putting away his phone. Choi Young Do pettily remarked, “I hope I am not keeping you from something important.”

The reassuring smile that he received from Choi Dal Po made him feel utterly small. Choi Dal Po leaned back and said, “Not really. Just…..a habit….a safety measure if you want to call it that….to let somebody know where I am going. We, journalists, are often the targets of those powerful and corrupt people that we investigate. And you think you have bad days? You should see ours! At the worst, you will get fired if you are bad at your job. We can get killed in some alleyway, just because we are good at ours. So, cheer up! You are already at an advantage.”

Choi Young Do was a little taken aback at the ease with which Choi Dal Po described the occupational hazard of his job. He couldn’t help but ask, “Have you…ever been in danger for a story?”

Choi Dal Po smiled ironically, “Let’s say…I am very good at my job. So…” He shrugged carelessly leaving Choi Young Do to draw the conclusion from his unfinished and cryptic sentence. The older man was rendered speechless by his quiet fortitude. Choi Dal Po saw the concern in Choi Young Do’s eyes and was strangely touched. He decided to turn the conversation away from his job. He shifted in the seat to face Choi Young Do a bit squarely and opened softly, “So, that was something, huh? SBS Online went down for a full 5 minutes this afternoon. I can imagine the chaos it caused on your side because the news even reached us.”

Choi Young Do groaned aloud and covered his face with his hands as he relived those 5 minutes yet again. Those were the longest, most humiliating 5 minutes of his entire life. The devil in Choi Dal Po raised its head. He leaned in to whisper, “I guess, you wouldn’t care to know but in the interest full disclosure, I must confess that the YGN newsroom did celebrate the said ‘occasion’.” But before he could anticipate anything so unexpected, his upper right arm received a forceful punch from lightning fast right arm of Choi Young Do.

Shocked and hurt, Choi Dal Po could only cradle his stinging arm and stare speechlessly at the sneering face that was Choi Young Do, who barked at him, “Yah! Are you trying cheer me up or kill me? Who needs enemies when there are friends like you?”

Stupefied, he could only protest truthfully, “But I didn’t even clap with them! I just guessed that it had something to do with you…since I knew you are a part of the IT department…and this morning….our conversation, your worries…..I felt sorry for you! Honestly, I thought, it was childish to be gleeful over such nonsense. YGN is supposed to occupy the moral higher ground! SBS is more tabloid than newspaper. We shouldn’t stoop to their level.”

Choi Young Do watched with part amusement and part fascination as Choi Dal Po openly insulted his place of work, indirectly insulting him as well. He considered what would be an appropriate response to the double insult but the passion and truthfulness that came across in Choi Dal Po’s words made him only shake his head in disbelief. He closed his eyes for a second and actually smiled at the surreal situation. It was all very weird given that they were practically strangers that they were bickering like old friends or an aged couple. He chuckled at first as all of it came together in his mind and then dissolved into laughter that only confused Choi Dal Po further. He sat still holding his upper arm and watching Choi Young Do warily, wondering if he was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. At last, Choi Young Do leaned back and his laughter subsided. He looked over to Choi Dal Po, who was watching him with a touch of suspicion. Choi Young Do reached out to touch the upper arm that he had punched but Choi Dal Po flinched and avoided his touch, looking at him like an annoyed child.

“Don’t! Do you know that I can sue you for bodily assault? Yah! You seem to be the violent American type. Do you have a gun too?” Choi Dal Po was still massaging his injured upper arm as he scowled at Choi Young Do.

Choi Dal Po didn’t seem at all concerned by his threat. He coolly answered, “Yes, I do have a gun. Make that two. A shotgun and a Glock…..a semi-automatic pistol.” He watched as Choi Dal Po’s scowl gave way to downright alarm that blew his eyes wide and colored his cheeks. Choi Dal Po wanted to enjoy tormenting him but he didn’t want him to jump out of the running taxi so he added quickly, “Not here though. I left those back home….in the US…in a gun safe…at my apartment. So, you can relax.”

Choi Dal Po regarded him cautiously, still not sure which part of that statement to believe as he whined, “That explains the violent over reaction! Crazy bastard!”

Choi Young Do smiled like an idiot. A few days ago, they didn’t know each other and here they were brawling and calling names like old chums. And to think that it all started with…..a girl! A girl that Choi Dal Po had and a girl Choi Young Do wanted! But right now, they were just two guys, hanging out together, being…….guys. Choi Young Do felt a little guilty that he had started cozying up to Choi Dal Po with an agenda but now, he was actually beginning to enjoy his company. He was a wholesome, no-drama, no-games kind of nice guy. Though he was still far from his bosom buddy like his American friends were, who were more open, more effusive and definitely more candid, he had shown glimpses of a warm heart, genuine care and a dry sense of humor that Choi Young Do was partial to. On reaching the destination, Choi Dal Po paid the taxi fare, stopping Choi Young Do’s protestation with one cold stare. They made their way to a mom n’ pop joint that was housed in a ramshackle building. Choi Young Do took in the surroundings with a quick glance. It seemed to be a place favored by the blue collared crowd. The laughter was loud, the drunken words clearly audible, empty threats and ridiculous bragging filled the little room but nobody took notice of the newcomers as they gingerly made their way to a corner, aiming for a rickety table with two worn out chairs.

Choi Young Do was a little overwhelmed with the ambience for he had only ever been to the sleek and fancy hotels, restaurants and cafes ever since he had set foot in Seoul. This was not the kind of place to meet a blind date! This had a dive bar vibe, which he was comfortable with in the US but it was all new for him in Seoul. Choi Dal Po noticed the way Choi Young Do was observing the establishment and its patrons. He didn’t look uncomfortable but clearly curious. So, when finally their eyes met, he merely raised an eyebrow in a silent question. Choi Young Do smiled excitedly and expressed his feelings like an impressed teenage boy, “Cool!” Choi Dal Po rolled his eyes at his touristy enthusiasm. He ordered soju and some snacks from the harassed looking ahjumma, who ran the place with her husband. He liked their set up and felt comfortable among the working class people, who were the staple clientele of the place. But he couldn’t come here often because he couldn’t bring Choi In Ha to a place like that. Apart from the ahjumma, there was not a girl or woman in sight. A pretty girl like Choi In Ha would be subject to open ogling out here and that was just the thing he wanted to avoid. He was however a little surprised that Choi Young Do hadn’t looked even a little perturbed at his choice of a seemingly seedy joint.

Choi Dal Po belatedly tried to explain his choice, “I know that it looks shoddy but the food is good and the drinks are cheap. I am, after all, a poor journalist. So, I hope I didn’t offend your sensibilities.”

Choi Young Do looked amused at his apology and waved his hand to indicate the entire eatery and exclaimed, “Are you kidding me? This is the authentic stuff! I bet they don’t get touristy people here. I can check that off on my Korean bucket list.”

Choi Dal Po was curious, “You have a bucket list? Already? You are not that old.”

Choi Young Do leaned forward in his seat and rested his designer jacket clad elbows on the grimy table, which made even Choi Dal Po flinch. But Choi Young Do seemed oblivious as he propounded wisely, in the fashion of an experienced old man, “Newsboy, here’s a tip. You should always have a list of things you want. It is, in no manner, a set or finite list. You add, you subtract and you shuffle the priorities as you spend more years on this earth but have a list! The places I want to see, the food I want to eat, the adventures I want to experience, the thrills I seek, the people I want to meet…..”

Choi Dal Po smoothly interrupted, “……the girls I want to date, the women I want to kiss, right?” He smiled at his own clever rejoinder because he had seen how charming Choi Young Do could be.

Choi Young Do waited till the ahjumma finished putting down their drinks and snacks on the table, all the while watching Choi Dal Po as he smirked at him, looking pretty smug at his clever words. Choi Young Do noticed the twinkle in his eyes and watched him break into an embarrassed smile, slightly coloring under Choi Young Do’s unwavering gaze. He quickly lowered his head and got busy, filling the shot glasses with soju as he murmured, “Sorry…..shouldn’t had interrupted you.”

Choi Young Do wanted to reassure him that his words hadn’t vexed him at all. He was just surprised at the way Choi Dal Po was opening up to show his playful, witty side. He liked a man who could be genuinely naughty without being bawdy. He didn’t want to stifle his nascent foray into a more informal banter. He smiled good-naturedly, hoping he came across as amused rather than offended.

He bit his lower lip, mulling over his response, before he replied, “That is the difficult bit, Newsboy.” Choi Dal Po looked up to meet his eyes and was enthralled at the way those laughing eyes could change so suddenly to reflect a hidden passion as Choi Dal Po continued, “Love…..is a many splendored thing. But unfortunately, you cannot put it on your list. You may want to love but the object of your affection may not return your feelings. And that would mean an unfinished list! That is so disheartening a prospect. So I only put down on my list the things I can attain, the things I can achieve with my own resources and does not require somebody else’s reciprocation for its fulfilment.”

Choi Dal Po felt a little disappointed at his cynical attitude towards love. He challenged harshly, “So, you want women but not love because I guess it is easier to bed a woman than to fall in love with woman, lest she should break your heart?”

Choi Young Do saw the flashing and reproachful eyes try to stare him down but it only endeared the idealist younger man to him more. He slowly but firmly shook his head, “You got me wrong. I believe in love. I want to fall in love. A love that is all consuming, a love that is heedless of any constraints, a love that makes my blood race and my toes curl. A love that makes me take flight against all odds. I believe that falling in love is like being reborn. A love that makes me a better man and a best friend.”

He stopped for a second to collect himself and note that Choi Dal Po was not mollified but he did not drop his gaze before he added in a wistful tone, “And that is rather rare in this world. But I still want it. The allure of the elusive is the biggest chase in this world. I want it so badly that I can almost taste it and it makes me hunger even more.” He closed his eyes as he remembered Choi In Ha’s flashing eyes and disheveled hair as she had fixed Choi Young Do with a contemptuous stare. Choi Dal Po was stunned to see Choi Young Do fall under the spell of his own words. He seemed lost in his own world in spite of the loud conversation, the uncomfortably heated room, the sizzle of the food being cooked in the open, the clanging of pots and pans and somewhere in the back, the quarrelsome voice of the ahjumma.

When he did open his eyes, the faraway look that still lingered in his eyes and the soft smile that hugged his lips, transformed the craggy handsome face into a dreamy softness. He seemed to have achieved some sort of inner peace. The frustration, the anxiety, the gloom seemed to have lifted off his shoulders in that few moments when he had closed his eyes.

Choi Dal Po asked without thinking, “How do you do that?” Choi Young do smiled like a magician, who was amused by an impressed audience member’s question. He reached for his shot glass and motioned to Choi Dal Po to pick up his glass too. Holding the shot glass aloft, he formally called out a toast, “To love……..and the dreams of love…..that keep us going!” Then, he downed the shot and regarded the empty glass in his hand before murmuring, “The power of visualization.”

Choi Dal PO heard him but wasn’t sure what exactly he meant but he could guess, “You mean thinking it into reality? That’s just wishful thinking. Just because you think of it all the time doesn’t mean it would come true. It’s called building castles in the air.” He almost chided the older man.

Choi Young Do’s enthusiasm was unabated as he urged, “But Newsboy, you need to articulate what you want so desperately in your head…in your words…..if you want to build a house, you have to first have a mental picture of it! If you are too afraid to speak out about what you want, then you don’t want it badly enough. For now, I am going to fix the mess that happened on my watch today, by the end of day tomorrow! And, I will keep saying that as I work towards attaining that goal. Call it self-affirmation, call it visualization, setting an objective or whatever. But it helps you work towards it and not compromise and settle for anything less. Putting it out there means you are beholden to that goal. Try it…..go on…..close your eyes and think what you want badly…right now.” Choi Dal Po listened intently but didn’t seem eager to follow his instructions.

Choi Young Do nudged the younger man’s crossed legs under the table lightly with his own, jolting his sense of propriety with such an intimate physical gesture, given their unfamiliarity. Choi Dal Po pulled back his legs and sat up quickly, glancing around to make sure that nobody else had noticed that little ‘foot play’. But the perpetrator of that scandalous episode seemed unaware of the gravity of his action as he sat there munching on snacks with an impatient look on his face. Choi Dal Po shook his head almost imperceptibly at his companion, slightly disapproving but also marveling at his carefree attitude.

His life was all about maintaining propriety, walking on eggshells, revealing nothing of his true feelings and most importantly, pretending that he didn’t want what he craved the most. On a whim, he closed his eyes and pictured the one thing that he needed the most, the one unattainable love. It was not a picture but a collage of moments from his life, past and present, featuring the only girl he had ever known and loved. So many snapshots crowded his mind that they all became a tangle but his breath quickened when he remembered seeing her asleep under a blanket in a crowded journalist’ room in a police precinct.

He could immediately relive what he had felt at that moment. The slow burn that had started in his stomach and had made his fingertips tingle took possession of him again. Choi Dal Po opened his eyes with a start, nonplussed at the strength of his own imagination, for he could swear that he was feeling the same sensations as he sat in front of a relative stranger, in a below par establishment. In that fleeting moment of amazing clarity everything seemed crystal clear. He felt an unrest in his heart that seemed to choke him. He breathed deep and in short bursts as he tried to calm his frantic mind that seemed race ahead of his cautious self. His legs felt restless and his head swam with a giddiness that he couldn’t explain. He grabbed the filled shot glass in front of him and downed it in one gulp, drawing a low whistle from Choi Young Do, who smiled like a cat that got the canary. He smirked and asked with a touch of teasing, “What did you see, Newsboy?”

Choi Dal Po, fortified with the strength of the liquor leaned in and whispered, “I will be damned if I will tell you! But I think you might be onto something with that ‘visualization’ crap. You should become a motivational speaker or something. “

Choi Young Do was enthralled by the flush that colored those perfectly chiseled cheeks. He was envious of the younger man’s beauty but more than that he was jealous of what brought that color to his high cheekbones and the swan neck that vanished into his starched collar. He was a thing of beauty and no matter how supremely confident he felt inside, he knew that Choi Dal Po held an ace that he could never hope to possess. His guilelessness only made Choi Young Do feel worse. But a heart wants what it wants and his wanted Choi In Ha…….by hook or by crook! Choi Dal Po was going to be a collateral damage but man, he was going to be tragically beautiful in the process, just to make Choi Young Do question his motivations. Choi Young Do grabbed the filled glass and downed his shot as he kicked himself mentally.

They chit chatted for the rest of the evening, finishing 4 bottles of soju between them. The conversation ranged from the fiasco at Choi Young Do’s office to Choi Young Do’s escapades in college life to his obsession with mad cap action-thrillers. He regaled Choi Dal Po with outrageous tales of adventure and shenanigans that seemed too farfetched for the sedate young man. But he listened intently and believed half- heartedly. He felt like something was still undone before he could turn in for the day. At last, when they got up and made their way to the street outside, they were both a little light-headed and lighthearted.

Choi Dal Po hailed a cab and put Choi Young Do in it. Choi Young Do, leaned over to stop Choi Dal Po from banging the door shut and asked curiously, “Come with me Newsboy, I will drop you home. I promise, tipsy as I am, I still remember my manners.”

Choi Dal Po smiled and spoke softly, “I am afraid, I can’t call it a night yet. And you are to blame” he looked at Choi Young Do’s confused look and added, “Thank you, my friend. I think owe you a very big debt if I am able to see this night through the way I wish to in my head.”

Choi Young Do let a rueful smile touch in lips as he murmured, “Wow! Why do I have a feeling that I am going to regret tonight forever?” He leaned back and Choi Dal Po rightly guessed that the alcohol had got him more than it had got to him. He extended his right arm decisively and demanded, “Hand me your car keys” and he shook his head emphatically when Choi Young Do made to protest, “Nope! No argument about this. Hand me your car keys! Tomorrow, meet me after work and we will celebrate your ‘victory’ and you can have your keys back. You are going straight home and I promise I will not drive your car while you sleep it off.” He smiled and was taken aback by the languid and unguarded look in Choi Young Do’s eyes. He waited as Choi Young Do fished in his pocket and took out his keys, surrendering the bunch to Choi Dal Po, as he murmured, “At least, I will get to see you again. The car is a rental, so no big deal.”

Before Choi Dal Po could shut the door, Choi Young Do reached over and grabbed his wrist and said earnestly, “Go home safely.”

Choi Dal Po leaned in and said, “I wish to go home happy and hopeful. Wish me luck.” He didn’t notice the way the sparkle in Choi Young Do’s eyes dulled as let go of his wrist before he shut the door to the cab.

Choi Dal Po hailed the next cab and sent out a text as soon as he gave the directions to the cabbie. For the rest of the way, he vacillated between uncertainty, renewed hope and a suppressed excitement. He told the cabbie to wait as he exited the taxi and quickly stepped up to the bus stop, where she stood in a pair of hastily pulled leggings and a warm sweatshirt, looking perplexed and anxious. He stepped up to her as she turned to face him, a frown marring the face that was etched on his heart for as long as he had been aware of his uality. She was worried and concerned because she laid a soothing hand on his chest as he came to a stop before her, trying to sort out the sequence of words that crowded his mind.

“Choi Dal Po. Are you alright? First you send me a text saying that I should go to go home since you are too busy to meet me at the bus stop tonight and then you send me a text to meet you here, later than ever before, in the dead of the night. Do you know how worried I was? Is something wrong?” She complained softly as her eyes searched his face for any sign of trouble.

Choi Dal Po grabbed the hand that was on his chest and found his tongue and hoped that he wouldn’t lose his nerve before he could have his say, “Choi In Ha, I wanted to tell you something. Yesterday, I lied!” He waited till she looked into his eyes, more confused than ever, and perhaps a little fearful too, “I want a lot more than what I let on. I want to love deeply, I want to make love passionately, I want to have a family and adore the one true love of my life forever. Five years from now, I want to come home to the person I love, fight the whole world with the confidence that my love waits for me at home. I was afraid all this while to even enunciate my heart’s desire, let alone chase it. Not anymore. I know what I want and I am not afraid to declare it. You need to look within yourself and see if professional accolades is all that you want in the future. Choi In Ha….”he wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer, “life is a lot more than some fancy statutes on the mantle! You need to think what you really want and make a list. Trust me, before tonight, I didn’t believe in bucket lists. But I believe in bucket lists now. Figure out what you really want” he leaned in and Choi In Ha instinctively arched back, “Because unless you can see it in your mind’s eyes, you don’t know what you really want. Go home, sleep on it and rethink….what is it that you really want?”

Choi Dal Po leaned in and dropped a kiss on her forehead before letting her go, which almost made her stumble backwards. She was speechless and stunned as she took in the strange expression on Choi Dal Po’s face. He looked flushed, entranced and fevered. His cheeks were rosy, his ears scarlet and his lips…..oh! Those cherry lips……trembled with barely held back words…or was it kisses? He smiled the smile that had slayed many females and a few males, of dubious ual orientation, too. Choi In Ha watched as he his heels and walked away. Only then did she wonder, “I think I smelled soju. Has he been drinking? With whom? Is there somebody plying him with drinks and trying to steal my man?” She straightened her shoulder and narrowed her eyes as she watched Choi Dal Po walk away, “Bring it on, ! I will mop the floor with your sorry !”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Sorry for being MIA. Life happens  and often, not to our liking. But I promise that I will try to update more regularly. One sleepless night resulted in a chapter that I should had updated a long time ago. I have it all in my head. But getting my fingers to follow instruction..........is a different ball game. Here's hoping for more dark circles and productive nights.