Four

Baby Sehun likes learning. He likes being one of the first few students to finish the Chinese calligraphy work, loves being able to get the pool all to himself before the rest of the students jump in and is in love with the yoghurt drinks they give him. He sits on the swing, kicking his legs but not actually swinging. Each child quickly returns home with hugs upon their parents arrival. The time is 1730 and Sehun is alone at the playground. His teacher asks if someone is coming and he doesn’t fail to notice the hesitance in his voice as he holds his backpack and replies ‘my mother is picking me up.’  Three hours late and no one notices he is still not home.

Five

Sehun is five. He understands the alphabets, is able to recite the songs of his favorite cartoons and likes his tomatoes cherry and cute; much like himself.  At the age of five, he is unable to recognise the fact that he doesn’t like smiling thus often sporting a small frown contrasting his adorable demeanor. Sehun is five and cries when things don’t go his way. He remembers the way his mother will threaten to send him to the cops if he didn’t stop.

Six

The following year, he turns six and realises that his siblings dislike him more than they should. Due to lack of friends, he resorts to his imaginary friends. Well, does that even count when he knows he’s simply talking to air? His parents haul him around  to family gatherings, and he feels rather reluctant. Truthfully, being related by blood doesn't rule out the unknown to the boy. He does his best to smile and nod to whatever the adults are saying.

Seven

Sehun is seven and still confused. “You’re only seven, how hard can your life be?” He shrugs at the comment to refrain from explaining, knowing it’s absolutely no use. The lack of empathy from the elder and wiser should be a crime. His siblings throw insults at him as if he’s some sort of trash can waiting to be filled up. He is their stress reliever and while others retort on how wrong it is, they cannot do much to help him. His mother feigns ignorance and his father is left in the dark. Mid-year, he decides to enchant himself into thinking it’s only a dream. Two days later, he finds laughter cackling in the air due to his in-denial notes placed on his desk.

Eight

Sehun tries hard to fit in with his class. It’s English and his teacher is beyond mad, something about a couple of idiots with blank spaces in their books. He flinches upon hearing her tone and reverts his vision only to hear, “Don’t act like you’re such a goody two-shoes.” Whilst it is incredibly uncalled for, his fingers give in to the pressure anyway. Sehun does not count the days or hours but a few months later, his eldest brother disappears, car gone and room empty. He doesn’t know what’s going on, he doesn’t care.

Nine

Life’s ty when you have no friends and insensitive family members to add on. Growing Sehun focuses on school; not his grades but simply school. Home is far from his thoughts, family and friends basically nonexistent. He goes back to his fortress and locks himself in until the next dawn. He does not eat with his housemates, he does not talk.

Ten & Eleven

Sehun forgets how to speak. By the fifth year, no one tries to direct their anger to him, fortunately. He knows he is inside a bubble he does not want to pop, he is uncomfortable with himself. The year passes by fast as he prepares for the high school entrance exam. His thoughts often drift to nothing and he notices his lack of care towards anything and anyone.

Twelve

His so-called friends are s and he screws up in the final exam. Sehun cries himself to sleep and wonders why everything he touches breaks. Once in a while, the boy will pack his things and pretend that he is running away from home. It calms him down then he'll go to sleep after devouring a whole packet of fever reducer. The next morning, he feels numb and blur but most importantly, unhappy to be able to breathe.

Thirteen & Fourteen

Junior high school is the best thing that ever happened to Sehun. It takes a while for him to open up but at the end of day, he is smiling and the new faces encrypted in his brain reminds him there is something to look forward to. Sad and lonely Sehun does not study very hard nor does he bother about anything other than himself. He finds out a way to be manipulative with people and throughout the years, he realises he’s lost between the truth and lies.

Fifteen

Sehun falls in love with his ‘best’ friend. He does not confess in order to keep his friendship and settles for holding hands and hugs and occasionally likes watching the boy's small gestures. Love is a beautiful thing indeed. At the end of the year, Sehun finds out the latter is not looking for a relationship and his heart shatters when he realises the other chose to confide to another. Needless to say, it messed up his performance in the streaming exam. Two different classes, one block apart. The world is against Oh Sehun and Huang Zitao, he concludes.

Sixteen

He spends the year moping, brimmed with anger from betrayal whenever he spots his supposedly best friend holding hands and giggling with a mutual friend. It is no lie that his feelings made it much worse. He often flees from the horrid sight with a glare clad on his face. It looked fake, not to forget intentionally done. They avoid each other the whole year and he ends up crying too many times to count with envy and regret. Before the year ended, he finds a nice group of friends, ones very different yet more alike than others. In other words, a support group for people like him.

Seventeen

The whole year is filled with books, books and more books. He lets other activities drive himself away from the fact that he has yet to get over the heart break and spends his time mending his depressing thoughts. No more cuts, no more crying. He stays clean for a good four months and graduates with a crisp black bow tie to match his gown.

Eighteen

Oh Sehun takes a step into the bigger picture. Work in January and college in March. He finds a job at a small café at the newest mall rebuilt after its fall. There are mentions of topics like lunch and gatherings for high school friends and Sehun doesn’t know if he’s excited or not, he also doesn’t bother to think much of it. Some evenings rain a little heavier than usual while others shine too brightly for the lad. Oh Sehun likes the new sense of space he’s gotten after high school and looks forward to the people he'll intertwine with in the future,

that includes Lu Han.

This isn't actually a thing or anything. I just-