Stress To Confess

JR’s view:

Lately I had noticed that Ren seemed to be less perky than usual.  As we set in the company van on the way to practice everyone was happily chatting away.  Everyone that is besides Ren.  Ren stared straight ahead with a glazed look.  I softly nudged him and said, "hey are you ok?"  Ren quickly blinked and said in a low tone," hhhmmm? Um ya I’m fine, just um had something on my mind."  I slumped in my seat a little as I said, "oh ok, sorry for disturbing your thoughts."  Ren said in less than a whisper, 'no no it’s fine."  He then turned his head slightly and began looking out the window.  I turned and began to engross myself with the other members conversation.  After a couple of weird conversations we finally arrived at the studio.  I was surprised when Ren who was usually the first one out of the van to actually wait for all the others before he half heartedly stepped out of the van.  I came up beside him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder as I said," let’s make this dance practice nice and short and then go out for an icey afterword."  Ren kept his eyes on the ground as he said, 'I just wanna go back to the dorm after practice, so why don’t you just ask Aron to go with you."  I said," oh um o-ok thanks for the idea."  While practicing Ren remained quite as he focused on the dance moves.  I was surprised when we finished practice up in only three hours.  Once in the van Ren climbed into the corner and immediately began staring out the window.  The rest of the car ride back I was quite as well.  When we finally arrived at the dorm the others ran inside and the t.v. as they got ready to watch a basketball game they had been waiting all morning to see.  I waited for Ren as he slowly made his way out of the van.  I noticed that he seemed to be paler.  I quickly came up beside him and placed my hands on his arm as I said," hey are you ok?"  He just brushed my hands away and kept walking.  I stood motionless as I watched Ren enter the dorm.  When I got to our room I found Ren grabbing a fresh change of clothes.  When he was about to walk past me I grabbed his shoulder and spun him to face me.  I said, "hey are you sick because you look a little pale."  He just pushed my hand off of his shoulder and said, "I’m gonna wash up first."  He then walked down the hallway with me close behind. I said, "wait Re-."  Before I could finish what I was saying the bathroom door was slammed in my face and I heard the shower being .  I let out a huff before I decided to go get a snack.  When I walked through the living room all of the members yelled at me to get out of the way of the t.v.  Once I got to the snack cabinet I picked a box of cheese its and began retreating back to my room.  I felt like a little kid as I rolled across the floor avoiding getting in the way of the t.v.  As I walked past the bathroom I heard a loud thud.  I looked at the bathroom door quizzically.  I reached my hand forward and lightly tapped the door.  I waited for a reply but there was none.  I tapped on the door a little louder as I said,' hey Ren are you ok in there?"  When there was once again no reply I began to bang on the door.  The only sound that came was the running water from the shower. I said, "R-Ren I’m coming in ok?'  I slightly turned the knob and opened the door a fraction.   I nervously looked in to see Ren’s legs hanging over the edge of the bath tub.  I opened the door wider to find that Ren was lying unconscious in the tub.  I quickly ran over and knelt beside the tub.  I was relieved that Ren still had his boxers on but besides that he had nothing else on.  I reached my hand forward and lightly slapped his cheek as I said, hey Ren wake up.  Ren continued to stay motionless and I sat frozen not knowing what to do.  I watched as the water pelted Ren and soaked his blonde hair.  My breathe caught as I watched water slide across his chest down to the hem of his boxers.  I couldn’t help but look at how well toned he was.  I had never noticed before because Ren always kept his shirt on.  I leaned over him as I softly slipped one of my arms under his legs and the other around his back.  When I began to lift him I realized that he was light than usual.  I quickly made my way down the hallway to our room.  Once in the room I laid him across his bed pulling the cover over him up to his chin.  I then went back to the bathroom and grabbed a towel.  When I got back to the room I kentl beside Ren’s bed as I softly began to dry his hair with the towel.  I wanted to make sure his hair wasn’t completely wet so he wouldn’t catch a cold.  When I dried his hair to where it was only slightly damp I threw the towel into the clothes pile in the corner.  I opened up the closet and grabbed one of my knitted hats off of the top shelf.  Walking back to Ren’s side I softly finger brushed through his hair before I lightly pulled the hat over his still damp hair.  I then sat and stared at his sleeping face, even bare faced he still looked stunning.  I realized though that his lips seemed to be a pale yellow and very much chapped.  I frowned a little before I got up and walked over to my dresser.  I opened the top drawer where I kept all of my cosmetics and pulled out a small Vaseline bottle.  I lightly dipped my finger in it and got a tiny glob on my finger.  After returning the bottle to the drawer I made my way back beside the bed.  I raised my fingers above Ren’s lips and hesitated before I slightly slathered his lips with the Vaseline.  In his sleep he stuck his lips our and raised his hand momentarily before he let it fall back to his side.  I smiled a little and whispered," I hope that helped aish you need to keep better care of yourself."  I decided since Ren was safely sleeping I could take the chance and change.  When I opened the door of the bathroom after changing I felt someone push past me into the bathroom.  I looked sideways to see Ren hovering his head over the sink.  I said, "Ren wha-. " Before I could finish I watched horrified as he began to gag blood.  I came up beside him as I placed both hands on the sides of his waist.  I felt his body shake under my hands as he continued to gag.  I softly rubbed his back with one hand while I kept the other on his waist all the while I tried to say soothing words in a hushed tone.  When he was finally finished I turned the water on in the sink to wash away all the blood.  Ren started walking away but I quickly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the sink as I said," come here."  I then filled my hand with water and splashed it over Ren’s mouth.  I grabbed a towel and wiped his mouth and chin.  I knew that something was wrong with him not from the fact that he had just gagged blood but that he was standing still while I dried his face instead of trying to back away from me insisting he could do things on his own.  When I finished drying his face he turned around and began walking towards the kitchen.  All the lights were off because the other members had already gone to sleep.  Since everything was dark Ren ran into many things before making it to the kitchen.  When I made it back beside him I softly grabbed his shoulders and said, "hey what do you need?'  Ren just mumbled something that I thought meant water.  I patted him on the shoulder and steered him towards the dining table before I said, "ok one water coming up just sit here while I get it."  Once Ren was seated I turned and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet.  When I walked over to the refrigerator and said, "hey you want ice in your water."  When there was no reply I looked over to see Ren passed out with his head lying on the table.  I smirked a little and said, "my poor Renie."  I then walked over and pulled him onto my back as I bent over and bit the edge of the cup to carry it with me.  When I made it to our room I bent over the side table and unclenched my teeth as the cup was set on the surface of the table.  I then sat on the edge of Ren’s bed and let him roll off of my back onto the mattress.  When I got up I slipped on Ren’s shoes and fell back on the bed hitting my head on the head board.  My head buzzed from where I hit it and before I knew it my vision went black.  I woke to a pillow hitting me in the face continuously.  I raised my hands to defend myself as I said, "woah man chill out."  The pillow stopped momentarily as Ren looked down at me and said," you got a perfectly fine bed over there so why don’t you get out of mine."  I said, "I’m sorry I just passed out on your bed ok."  Ren let out a huff and kicked me straight off his bed and onto the ground as he said," well next time go pass out on your bed."  I pushed myself off of the ground and said," fine I will."  I then spun and flopped onto my bed splaying my limbs in every direction.  I felt pressure on my back and I looked backwards to see Ren lying on top of me.  I felt him lean his chin on my shoulder as he said," sorry JR I’ve had a lot on my mind lately so it’s made me cranky, so you’ll just have to beer with me for now."  I smiled and said," it’s ok just as long as you don’t stay mad at me for long."  I heard him laugh a little and say," I could never stay mad at you."  He then slipped off of me as he returned to his bed.  I turned my head to look at him as he said, "ok I’m going back to sleep."  "I grumbled, what time is it?"  Ren said," its 2:00 a.m. now go back to sleep or be quiet so I can at least sleep."  I couldn’t seem to get back to sleep so I decided to stay up and play with editing some tunes.  When I looked at the clock I was surprised to see that it was 7:00 a.m.  I quietly stretched and got up to go to the bathroom.  Before I left the bathroom I quickly washed my face.  When I grabbed the towel to dry my face I saw that there was spots of blood on it.  Then I remembered from before I had used the towel to dry Ren’s mouth.  I grabbed the towel and brought it back with me to the room so the others wouldn’t question about it later.  After throwing the towel in the corner of the room I walked back towards my bed.  I was about to get back on my computer when I suddently heard Ren yelp.  I looked over to where he lay still asleep.  Out of nowhere Ren started punching the air while saying," n-no stay away from him."  I rushed over to him and started to shake his shoulder as I said, "it’s just a dream, Ren wa-.'  Before I could finish I was hit square in the jaw with one of his fists.  I fell backwards on the floor and sat stunned as I watched stars form before my eyes.  Then I felt Ren fall to my side and grab my shoulders as he said," oh my god are you ok?'  I wiped a little blood from my mouth as I said," mmm ya I’m fine just a little taken off guard."  I then looked into Ren’s eyes as I said," how long have you been having these nightmares? " Ren bit his lip as he thought momentarily before he said," about a month now."  I in my breathe as I said, "do you want to talk about it?"  Ren quickly shook his head and said," nope."  He then got up and grabbed a pair of clothes to dance in.  As he walked toward the bathroom he yelled back," hey you might wanna get ready we leave to go to the studio in ten minutes."  After Ren came back I made my way to the bathroom and changed as well.  When I walked out of the bathroom I saw Ren and Aron come running down the hallway.  I began to say, "hey what’s go-. " Before I could finish Aron grabbed my arm and dragged me with him as Ren ran ahead of us.  As we ran Aron said in between breathes, "there was a power outage last night and our clocks got set off so were actually and hour late to practice and we need to hurry now before the manager finds out we aren’t at the studio yet."  We all quickly piled in the company van.  Once again I noticed that everyone was talking but Ren who was staring out the window with a glazed expression.  I softly nudged Ren and said, "hey are you feeling ok?"  Ren just mumbled, "don’t worry about me worry about yourself. " The rest of the ride I stayed quiet.  When we made it up to the studio we were meet with an angry manager.  The manager immediately pointed at the quiet Ren and said, "you come here."  Ren walked forward a little warily.  The managed said," it seems everyone here thinks they know the dance enough to come to the studio late, so let’s have Ren show the dance for me."  one of the staff members the music and Ren began to dance.  After he stopped the manager shook his head and said," nope it’s not lively enough do it again."  After four more times of doing the dance routine I noticed that Ren was breathing heavily.  I stepped forward and said," I-I can do the dance for you manager."  The manager shook his finger and said, "ng Ren is the best dancer."  He then snapped his finger and said," again do the routine again.'  In the middle of the routine Ren began having a coughing fit.  I ran up beside him and patted his back.  When he finally stopped I looked to see that his hands were stained with blood from his coughs.  I looked at Ren’s face right as his eyes fluttered slightly and he fell into my shoulder.  I wrapped my arms around him to keep him up as I saw that he was passed out.  I looked over at the manager and said," see what you did, you over worked him, and don’t even start with “if only we had gotten to the studio on time” bs.  There was a frickin power surge and our clocks got set off that’s why we were late!  And if you wanna discipline me for raising my voice and talking informally go ahead, but I don’t have time for that now I have a hospital to go to."  With that I picked Ren up and ran past the opened mouthed members as I made my way towards the elevator.  Once out of the elevator I ran outside and hailed a taxi.  Within ten minutes Ren was undergoing tests.  I waited for an hour until a nurse came and told me that Ren would be fine that he had just been undergoing too much stress, but  the doctor would like to talk to you in the room that Ren is in.  I softly bowed and began walking. When I got close to the room I saw a doctor standing outside. When I walked up to him he turned and said, "hi are you JR?"  I softly nodded and looked at him quizzically.  He continued, "Ren should be fine to leave once he wakes up he was under and extreme amount of stress, so that’s why I called you up here to ask if you have any idea what he’s stressing over."  I shook my head and said," I don’t know I mean we are learning new dance but Ren is our best dancer and he already has the routine down."  The doctor seemed to scrunch his eyebrows and say, "hhhmm do you know of anything else?  Like maybe anxiety for an upcoming performance or maybe he likes someone and he’s too afraid to confess."  I shook my head and said," no our next performance is in a month, and we are strictly forbidden to see girls right now and Ren hasn’t said anything about liking a girl."  The doctor snapped his finer and said, "what if Ren doesn’t actually like girls but rather prefers guys?"  The doctor then pointed towards the door and said," Ren should be waking up by now why don’t you try asking him what he is stressing over."  I turned to the door and slowly turned the handle.  I then walked in and closed the door behind me.  I peeked over to see Ren sitting up staring out the window.  I walked over and pulled a chair up beside his bed as I softly leaned my elbows on the bed.  Ren continued to look out the window as he said, "thank you JR, thank you for bringing me to the hospital."  I nodded my head and said," your welcome, um R-Ren? " "Hhmm?"Ren said.  I said, "can you please tell me what’s stressing you?'  Ren looked at me and said, 'it’s you."  I said," w-what I don’t understand just tell me what I’m doing and I’ll stop."  Ren shook his head and said, "I couldn’t ask that, cause if I did then I would be asking you to stop existing.  Stop breathing, smiling, laughing, and out of everything stop making my heart flutter like this."  I looked up at Ren surprised and said, "wait you like me?"  He shook his head and said, "that’s what I’ve been stressing over is confessing to you.  I was afraid, afraid you would look at me disgusted and that it would torture you to even be near me."  By now Ren had tears forming in his eyes.  I leaned forward and laid my head in his lap as I wrapped my arms around his waist.  I softly whispered, "Ren I love you and I want you to be by my side forever, but not as Ren as my boyfriend Ren."  I looked up to see Ren smiling with tears streaking his face.  I sat up to where our lips were inches away.  I looked from his eyes down to his lips before I leaned forward brushing my lips against his.  Then I pushed my lips deep into his and I felt him smile.  I pulled back and said, "so am I your cure?"  Ren nodded and kissed my cheek as he said," yes and I am so going to overdose on your love."