Chapter 1

Jungkook

I’m not someone who can focus to write or read with BGM on but for those of you who do, some songs I recommend listening to while reading this chapter would be:

f(Krystal+Amber+Luna)- Goodbye Summer ft. D.O of EXO

BTS- Coffee

You would think I would get used to it by now. That it wouldn’t feel like a rusty eggbeater to the heart every time I saw them together.

You would think I would stop subjecting myself to the torture of seeing the girl I loved with another guy.

You would be wrong on all counts.

The air in Seoul was crisp. Day-old snow still crunched beneath my boots. The sound seemed unusually loud, like I walked toward the gallows instead of coffee with friends.

Friends.

I gave one of those funny-it’s-not-actually-funny laughs, and my breath came out like smoke. I could see them standing on the corner up ahead.

So Eun’s arms were wound around Jin’s neck, and the two of them stood wrapped together on the sidewalk. Bundled in coats and scarves, they could have been a magazine ad or one of those perfect pictures that come in the frame when you buy it.

     I hated those pictures.

     I tried not to be jealous. I was getting over it.

     I was.

I wanted So Eun to be happy, and as she slipped her hands in Jin’s coat pockets and their breath fogged between them, she definitely looked happy. But that was part of the problem. Even if I managed to let go of my feelings for So Eun completely, it was their happiness that inspired my jealousy.

Because I was ing miserable. I tried to keep myself busy, made some friends, and settled into life all right here, but it just wasn’t the same.

Starting over .

On a scale of one to ghetto, my apartment was a solid eight. Things were still awkward with my best friend. I had student loans piling so high I might asphyxiate beneath them at any time. I thought by pursuing my master’s degree, I would get at least one part of my life right… WRONG.

I was the youngest one in the program, and everyone else had years of working in the real world under his or her belt. They all had their lives together, and my life was about as clean and well-kept as the community bathrooms had been in my freshman dorm. I’d been here nearly three months, and the only acting I’d done had been a cameo appearance as a homeless person in a Good Samaritan commercial.

Yeah, I was living the good life.

I knew the minute So Eun caught sight of me because she pulled her hands out of Jin’s pockets, and placed them safely at her sides. She stepped out of his arms and called, “Kookie!”

My heart did the guilty thing it always did when she used that childhood nickname. I pushed aside that nostalgic feeling and plastered a smile.

Maybe I was doing some acting after all.

I met them on the sidewalk, and So Eun gave me a hug. Short. Obligatory. Jin shook my hand. As much as it irked me, I still really liked the guy. He’d never tried to keep So Eun from seeing me, and he’d apparently given me a pretty stellar reference when I applied to my desired Performing Arts University. He didn’t go around marking his territory or telling me to back off. He shook my hand and smiled, and sounded genuine when he said, “It’s good to see you, Jungkook.”

“It’s good to see you guys, too.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and then So Eun gave an exaggerated shiver. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m freezing. Let’s head inside.’

Together we filed through the door. Memoir was a coffee place during the day and served alcohol at night. I hadn’t been there yet, as it was kind of a long trek from my apartment by my uni campus and because I didn’t drink coffee, but I had heard good things. So Eun loved coffee, and I still loved making So Eun happy, so I agreed to meet there when she called. I thought of asking if they’d serve me alcohol now, even though it was morning. Instead I settled on a smoothie and found us a table big enough that we’d have plenty of personal space.

So Eun sat first while Jin waited for their drinks. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, but the winter weather agreed with her. The milk coffee scarf knotted around her neck brought out her eyes. and her curls were scattered across her shoulders, windswept and wonderful.

Damn it. I had to stop doing this.

She pulled off her gloves, and rubbed her hands together.

“How are you?” she asked.

I balled my fist under the table and lied. “I’m great. Classes are good. I’m loving the uni. And the city is great. I’m great.”

“You are?” I could tell by the look on her face that she knew I was lying. She was my best friend, which made her pretty hard to fool. She’d always been good at reading me… except for when it came to how I felt about her. She could pick up on just about all my other fears and insecurities, but never that. Sometimes I wondered if it was wishful thinking. Maybe she never picked up on my feelings because she hadn’t wanted to.

“I am,” I assured her. She still didn’t believe me, but she knew me well enough to know I needed to hold on to my lie. I couldn’t vent to her about my problems, not right now. We didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore.

Jin sat down. He’d brought all three of our drinks. I didn’t even hear them call out my order.

“Thanks,” I said.

“No problem. What are we talking about?”

Here we go again.

I took a long slurp of my smoothie so that I didn’t have to answer immediately.

So Eun said, “Kookie just finished telling me all about his classes. He’s kicking higher education’s .” At least some things hadn’t changed. She still knew me well enough to know when I needed an out.

Jin nudged So Eun’s drink toward her and smiled when she took a long, grateful drink. He turned to me and said, “That’s good to hear, Jungkook. I’m glad it’s going well. I’m still on good terms with the professors at uni, so if you ever need anything, you know you just have to ask.”

God, why couldn’t he have been an ? I