TW: Physical abuse, implied ual abuse

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Once again XV found himself standing in front of the sanctuary board members, sitting straight in their chairs with a stoic expression embellishing their faces, and even XV’s advanced emotion detectors couldn’t decipher what was hidden behind their tight grimaces. At least during the last time he could tell that two of the four were disconcerted for some reason, but now they were giving him nothing to work with, and he concluded that he would have favored blatant disapproval over this maddening uncertainty. He turned to Taekwoon for some sort of reassurance, but he seemed to be just as lost as XV.

And then the blank expressions of the committee swiftly alternated from intrigue to shock when XV came into their sight.

“XV, are you alright?” Dr. Kim exclaimed, and for a moment XV wasn’t sure what she was referring to until he remembered that he had yet to fix the shallow scratch on his jaw.

“Just a flesh wound,” He offered, masking his nerves with an attempted jest that seemed to work, because the board members responded with a soft chuckle, and the atmosphere in the room significantly eased.

“Well, make sure you see a surgeon today,” Dr. Kim offered in response. “We wouldn’t want you getting too oxygenated with all this exposure.”

“Yes ma’am.” XV gave a serious, curt nod.

Once the common courtesy was out of the way, Dr. Kim went on to fold her hands over the wooden desk and smiled a polite smile.

“Thank you both for coming on such a short notice,” She began. “We usually take more time to discuss these kinds of matter, but we knew how urgent this one was so we wrapped it up as soon as possible.”

XV and Taekwoon pursed their lips empathetically.

“So I won’t keep you waiting any longer and say that your request has been approved—“, XV thought his smile was going to rip his face apart. “—but under some strict regulations.”

“Before we get to that though,” Dr. Kim continued, replying to XV’s apparent joy with an affectionate grin. “We’d like to share with you our suggestions for what could be appropriate to be Myungsoo’s future occupation.” She then turned to a member on her side, cueing for her to continue.

“Given the android’s sensitive nervous system,” The other female board member started, her voice slightly sterner than the chairwoman’s. “We assumed it only was best for him to work in fields that require very tender care, such as newborn nurseries or nursing homes; People oriented professions.”

“Or,” A different member chimed in. “On the other side of the spectrum- he could also go into work, since… that bill had been legislated last year.” He uttered the last part of his suggestion in somewhat of a squeak, realizing that three other pairs of scornful eyes were suddenly directed towards him.

“Yes, or that,” Dr. Kim added coldly, implying that this subject was discussed beforehand, and possibly disagreed on. XV blinked in response, trying to guess what the main cause of the controversy had been.  “But it will be up to Myungsoo to decide which of the options he prefers. And that brings us to the terms.”

XV gulped, so far so good.

Dr. Kim adjusted the glasses on top of her nose and leaned down slightly to read from the paper in front of her.

“First and foremost, XV will be assigned as the mentioned patient’s personal caretaker.” XV felt that uncontrollable giddiness filling up his chest again, attributing it to the feeling of success… and what a great feeling it was. “But considering XV is still an intern, he will be supervised by an experienced specialist who will guide him through the rehabilitation process of the patient.” She raised her eyes from the paper to lock them with Taekwoon’s. “Would that be alright with you, Dr. Jung?”

“Yes.” He responded earnestly, turning to give XV a small encouraging smile. If only he knew how uplifting that tiny gesture really was.

“Fantastic,” She returned a wrinkly grin. “Moving on to the requirements of the treatment, then.”

“After reading the patient’s medical charts, it appears that one of the most pressing issues is his speech.” She looked at XV again, searching his approval. He gave a prompt nod. “Therefore the first step in his recovery should be applied with speech therapy. But,” She added, “If he doesn’t seem to be improving you could also offer to specialize in the field of sign language, in case everything else fails.”

Sign language! XV exclaimed internally, could be a good idea.

“The next step, if he refuses the option of sign language, will be to teach him patience and tolerance when interacting with humans and androids, since as it says here,” She paused to squint at the small writing. “He is incredibly hostile to anyone who isn’t XV.”

XV couldn’t help but slip a sheepish smile between his lips; all this attention was slightly embarrassing.

“It’s worth adding that if he were an assistant droid or an XIV he could have been given a technical responsibility, but since he’s a socialite by default it is of utmost importance that he learns to function as such.”

XV nodded gravely, he himself knew how little space he had on his hardware for anything but social matters. He could learn to perform other acts that aren’t in his specialty, but it would feel like trying to cut a loaf of bread with a butter knife- right utensil, wrong functionality.

“So now that the physical rehabilitation is complete, you shall begin the mental stage of the treatment, with the assistance of your mentor, of course. It is essential for you to find out what exactly it is that’s hindering the patient’s progress so you can decide on the most suitable form of action. It won’t be easy, but with Dr. Jung’s help we rest assured that the task would be completed until the evaluation deadline.”

The evaluation. The mere thought of it sent a shiver down XV’s metallic spine. The deadline itself depended on the patient and the amount of hope the committee had for him. Poor Ansgar had been admitted into Heiligtum more than a year ago, and he was still being treated simply because the staff was adamant about keeping him there, but the board’s belief in his recovery was a limited source.

“With all this out of the way,” Dr. Kim concluded, removing her glasses with a swift motion and smiling kindly at the newly assigned caretaker and his mentor. “We wish you both the best of luck. This is a tough job but I have faith in you gentlemen. Don’t let us down.”

“Thank you for your trust.” Taekwoon bowed down respectfully, and XV hurried to join him.

XV rose with a smile, and took a moment to scan the four faces looking back at him: Dr. Kim with her reassuring kindness, the stern vice chairwoman, the inappropriate commenter, and the silent spectator who had nodded encouragingly during the previous meeting, but otherwise kept quiet.

He lingered on Chairwoman Kim, and was then inevitably troubled by that last thing she said. Don’t let us down. Suddenly he realized that it wasn’t all about Myungsoo anymore, that failing this mission didn’t only mean failing him; It meant failing Pastor Hwang who was kind enough to accept him into the sanctuary despite him being an illegal, it meant failing the board that had faith in him and in his abilities, failing Leo who taught him everything he knew, failing Taekwoon who taught him all the rest.

“Thank you,” He mimicked his mentor, his voice wavering just a tad under the weight of his sudden realization.

XV then followed Taekwoon out the door, graver than he’d entered it, and not even his mentor’s signature congratulatory clap on the back could uplift his fallen spirits.

 

“Dog. Cat. House.” Myungsoo uttered in turn, unimpressed as XV alternated between colorful illustrations of kindergarten level vocabulary words. He seemed to have had enough when XV presented him with a drawing of a yellow sun with a cartoony smile plastered on its two dimensional face.

“Cardboard,” He said, frustrated as he grabbed the stiff card from XV’s hands. “Linoleum,” He continued, pointing an annoyed forefinger at the ground beneath them. “Stethoscope, faucet, florescence, Plexiglas—“

“Okay, I get it—“

“Heel, humerus, bicep, nostril—“

“Myungsoo, it’s fine, I’m just—“

“Doctor, specialist, caretaker, intern.”

His voice rose to what could almost be considered a shout, but that was only since this was the first time XV heard Myungsoo utter anything louder than a whisper. It was then silent in the room as Myungsoo resumed to stare at XV, a brow threatening to reach the edge of his hairline.

“Thanks,” XV spat, not amused. “It’s just standard protocol; I need to make sure you’re capable of some form of cognitive communication that doesn’t include rolling your eyes.”

Myungsoo pursed his lips in dissatisfaction.

“Sorry,” XV sighed. If only Myungsoo knew how frustrated his newly assigned caretaker was. “I know you’re smart, I really do, but I need you to become fully functional so we can get you a nice job.” Myungsoo just blinked at him, expression neutral again.

“Now that I mention it, actually,” He put the cards down next to him. “It’s time we discuss your options.” Myungsoo seemed relieved, and XV visibly shared that sentiment.

“The board suggested sign language if you don’t feel like talking,” A pause for reaction, to which Myungsoo responded by a scrunch of his nose. “Use your words, Myungsoo.”

“No.”

“Okay, there was also working with children or elders…“

“Children?” Myungsoo’s face lit up.

“Yes,” XV smiled; glad to have received some sort of positive response.  “That or work—“

XV was then startled by a ferocious headshake from his patient, suddenly horrified.

“Alright! Not that!” He assured him, surprised by his strong disapproval. “Children it is, then.”

XV had never treated a patient with such strong reservations so early into his initial activation. Myungsoo seemed to be at least as old as XV was, if not older, and yet he had some very clear opinions about some very specific things, and XV wondered what could have happened to form them.

 “But you do know you’ll have to be touching them, right?” He added hesitantly. “Babies, toddlers, children… they all need physical attention of some sort.”

Myungsoo’s apparent revulsion to physical contact was disconcerting yet understandable, but unfortunately the only job he could both be qualified and interested in was one that required immense touching. Holding, comforting, feeding… Babies were highly dependent little creatures, and XV had a hard time imagining Myungsoo being tender with a tiny squealing human.

 “It’s…” Myungsoo started and trailed off, seeming to search for the appropriate way to finish the sentence. “It’s not the children I have a problem with.”

 

“How did today’s session go?” Taekwoon greeted XV at the employee lounge, already seated at the small table with his steaming cup of coffee. It was evening by then, but Taekwoon seemed to have begun a night shift because his coffee smelled too strong for that time of day.

“Better,” XV answered and plopped down on a chair beside his mentor. “He’s beginning to speak in full sentences.”

“Did he have anything interesting to say?” Taekwoon asked before taking a sip from his mug.

“Not yet. I don’t know how to open up the subject, Taekwoon.” XV sighed. “He’s a bunker when it comes to his past; the most I’ve gotten out of him is that something about adults is disconcerting to him.”

It has been a week since XV began the next stage of Myungsoo’s rehabilitation, and things were going only half smoothly.

“Well, that’s already a good start.” Taekwoon encouraged. “You don’t have to push him, go on with the program and if something triggering happens, address it.”

“What if nothing like that happens?” XV asked worriedly. “And what if it does? What if he regresses into silence again?”

“Easy,” Taekwoon chuckled. “Don’t freak out, it’s obvious that he went through some sort of trauma. He trusts you so give him a reason to talk to you, be his friend.”

“His friend…” XV mused.

“Yes, comfort him, humor him… turn on one of your default functions.”

“Which one?” XV had four: fatherly figure, brotherly guardian, friendly accomplice, and romantic companion. His question was only half genuine, but this wasn’t the first time he had this conflict. Some doubt seemed to have stuck.

“How about romantic companion?” Taekwoon murmured with a sly grin from behind his mug and if XV could blush, he would have. The silence he emitted was enough of a giveaway, though. “I’m just teasing, don’t shut down on me.” Taekwoon cocked his head to meet XV’s gaze.

“Sorry,” XV apologized, “I’m just stressed out.”

“He is too, trust me.”

XV rubbed his eyes, he needed to recharge.

 

A week later, Myungsoo was seated on yet another examination table, wired up to a computer monitoring his responses as to simulation taking place under his helmet.

XV couldn’t help but remember back to the first time Taekwoon introduced him to the contraption during his first days in the sanctuary. He couldn’t hide his excitement; Finally something familiar! He exclaimed then, being very well acquainted with the simulator from his other lifetime. That otherworldly device made him feel strangely at home, almost nostalgic even, but Myungsoo’s experience with it was significantly different.

Myungsoo’s trial with the innovative technology was purely educational. He was undergoing a simulation of a hospital type scenario, a nursery one, to be exact. He was looking through the eyes of a nurse or a pediatrician’s assistant, walking around a room full of squalling newborns in search for his patient. It was a simple exercise of working under overwhelming sensory pressure, testing Myungsoo’s orienteering skills as he made his way through the vicinity full of crying newborns. It was the lowest level the simulator had to offer, to be upgraded once Myungsoo proves to have mastered it, and he seemed to be doing well so far.

It was a thought generated simulation, meaning that all Myungsoo had to do was think of a command and the program acted upon it. He thus remained sitting completely still, focused on the scenario playing in front of him while XV monitored his progress.  XV wasn’t allowed to interfere unless Myungsoo appeared to be in any kind of distress, but given the difficulty was fairly low it wasn’t a very valid option.

It was a short simulation, taking up only twelve minutes of Myungsoo’s therapy session and soon enough he was already removing his helmet, smiling triumphantly.

“How did it go?” XV looked up from the beeping monitors to grin back.

“I knew right away which baby it was because he was screaming the loudest,” Myungsoo gushed. “I gave him a pacifier and rocked him until he calmed down and then weighed him because his chart said he was just a tad underweight but he had been given some supplements so I needed to check if they helped adjust his weight and they did!”

XV couldn’t help but straight out laugh. This was the most he had ever heard Myungsoo speak.

“What’s funny?” He asked, his smile turning only slightly perplexed.

“Nothing, you did a fine job.” XV cleared his throat, masking an escaped chuckle. “And your stats remained completely stable the entire time, that’s great!”

“I wasn’t nervous at all.” Myungsoo beamed.

“I know,” XV pressed a button that brought the printer to life, and promptly emptied out a sheet full of lines and graphs. “We’ll be adding this to your file so we can keep track of your progress.”

Myungsoo’s smile was not leaving his face, he was just that proud of himself. XV couldn’t suppress his own snaking little lip curl, feeling both pride and what seemed to be the strangest kind of fondness.

“We’ll be bumping up the difficulty in the next simulation, and we’ll keep doing that until you complete the program. Then we’ll take you to a few days of internship in an actual hospital.” XV pulled up a chair to sit across from Myungsoo. “How does that sound?”

Myungsoo gave an enthusiastic nod.

“Use your words, Myungsoo.”

“Great!”

XV smiled at him one more time before tucking the newly printed stats into a brown folder placed on the desk beside him. He knew there was one more matter he needed to address, and he was very reluctant to do so.

Myungsoo had been advancing in a rapid pace, improving both his speech and behavior, and XV was just waiting for an opportunity to open up this potential wasp nest. It almost came up during some of the sessions, but Myungsoo seemed eager to change the subject and XV didn’t push him. “Treat it another test,” Taekwoon advised him upon noticing XV’s hesitation. XV knew that it was a matter of time before the subject would finally come up one way or the other, and the earlier the better.

“Uh, Myungsoo?” XV looked up to meet Myungsoo’s eyes squinted into crescent moons over his lifted cheeks. “I—I wanted to ask you something.”

Myungsoo returned an expectant stare.

“How come you’re so fond of human babies but not human adults?”

That was enough to wipe the joy straight off Myungsoo’s face. XV immediately regretted his question, necessity irrelevant.

Myungsoo was silent for a long time, too long. His eyes glazed over and he looked like his consciousness had been right out of him. And XV began to panic. I ed up I ed up I ed up. He had never sworn before, not as harshly at least, but the words were stored in his mind, just waiting to be used in a stressful situation like this. He’s closing up on me, I ed up.

He was about to take it all back; say that he didn’t mean it and that Myungsoo didn’t need to answer. That he’s sorry, that he made a mistake. Anything was better than that terrifying silence, because silence meant failure, it meant regression, it meant deactivation.

But then he spoke. Quietly. His voice a mere whisper in the silent examination room.

“Is Dr. Jung your master?”

XV thought he was hallucinating. Did he really just as that?

“It’s… slightly more complicated than that.” XV managed to utter. What did that have to do with anything? “I don’t really have a master since there are so many people above me.” He explained.

“Taekwoon is my mentor and a superior specialist, but he’s not really my master… though you can say that he’s directly in charge of me.”

Myungsoo’s eyes refocused in response, and XV wanted to sigh in relief. He’s alright.

“Does he…” Myungsoo started. “Does he hit you when you do something wrong?”

“Hit me?” XV couldn’t hide his confusion that soon turned to horror. “Why—No, he doesn’t—I wouldn’t feel it if he did, I—Myungsoo, did your master hit you?”

 Androids that ended up in Heiligtum would sometimes come from abusive masters, having had severed the limbs or bashed the bodies of their robotic companions against hard surfaces in fits of rage, but it was different with Myungsoo. It was different because Myungsoo actually felt the pain involved.

“I thought it was okay at first,” He explained, his voice empty of emotion. “He wanted me to be a romantic companion but my default setting is fatherly figure. I did what he wanted but I made lots of mistakes.”

XV thought his brain was going to buzz straight out of his skull.

“Eventually even when I did well he would hurt me, as if it brought him pleasure. Even things that once felt good were nothing but painful.”

XV wanted to stop him, to tell him that he didn’t need to tell him the rest, but he couldn’t move his mouth.

“It all clicked when I checked in with my operating system, and it stated that humans don’t naturally harm each other unless in mortal danger. Humans have romantic companions; they have fatherly figures… what makes me any different?”

Myungsoo was speaking in a monotone voice, as if he was reciting from an internal manual. But he wasn’t, he was recreating a memory.

“So one time I grabbed his hand before he could hit me.” He said. “He then put me in his car and threw me out of it mid-drive.”

XV stared at him, wide eyed.

“I thought he was going to deactivate me. What he did was much worse.”

“Myungsoo, I’m so—“

“It was the most pain I’ve ever felt in my entire existence.”

XV wanted to hug him, because some patients liked that. Those who went through trauma seemed to favor physical contact of the enveloping kind. He learned that it made them feel safe, or whole. But after what Myungsoo had told him he wouldn’t dare touch him, he thought Myungsoo would break into pieces if he did.

“I’m sorry.”

All he had was words. Worthless words. Because Myungsoo had just set up an impenetrable barrier, one that even XV’s heightened empathy couldn’t break through. Myungsoo knew something XV never will, and that was the major difference between them.

“How long were you out there alone?” He uttered after a short silence.

“A few hours, then the patrolling caretakers found me.”

For the longest time XV didn’t know what to say. He was programmed to excel in these kinds of situations, prewired with automatic responses to grief, a reflex of condolence, but they seemed too artificial now, too insincere. He wanted to rid completely of the haze Myungsoo recoiled into, but he knew that nothing he could offer him would do that.

He could say that not all humans are like that, and the sanctuary staff was living proof of that, but that wouldn’t erase the trauma. It was enough for Myungsoo to know that there were people like that, and that until they show that side to him he would never otherwise know.

He needed Taekwoon for this; he was in way too deep.

“I understand now” was what XV decided to eventually say. It wasn’t fully true because XV couldn’t even begin to comprehend what physical pain felt like, but he could understand the mental implications of it.

Myungsoo didn’t return his gaze; a blank expression forming across his smooth features as he resumed to stare at nothing in particular, unblinking. XV began to fear that he made a terrible mistake.