Kim Jonghyun really knows how to break a woman's heart.

I’m sorry I don't go into that kind of relationship.

I could hear the sound of my own heart shattering into pieces. I didn’t know when my tears started falling or when he said goodbye. Before I knew it he was already gone leaving me in my most pathetic state.

I wasn't prepared for it. The rejection was unexpected because everything he did made me think I actually had a chance.

The moments we spent together laughing to our hearts content, the moments we were holding each other’s hands and saying I miss yous... I knew for a fact that he feels the same way as I do. It wasn’t my fault that I fell in love with him. It was him who was being so sweet and confuses my heart.

I was greedy. I couldn’t just be contended with the friendship. I wanted something more. So I told him those three words which I shouldn’t have spoken out loud.

“I love you,” I said. But he couldn’t accept the love I was willing to offer. He said he doesn’t need it. I cried because it hurts. Whoever said that falling in love is a happy thing must have been out of his mind. Because it hurts like hell.

Weeks passed and I haven't seen a glimpse of him. If he was intentionally avoiding me, I’m not really sure. I’m not sure if I like it that way either.

However, I knew that sooner or later no matter how much we try to avoid each other, our meeting will still be inevitable.

It happened one day while I was out partying with a friend. I hate parties because for one, its noisy, two I don’t dance and three, I don’t know how to socialize. I just went to that damn party because if I didn’t go I’ll have to stay at home alone willowing in distress after being dumped by the person I love. And that doesn’t sound appealing, if you ask me.

And so I went even if the party totally and my feet is aching after being forced to wear stilettos which I’m not really used to wearing.

“Stay here I’m going to get some drinks," my friend told me before leaving.

“Sure,” I said. I scanned the crowd hoping the scene would cure my boredom and my aching heart but unfortunately it didn’t. I let out a deep sigh.

“Hey there,” someone said behind me. When I turned to look I saw a guy about my age eyeing me with interest. I ignored the guy hoping he would realize I’m not interested. I guess he’s one of those guys who you can call handsome in a normal girl's perspective. But too bad he didn’t meet my standard with Jonghyun being the basis of it. Damn that guy. At this rate I don’t think I’ll be able to get a boyfriend.

To my annoyance, the guy didn’t leave. I really hate having an annoying guy on my tail. Add that to the list of reasons why I don’t like parties.

From the corner of my eye I saw a familiar figure grabbing a drink and talking to someone. My heart skipped a beat. God, he was gorgeous and my heart was aching from the mere sight of him. When he noticed me he immediately looked away and it infuriated me.

I turned to the guy who was talking to me earlier. Luckily he didn’t leave yet. I needed something, anything to distract me and that guy seemed to be the only option I had at the moment. I gave him a smile to let him know I’m interested in making a conversation. He returned the smile and then we started chatting.

The conversation dragged on with him mostly the one talking and me pretending to listen. While the guy was introducing himself, I was thinking how Jonghyun's new hair color suits him better.

While he was telling me about the type of music he listens to, I was wondering when I will ever get the chance to hear Jonghyun sing again. I missed those moments when he would let me be the first one to listen to his newly composed songs. Now, I no longer have that kind of privilege.

And while the guy was complimenting my looks, I was thinking how Jonghyun always teases me for being short and telling me we were meant to be because I’m the only one who matches his height.

I started to feel dizzy from having too much to drink but I didn’t mind. The alcohol tasted heaven with the sole reason that it numbs my heart to the point that it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

However there are some things I learned that night. One, never drink more than you can handle and two, don’t go anywhere private with a stranger. Unfortunately, I learned those things the hard way.

Because I had too much to drink, I wasn't aware of the danger I was putting myself into. I guess drinking too much could make you become stupid and could really get you into trouble.

While having a conversation to the guy I just met, I complained I was dizzy and so he suggested we go outside to get some fresh air. He then brought me to the veranda which is completely fine with me. The place is isolated but I liked it better. The party is getting on my nerves and Jonghyun, the jerk who had the nerve to break my heart, is in there and anywhere near him is not gonna be good so I decided a peace and quiet is exactly what I needed.

Everything was perfect except for the guy who was still pestering me. Now that Jonghyun is out of my sight, I no longer needed his company. But I decided not to tell him that because I didn’t want to be rude. And so I kept my silence and decided to ignore him instead.

I was doing pretty well in pretending he doesn’t exist when suddenly the man started making dangerous advances. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

“What are you doing?” I asked because I can’t remember giving him permission to do those things.

"Oh come on. I know you like it." What the heck is he talking about? I slapped him hard across the face because I just could no longer contain the anger that was building up inside me. As my palm landed on his cheeks, I had a sudden dizzy attack (probably still because of the alcohol) and the world seemed to be spinning right before my eyes.

Strong arms caught me before I totally fell on the floor and completely embarrass myself. When I looked up I saw Jonghyun staring back at me.

"Are you ok?" How dare he ask me that question when he was the exact reason I was having a hard time.

"Let me go," I ordered him because his hands are still on my shoulders and he was forcing me to lean on his chest for support. It helps but no thanks. I’d rather handle my own problems than let him mess it up even more.

"Man, this isn’t your problem so I suggest you leave us alone," the other guy said which reminded me that he was still there. I almost forgot his existence after seeing Jonghyun beside me.

Jonghyun ignored the man then to me he said, "How can you get yourself into trouble like this?"

"I can manage on my own, thank you. You can go now," I said dismissing him.

"No, I don’t think so." Jonghyun can be really stubborn but that’s exactly one of the reasons why I like him so much. He turned to the guy then said, "This is a personal business so if you will be kind enough to leave us alone..."

The man didn't leave and Jonghyun was pissed off. "Look, she's my girlfriend so back off will you?” Girlfriend? What the heck is he talking about? But it seemed to be effective because the man scurried away after muttering a few curses.

After the man left I immediately moved away from Jonghyun. My heart was beating like crazy and I was afraid he would notice so I had to stay away. I tried to steady myself and it proved to be difficult with me being drunk and all. I cursed myself and promised never to drink again.

"I'll take you home. Come on,” Jonghyun said while trying to grab my arm in an attempt to assist me.

“No!" I insisted. I pulled my hand away and moved a couple of steps further."Just go. We have nothing to do with each other anymore so get the hell away from me."

“Haewon-ah..." My name on his lips still has that amazing effect on me.

“Please, Jjong… Just go…” The plea sounded more desperate than I intended. I was hurting enough and I don’t need him to torment me even more. Being near him doesn’t help. Nope. It’s just plain torture.

He didn’t show any indication of leaving so I decided to be the first to go. I turned to leave but Jonghyun prevented me from going anywhere. He grabbed my arm before I could even make a step and then I found myself facing him again.

"I love you," he said almost like a whisper.

What? A humorless laugh escaped my mouth. "Kim Jonghyun, are you really playing games with me? It’s not even funny." His grip tightened and I realized that any attempt to leave will be useless. Jonghyun is determined to make me stay for reasons which my mind couldn’t seem to comprehend.

By this time, tears were already streaming down my face against my will. I didn’t want Jonghyun to see this weak side of me. My pride was all I had but now it was all gone making me look even more pathetic.

He reached up and started caressing my cheek and wiping my tears in the process. "I'm sorry. I knew I was a jerk and I knew how much it hurts because I feel the same way.”

Lies...

I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. For years that I’ve known him, I learned that Jonghyun is such a nice guy. Someone who would tell white lies just to make people feel at ease. And he’s probably doing that exact thing right now.

I forced a smile because I didn’t want him to worry anymore. He doesn’t need to tell lies just to make me feel better. If he can stop being Jonghyun, then maybe it will help. But right now all I wanted is to get the hell away from him and hope that somehow, in one way or another, I could manage to get over him soon enough.

“Jjong, you’re not helping at all…” I said out of frustration.

He pulled me in a tight hug then started telling me things which sounded so good to be true. “I love you, Haewon-ah,” he said again. "I'm sorry. I thought you'll be worse off having me as a boyfriend. But oh god, I love you. From the very beginning I have always loved you."

Alright then, I’m going to listen to those words one last time. Even if it’s a lie… Even if it was slowly killing me from inside. I have to hear it. “When you confessed to me, I was so happy but at the same time I feel so undeserving. You’re so sweet… and wonderful… and beautiful… And I’m just… just Jonghyun. I know how much it hurts because I am hurting too…”

I pulled away from his embrace and looked at him confused. “W-what are you saying?”

He avoided my eyes which is something he always does when he’s embarrassed. “I’m saying I don’t deserve you. I turned you down because I don’t deserve you.”

Anger built up inside of me after hearing his words, “Are you telling me you broke my heart just because you think you don’t deserve me?” I slammed my fists on his chest and he didn’t even try to stop me. “All these pain I’ve been going through is all because of that stupid reason?”

“Look, I’m always busy. I don’t even get to see my family that often. I wasn’t home on Christmas and I couldn’t even go to my brother’s graduation party. And I always have this feeling that they might hate me for taking them for granted. And I don’t want that to happen to you too.”

“Babo,”I couldn’t believe that Jonghyun feels the same way about me. After he turned me down, I was so convinced he only sees me as a friend. Even if his reasons doesn’t make sense, I guess I can forgive him.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and faced Jonghyun with a new determination. Everything is clear to me now. This stupid guy broke my heart because he thinks he’s not good enough for me. “Your family don’t hate you. I went to your brother’s graduation party and they were a little sad that you couldn’t make it. But they are far from angry. They’re worried you might be overworking though. I told them you’re fine and that you’re living your dream so they shouldn’t worry. I don’t even care if you don’t have time for me. I’ve been living that way for years and I didn’t complain, didn’t I?”

“Well, that might be true but still…”

“Hey, shortie…” I said cutting him off and before he could complain about the fact that I just called him shortie I continued, “Do you love me or not?”

Jonghyun smiled at last, the sweetest smile I’ve seen from him so far. “I do. I love you Haewon-ah.” Then he pulled me closer, lowered his head and covered my lips with his own. The kiss proved so many things. I knew right then and there that he was telling the truth. I knew because I could feel his pain. I guess I was also stupid for giving up on him so easily.

“I love you too,” I said.

Jonghyun pinched my cheeks and said, “Don’t ever call me shortie again or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Why? What will you do if I call you shortie, shortie?” I teased.

“This…” Then he claimed my lips for another kiss. And with that single kiss my heart melted.

“Maybe I should keep calling you shortie after all.” Jonghyun laughed then gave me a tight hug. My face is still flustered after the kiss we just shared. And my heart is still beating like crazy.

Kim Jonghyun really knows how to break a woman's heart but he also knows how to mend it back.