I tossed my nicest clothes to my orange carrier, and the afternoon sunlight from my window was shining on them as if baptizing them as the blessed ones to get a sight of Kwon Jiyong. The manager told us this morning that we would meet the management tomorrow. And that we needed to drive tonight to avoid the morning traffic, and so he allowed us to take the afternoon off to prepare. 

It wasn't that I was expecting to meet Jiyong tomorrow. But it wouldn't hurt pretending that I got my life together in front of him. Especially when I actually know this is not the life I pictured having at my age. Well, what can I do? Not much.

I was so close to asking my younger sister for fashion advice. But maybe he's not worth all that trouble. 
I totally lost contact with him, and the only times I ever see him is on billboards, posters, strangers' cellphone cases. I only hear his voice on the radio, when their songs play. 

Basically, I lost contact with him. But I haven't been able to forget him. He's a celebrity, sure. It would definitely be hard to forget someone like him. However, there are times when I wonder if I even tried forgetting him. If I actually wanted to forget him. 

Did I use the fact that he's a celebrity as a mere excuse for not trying to forget someone like Kwon Jiyong?

I shook these thoughts off as I closed my carrier and laid on my bed. I watched the ray of sunlight on my ceiling and bedroom wall and sighed. Maybe this isn't a good idea.

I spent almost an hour laying down, and soon it was dark in my bed. I went to the bathroom to freshen up. 

I bid my parents goodbye for the weekend, went down our apartment and entered my manager's car. 

I guess I'll be seeing Kwon Jiyong.

Kihyun called shotgun and I was sitting behind him. I suddenly missed Seowoo, but she probably enjoyed staying in. Lucky girl. She probably couldn't care less about Kwon Jiyong. I mean, sure she might freak out for a second. But it wouldn't mean anything else to her. Maybe I should just open the car door and jump out this car. 

Some good song was playing in the car and I found myself bobbing along the music. It was a silent ride. Kihyun looked so drained from all the silence. Poor kid. 

"Do you think we'll manage to this documentary?" I asked Manager Lee. 

"Of course. We can do this!" Kihyun probably didn't see me looking at the manager.

"Well, we have no choice but to manage." The car turned left, to a drive thru. McDonald's? Seriously? 

"It's not that we have no choice. It's that you definitely think this is a good choice." I almost pouted, but I remembered that I don't do that. 

"Hamcol?" He asked. 

"Yes," Kihyun and I both answered with totally different tones. 

"I don't have any idea, too. Why would they hire a small company like us? They said it was Taeyang who wanted to hire us. But it doesn't help to know why it had to be us.." 

Taeyang. Right.

The last day I met him was around two weeks after I last met Jiyong.

"How are you holding up?"

How else? By looking for a job. Or at least pretending that everything is normal. 

"All is fine, Youngbae." I gave him a smile that forced itself to reach my eyes. 

"Okay. I'll believe you."

Of course you will. You always did. You always believe in me.

"Does he know that you're here?"

He shook his head. For some reason, it pained me. 

If he doesn't know, then what good does it do me that Youngbae is here?

Autumn leaves silently fell from the trees. We sat on the wooden bench that overlooked a small lake. 

I turned to face him again, but no words dared to come out. 

"Do you miss him?" he asked, turning to me. 

"Yeah." 

"What are your plans now?"

Plans. Does it have to matter now? Can't I just miss him like crazy, and wait for what comes next?

"Look for a job, I guess."

"It is a favor to yourself that you're planning something. For yourself."

"Did you read my mind just now?"

"No. But I figured you might think the same thing."

"Same thing?"

Autumn leaves were blown by the soft wind and some of them landed on my lap.

"I had to forget my own pain, because I had a debuting to do." 

"But you did great. You're doing well now, right?"

"You can say that it was a good thing that I was busy. Even though I really wanted to cry and go crazy for just a minute." 

I chuckled. "Good for you."

Youngbae heaved a long sigh and smiled at me. "I really wanted to cry and go crazy because of you." 

Autumn was just at the right intensity and I heard Dong Youngbae confessing to me. 

The silence was comfortable.

"Should we date?"