MOONLIGHT

☊ Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer ☊

Pairing - HunHan

      “Hyung.” Breathed Sehun, eyes widening with shock. He stumbled backwards, into his coffee table, eyes seeing something he’s dreamed of so many times. For a brief moment, his eyes didn’t allow him to believe it to be true.

“H-Hi.” Said Luhan. “I, uh, came to say hello.”

“Yeah, well, you probably should’ve done that four years ago. You know, when you left m- us? When you left us?” Sehun bit his tongue, trying not to sound like a bitter ex-boyfriend but a hurt ex-bandmate.

“Look, Sehun, I’m sorry.” Started Luhan, but he stopped to hold the door open as Sehun tried to close it on him. “Sehun, listen to me. I… I want to explain.” The older male was almost crying, desperate to explain everything to Sehun now that he was ready to see him again. It had been eating away at him; he’d not told anyone he was leaving, not even  Sehun, face-to-face. It had been through a letter and by leaving, taking all of his belongings and taking a flight back to his home country.

“Maybe I don’t want to hear your excuses.” Sehun muttered, tears forming in his dark eyes and a stony expression on his face.

“But maybe you do.” Luhan hurriedly replied. “I know you, Sehun. I know you better than anyone else, don’t forget that.”

Sehun sighed angrily. He stepped back from the door, allowing the older to step into his tiny apartment’s living room. Sehun had been living here, alone, for the last few months after EXO was officially disbanded- more scandals about the members had formed and SM decided to cut them off, terminating their contracts, even though the rumours were later proved to be false. In their opinion, a straight dating scandal with the main visual of one of their biggest bands was bad enough for their company and it’s reputation, but when it was revealed that the reason it was a false claim was that the member was dating his own bandmate, SM went hysterical and decided that the ‘rumour factory’ that was EXO wasn’t bringing in enough reward for the risk they were taking by keeping them.

Sehun turned off the television, clearing space on the couch for his hyung to sit down.

“I heard about Jongin and Kyungsoo, I’m happy they had the strength to announce it after the rumours about Jongin and Soojung.” Luhan smiled faintly.

“I know, they were so nervous, but we all said that the ten of us would stay together, no matter what. That we started as one, we would end as one.” Sehun laced his words with bitterness and it stung Luhan’s heart. “Now stop changing the subject. I don’t have all day for you to play around.”

“I-I’m not playing around. Sehun… These last four years have been so difficult, it was almost impossible to carry on.” Luhan said with shaking breaths. “I just… I couldn’t do it any more. It wasn’t that I didn’t love being a part of EXO, it’s just… it was too… difficult. It was hard for me to stay when I was making myself that ill. Everyday, I’d work so hard, and where would it get me? Nowhere closer to being where I wanted to be. Yes, I’d be with my best friends pretty much twenty-four seven, but I’d still be lonely. I was still broken, functioning on autopilot. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I just couldn’t anymore. I had to take sedatives just so I could board a plane, I’d take energy tablets so I didn’t have to eat and put on weight. I’d drink water so I didn’t consume excess sugar. Everyone has a breaking point and that was mine. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m pitying myself, it’s just what happened for me.” He was crying, memories of his silent pain trailing down his face.

“Hyung, why didn’t you just say something? We were all there for you.” Sehun said, trying to keep a stoic expression.

“I couldn’t, okay? I tried, but someone would just say ‘Lu-ge, cheer up! You don’t need to worry, you’ll be fine tomorrow, just relax’, and I’m sorry, but I tried that already. It didn’t work, I just had to get out.”

“Then you should’ve just told me. Or did I not matter enough? You talk about wanting to stay with EXO, but you never said anything about wanting to stay with me.” Sehun’s cold look was faltering, his voice cracking. “Was I not enough to comfort you? Was I not enough to make you consider staying?”

Luhan froze. “You’re the reason I stayed that long. Do not ever, and I mean ever, think you wer- aren’t important to me.”

“‘Weren’t’. That explains everything, hyung. I might’ve been important to you before, but I haven’t been for a long time.” Sehun couldn’t hide the pain in his voice. “Luhan, why did you come here? I was fine, you didn’t have to come back and hurt me like this. I was fine before you!”

Luhan gasped, more tears welling in his eyes. “Don’t…”

“No. Luhan, you don’t. You’re the one that’s made me so… so broken. I hate it. I waited for you, I waited for you to come home. You never did. I hated it, I hated what you did to me! You just left and expected me to be okay with that!” Sehun became progressively more frantic, voice raising as he went along.

“I visited you, I tried to stay with you.” Luhan said quietly.

“You visited me once. And that was to tell me you wouldn’t be coming back.” Sehun snapped. “I memorised it, you know? That day, all of it. Then I remember the tears streaming down your face. I thought you were there to tell me you’d be back soon. The makeup running down your face; did you put it on for show? To make me want to save you even more?”

“Sehun, stop it!” Luhan yelled.

“No! I waited for you! You didn’t even try and come back!” Sehun was bellowing at this point, he didn’t care if his neighbours complained. “You know what, I wish I had never met you! I wish I could forget everything! From the way your eyes look stupidly bright to the way you have to drink tea when you’re sad! From the way you’ll always smile so people don’t see your pain to the way Umin-hyung was the only person apart from me who you trusted with your secrets! From the way you like strawberry cake more than anyone I know, to the way you’d take me to get bubble tea in the middle of the night!” Sehun’s tears fell uncontrollably. “All of it, I just wish I could forget it. Why can’t I forget you…?”

“Because sometimes, we can’t forget the things that are important to us.” Luhan managed to choke out. “And you’re the most important thing to me, you always have been.”

Sehun glared at him. “You can’t just do this. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. You’re supposed to be the one hurting now, not me. Not me again. Do you know how hard this is?”

“Sehun, this is my life everyday. I have to live my life knowing that I’m the one that caused you to feel this way. I have to live knowing that I pretty much abandoned ten of the most important people in the world to me. I couldn’t even talk to anyone, even though you all assumed I went off and started a life with Duizhang. I didn’t, we barely even saw each other. I had no one left and there was no one to blame but me. Okay? This isn’t how I wanted our lives to be! I wanted to be with you. We were going to get our own apartment, or we’d move out into Gyeonggi-do, like Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongin and Kyungsoo would. We’d have a happy life and we’d go back to school, sometimes acting or modelling if we needed to do something new. We’d get two pets, probably cats or dogs, and we’d name them after characters from dramas. We’d live together until our hair goes grey, I can’t sing any more and you can’t dance because you’re hips go, until people barely remember our names and we’d be happy. I swear to God, we’d be so happy.” Luhan practically collapsed onto the floor.

“Hyung, why couldn’t we have had that life?” Sehun breathed. “I wanted that life for us.”

“Because I couldn’t stay like that.”

“Can you stay like this?” Sehun replied quickly.

“What?”

“I’m serious. Stay now, we can still have it.”

Luhan stood up. “Are you serious?”

“Luhan, I’ve waited four years for you to come back. I hope you don't think you're ever leaving my sight again, because that would be unfortunate.”

That night, tears mixed together, lips connected, fingers got tangled in hair before travelling over skin and bodies melted together, two lives reconnecting (not that they’d ever really separated in the first place). It took them a while to get there, but they managed to live their dream life after all.

Don’t go babe, those wings will get wet              ⚡️