When people eagerly talk about love, it irks me. Seeing a group of girls’ glimmering eyes while talking about their love dreams sometimes in the coffee house have successfully made me almost puking out my strawberry cheesecake. Why people still believe in something childishly stupid like that? I believe that true love is a sugar-coated pain created by some poor writers that are good in words and imaginations to attract people to read their so called fairy tale books. In short, I don’t believe in true love.

If you try to deny, then why Cinderella’s infamous happily ever ending never really happens? Have you heard Snow White’s love story? Are there really any real helpers like the 7 dwarves and have a prince come and kiss your red tinted lips to cure anything? No? Then it’s true. True love is a fake rumor that only hopeless people believe. I, on the other hand, is not that stupid.

“Sorry for being late! I was caught in a traffic jam! Can you believe, it’s only Sunday and the traffic jam is terrific! Gosh!”  A deep voiced man came nearing me with an annoyed face. I greeted him with a smile. It’s Bang Yong Guk.

“And it’s Christmas eve, my friend. People rush here and there to prepare, so duh, of course the traffic jam will be double the terrific than usual.” I complained. Yongguk rubbed his hair while smiling, showing off his ugly gums which I suddenly remember my ex senior Gyuri always talked and praised about. He took off his jacket and put it elsewhere.

***

Yongguk and I have been best friends for all I could remember. We live in the same neighboring area. Yongguk lived with his parents, his twin brother Yongnam and a dog while I lived with my grandmother. My parents have passed away in an accident when I was only 10 months old. Ever since then, my grandmother took care of me.

My grandmother have never treated me well. I have suffered a long span of time listening to her calling me names, scolded me like a and abuse me whenever she could. She even  threatened me by stabbing my left arm one day when she found out me talking to a police officer who actually asked for a robbery that had happened at our neighbourhood. The scar is deep, and still can be seen until today, although it doesn’t bleeds anymore.

I found her hanged at our house’s ceiling with her tongue out  on the first day of highschool.  She left a note at the refrigerator that says

“I hate you Jinri ! You made me suffer! ROT IN HELL, er”

My body went trembled before I start chuckling and let out a loud laugh, the loudest laugh I’ve made for the past 17 ty years of my life before anything went blank. Yongguk was the one who found my hanged grandmother and unconscious me and decided to call the police.

Afterwards, I live alone, under the care of Yongguk’s family. His parents are the kind of parents that I wish I had before. I consider his family as a family that I have never had before, and I love them the way a child should to their family.

Yongguk is the closest with me in the family. Although there’s Yongnam, his twin brother, but I’m not a type of woman he likes to talk to, so our relationship is not more than just a “Hi” a day.

Yongguk is the one who always be with me throughout my strongest and weakest time to give me support. He makes me believe in the silly quote, “True friendship lasts forever”. He is like that rare flower that you find one snowy day to school, he shines so bright that you feel happy to see one, although it’s impossible to survive in a cold weather like that. To sum up, Yongguk is a perfect friend that one wish they could get.

I can see it through his pleading eyes and mesmerizing smiles that sometimes makes me wonder, how god can create such a beautiful creature like him. Although we rarely get to talk to each other in school because of different classes, he decided to make a call to me at least twice a week to tell me about his pet Tigger and we will tell each other how our day goes. With him, even the smallest things are interesting. He have this one kind of inner aura that gives you a sensation of appreciating things in life and be thankful to our creator for creating this tiny world.

He made me fell into his world faster than you could hesitate. In a second, you have drown into his sweet delicate serendipity.

He has quite a number of fangirls, even the hot queenkas admired him. He is not only gifted with look, but also with talents and brain. Teachers always praised him and even awarded him as “Student of the Year” for 2 years straight. His parents are so proud of him that sometimes made Yongnam sulk alone, because he wasn’t as good compared to his twin brother. Although that, Yongguk never make Yongnam feel less accepted, and he always tell him that both of them are special in their own ways. That is why they never fought, as far as I know.

I sat at our usual spot after school one day at the rooftop. I was lighting up my cigarette when Yongguk came and quickly sat next to me. We look up at the evening sky, watching a flight of ravens flew together towards the hill. It has always been our Fridays routine to do this, because this is the only time that we could gather together because most of the time, Yongguk is busy with school and I, well I go out with my boyfriends.

I started dating several boys after my grandmother’s death, although there’s no such thing as love in my relationships. My relationships were based on benefits and self satisfactions, pleasure and lusts. After the first make out, I never stop myself from continue doing what I want to do with different boys. One after another partners, I started to get addicted on wrong things and skipped school just to be with my boyfriends. I slowly having the change of attitude, and Yongguk was seriously worried of me. I was almost being kicked out from school, but with Yongguk’s help, I still have the chance to be in school.

But that never stops me from doing what I want to do.

On our last day of highschool, we sat at our usual spot at the school’s rooftop, watching the evening sky when a flight of raven flew very closely to us, caught Yongguk’s attention as I was lighting up my cigarette.

“Oh, they are so close!” Yongguk exclaimed in excitement, as I nodded.

“Isn’t normal?” I said in annoyance. Yongguk laughed bitterly.

“You know what… Lately I always ask myself, where will we be in 10 years? Whether we still stay in touch or whether we still can sit and talking like we are now. What do you think?” He stared at me with a pair of dark brown eyes of him. I blew out the smoke.

Honestly, I have never thought about it. Of course we will continue our life into the next level and meeting various of different people that we have never met before and experiencing spices of life that will be precious memories for us later. But will we still remain like this, laughing our days and crying our nights thinking of our pitiful life? Will he still keep the faith on calling me every Fridays to tell me about Tigger and it’s future puppies? Will I think of him when when I have to go through one of my insomniatic nights even when we were so far apart and it have been months since we met each other? The thoughts made my eyes felt watery because our relationship later might be different from today. We might be strangers in 10 years. I couldn’t answer his question.

“Hey, I saw you hugging a girl last week. Your fangirls keep asking me about it. What’s up? You have a girlfriend now but won’t telling me, eh? I thought we are friends.” I nudged him, making him forget the question he threw me before. His face looked shocked and he looked quite disappointed. I wonder if it is because he was shocked to know that I caught him with a girl or because I took no interest in his question.

“It was just a normal conversation. Yeah, she confessed to me that she likes me and all but I rejected and she started cried. Y’know, a heavy crying and to stop her from attracting people’s attention, I hugged her.”

“Dude, you rejected a gal? I thought you’re a gentleman.” I patted his back as he sighed.

“I’m not you. I won’t be accepting just anyone.” He started laughing and I joined him. He’s true. I just dated literally anyone that could fulfill my pleasure and lusts. And literally those jerks I dated were good at that. I wonder if Yongguk see me as a but I don’t think he did. There’s a strong instinct in me that says he never see me that way.

My first date was Wu Yifan, a Chinese transferred student who was transferred into our school in the late May on our 10th grade. He wanted us to call him Kris because he wasn’t proud with his real name. Kris, besides Yongguk, is the only person who really cared about me. He never complimented me with things girls usually want a boy they love hear, but he tell me things he see and judge in me. Whether it sounds good or bad, I’m always happy to listen to his words, just like I did to Yongguk.

One rainy night, when Yongguk was away for leadership camp and I was alone and scared at house, I decided to call my boyfriend Kris to my house using the “I will teach you Korean” as a reason. He agreed, and came to my house rushily with his beloved Harley Davidson. Yes, Kris is a really rich boy, but I love him not for his money.

While we were studying Korean on the couch, he suddenly gets nearer to me as he played with my hair and started to whisper something unusual to me that made my heart beating fast and flutters in joy.

“You smell nice, Jinri.” He said as he hugged and kissed my neck. I didn’t know what to do, it was my first time being touched by a guy like that. There is a feeling in me that wanted more from him.

With those confusion and excitement filled in each other’s heart and mind, both of us gave in each other’s body and ity on the couch. The whole night stand was filled with moans and curses, soft whispers and groans. We give out everything and take in anything. We were combined in a troublesome love mess.

When Yongguk came back from camp the next morning, his eyes were widened with what he found on the couch.