“Manager-nim? I’m sorry for all the inconvenience…” Ji Eun whispered softly. It’s how she usually speaks after the traumatising accident that left her with scars.

Her manager was in a rage but when he saw Ji Eun’s teary eyes, he stopped. “Fine. But we have to salvage the situation by coming up with an excuse to cover up your sudden absence. We’ll have a meeting shortly to discuss on what to do.”

Ji Eun sighed. What could they possibly come up with?

Whatever, she shrugged.

Her mind wandered back to when she had a family. Those good old days when she had a home to return to. Now she had none after they went on a vacation. Their aeroplane had been reported missing at first. But it was later discovered and there were no survivors.

 

 

Ji Eun’s POV:

I nudged my manager. “So? What’s the plan?”

My manager gave me an exasperated look. “Aish jinja, you keep asking me! I won’t tell you!”

I pouted and made puppy eyes. I was desperate to find out what they had come up with. All day they had been sending me satisfied looks and whispering behind their hands. It left me curious to hear what was their ‘genius plan’.

“Arraso arraso. (I get it. I get it.) So the plan is…” He whispered to me.

“MWO? (What?)” My manager jumped back, surprised that I actually shouted because I had never spoke louder than a whisper since my family’s tragedy.
“Ne (yes), that is what’s going to happen. Excited?”

I glared at my manager. “I can’t believe you let them go ahead with that plan!” I hissed.

I gave him a disgusted look and ran from the building.

I sat at a nearby eatery and called him, the one that they decided to use for their ‘genius plan’.

Lee Jong Suk – dialling.

“Sukkie oppa (a way to greet a guy older than you)? Have you heard of the news?” I spoke lowly. 

“Ne, I can’t believe it. They forced me to break up with my girlfriend, Park Shin Hye, and made me pretend to date you.” His voice was cold and emotionless.

“Sukkie oppa, I didn’t mean to…” I blinked to get rid of my oncoming tears. I hated that he was affected in this. He usually doesn’t like speaking what he really felt on his mind especially if it was something bad hence the emotionless voice.

“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?” He muttered cruelly.

Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. “Arraso, Oppa.”

He hung up and I started to cry.

I destroyed someone else’s life, how can I not cry? Sukkie oppa was the sweetest guy I knew. He complimented women on their beauty and was so awkwardly shy on interviews. He was still the same quirky yet adorable guy offstage. That was what I like about him. He wasn’t fake like some people and he shared the same love as I did for skinship. He often patted my head or pinched my nose cheekily. He was my best friend and now he had to break up with Shin Hye for me.

I was ing disgusting.

“Ajumma! (Auntie) I want soju (rice wine)!” I raised my arm up to order.

A few drinks later, I was a goner.

“Ajumma, you know I ruined my best friend’s life? He had to break up with his girlfriend for me…” I sobbed drunkenly into the ajumma’s shirt.

The ajumma winced, trying to get me off. “Yah, why don’t you just call him and apologise?”

“Ah! Ajumma, kamsahamnida (thank you) you have the greatest ideas!” I slurred.

Lee Jong Suk – dialling.

“What’s up, Ji Eunnie ah?” He said exasperated that I called him again.

“Sukkie oppa, mianhe. (sorry) I ruined your life.” I hiccupped and cried at the same time. Jong Suk barely managed to understand what I was saying.

“Ji Eunnie, pass the phone to the ajumma or the ajussi (uncle) okay?” He spoke gently to me.

“AJUMMA! My Sukkie oppa wants to talk to you!” The lady walked over and took the phone.

She nodded and said something that I couldn’t remember because I fell asleep at that moment.

 

When I woke up, I realised a few things.

One, I was only wearing my undergarments.
Two, I was in Sukkie oppa’s house.
Three, there was a heavy thing on me.

Being cautious, I turned my head slightly and saw Jong Suk sleeping next to me. My eyes widened and I panicked quietly.

Did we have ?

Holy fried kimchi on toast! 

I tried to get out but the heavy thing blocked me. It was Sukkie oppa’s arm. I tried to wriggle out but somehow managed to make him pull me closer to him.

I stared into his face. There was a stray strand of hair dangling at his forehead and I reached for it to brush it away. Just at that moment, his eyes flickered.

“Ji Eunnie, what are you doing?”

I froze and threw his arm off me and rolled to the other side, not realising that there was no space on the bed.

Goodbye bed and hello floor!

I landed hard on the floor with an “oomph” that escaped from my lips. Jong Suk oppa chuckled at my antics.

I blushed and ran to the toilet. 

After washing up, I came out and saw Jong Suk in a broody daze. He looked perturbed about something. I came from behind and hugged him. My chin rested on his shoulders and my head nestled in the crook of his neck.

“Yah, Sukkie oppa, what’s with the long face?”

He twirled me around so I ended up sitting on his lap. I bet right now you guys must be wondering what the hell were we doing if we were best friends right?

To be honest, we just love having skinship so many people thought we were a couple and Shin Hye hated me at first but she saw that we were just best friends. That’s what Jong Suk oppa thinks but for me…

I would like to say I don’t have the slightest crush on him but I do. I have for a while now but I didn’t want to destroy our beautiful friendship and his relationship with Shin Hye although it’s ultimately still destroyed by me in the end.

“I texted Shin Hye and asked if she could be understanding and wait for me but she won’t.” He said sadly.

“Why not? You guys love each other right?”

He sighed. “She has a weird logic. She said that she would have waited for me if not for the fact that…” He cut himself off and shook his head.

“Never mind.” His hands had travelled to my hair and began it. He knew I loved it whenever anyone my hair or patted my head. I guess he was trying to distract me but he’s wrong.

“Oppa, don’t try and distract me.” I whined.

He laughed at me and I stuck my tongue out. “Merong! (it’s a word to describe when someone sticks their tongue out)” I said.

“Wait. Oppa continue what you were saying just now.” I became serious again.

Jong Suk stared at me, annoyed. "Aigoo, (gosh) you're so stubborn."

I shrugged. Jong Suk breathed out, "Shin Hye thinks that even if she waits for me, it doesn't matter. Because she sees the way we look at each other and she says it's how she’s always wanted me to look at her."

My heart thudded. "Ne?" I asked, nervous. Does he know that I like him?
"She's just jealous I guess." Jong Suk got up and went to the kitchen. "Come on, let's eat some breakfast before we start the new day."

He drove me to the company building after eating breakfast. I hugged him quickly and got out.

"Manager nim? When are we releasing that scandal of me and Jong Suk oppa dating?"
"Today."

With that word, my heart skipped a beat-out of sadness for him but deep down, I was excited.

"Ji Eun, are you going to make a comeback?" My manager questioned.

I had never thought of singing again because my family were my inspiration to sing. Without them, I lost my voice. I winced. Singing was my passion. What do I do?

“Erm no.” I tried to say it casually but my voice broke. I bit my lip nervously and looked at my manager.

“Mwo ya? Ji Eunnie ah, you love singing, how can you stop now?” A shocked voice rung from behind me.

I turned behind and saw Jong Suk oppa with his mouth agape. “Neh, oppa. I don’t think I can sing anymore.”

“Wae?”

I tried to make an escape and turned to my left but he put an arm on the wall to block my escape. I turned to the right and he put his other arm on the wall. I let out a frustrated groan.

“I…” My eyes filled up with tears, thinking of how my family died on the aeroplane. 

Jong Suk oppa tilted my chin up so that my eyes met his. “Ji Eun, what happened?” He asked, slightly more commanding to coax the truth out of me.

I started sobbing. Since the day I lost them, I hadn’t really grieved over them because the realisation had not hit me. My head leaned on his chest and he my hair and whispered huskily “Gwaenchana (it’s okay)” over and over again.

I hiccupped slightly, “My family died on their flight back to Korea when the aeroplane crashed. Since they were why I started singing, I felt that it was not right for me to sing when they’re gone.”

Jong Suk oppa pulled both of us down so that we were sitting opposite each other. “Yah, you silly girl, why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there for you.” He protested.

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. If I did, you would have wanted to be there for me and I wouldn’t be able to take it. I would hate myself if you comforted me.” I replied honestly.

His face showed the hurt he felt. “Am I not good enough for you?” He looked far into the distance to avoid me.

“It’s because I would be too happy with you but I feel it wouldn’t be fair to my dead loved ones if I felt happiness while they were suffering. I hated myself. Every time I told myself that I was doing this for my parents, my heart argued with me to go to you. And I hated that.”

“Why would you hate that you need me? People can’t be too independent and hide their emotions. It’s mentally tiring and it might lead to health issues.” Jong Suk oppa retorted.

“IT’S BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, OKAY?” I screamed. His eyes widened and his Adam’s apple bobbed furiously. “I like you and it hurts if I was around you but it hurts even more if I’m not with you. Either way, it . I have feelings for you, but I can’t tell you because you have feelings for her and that . I tried to distance myself but it did not work. I would rather suffer and see you happy than ruin our friendship. But now it’s all ruined.” This time I got up and ran.

Jong Suk oppa shouted for me but I ignored it. I tell myself not to think of him yet, I still do.

Where can I run to when I’m scared of myself? I’m a monster. I was the one who asked my family to return on that day. If it wasn’t for me, they would be alive. I’m a monster. I was the one who broke Jong Suk oppa’s and Shin Hye’s relationship.

The anger fills my veins and I hate myself so much that I knew what I should do. I bought the item at a stationary store and locked myself in a random public toilet. 

And that’s when it all began.

The cutting.

I took the penknife that I had purchased and stared at its beauty. The silver blade sliced into me and then my heart speeds up when I see the blood, because I know I’ve done something I shouldn’t have, and yet I’ve gotten away with it. Then I sort of go into a trance, because it’s truly dazzling—that bright red line, like a highway route on a map that you want to follow to see where it leads. Omo (oh), the sweet release is kind of like a balloon that’s tied to a little kid’s hand, which somehow breaks free and floats into the sky. I felt free.

But then, just as quickly as I felt happy to have cut the monster out of my body, my euphoria disappears and leaves me feeling annoyed and guilty. My phone buzzed in my pocket but I ignored it to grab some toilet paper to wipe up the blood.

I felt sick. I felt so horrible that I gagged and it was the worst feeling on Earth. I pulled my long sleeves further down to cover up the wounds. 

How do I face anybody now?

I sat on the toilet bowl and kind of went into blankness. I went back home after that.

All I remembered was that I sat with the television on but I had no idea what was playing. All I could hear was an echo of Jong Suk oppa, and the voice in my head was screaming his name. I could close my eyes but all I would see would be his face.

I stared into the dark sky and I thought to myself that even I if counted every single star in the sky, it could never compare to how much I loved Jong Suk oppa. I know how this sound like a typical best friends turned lovers story. I used to hate those kind but I had pondered on it for a while when I was discovering how I felt about Sukkie oppa. 

Every couple had to be close friends or best friends before they started dating right? You couldn’t possibly fall in love with a stranger. That meant you liked someone for their looks. When I got rid of my hate about best friends turned lovers story, I uncovered the truth of my feelings.

I love Jong Suk oppa and nothing can change that.

 

In the morning, I woke up with light shining on my face. I was grumpy and sulked around.

Lee Jong Suk – dialling. 

The call got through and I heard his tired voice answer.

"Yeobuseyo? (Hello)" His hoarse voice rang in my ear. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"It's Ji Eun..." I carefully whispered. I was scared of his reaction. 

"Oh, Ji Eun? Are you safe? Where are you? You're at home right? Gwaenchana?" He spit out questions at a rapid rate.

He snorted, "Aish, you're not okay, right? I'm coming over. Don't leave."

"Ne Sukkie oppa!" I tried to sound cheerful so as not to worry him further.

“I’m in the car already, please don’t leave the house and run away from your problems like you always do. We need to talk. I have so much to---“

His voice was cut off by a high-pitched screech and Sukkie oppa shouted “Ji Eun yah!” before all went silent.

My heart raced. Mwo? What happened? Please don’t tell me… 

Lee Jong Suk – dialling.

“Please answer, please answer… Jebal! (please)” I begged.

The phone made a beep sound and I heard the robotic voice to ask me to leave a voicemail. I dashed out of the house to hail a cab to go to Sukkie oppa’s house.

When we were getting close, the driver turned around and told me, “There’s a jam in front. Seems like there’s been an accident.” I was on the edge of my seat. I could barely focus. I broke out in cold sweat and I couldn’t breathe. I gulped desperately for air and I dumped a wad of notes to the driver and dashed out of the cab when it stopped. I walked on the pavement beside the road briskly.

I started hearing a clock in my mind. 

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock… You’re running out of time, Ji Eun.

I darted forward and squeezed my way through the crowd. There were a few reporters and many cameramen. My heart dropped. I searched for the one face I wanted to find.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

Tears were gathering at the corners of my eyes. I was just so scared. I didn’t want to lose him. Not now, not ever.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock… Oh Ji Eun, where is Jong Suk?

I made my way to the front of the crowd but there was a barricade. I saw a policeman and shouted for him to come over. 

“Please tell me who’s involved in the car accident… Jebal.” I pleaded the policeman. Maybe it was the tears in my eyes or maybe it’s because he recognized me but he told me.

“The people involved are seriously injured and have been brought to the nearest hospital plus the police---“ The policeman said nonchalantly. 

I grabbed the cuff of his shirt and hissed, “If you don’t tell me, I’ll talk to your supervisor and make sure to fire you. Plus I will kick you where the sun doesn’t shine, arasso?”

“Ne… It’s Lee Jong Suk shii, M’am.” The policeman stuttered.

I staggered back and my knees buckled. I collapsed to the ground. I remembered the policeman shouting and the crowd of people surrounding me. Black dots clouded my vision.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

I forced myself to breathe properly. When my vision returned, I scrambled up clumsily and tried to get away but by then, too many people had noticed who I was.

“IU! I’m your fan, please sign this for me!”
“Oh, IU jinja yepeo (really pretty)!”
“Why are you here, IU?”
“Sing a song for us!’

I bit my lip apologetically. I announced, “Lee Jong Suk’s been in a car accident and I hope to get to the hospital as quick as possible. Mianhe.”

With that, I left quickly.

Not even halfway through to the hospital, my phone rang.

Lee Jong Suk – calling.

Mwo? I fumbled for the answer button and pressed the phone to my ear.

“Annyeonghaseyo, Lee Ji Eun shii, Lee Jong Suk shii wants me to tell you to collect his phone at Asan Medical Centre (a real hospital in Korea though I randomly chose it). Kamsahamnida.”

“Erm, can you tell me what’s his condition?”

“Mianhe, I cannot reveal patients’ information.” The nurse apologised.

I quickened my footsteps. What she said gave me a sense of foreboding, like something bad was going to happen.

At the hospital, I rushed to the room where he was located. The doctors surrounded him and I couldn’t see anything.

“Sukkie oppa?” My voice trembled as I called out his name.

The doctors parted away like the red sea and I saw him finally.

He was lying down on the bed, his chest moving up and down barely. I don’t know how I did but I managed to move forward.

The doctors explained that he would be awake soon after the surgery but it was because of the pain. I tilted my head to one side. “Why would he feel pained if you guys are treating him?” 

“M’am, he’s dying. There’s nothing we can do to help now but give him painkillers to soothe the pain.”

My heart shrivelled and died. “YAH! This is one of the best hospitals, why can’t you treat him?”

The doctors didn’t answer and just left the room. I walked to his side and grabbed his hand. I enveloped his cold hand with my warm one. I stayed there by his side until he woke up.

I had been running around a lot today so I rested my head on his thigh. Soon sleep came and my last thought was that Jong Suk might have a miracle recovery.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Time is really running out, Ji Eun.

A hand my hand that was still intertwined with Sukkie oppa’s and it tickled slightly which made me grumpy to wake up. I was disoriented and didn’t remember what had happened.

Jong Suk oppa’s face greeted me and my heart ached seeing the tired smile he had. “Aigoo oppa, does your body hurt anywhere? Do you need water?”

He shook his head slightly.

“Sukkie oppa, mianhe… It’s my fault that you are in this state right now.” I managed to say while fighting to get the lump in my throat under control. 
He shook his head firmly. “It wasn’t your fault, Ji Eunnie. But what’s more important is what you told me yesterday.”

I cocked my head to one side. “What did I tell you?” Jong Suk oppa gave me an exasperated look. I bit my lip and racked my brain. A light bulb lit up and I shot an embarrassed look at him.

“I like you, Sukkie oppa. I mean I told you yesterday but you don’t have to do anything about it! I have already hid my feelings for so long so---“ Jong Suk oppa swiftly pinched my lips to stop my ramble.

I stood up just as quickly and he grabbed my arm. I yelped. The wounds from cutting myself had not healed yet and he pressed on it. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. 

“What happened, Ji Eun?” There was a sharp edge to his voice.

I pulled back. “I just cut myself… It’s nothing.” I said in a small voice. Jong Suk oppa knew that I was sorry and wouldn’t do it again and just let go of my hand.

“Yah oppa, why are you dying?” I joked, trying to make the atmosphere more cheerful but that joke was horrifyingly pathetic. Plus I had tears in my eyes when I said it. 

Jong Suk oppa shrugged and asked, “Have you taken the cellphone from the receptionist?”

“Anio, wae?” I asked. He instructed me to go and get it and play a recording on the phone. I followed his instructions and left him to get the phone. 

“Ji Eunnie ah, yesterday when you told me about your feelings towards me, I have never felt more relieved. To be honest, Park Shin Hye was just my girlfriend because I wanted to move on from you.”

“So Ji Eunnie, go find the doctor that told you I was dying.”

The doctor gave me 143 roses.

“Do you know what 143 mean?”

I didn’t. 

“Come back to the hospital room and I’ll tell you.”

All this time, I wondered how he had the time to record this.

I opened the door and Jong Suk oppa grabbed me by the waist and said, “I love you. That’s what 143 means.”

And we kissed. Little tingles were happening and I was the happiest girl alive. I pulled back, breathless. I realised that he was standing up by himself and my brows furrowed.

“Why are you out of bed? Aren’t you in pain? You’re dying, aren’t you?” I was confused.

Sukkie oppa chuckled and pinched my nose. “That was a little prank I managed to make the doctors help me to do. I only have a few bruises.”

I smacked him but I was so happy I kissed him after that.

“You know I love you way before I dated Shin Hye but I thought you didn’t like me so…”

“Pabo (fool)!” I whacked him on the head.

Sukkie oppa pouted and I melted at his puppy eyes. We hugged again and the embrace had never felt so right.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Time has started again for Jong Suk and Ji Eun.