iii: veritas
atheismHe was never truthful.
Every word he spoke was tinged with a lie.
Yes, his sentences were filled to the brim with coy, sly and all-consuming lies, colouring his sentences with the tar of dishonesty. Despite the sincerity that tried to cling to the fading edges of his voice in attempts to get her to believe him, Yoona knew that he was lying.
No, he could never lie to her; never lie about his lies; never let them lie inside of her heart and sink in enough to become a truth to her.
Perhaps it was pathological.
He could be unable to control himself, after all. She knew cases of people who were unable to stop themselves, practically addicted to telling lies to people in hopes that someone would believe them more than they would believe themselves. But Yoona would never be able to forgive herself for believing things that were not the truth; no, that would be utterly preposterous for a modern woman to do, to be into lies spoken by a man.
Perhaps it was truth.
He could be speaking the truth for all she knew, and it could be her that was the one who was so--unbelievably unbelieving. She was so very stubborn, just like him, and they both knew it--and for all that she was, she was only human and susceptible to such things. But the thought of Jiyong truly being a god--she couldn't believe it. It was too strange, too outlandish to be truth. She was a faithless woman for a reason; there was no divinity in this world, no certainty other than what was material.
(But if there were truly a god out there, she would pray to this unknown deity that his love for her would never be a lie.)
Perhaps it was all just in his head.
Beautiful and glimmering delusions of being a god could be all that he thought was truth. Insidious lies slowly sinking in from his tongue into his throat, into his chest and into his heart, making him believe that he truly was divine, a part of a pantheon of gods where he reigned king. Yoona had no doubt that he was a skillful liar, enough so to delude himself into believing himself as the ultimate truth.
As a man based upon lies--having fallen in love with a woman based upon truth; it was one of the greatest ironies in the world that the world would've ever dreamt of.
There were times when she was completely swept away by the feelings she felt for him: sorrow, sadness, an almost sanguine hope that he would realise what lies that he had built himself upon.
It was this one fragile hope, this singular faith that Im Yoona, a faithless woman, would allow herself to keep.
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