Chapter 1

Olivia had missed everything.

She missed the flowers that her mother grew on her front yard. She missed the cold tiles of her patio. She missed the green grass of her front yard. She missed it all.

It had been four years. The four most pitiful, most gloomy, most wretched time of her life spent trapped in a place where security didn’t exist. The Juvenile Detention centers in California were like hell, and Olivia couldn’t even dream of how it would be like in a real jail. The simple fact that she could smell air of freedom, or at least some sort of freedom, made everything seem surreal. She couldn’t believe that she was out of the ghetto and, for once, wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of people who wanted to destroy everything around them.

Although she was still questionned by authorities and psychologists, getting out of the cage was the first step to complete freedom.

 Peace. For once.

Olivia spent the entire afternoon trying to soak in the different sounds of the neighborhood that she had missed her entire teenage years. Turning her gaze at the yard beside hers, she could spot a small girl playing with her toys near the sidewalk. Scanning the neighboring house, she smiled, recalling whom it belonged to.

Her eyes went back to the little girl as she tried to identify who it was.  The child, who looked like she could’ve been five years old max, chased her rolling marble towards the street without paying much attention to her surrounding danger. Mechanically, Olivia stood up from her peaceful seat and lunged herself forward to catch the girl from rolling onto the busy street of passing cars.

She picked up the frail child and directed her back to a safe spot on her lawn.

“Careful, dear. You don’t want to get run over, do you?” warned Olivia with a soft voice as she retrieve the marble at the same time. She handed the child her toy while setting her body back on a patch of green grass. “Your name is Kylie, am I right?” she asked for an answer, knowing that she must have been the youngest Tuan that was about a year old when she left for juvie a few years back.

“My mom says that I’m not suppose to talk to people I don’t know,” reasoned the five year old, trying to gather all her belongings in her arms as if to protect them.

“Oh, but you do know me. I used to play with you when you were a little baby,” she fought back, sitting beside her now. “I live in the house right next to yours, over there.” She pointed at her front door. “I used to be friends with your uncle, Mark.”

She released the objects in her hand, showing that she was opening up little by little.

“We can be friends since Mark probably won’t want to be my friend anymore,” suggested Olivia, who absolutely loved kids, but hadn’t seen any in years.

Olivia lent out her hand and beamed brightly, waiting for Kylie to accept hers. Before the young girl could reach for her fingers, the Tuan’s front door flew open, revealing the female head of the family.

“Kylie! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You shouldn’t be playing out here on yo-” She paused at the sight of the older figure sitting beside her granddaughter before she could even finish her lecture.

She recognized her right away.

Olivia Kim. Once known as the biggest delinquent in her neighborhood. Or at least, that became her reputation after one, unforgiveable crime she committed that landed her in a juvenile detention center.

“What are you doing here?” questioned Mrs. Tuan, eyes burning a hole in her face as she picked Kylie off the ground and held her against her chest.

“Hi Mrs Tuan.” She bowed and beamed to give off a friendlier vibe. “I just got back this morning. How are you?”

“Stay away from my family,” she simply put out, ignoring Olivia’s kind and soft-spoken greeting. “I don’t want to see a brat…no…” Mrs. Tuan selected her words carefully, not bothering to censor them despite Kylie’s presence. “A murderer.”

The word murderer hit Olivia like a hard stone to the face. It hurt.

As Mrs. Tuan carried her granddaughter into the house while glaring viciously at Olivia with disgust, a shadow appeared past the doorframe that Mrs. Tuan had entered. Olivia squinted her eyes to fully grasp who it was and recognized him without a doubt.

Mark Tuan. A much taller, a much soft faced Mark Tuan as opposed to a couple of years ago.

“What’s the matter mom?” he asked, peaking out the front door towards me to see what the commotion was all about. Their eyes met, sending a shiver down her spine.

He stared at her, but it wasn’t a good stare. It was filled with disgust, with anger, with nothing but hatred. It was the same look that he gave her four years ago, right before the car that brought her to the juvenile detention center drove away from her house.

He hated her. It was written all over his face.

“Hey Mark!” she tried to break the tension without much success.

“Leave,” he simply ordered, still glaring with fire. His voice was deep and authoritative. It left quite the impression.

“I live next door, remember?”

“Well go back where you came from and don’t come back. We don’t want to see your stupid sorry here any more than we already have,” pushed Mark without mercy. Olivia bit her lip and dropped her guard.

“You haven’t forgotten yet, huh?” stated Olivia, pointing out the obvious. Mark moved his gaze away, knowing very well that if he looked any more in her direction, he would burst. “That’s okay, I understand why you would be angry.”

Olivia took a few steps back, shuffling her feet on long blades of grass.

“It was nice seeing you again,” she let out, not caring if he was ignoring her. “Even if you’re not ready to be friends, I sincerely hope we can talk to each other like we used to.”

Mark scoffed at Olivia’s words as he couldn’t even believe that she was acting like a faultless angel all of a sudden.

***

Mark dragged his feet for yet another day of school. If felt like the days were getting longer and less interesting than they used to. Everyday was another drag. The road that led to his school seemed to be getting longer by the minute as the street looked like its same boring self.

Mark took a sip of his coffee before rolling his eyes at the sight of his dull high school.

“Hey! Wait up!” shouted a voice behind him, almost out of breath. Mark’s head turned in all directions, trying to find the owner of the voice, only to find Olivia grabbing his shoulder and pulling him backwards slightly. “Your legs are so long.”

She wore the school’s infamous grey uniform and red tie, matched with a skirt that went down above her knees.  Mark nodded his head and continued walking, avoiding Olivia at all cost. It had been a week since she came back and it was only now that she was resuming school.

“I know this might be annoying, but do you mind if I follow you around for today? I have no idea where I’m going.”

Mark took another sip from his cup and began to walk faster.

“Get lost,” he said, putting his ear buds to make it clear that he didn’t want her around.

Olivia didn’t cease to tag along behind him, keeping up with his pace despite his long legs.

“Can you at least tell me where I’m supposed to go? Come on we’re best friends, remember?”

Given that Olivia clearly didn’t get the message, Mark stopped from his tracks and looked behind him aggressively. He moved towards her and pushed her with his chest until her back hit the trunk of a tree. His glare was strong and feisty.

“We…” he pronounced clearly. “Are. Not. Best friends. Anymore.”

His breath hit her skin and made her shiver slightly. Olivia bit her lip, her gaze dropping to the floor.

Mark moved out of her personal space and made his way towards his group of friends hanging around beside the entrance. Olivia felt the painful sting in her heart following his awfully blunt slap back to reality: Mark wasn’t her friend anymore.

She kept forgetting.

***

“This is Olivia Kim. Some of you might remember her from a few years back,” presented the teacher to the rest of the classroom. Olivia felt the slight hint of a diss that the teacher was trying to imply, but decided to ignore it altogether. Her goal was to ultimately come back and pretend like nothing happened, but judging by the looks on everyone’s face, things weren’t going to be that easy.

All the people that Olivia used to be aquainted with were now staring her down with disgust plastered on the foreheads. She tried with all her power to keep her guard up to cover up all her insecurities.

Olivia scanned the room and met eyes with Mark who sat casually at the back of the class. He was no different from everyone else; same nasty look, same annoyed expression. It was demoralizing for a first day, making her feel like a total freak already.

Everyone knew about her sin.

Everyone.

Things were no different during lunch break. As Olivia walked through the hallways, it was almost as if every single person stopped for a moment to give her a dirty look. Brushing it all off, Olivia sat at an empty table, back faced towards the glaring crowds of people throwing daggers at her soul. She opened her math book to catch up on the material she hadn’t covered in her school at juvie.

 “Pretending to be all angelic, I see,” pointed out a voice. Olivia lifted her chin only to find a familiar face sitting on the table she was leaning on.

Song Mino. The leader of the school’s basketball team.

Olivia never really liked him to begin with, but now, he was just digging a hole for himself with his overconfident glare and his annoying pesky voice.

“May I help you?” asked Olivia, not really anticipating an answer.

“How was it like rotting in Juvie with people just like you?” he asked hitting harder with his words. Olivia glanced behind him only to find a bunch of other boys surrounding, one being Mark, who sat quietly texting on top of a table further behind.

“I enjoyed it thanks!” she responded with an insincere smile. Although she didn’t like him, Olivia felt like sassing him was out of place since his accusation was correct. Looking back on it, Olivia started to feel terrible about the whole Jessica incident. Mino had an even bigger reason to be angry with her than Mark because Jessica was Mino’s girlfriend after all.

“You know what I find amusing?” questioned Mino leaning forward slightly to whisper in Olivia’s ear. “I can torture you however much I want and won’t get in trouble for it. Anyone would take the basketball team’s captain’s side over a murderer’s like yourself.”

His expression was serious now. A tint of sadness could be spotted at the back of his eye.

“I suggest you watch yourself. You coming back…It’s not going to be pretty.”

“I’ve been to juvie. I’m pretty sure I can handle you,” she fought back, looking back at her textbook and biting her sandwich. Mino gently pushed her hair behind her ear playfully.

“Oh I wouldn’t say that if I were you, babe,” he whispered caressing the side of her cheek. “Revenge isn’t revenge if it isn’t cruel.”

Olivia rolled her eyes and glanced behind Mino’s shoulder. Mark hadn’t moved at inch.

“Are you part of this too, Mark?” shouted Olivia to enunciate over the sounds of the cafeteria.

“I don’t really care,” he simply muttered, trying to avoid acknowledging her presence. It was difficult to read what was going through his head when he couldn’t even look her in the eye.

In the mist of Olivia’s daze that she spent trying to read Mark’s expression, she heard a loud thump hit the table, only to find her hand under the leg of a chair. The pain resented across her hand became worse as the piece of metal repeatedly jabbed through as a boy held down her arm to keep her from jolting away.

Olivia let out a moan of pain, feeling her hand being attacked violently. She shut her eyes to avoid seeing the damage done to her palms. She refused to scream out of fear of showing weakness, but it couldn’t be helped.

“That’s enough Mino,” stopped Mark while pulling the chair away from his hand. “We get the point.”

“Are you kidding me? If we weren’t at school, I’d jab this through her skull!” he exclaimed with a strong and confident voice, holding the leg of the chair ready to attack again.

“Don’t you think this going a bit too far?” he fought back, shielding the girl with this torso.

“Dude, you know that we’re planning on doing worse,” said Mino at a volume that Olivia was able to head. However, the rest of their exchange was masked by the mob of students witnessing the scene, making it unclear of what they were talking about.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? What we both wanted?” Mino started shouting again. “She killed your best friend! She killed my freaking girlfriend!” he pronounced every word clearly. “You even said yourself that you would kill her once she got out of juvie.”

Mark turned his head towards her, giving her a hurt glare. She held her hand in a fist out of pain, desperate to escape. Her eyes said it all, although she didn’t express it with words: she needed him.

Despite her pitiful state, Mark refused to fall for it, not wanting to feel sorry for someone who didn’t deserve it.

“Fine. Do whatever you want,” he let out in defeat, walking away mercilessly. Olivia’s head dropped to the table as she gave up fighting it. Although she was strong for a girl, having a bunch of guys gang up on her was no match.

Mino and the rest of them didn’t cease attacking.

***

Her hands were wrapped in layers of bandages. Traces of bloody knuckles were visible near the edge of the folds. Mark couldn’t help but stare at them as he ignored the principle blabbering away.

“Do you have anything to add, Tuan?” questioned the man sitting at his desk, scratching his dirty moustache.

“No sir,” answered Mark having no idea what was going on. Mark had rarely been in the principle’s office. It was smaller than what he had imagine, as he, Mino and Olivia were very closely sitting together, filling up most of the room already.

“Miss Kim, I don’t appreciate you picking fights on your first day back. They said you were ready to come back. Don’t make me doubt them,” he continued to lecture. Mark sunk down on his chair, knowing fair well that this was going to take a while.

“Yes sir,” she responded without looking at him. Mark couldn’t help but notice Olivia nibbling her bottom lip, something she did every time she was annoyed. He had often seen her do it when he and Jessica would leave her out on certain things.

Although Mark treated Olivia like a dishrag since her return, deep down, Mark felt slightly comforted in seeing her again.

Having her but a feet away reminded him of the times he, Jessica and Olivia would spend afternoons after school watching movies together, or weekends studying their heads off for school. Both girls were polar opposites of one another. Jessica was very feminine and enjoyed shopping, wearing pretty clothes, and being sheltered by a guy. Olivia, on the other had, was more into martial arts, playing video games, and play fighting. Having both a delicate and aggressive presence balanced things out in his life since he was a kid.  

Both Olivia and Jessica were most important friends he had, and both left him at the same time. It was the biggest down he had ever experienced.

Mark hated Olivia for taking away that comfort he once had, yet seeing her again secretly softened him.

She seemed like she aged faster than people their age. She had lost a tone of her baby fat and had developed muscles, which was probably normal for someone spending years in a Juvenile detention center. Though physically she looked tougher, she had become so much gentler from what he could notice. She smiled a lot more, she didn’t fight back anymore, and she seemed more sensitive to her surroundings.

“Now Mark,” the older man began to say as Mark noticed that Mino and Olivia left the room.  “I wanted to have a word with you alone because I know that you and Olivia used to be best friends until… you know… Things happened.”

He took a deep breath before proceeding.

“I was told that Olivia had a really rough time at Juvie, but she sincerely tried to change herself. It was a hard process for her, and I hope that despite everything, you would understand her. Rehabilitation isn't easy. ”

Mark sat up from his chair.

“In fact, Olivia was never a bad child at heart. Troubled, yes, but not bad. You are probably aware of her family situation, I assume.”

Mark was partly aware. Olivia had always lived with her grandmother, even before her departure. Her mother had died when she was still five years old for a reason that Olivia never wanted to mention. Mark had always been reluctant to asking as it made her sad every time the subject was brought up. Her father, on the other hand, was never around. Mark recalled seeing him once or twice, but barely showed his face otherwise.

Olivia was always mysterious when it came to her family. It was the only part of her that Mark had never took the time to fully understand.

In fact, Jessica and Mark’s families were so close, that he had barely noticed Olivia’s at all. Mark’s parents once treated Jessica and Olivia as their own children, but they always had a bias towards Jessica for familial reasons. Jessica would always get the extra leftovers or receive the more expensive gift at Christmas.

“You might be mad at her for killing Jessica and all, and I understand. But her father isn’t a great man, and may have been a bad influence on her growing up. You have to understand that, Mark.”

He thought about it for a second and became even angrier. That wasn’t an excuse, he thought. You don’t just kill a close friend just because your father is never around!

“That child, has a good heart.”

Good heart.

Mark almost laughed out loud. To him, Olivia was always the one with the smallest heart. Though he used to love her as a sister, he admitted that only few people were able to handle her on a daily basis.

The principle continued to go on and on with a lecture that Mark was barely listening to and only fully paid attention once he ordered him to call in Mino by himself.

As Mark left the room with a sigh of relief, he signaled Mino to go in, interrupting the boy’s quiet whispers in Olivia’s ear. The look on Olivia’s face indicated that Mino’s words were not friendly make up words of encouragement, but really, taunting words seeking more revenge.

Once Mino went inside, Mark leaned on the wall beside her. She seemed spaced out, almost scared even.

Although Mark could have left and continue minding his own business, something inside him was forcing him to stay. There were things he wanted to ask, to clarify.

There was an awkward silence before Olivia began speaking.

“I’m really sorry for everything. I’m sorry for coming back and causing trouble again,” she mumbled softly while rubbing her palms together.

“For what you did? You deserve worse,” Mark said, feeling the need to keep on shoving her sin to her face.

“It’s not like I wanted to do what I did. I was troubled, mentally unstable.”

He let her words sink in for a bit, and suddenly had the urge to ask the question that bothered him from the very start.

“What’s this whole deal with your dad anyway? Principle Johnson brought him up and I don’t see what he has to do with anything. ”

Olivia sighed and turned her head in the opposite direction. Her arms dropped on either side of her torso.

“All you need to know is that I was just a teenager full of flaws who wanted to please my father.”

“What?” expressed Mark leaning on his arm to face her now. “What does that have to do with anything? How does that relate to you killing Jessica, your best friend? I don’t understand how a person with a conscious is able to do such a thing! Do you even have heart? Do you even have feelings?” Mark was half shouting now, his voice echoing through the empty hallway.

Olivia turned her gaze towards him, with the most serious expression she had ever worn.

“I do have feelings and emotions. I always did. I was just like everyone else! I got hurt and felt lonely, just like a regular teenager, but you were too focused on Jessica to realize that.”

“What do you mean?” Mark was utterly confused now. “I loved both you and Jessica. I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply!”

“Mark, stop lying to yourself. You always loved Jessica more. We both know that,” stated Olivia without shame, knowing fair well that she was saying the truth.

Since they were eleven, Mark had always told Olivia about his massive crush on Jessica. It was the secret that they had always shared. His first crush. His first heartbreak. Olivia was there when it happened.

“Everyone loved Jessica more.”

“Okay, so you were jealous, so you killed her? That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard someone do.”

Olivia sighed in despair. Like always, nobody ever understood. 

“I was thirteen. I didn’t have a mother. I didn’t have a lot of friends. Though I had a best friend, she was like a goddess that I was constantly being compared to. Meanwhile my other best friend barely cared about me anymore and would only obsess over the girl he liked. How do you think a thirteen year old would feel? Of course, it broke my heart.”

Broke her heart? Mark was taken aback, confused. But once he locked eyes with her, he understood exactly what that meant. He could identify, in that look, the same pain he resented when Jessica started going out with Mino. Anger. Rage. Jealousy.

He had never even noticed it. He had always just assumed that Olivia was as tough as a rock.

“You liked me?” he asked seriously. His voice croaked too. “Since when?”

Olivia stared at him gently, as if to tell him that he was pathetic for not noticing earlier.

“Since forever…”  She bit her lip, holding in her tears. Olivia never cried on front of people. “I was young, stupid, forlorn, lonely, depressed,” she said with a short pause in between each word she wanted to highlight. Not really knowing how to react to such a confession, Mark was quick to shrug it away and change subject before things got weird.

“I still don’t get why you would kill Jessica. We grew up together. She was like your sister.” He sincerely tried to understand.  He was leaning forward, towering over her now.

“When you’re depressed, you try to look for someone who can love you. Although my dad barely cared, I thought I could get him to love me, to accept me.”

Olivia swallowed hard, gathering all her courage to mutter her final words.

“He told me that if I did something to make him proud, he would love me, he would acknowledge me as his daughter… It was a mistake.” Her voice was raspy. “I messed up.”

Mark didn’t get it at all. “What did pleasing her father have to do with killing Jessica?” he thought. It just didn’t make sense.

There was a long silence, as both were thinking hard of what to say next.

He glanced up to see what she was doing. Olivia had her eyes locking his, her hand holding a piece of gum to his mouth. She slid the gum between his lips without his consent and turned away swiftly to avoid the uneasy feeling of facing him.

He chewed the gum in silence, remembering fair well about her habit.

Olivia always did that when the atmosphere got awkward, just like the good old days, when everything was still normal.

But things weren't normal anymore. Olivia and Mark were no longer friends.

Thank you for reading!
God Bless You!