“NO! NO! PLEASE NO! NOT HER! I BEG YOU—“

“Yoona? Yoona! Yoong!”

“—PLEASE! DON’T! NOOO!”

“YOONG!”

She opened her eyes to meet the darkness, the familiar darkness where she had watched the older girl swallowed into nothingness, and her fear returned full attack.

“NO! NOOO!”

“Sssh… sshhh… everything’s alright…” the husky voice she could never fail to recognize said. She blinked, trying to hold it all in; had she finally gone mad? Hearing the voice of someone who supposedly gone…

Lying beside you

Here, in the dark

Feeling your heart beats with mine

She was going to toss herself around when she was aware of a pair of arm snaking around her waist and hugged her.

Warm.

“Un… unnie?”

Softly you whisper,

You’re so sincere

How could our love be so blind

“I’m here, I’m here…” the voice whispered in reassuring tone, the embrace around her tightened. “Sssh… it’s just a dream, Yoong… it’s okay…”

It’s just a dream…

She broke into sobs, then. Her hands somehow found their way to hug the older girl back in the darkness. She didn’t care if they were supposed to avoid skin-ship off stage. She didn’t care if she hadn’t yet gotten a proper chance to talk. All she wanted and desperately needed to do now was ensuring that she still had her.

We sailed down together,

We drifted apart

And here you are by my side

A hand came up to her hair and it gently. The older girl didn’t back away. And her sobs turned into shameless cry soon after.

“U—unnie………”

“Sssshhh……”

“This… this is… really you, right?”

Surely fate wouldn’t be too mean to her…

“Yes Yoong, it’s me…” came the soothing voice.

So now I come to you

With open arms

Nothing to hide, believe what I say

“It was… ‘t was horrible,” she choked up, “I…. I’m scared…”

“Ssshh… it’s okay Yoong… it’s just a dream… the ghost won’t dare to scare you now…”

“It wasn’t the ghost… it was… you…”

“Me?” The paused, and then resumed again. “Okay… I guess I can be a bit scary as a ghost…”

Deciding to address the misunderstanding later, she hummed and snuggled closer to the warmth of the embrace as her cry had been reduced into stifled sobs.

“Blackout?” she asked, referring to the darkness they were in.

“Mm-hmm. There were thunders… and then blackout, and then you were yelling and trashing yourself about.” She felt the other girl stiffened a bit, “I was… concerned, so I went to your bed.”

So here I am

With open arms

Hopin’ you’ll see what your love means to me

She tightened her embrace. “Thank you… unnie.”

“You’re welcome,” the tanned girl replied softly. “Do you… can you do well alone now?”

She shook her head and buried her face to the crook of the other girl’s neck. “Please stay,” she pleaded with hope against hope. “What if the ghost returned?”

“The ghost which looked like me…”

“Please stay the night,” she pleaded once again. “I need you.”

…………

…………

…………

She heard a sigh, and then a soft “okay”, and the hand in her hair resumed if only gentler, tenderly, until she found herself knocking the dream’s door again.

Open arms…

It wasn’t a nightmare this time ‘round.

~ ;-; ~

She woke up the morning after that to find her side empty, and she had frowned, contemplating whether or not all of it actually was a dream. She buried her face to her pillow and, oddly enough, that was where she got the confirmation from.

The older girl’s scent was left here.

~ ;-; ~

Picking two pieces of toast served on the table, Yuri shouldered her bag and got ready to leave. Before she could, though, someone coughed and called her name. She spun around, raising her brows as she came face to face with none other than Choi Sooyoung.

“What?”

“We need to talk.”

“Now?” the raven haired girl inquired reluctantly, glancing towards the door.

“Yeah, you, me, now.” Sooyoung eyed the toasts. “You haven’t had a proper breakfast, either.”

“Well, I’m in a hurry,” replied Yuri with a shrug.

“No you don’t.” The shikshin marched and grabbed her hand. “We need to have a long talk and you will do just that.” She dragged the Black pearl, then, towards the same place she had dragged Yoona yesterday. Operation Knocking Sense Part I began.

~ ;-; ~

What did two people who’re in a cold war do after they hugged all night long?

She looked in front of her mirror and frowned. Did they reconcile? Did they immediately become good? Did they dismiss it and continue the war? Did—

“I see you’ve taken a bath,” came a voice from the door. She looked, to find one Jessica Jung leaned against the door’s frame. She raised her brows.

“To whom do I owe this pleasure visit…”

“Knock it off,” snorted Jessica. “Wait, I do believe that’s how Youngie call this operation as…”

She raised her brows higher it disappeared under her bangs. “Youngie?”

The ice princess blushed. “Well… Sooyoung, I mean.”

“Youngie sounds cute.”

“Oh shut up!” Jessica seriously considered disappearing from there. If only they hadn’t agreed on doing this. “I’m coming to talk.”

“Obviously, Captain Obvious.”

The ice princess rolled her eyes. “On second thought, I’m here to make you talk.”

Raised brows. Frustrated groans.

“I believe you should come in first, unnie.”

Jessica shrugged and stepped into the room, closing the door behind. Operation Knocking Sense Part II began.

~ ;-; ~

“I’ll make it short. Why are you avoiding Yoona?”

“I’m not. I just make myself busy doing things I rarely get to see her.”

“That’s practically the same.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“It’s not.“

“Fine, suppose it’s not. Next question: are you happy?”

“Pardon?”

“With yourself so busy you rarely see her like this, are you happy?”

Silence.

“I just want to—“

“No,” a long heavy sigh, “’suppose not.”

~ ;-; ~

She sat in front of the ice princess and waited. After all, Jessica was the one who wanted to make her talk.

“So,” said Jessica after a while, “what happened between you and Yuri?”

She twitched. “The same with you and Sooyoung, unnie.”

The ice princess raised her brows.

“Fine, maybe not exactly the same.” She scratched her neck and sighed. “I… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Tell me. Slowly.”

She shot the older girl a glare, which was useless of course. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Start from the dating news.”

“I’ve told you all, I do date him.”

“For four months?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, it has only been a week. I don’t know where they got the four months from, the company didn’t ask for my confirmation.” She looked at the older girl with narrowed eyes, “I’m pretty sure you already know that. You were there when I told Sooyoung unnie.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just rechecking.” The ice princess waved it off and hummed. “Did Yuri ever tell you anything?”

She halted, recalling the words the tanned girl spoke when the news got discovered.

…………

…………

…………

“You never tell me.”

Jessica looked at her in confusion, “What?”

She took a deep breath and looked at the ground. “That’s what Yuri unnie said. She said I never tell her. Never said anything, not even once.” She sniffed.

“And she’s right.”

~ ;-; ~

“Why are you not?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Fine. Next question: if you’re not happy, why don’t you stop?”

“Because,” a deep breath, “I’ll be hurting more the moment I stop.”

“Why?”

“When I get nothing to do, my mind’s reminded of… her.”

“Have you listened to her explanation?”

“I have,” a snort, “I’m pretty sure I was there when the first emergency meeting was held.”

Silence.

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Yul.”

“Yet I do, Soo. Sometimes, what matters is not your happiness, but someone else’s.”

~ ;-; ~

She fiddled with her fingers, her gaze downcast. “I… I don’t know what’s the big deal,” she muttered with a shrug.

Jessica looked at her as if she was crazy. “You don’t?”

She looked back with genuine confusion and shook her head.

 “You’re clueless, aren’t you,” groaned Jessica. “Look, I can understand Yuri now because our reasons to avoid you guys are the same. Just—crap, how should I put it—“

She blinked at the ramblings, and Jessica threw her hands up in the air.

“Oh hell let’s just use analogue! Listen, if someone suddenly barged into our dorm and whisked Yuri away from here what would you do?”

Black. Thunders. Black. Black. She shuddered. She was suddenly reminded of her dream, the fear as she heard the word ‘goodbye’ still spooked her even until now.

She had been so scared.

“………”

Jessica sighed at her silence.

“Let’s try again. What if today Yuri suddenly comes up to you and says that she’s quitting being SNSD starting from—”

“DON’T SAY THAT!”

She covered her ears, refusing to listen more than that. The description was too much close to her last dream for her liking. Jessica looked at her sympathetically,

“Now imagine if she does so without ever telling you before.”

~ ;-; ~

“Oh, is this someone else happy?”

“She should be.”

“Yet she isn’t. You of all people should’ve noticed.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“…………”

“One can’t have everything, Sooyoung,” a deep breath, “I’m pretty sure I’m just one thing between her many things. She’ll be happy soon enough.”

“You know, I feel depressed just by having this conversation with you.”

~ ;-; ~

“How would it feel, Yoona?” asked Jessica softly.

“I… I…” she gulped, “I’d be very hurt… I think… I’d feel like my opinion matter nothing, that I’m not needed… I’d be… very hurt…”

“Only hurt?”

Her gaze flickered. “Hurt… and angry, maybe… and disappointed… and…” she closed her eyes,

“Bloody hell!”

“Language, Yoona,” admonished Jessica with a straight face. “Now you know what I mean, don’t you.”

“But… but…” she ruffled her hair in frustration. “F—food! What should I do?”

“It depends,” said Jessica slowly. “What is Yuri to you?”

~ ;-; ~

“Look, let me ask you the last question, okay? So… I notice that you actually never avoid Yoona on stage.”

“Ah,” a pause, “yes.”

“But off stage, you avoid her.”

“Er…”

“Why is that, Yul?”

A sigh. “Should I really…?”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“…fine. You… you do know that there are fans who… ship… us with one another, don’t you? And that they give those ships a name…”

A nod, “Yoonyul. Sounds cute.”

“……you do know that every interaction…”

Another nod, “They compile and treasure it.”

“……yeah, and despite being same gender, they believe that the ships are real,” a deep breath, “that’s my reason.”

“What?”

“On stage, there are people who believe in yoonyul. People who believe that Yoona thought of me as high as I thought of her. People who believe that me and her are meant to be. People who believe that…” A gaze to the ceiling, “You get my point. Off stage, though…”

…………

…………

…………

“I’m the only one who believe in us. Foolishly.”

~ ;-; ~

“What do you mean what, unnie?”

Jessica shrugged. “Well, a friend? An acquaintance? Co-worker? Roommate?” The ice princess leaned forward and added above whisper, “Soulmate?”

She tried to answer quickly; she swore she did. But words failed her as her brain struggled to find the answer her heart could approve. The developed silence stretched into a minute, two minutes, and finally five minutes had passed.

“Uh…” she trailed intelligently, “I…”

“You…?”

“I… just know that she’s important to me, unnie…”

The ice princess folded her arms in front of her chest. “Compared to Seunggi oppa?”

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Past scenes flashed back in her mind. He had been one thing that went well, really, one thing that gave her a reason to smile. But judging from how rare she smiled her genuine smile nowadays, his presence had been overpowered by someone else’s absence. That much, she knew.

“Whatever your answer is, Yoona, I only have an advice: start treating her as such.”

She didn’t budge, still absorbing what she had at her… epiphany, but Jessica hid a smile. She had seen it. She had seen and braced the fact that had been there for so long. The ice princess patted her head and got up. The mission had been fulfilled.

Operation Knocking Sense Part II: Accomplished.

~ ;-; ~

“How do you judge whether or not she believes in yoonyul too?”

“It’s quite easy, isn’t it,” an exasperated sigh, “she has someone. A guy. A good guy. A smart, good guy. A handsome, smart, good guy. A…. perfect guy! What am I compared to him? She has no reason to believe in us. That’s why I say I’m foolish…”

“…………”

“Damn, I think I’m living the song I created. I’m sorry for loving you more than you love me…”

“Stop. I think I’m officially depressed now.”

“…sorry.”

“Yes, well, I do want you to consider one thing, though.”

“As long as you don’t ask me to confess the L world to her.”

“Wait, that might be a good idea…”

“Hey!”

“You do know that sometimes people are confused with their own feelings, right? Who knows, maybe Yoona is confused right now…”

“Are you trying to imply that yoonyul is possible to be happened?”

“Hey, I’m a trooper okay. ‘Though unofficial ‘coz I don’t think I should buy those merchandises with your and Yoona’s photos in it when I get to meet the real deal everyday.”

“…honestly, Soo, you’re crazy.”

“Crazily in love.”

“With who? Me?”

“Eeeew no. You can’t even do a cold glare.”

“Aaaaah, a certain ice princess, huh?”

“Anyway back to topic. I want you to consider one thing—you never really know what you mean to her. Ask her.”

“And getting hurt?”

“What do you prefer; getting hurt once or questioning forever?”

“………fine. Is that all?”

“Actually, I have one more thing.”

A round of rolling eyes. “What?”

“Can you wait for me? I want to go practicing too.”

A defeated sigh and another round of rolling eyes.

“Fine.”

Operation Knocking Sense Part I: Accomplished.

~ ;-; ~

Sooyoungie to You
Princess, how did it go?
I’ve finished my part.

> > > You changed the contact’s name Sooyoungie into My Youngie < < <

You to My Youngie
I’ve finished my part, too.
Since two hours ago, actually.
Where are you?

My Youngie to You
I’m with Yul, going to practice.
Do you think Yoona gets it?

You to My Youngie
Come back safely, you two.
She better does, I’ve sacrificed my sleep!

My Youngie to You
Oh you. Go sleep now, kekeke
I wish you were here, though.
I’m officially depressed right now.

You to My Youngie
Told you so. Yul’s depression is contagious.
What do we do next?
Do we stick to the plan?

My Youngie to You
I just didn’t think it was that bad!
Well, are Yoona still there?

You to My Youngie
No, she left an hour ago.
Said she’ll back at ten PM.

My Youngie to You
Excellent.
Do the Final Operation, then, General Sica.

You to My Youngie
Roger!
After I have my sleep.

My Youngie to You
Why am I not surprised?
Sleep well, princess <3
Don’t forget to wake up. :*

You to My Youngie
:*

~ ;-; ~

She looked at her wristwatch. Nine PM. She shifted her attention to the guy beside her. Yes, she met Seunggi again, ‘though earlier than usual this time. It had been one hour since the manager dropped her off, actually, with his usual warning about time.

They had a dinner. Dinner as in bought a take away and ate in the car. Although the dating news had gotten out and practically everyone knew that they were dating, she refused to have a dinner in the restaurant. And patient as always, Seunggi agreed without questioning why. Which was good, because she wouldn’t know what to answer had he asked.

For an hour, they chatted, and sometimes Seunggi took her hand in his, and they exchanged laughs, smiles, stares… but she couldn’t keep the feeling that something was off.

Something wasn’t right.

When Seunggi called her name to get her attention, again, for the seventh time that day, she guessed she knew what wasn’t right.

Them.

She blinked, and frowned. She had expected her brain to argue, her heart to burst out in disbelief, her… emotion to lash out. But no. She felt as if the atmosphere had been cleared instead, as if someone had come up and told her that yes, indeed, the Earth rotated and thus caused the appearance of nights and days.

It was as if to come into that conclusion was the most ordinary thing to do.

She glanced to the guy beside her and smiled. Seunggi had been nothing but a gentleman, a good guy, a handsome one, and smart, too. He still was.

But her heart wasn’t in it, and wasn’t it what mattered? The heart?

“Oppa,” she called softly. He stopped talking, and was now looked at her questioningly. She took a deep breath, fully knew that she would still have to explain to her father, and her unnie, and it wouldn’t be easy, but she had to.

She had to do what is right instead of what is easy.

“Oppa, can we drive back now? And… I have something to tell you.”

~ ;-; ~

My Youngie to You
Princess, please tell me you’re awake.
It’s 9:15 PM now!

You to My Youngie
Hi to you too my dear shikshin.
Already on your way back?

My Youngie to You
Thank God you’re awake.
Did you sleep well?
We are. Is everything done?

You to My Youngie
I slept well thanks to a certain someone appearing in my dream.
All preparations clear!
Operation’s ready to be started. >)

My Youngie to You
Is it me? It should be me.
Okaaaaaay!
Let’s hope everything goes as expected.
See you at the dorm princess {}
p.s.: It’s me, isn’t it?

~ ;-; ~

She entered the dorm at 09:30 PM, a small smile playing on her lips. She greeted the members she passed by, and stopped when she found Jessica. She greeted the ice princess too, smile widened. The other girl smiled back, and gestured to the dining room.

“But I have had my dinner!”

“Im Yoona refusing foods? This world is going to be over,” deadpanned Jessica. She faked a look of being hurt, which got a flick in the forehead in return. In the end, she obediently followed the ice princess towards the dining room. The members present—five heads, she counted—had already took their seats on the circle table, leaving a row of four vacant spots between Tiffany and Sunny.

Jessica pushed her to sit beside Sunny and proceeded to pick a seat beside Tiffany.

She frowned seeing the empty side beside her. It could be Sooyoung’s, it could be Yuri’s. She wanted it to be the latter’s. But she knew that luck hadn’t really been on her nowadays.

She let out a sigh and squared her shoulder as soon as some noises came from the living room. Soon enough, Yuri and Sooyoung stepped into the dining room with dragged steps. Their eyes, almost simultaneously, fell to the vacant chairs available.

Then it happened.

Sooyoung inhumanly dived into the vacant seat beside Jessica before Yuri could react. It was so quick that everyone on the table jumped in shock, bar Jessica and the inhuman diver of course.

Yoona looked at the tanned girl who blinked at the situation.

Then slowly but certain, Yuri took the seat beside her. As the older girl’s bum touched the chair, she released the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

~ ;-; ~

Everything happened so fast today it made her dizzy.

First, Jessica interrogated her. Second, she discovered that the most important person for her was a girl, not a guy. Third, she explained that to Seunggi and broke up from the literally perfect guy. Fourth, Kwon Yuri sat next to her in the dinner and fifth, the tanned girl actually smiled at her when she offered the salad!

She bit her lower lips and nudged Sunny who gave her a questioning look.

“Unnie, we’re not on stage now, right?”

Judging from the are-you-kidding-me look Sunny shot at her, yep, they definitely weren’t on stage.

Living without you

Living alone

This empty house seems so cold

A smile appeared on her face. She felt a little bit silly for being happy over small thing like that but, what could she do? She did feel happy for a smile, no matter how silly it sounded.

She glanced at the girl beside her who was talking with Sooyoung. The shikshin was shoving foods inside while asking,

“Speaking of which, did anything happen during blackout yesterday?”

Yuri glanced at her and she quickly looked down to her food. She still kept her ears open, though.

“Well, Yoona had a nightmare about ghost…”

“It’s not ghost, it’s you,” she corrected before she could stop herself. Sooyoung held her laughter in, while Yuri looked stressed at the correction.

“Yeah, well, a nightmare about a ghost that looked like me…”

Sooyoung burst into laughter, joined with Taeyeon, Hyoyeon, and Tiffany who no doubt had been eavesdropping too. She rolled her eyes at the misinterpretation once again and, without thinking, she snapped,

“Oh for chicken’s sake, unnie, I dreamt about you disappearing into darkness! Stop blaming the ghost!”

…………

…………

…………

“You what?”

The laughter died down, replaced with stunned look and widened eyes. She gulped. Crap. She looked down at her plate and resumed eating, ignoring the question and the stares.

She heard a whisper, then.

“You reacted that strongly because you dreamt of me disappearing?”

Without looking up, she nodded.

“Oh,” the voice whispered again. “Okay.”

They didn’t talk more than that.

~ ;-; ~

Dinner finished and dishes washed, one by one they bid goodnight at each other and went to their respective rooms. She hesitantly glanced to the older girl who had been so quiet after the question.

“Come on you two, don’t you want to sleep?” asked Jessica when all that left was them, plus Sooyoung.

“Yeah, shoo, sleep,” said Sooyoung, waving her hand away.

The pair—oh, she was fairly sure those two had become an item—bid them goodnight, then, and left.

She looked at the tanned girl, who only shrugged and began walking towards their room with slow steps.

She followed.

Walking a meter behind the other girl, she couldn’t help examine the other girl’s back and feel a sudden urge to hug her. And intertwine their fingers together. And just be close with each other.

Wanting to hold you

Wanting you near

How much I wanted you home

She shook her head lightly, snapping her thought off of that.

She wondered if the other girl felt the same way too when their position was switched.

Maybe not.

~ ;-; ~

“Let’s hope neither Yoona nor Yuri barge into our room for the next thirty minutes.”

“They better not.”

~ ;-; ~

When they entered the room, she was the first one to shriek.

Yuri just stood there, in shock, her hand still holding the door’s knob.

“Who—who did this!!”

Yuri’s bed was thoroughly soaked with green solution, which suspiciously looked like avocado juice.

She turned to face the older girl in panic, “Unnie! I… I swear I’m not the one doing this! I don’t even know—when I exited this room everything was still okay and—“

Her words came to a halt as a hand covered .

“Sssh,” said Yuri, the edge of her lips twitched in amusement. “Relax. It’s okay. I think I know who did this…” the tanned girl scrunched her forehead, “or not. But I don’t think it’s you. So relax.”

The hand that had been covering retreated, then. The tanned girl hummed and snapped her fingers,

“I know. I can sleep in Tiffany’s room for the time being.”

But now that you’ve come back

Turn night into day

I need you to stay

For all she knew, her hand suddenly shot up forward and grabbed the other girl’s.

“No unnie, don't.”

Yuri froze. The brown orbs flickered to their hands and a word escaped her lips,

“What?”

She took a deep breath.

“Please, stay.”

Yuri looked at her, straight into her eyes, and she thought she saw nervousness—or was it her own that got reflected?

“We… we can share my bed, unnie. I promise I won’t do anything.” She blushed, then, at her own sentence. Just what the hell did she think she can do, anyway? Damn brain. She shook her head and looked at the tanned girl again, who looked back at her with a hint of amusement in her face.

“I will even insert a bolster no one should dare to cross between us if you want.”

Now she was starting to get crazy. She knew it. She could tell from the twitch on the corner of Yuri’s lips. The older girl must be dying with laughter inside.

“I… just… please stay, unnie.”

Feeling at loss of words, she released the other girl’s hand and looked at the ground.

“I need you to stay…”

“I need you… more than I can say.”

…………

…………

…………

“Can I really stay?

So now I come to you

With open arms

Nothing to hide, believe what I say

She looked up, surprised to find Yuri looked at her with a small smile. No hint of laughter. No hint of anger.

And she said…

“Yes, you can,” she shakily replied, almost not believing her own ears.

“Okay, then,” said Yuri softly, “only if you make sure the bolster won’t come between us.”

She immediately marched to her bed and kicked the bolster away with apparently too much strength, because the bolster flew and landed at the avocado-soaked bed. But she didn’t care. She spun around and smiled at the other girl, gesturing to the non-bolster-bed,

“Is this acceptable?”

Yuri laughed. Kwon freakin’ Yuri finally laughed, because of her, off stage.

She smiled so wide she was almost sure her jaw would hurt like hell tomorrow.

They arranged the bed, then, with some amount of awkwardness still lingering between them. But they were getting better at it. They were going there.

So here I am

With open arms

Hoping you’ll see what your love means to me

She was the first to lie down on the right side, while the older girl took the left side.

And they talked.

“Hi, unnie. I miss you,” was the first thing she said.

A pause. A smile. And exactly five seconds after that, Yuri replied,

“Hi Yoong, I miss you too. Very much.”

Hoping you’ll see what your love means to me,

………open arms.

The next morning, Sooyoung found the two sleeping while cuddling when Taeyeon ordered her to wake them up. The shikshin smirked to herself, noting the sweet position they were in, and snapped a picture silently.

Operation Knocking Sense: Accomplished!

Operation Bring The YoonYul Out: Accomplished!

Grinning madly to herself, the shikshin left the YoonYul room and skipped towards the kitchen, ignoring her initial duty to wake up the duo. They would wake up by their own, she decided. Now, she had a good news to report, and a kiss plus a glass of avocado juice to claim.

THE END