My dearest 'you' 

I am so sorry.

So sorry,my love, I long to comfort you but don't know how. Perhaps if it would've been in mistake. The truth is, I don't understand God at all. Perhaps you are right and He doesn't exist. Still yet another part of me screams, have faith, believe. But I don't know what in and I don't know why. And yet, against all reason, I do believe. We must.

  I am on my way.

Jiyeon.

In the dream she wasn't running. She should've been , but she wasn't. She could feel the danger, a swell of sickening adrenalin in her stomach. Around her the air changed, cooling, quickening. She looked around. The wall was shadowy; she'd arrived here all of a sudden, like coming to from a powerful narcotic. Getting up, she felt dark in the dark for the light switch, then stambled to the bathroom. What made her tell 'her'? Did she imagine 'she' would understand? Or that 'she' might console her, smoothing over her self-contempt? 

'Will she know my true character?' standing up, she splashed her face with water.

'Why shouldn't she be?'

Infront of mirror, her reflection blinked back at her, pale, swollen.

Went back to her room and the bedside lamp. Propping the pillow behind her, she lay back, closed her eyes. Her mind turned again to the Europe trip again, looking at 'her' eye. She'd never look at a girl like this before. There was no context for the experience in her history; she didn't understand what it meant or didn't mean. All she knew was it felt unusual. Comforting; tender; frightening.

Reaching into her handbag she took out and lit a cigarette. She wanted to hide now. How was she ever going to be able to look 'her' in the eye again? At the same time, she wanted to be back to the trip, with 'her' arms firmly wrapped around hers.

She got up, opened the window wider. It was a still, airless night.

'She' probably only love her girlfriend now. It was clearly that she'd been devoted to her. Her girlfriend was most likely a wonderful woman. Beautiful, accomplished, kind and talented. Jiyeon's head ached.

Blow out smoke rings 'Your girlfriend is in my bed......that's scarcastic.' 

Eunjung flicked her eyes open and sat up, blinking. 

'What are you doing here? Are you OK?'

'Yes,' Jiyeon laughed, 'I'm Okay. But you fell asleep.'

'God, how emb