Wedding bells

"A wanting"

Maybe it was the soft “I do”. Or the most comfortable and happiest smile he had seen on his face in a while. Maybe it was the feel of seeing someone entrust his happiness to someone else. Or maybe it was the snow. The thing is, Eunhyuk wanted it too. The happiness, the joy, the love, the faithfulness. Seeing how Sungmin kept on smiling shyly yet happily, finally out of the fear of not being enough, made Hyukjae wish that the same thing would happen to him too. Being accepted wholly.  

A church, a wonderful place, his friends and family. Finally be sure of something. Finally being able to watch the person he loved and cherished the most and saying “yes, I’m yours and you’re mine”. Sungmin kissed Saeun when people requested them to and he smiled bitterly, thinking that even such a small thing was forbidden to him. To them. An idol and an actress getting married had blown up a scandal of huge proportions.  A male idol and another male idol being in love with each other would have been considered an aberration. Or at least, that was Korean shared opinion.

He let his gaze fall on Donghae, who was talking animatedly to Yesung, probably about their next album, and he wondered if his lover was thinking the same thing too. If he too wished for a wedding, for a normal family, for a normal life. If he wished for acceptance. But Donghae had always been quite happy with their life. “At least we’re together” was what he usually said during those nights spent talking on the same bed, surrounded by black walls and an Ironman beer-container. Those were the happiest nights. When they hadn’t anything to do and sleeping sounded like a waste of time, in a life that stole almost all of their time. Hyukjae didn’t really regret becoming an idol, but sometimes everything became a little too much and those nights with Donghae seemed to be the only comfort and source of happiness. So Donghae was happy with what they had because “Wishing for something more could become dangerous. It could drift us apart”. And maybe he was right, Hyukjae thought observing his own mother, who was still absolutely unaware of whom his lover was, went to hug Sungmin, as if he was another son of hers. Maybe if people had known about Donghae and him, even those happy nights in Donghae’s flat would become a dream, a pale wish.

A hand came in touch with his knee, for a moment taking him away from his thoughts. “You’re spacing out”, Donghae mumbled with a little smile, finally talking to him. “Are you all right?”. No, I’m not. I want a family, I want sons, I want people to acknowledge our relationship as they did today with Sungmin. “I’m just hungry. I can’t believe that we still have to wait for Ryeowook to sing”, he groaned, pretending to be perfectly fine, when he actually wasn’t.

“Don’t be an . Sungmin hyung is getting married, just be a nice anchovy and thank God that we  don’t have to perform too”, Donghae answered laughing, gently patting his thigh.

“Donghae is right”, Yesung added. “If we were less lucky, we could have been dragged all to dance Sorry Sorry again”.

“I bet you’ll be happy, hyung. You’re so jealous that you don’t get to perform with us”.

Hyukjae knew that the smack from Donghae was coming before even seeing it. Despite everything, Yesung wasn’t really happy to be reminded that he still had to wait a lot before going back on a stage again. When Ryeowook started to sing, he sighed in relief. Not because he was really hungry – he wasn’t going to eat half  of the things that were on the menu anyway – but because it meant that he could have gone home soon, and finally his brain was going to be filled up with something that wasn’t Donghae in a white suite saying “yes, I do” too. Ryeowook’s voice was soothing his heart and soul at that very moment and when he noticed Donghae’s shoulders tensing a bit, he thought that maybe he wasn’t the only one affected by the wedding. A hand came in touch with his under the table and he hold on tight, hoping that it was enough to make Donghae feel a bit better.

Weddings were indeed beautiful, Hyukjae thought, as Sungmin kneeled in front of his wife to serenade her with the final part of the song Ryeowook had sung. Saeun brought the flowers she was holding up to her face, perhaps to cover her tears. He didn’t know her a lot, that marriage had surprised many people in a way or in another, but watching her in that very moment, he knew she was really moved by Sungmin’s show of love. And he envied her for having found a man who had been brave enough to marry her without hiding anything to anyone. As he held Donghae’s hand, he wondered if they would’ve ever been able to be that brave too.

***

When the wedding had ended, the Super Junior members had flown the place. They knew fans and media were lurking and strangely enough, none of them was really in the mood to stay and play the nice guys. Liking or not, a member getting married was a new challenge for them, and Super Junior were going to be unique again. They still had to find a way to settle and act from that point on. Hyukjae thanked God he wasn’t the leader anymore.  

Yesung had dragged him and Donghae to eat because “Come on guys, that wasn’t even food”. They found themselves in a Japanese restaurant, Donghae and Yesung eating, Eunhyuk just playing with his food. And the thing didn’t go unnoticed to Donghae, because the first thing he asked when they fell on Donghae’s bed was: “You were quiet today”.

Hyukjae smiled, pretending everything was all right. “I stand out as a quiet person because you speak too much. Nothing new, actually”.

Donghae leaned on his side to face him, not convinced at all. “Nope. You were really silent during the wedding too. And you told me you were hungry but you didn’t eat a thing. So, come on, tell me”.

“I’m fine!”, Hyukjae replied again, rolling his eyes. “I’m fine, really. I just wasn’t in the mood for a crowd. I had