a/n: god, this is so long and it took me long to finish this, too, because of work and christmas and in less than a day the new year will arrive in my country.

i don't think this makes any sense, it's freaking 2am right now Orz

but i gave my best and i hope you'll like it. (and maybe i'll write a chapter for this ^^)

be aware of (a lot of) cursing.

guys, i hope you've a wonderful start into the new year! may you all be blessed with happiness and love in the year 2015!

thank you for everything!

- hanie

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Siwoo isn’t someone to freak out (maybe he is but, you know, he’s stubborn) but when he looks over the boy lying in his bed, still unconscious from the beating he’s gotten, his mind does flips and twirls around only for him to feel dizzy and so confused.

He has saved him, he should feel proud of himself. Why isn’t he feeling like some hero? Sena would probably run into his arms after she sees what a good boy he is that saves people-

‘Sena..’

He sighs. It feels like years that he’s thought of her even though it has been only some minutes (or maybe half an hour).

Siwoo blinks. “I did it..” he mumbles and grins at himself. He’s not the stupid, lovestrucken puppy that loves Sena so freaking much anymore because now the only one he thinks about is-

“M-mom?”

Shooting his head to the right, Siwoo meets big doe eyes that stare back at him.

“Who are you?”

A shiver runs down his spine. Why’s this kid so cold towards someone who’s saved him?

“I’m going.” The boy tries to sit up but it hurts him and Siwoo gets so confused at himself wanting to help him.

“You won’t go anywhere.” Wow, the elder’s voice is steady. “Give me your phone and I’ll call your parents for them to pick you up.”

The other just stares a little bit more until he lies back down and sighs.

“Is your phone here?” He looks through the jacket he’s taken off of him when the boy’s been sleeping. “Because I remember feeling something in there..” he mumbles to himself.

“Are you some ert? And, just saying,” the younger shifts until he finds what he’s been searching, “here’s my phone you will never get. ert old man.”

Siwoo wants to throw some punches because no one calls him a ert, not even Sena. (Okay, maybe he’d be fine with Sena calling him this.) “You want some beating, kid?” he spits out and stands up. “I’m older than you, that’s true, but you should respect your elders, especially when they’ve saved your life.” He stomps out of his room and shuts the door close, as loud as possible. ‘.’

Siwoo’s in vocal practice and he’s really trying hard but something keeps his mind off of work and he doesn’t understand why.

“Yah, focus or you won’t improve.”

He rolls his eyes and his lips. Of course he knows that.

“Try to feel it. Like,”

“Singing to my mom or other people I’ve strong feelings to, I know.” He sees it in his vocal trainer’s eyes that he’s sorry but it’s okay. It’s true anyway.

The next few hours are spend with lots of sweating, singing and more dancing and singing and he thinks he’s on a good way. He hasn’t tripped or fallen once and he’s got most of the dance right. Even trainees watch him in awe, like he’s doing magic.

He wants to laugh at that. As if they’re amazed by his awful skills. They all think they’re better than him.

“Hyung? Ah, yes.. No, it’s okay, stay there, I’ve things to settle myself.. You’re not my mother, okay? I won’t do things I’m not allowed to do. Hmm.. I’m hanging up.” He puts back his phone into his pocket and unlocks the door. “Finall-”

“Where were you?”

For a second, no, millisecond, Siwoo wants to scream because he’s thought there’s a thief in his dorm. But then he recognizes the boy he has saved and the cold voice and sees how they boy’s staring with hatred at him.

“Why did you leave me all alone, huh?”

“Why are you acting like my wife?”

They stare at each other and he has this urge to make the boy feel how much he doesn’t like him. But judging the way the other limps his way back to his bedroom he can’t do it.

“Hey, let me help you.” He walks up to him and puts his left arm on his shoulder.

“I can do this alone.” With a swift move he removes his arm from Siwoo’s shoulder and walks a bit quicker. “I don’t need help from someone like you.”

He tsks at that. ‘Someone like me?’ He’s being nice so he should appreciate that. Frowning, he walks again towards him and heaves him up in a fireman lift. “Stop the act when you’re clearly hurting.” He felt the boy freezing and shutting up immediately, but only until he’s gotten them on his bed.

“Lemme be.” The younger mumbles, eyes slowly closing down. “Leave me..” Then he hears a soft snore.

“How much he was probably hurting..?”

As an solo artist he’s used to being alone, but Sungyeol (he found the name tag on his jacket) demands so many things from him and being the nice person Sena would (or rather should) fall for he does it against his own will. Not even a day passes by with him not doing anything but being ordered around by the high school student.

“Yah, I told you I want an Iced Americano! I burnt my tongue because of you!”

Siwoo sighs and strolls over to the boy, taking away the hot beverage and looking down at him. “You, shut the up!” With that he leaves the boy in his room, not turning back and leaving his room for extra dance practice.

He’s so frustrated that he wants to punch something but he doesn’t know what. That’s why he just dances until he feels numb and is out of breath and lies on the floor, panting.

He smiles to himself, he’s done his best. Maybe he should stick with this Sungyeol brat to always give his best because he needs to release stress.

“Never.” he mutters. Not in a lifetime he’ll make the younger stay next to him and annoy the out of him. “Sena..”

He hasn’t want to think about her, Sungyeol makes it possible, but now he’s alone, staring at the ceiling and thinking and thinking. His heart beats fast and it hurts to know that it’s to no use, no one’s going to hear it. He doesn’t want anyone to listen to it beside Sena and she-

“You’re good.”

He’s startled at the softness in that voice.

“Didn’t know you’re that idol.”

“Doesn’t it still hurt?” Siwoo’s caught off guard by what his mouth’s just said. “Uh, I mean.. Is your body okay?” Okay, that isn’t better, this makes him sound like some ert that’s taken the boy’s ity away. “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

There’s a chuckle and it reminds him of how he feels wehenever Sena chuckles but then there’s a bright (tiny) smile and he’s blinded. “I’m fine, see.” They boy walks in without any problems and sits down next to him. “Thank you.”

The idol feels shy and turns his head the other way to escape the beautiful sight in front of him.

“And I’m sorry.”

He hums and nods but remains like this, looking away from him.

“I’m going then, my dad will be here in some minutes.” He hears the other standing up and it’s almost like his heart skips some beats at that.

“Wait!” Against his will, he grabs onto Sungyeol’s hand. “I.. I..”

“Bye.” The taller (Siwoo hasn’t want to accept that the younger’s taller than him) shakes his hand and disappears behind the doors.

“And I’ll never see him again. Ugh.”

He sighs and thinks and then stands up because he’s dead tired. After some sleeping he’s going to be okay (and he’ll be able to think straight again).

The watch on his wrist announces that it’s already three in the afternoon and that, maybe, school’s over and he’ll be able to see Sungyeol and hug him and- ‘What the hell?!’

Siwoo doesn’t even know why he’s gone all the way to the brat’s school and stand there, all in black, with shades, a mask and a hat. The other students will probably think he’s some ert spying on his next targets. “I should go home..” He’s looks a last time at the building in front of him (he’s standing on the entrance and it’s really embarrassing how the guards eye him) and heaves a sigh to finally start going home and practice again.

“Sungyeol-ah! Wait!”

A tall figure with headphones walks past him, looking cold as ever. And then a student bumps into him, bows for a second, and then runs again and bumps into more people.

“Yah! Shin Woohyun!”

A petite girl chases after the boy that ran into Siwoo and smacks both their heads for leaving her alone. The idol doesn’t know what to do, he’s definitely thrilled to meet the brat’s friend’s but he doesn’t want to look like some old man, stalking a poor student (though, Sungyeol isn’t poor, he’s a brat).

The girl hooks up arms with the two boys and smiles up at them and Siwoo shouldn’t feel jealous but he does and he really wants Sena to look at him like that, too.

He disappears in his car and drives back home, waiting there for Sungyeol hasn’t made him any happier than it should have (and Siwoo’s not sure what that’s supposed to mean).

He dances and sings and dances and sings and uses his 666% of awesomeness to accomplish any good change in his skills. He tries so hard he even forgets about Sena and her boyfriend and their new pet and everything about Sungyeol, too.

He gives it his all and he smiles at the mirror to lift up his mood and he smiles at his manager (he’s the best but the idol won’t admit that out loud) and he smiles at his fans (one even gave him a stuffed animal to cuddle with it at night).

He hasn’t time to think about anything but himself (he’s still unsure of everything but he needs to focus in order to make it). He hasn’t time for many things lately.

So imagine the great shock he’s feeling when he sees Sena waiting for him outside his dorm.

“Siwoo!”

He’s swept by all the hidden emotions for the girl in front of him that he’s unable to speak.

“Can I come in?”

He nods and walks automatically to the door, unlocks it and lets in the girl he still loves (but shouldn’t love).

She’s come for a song. His song. He doesn’t know if he should feel glad, relieved or mad. He’s wanted her back but having her back but not being able to be beside her as someone more than a friend.. it’s cruel.

He fakes everything, his smile, his laugh, his sweet gestures just to make her leave. He doesn’t want any collaboration with her, Sena only manages to break his heart again and again.

Along the lines of “I’ll call you.” and “I see you then.” she finally goes home.

Siwoo sighs.

Sungyeol’s there, in front of him, all drenched and wet and he’s shivering so much he thinks the boy will collapse any time soon.

Siwoo kind to freaks out because you don’t have an (un)wanted guest everyday. He runs to his bathroom, pulls out some towels and runs back to the brat (he’s thought of a few times). A bit (more than) clumsy, he starts to wrap them around the younger’s body and rubs his hair in a circular motion. He’s surprised he’s good at something like this.

There’s a muffled voice and he doesn’t get what it says so he removes the cloth and looks at Sungyeol. “I said.. thank you.”

The idol’s heart skips a beat at that and he’s not able to do anything. It’s like that simple ‘thank you’ could turn his world upside down. “You’re..welcome.” he says after some minutes of staring at each other. “Uhm.. you alright?”

As if that’s the question out of all questions, the student starts to cry and it shocks Siwoo (more than it should).

“U-uh..” He’s so helpless, he doesn’t know what to do. But there’s no time to think about possible things because Sungyeol pulls him down and hugs him, wrapping his arms around his waist and cries into his shoulder.

He’s frozen. Why’s he feeling like jelly right now?

When he feels the warm tears on his skin, his heart starts to beat in an irregular beat and he’s so confused. “Why do you make people’s heart beat?” The elder sits down next to him and hugs him back, trying to warm up the other’s body with his heat.

He doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed like this but some time later Sungyeol slowly looks up at him and his eyes seem to say something, something he doesn’t understand. And then, they’re so close he can feel the other’s breath against his lips and he pushes them together and they kiss and it feels new but not disgusting at all.

“Yongbok..”

And they kiss again and again and Sungyeol isn’t backing away and it scares him. Parting their lips he takes in a few long breathes. “This.. this..” he stammers and he wants to kiss him again but he loves Sena, so why?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t,” the boy looks down, removes his arms from him and increases the space between them, “I shouldn’t have..” He sighs. “I’m sorry.” In an instant the younger’s already on his feet and walks out and leaves him there.

He’s brave, he’s cool, he’s charismatic, he’s anything but a coward so he waits the the entrance of the school eleven days later (Being confused is a big thing, okay?!) and he sees anyone but Sungyeol. But there’s the boy that’s bumped into him the last time. He breathes in and out and walks up to him. “Yah!”

The student shrieks loudly with a deep voice. “What the hell?!”

“Where’s Sungyeol?” he demands to now, sounding harsh and mean but he wants to know, he needs to know.

“Who are you?” The younger eyes him suspiciously and even another boy comes up to them and looks at him with questions written all over his face.

“What’s with Sungyeollie?”

‘Sungyeollie?’

“Yah, since when do you call him this? What’s with me? Why don’t I get a cute nickname??”

“You have one, puppy.”

“But I want one that sounds like Sungyeollie!”

“But your name’s not Sungyeol.”

“YAH!” Siwoo’s had enough. “Tell me where Sungyeol is or you’re going to regret it.” he threatens.

The other boy blinks and then gulps and he doesn’t think that’s a good sign. “He’s at the hospital.. because..”

The idol’s taken aback and he’s done with life. “Who did this to him?!?” The one that hurt Sungyeol is going to pay. “Who harmed him? Why’s he in the hospital? Answer me!”

The students don’t know what’s wrong with him (he doesn’t either). They try it with ‘accident’ and ‘no one hurt him’ but Siwoo’s angry, so ing angry. He marshes back to his car, leaving them on their own. He needs to see the taller, now, he really needs to make sure he’s okay.

Driving to the hospital takes more time than he’s thought and it makes him punch the steering wheel so many times his hands feel so numb already.

Finally being able to move and drive as fast as possible and park his car, he’s standing at the counter, asking for the boy.

“Uhm, are you related to him?”

He doesn’t hesitate and nods, “I’m his boyfriend.”

The woman furrows her eyebrows until she tells him the number and in what floor he’s laying unconscious.

“Thanks.” he says and rushes off to the stairs, taking the elevator would make him go insane.

“!” he exclaims, scaring the people outside in the hallway.  “!”

There he lays, Lee Sungyeol, a bandage around his head, some cuts on his face and the boy sleeping peacefully.

“Sungyeol,” Siwoo falls to his knees. ‘What happened? Why is he always hurting when I see him?’

“..bi.. seul.. SEULBI!”

The idol looks at the student sitting up straight and breathing hard. “Sungyeol,” he whispers, not asking about the name and why he’s been screaming, he just wants to hold him, protect him. “Sungyeol,” He stands up and approaches the shocked boy, wrapping his arms around him and nuzzling his face into his shoulder.

“Yong..bok?”

Siwoo’s not sure why he’s done it, but he kisses the younger’s exposed skin, up his throat to his cheeks and finally meeting his lips. “I’ve been so worried,” It’s a mere whisper but he knows the student’s heard it. “So ing worried.”

“Wh-what-” the boy’s voice cracks, how long he’s been laying there? “Why- you- here-”

He answers with a kiss and a smile because he doesn’t know why he’s there. He doesn’t know why he’s doing all of this. He’s confused but he wants to be there, he has a feeling he needs to be there.

‘How long does it take for a man to forget a woman he loved?’

That’s what Siwoo’s been asking himself many, many times now. He loves Sena, her beautiful face, her breathtaking smile, the way she laughs.. he loves everything about her. His heart skips beats and then starts to beat again when he thinks of her.

‘But,’

It’s not the same anymore. He wants to believe he’s holding onto Sena until she comes back to him.

‘But,’

There’s Sungyeol and the boy’s confusing the hell out of him and makes him do things he wouldn’t do for anyone but Sena. Sungyeol’s constantly in his thoughts and makes him smile for unknown reasons and he has this urge to visit the boy wherever he lives.

Siwoo ruffles his hair. “I still love Sena, end of story.”

He doesn’t need a gay relationship now. It’s been hard enough with the dating scandal with Sena, he doesn’t want Sungyeol to go through something like this-

“Yongbok, get yourself together!”

He slaps his cheeks a few times to get back from Sungyeolmania and goes on with practice.

“Practice is the only thing you should think of now, Yongbok!”

“So that’s what you’re doing?” There’s a tsk and a soft chuckle follows. “Slapping yourself? How not charming like.” A tall figure walks up to him like he’s made for the catwalk. “Missed me?” and then he laughs at his own words and it’s like music to his ears.

“Don’t laugh. My heart is beating.” Siwoo looks so serious at Sungyeol the idol almost believes he has a thing for the student, almost.

“Says the ert.”

“So what, kiddo?” He turns away, increases the space between them and plays music to dance because he really needs to practice, he’s been doing nothing but thinking these past days. “I need to work, so go.” Not waiting for a response h starts to dance and then he sings, too, and this thrilling feeling that Sungyeol’s watching him, it makes him want to do more than his best.

Some time later, the music stops and he’s pinned to the wall, lips attached to his. “You shouldn’t molest a student that’s taller than you.” But their mouths keep on touching and Siwoo’s feeling like jelly again it’s not even funny.

“I-.. I-..” He wants to talk back, to say all the things he doesn’t like about the other. However he can’t, not with someone eating his lips and not letting him go.

“I wonder.. how you feel like.”

He sees a smirk and it’s a dirty one and he’s so flushed he collapses on the floor after the student lets him free.

“See ya,” and he’s gone. Again.

The idol tries to even his breaths and he fails. “!”

He receives some texts and at first, he’s confused and doesn’t know who it is. But then he reads them again and there’s a “how’s my ert yongbok doing” and he immediately knows. “!”

“Huh? Did you say something?” Sena looks questioning at him.

“No.” He shakes his head to get rid of inappropriate thoughts of doin- “So, what’s the song about?”

“Didn’t you listen?” She chuckles. “Well, it’s just some love song about falling out of love to fall in love again with someone they didn’t expect to fall in love with.”

‘Great.’

“Are you okay with that?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Siwoo focuses on the song and on Sena but his phone buzzes every ten seconds and then there’s an incoming call.

“I think we should stop for today. There’s someone wanting your attention.”

He doesn’t see anything the girl does, he only hears the door open and close again and that’s when he picks up the call. “YAH!” he screams, “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?”

“Tomorrow, 5pm, at the park. I’ll be waiting, Yongbok.”

The call is disconnected there and he’s speechless.

What’s gotten into him? Really? He’s bought new clothes and made himself look nice and presentable because it feels like a date but he doesn’t like Sungyeol, no, he doesn’t.

Siwoo looks at his phone and at the recently taken selca of Sungyeol and he smiles.

Okay, maybe he does like him a tiny bitsy. But just a tiny bitsy, not that you misunderstand him.

“Gosh, I’m such a loser.”

“Hey loser, why so chic today? Not afraid of your Siwoo Jju Jju?”

“Ha, you googled me, stalker.”

“At least I didn’t come to- oh, I did.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Mhm.”

They look at each other and start to grin.

“So what? Do you think your fans won’t hate on me?”

The idol widens his eyes.

“Wow, you’re so thoughtful. Why’d you even try to look good?” The student drags him to some alley that doesn’t look like you want to throw up at the smell. “Be happy I brought these.”

His sight is covered in something black and he feels like a baby, getting dressed, but this feeling is new and, strangely, really comforting and nice. The feelings takes advantages of him and so he locks their lips and kisses him, closing his eyes. ‘Really nice.’

It gets rough and he can’t explain the want he feels right now. He pins Sungyeol on the wall and darts his tongue into his awaiting mouth, deepening the kiss more and more. But then it gets slow again and Siwoo finds the younger’s hands and intertwines them with his owns and it feels so strange but those big hands match his.

They part and Sungyeol’s smiling so brightly it literally takes his breath away. “I conclude you like me, too?”

It’s been two years they’ve been secretly dating. And their relationship has its ups and downs. They quarrel and argue about everything and then make out the next second. And Sungyeol’s changed so much, he’s been so bright and happy that it freaks his family out.

Siwoo’s once visited them and taste the food (It’s been so delicious if he wouldn’t be on diet he’d eat everything they’ve in store.) and overheard the taller’s dad talking to his step-mother.

“Why’s he dating so many girls? Doesn’t one satisfy him?”

It’s sounded so bad, he’s known he shouldn’t eavesdrop but he couldn’t help it.

“Let’s leave him, one day he’ll find the one, yeobo.”

‘The one, huh?’

He’s been hurt ever since and his mood’s been the darkest ever since his debut days again. Not even Raehoon bullying him can compete against this.

“Yongbok, what-”

“Don’t call me that!”

“What’s wrong with you? What did I do wrong?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t know?” He laughs bitterly, he’s ing hurt! “Let’s break up.”

It’s thrown into the room and Sungyeol doesn’t know how to react, he sees it in his eyes.

“Nothing to say, huh?” He packs his stuff (he’s wanted to show the boy something but he already forgot) and goes, not turning back.

Though, Sungyeol chases after him. He drags him to that alley again and he feels like crying.

“!”

“Who’s the here? I don’t break up with you because of nothing!”

Siwoo’s more hurt by those words. “Nothing? So I’m nothing to you? Is it that what you wanted to say?”

“NO! , Yonbok, I,”

Oh, no, no, no, he doesn’t want to get weak again. Not this time. “Sungyeol, I don’t-” But it’s too late, he receives kiss after kiss and he melts and it’s not fair how easy he is. “Sungyeol, I-”

“I love you.”

It’s the first time he hears that.

“I want to tell my parents because lying to them I meet up with so many random girls isn’t fair.”

“Oh.” Siwoo says. “Oh.”

“What else should I’ve told them? ‘Oh, mom and dad, I’ve found the one and he’s a guy and on top of that a well-known idol’?”

“Why do you keep making people’s heart beat?” he blurts out.

“Weirdo.”

The idol enlaces their hands and after some minutes of silence he mutters low, “I’m sorry.”

“You better be. My parents eyed me strangely when I was running after a stranger.”

They laugh and he feels light like a feather now. How stupid he’s been.

He sees Seulbi hitting on Sungyeol and he doesn't like it. She even confesses to him while his boyfriend’s busy flirting with other girls. ‘May you rot in hell!’

He doesn’t respond to any of his calls and shuts off his phone. He hates him so much. He knows how jealous he can get and still, there he is, hooking up with girls only to tell them they’re not worth being with him. “ing !”

“But you still love me.”

‘Note to myself: take away Sungyeol’s spare key.’

“Yah, talk to me..” the younger whines. “I’m sorry, okay?”

He huffs. As if he’s sorry, he always seems to enjoy the girls flirting with him.

“I won’t do it again, I promise!”

Another promise he’ll break.

“I went too far, I’ll stop, for real now.”

He still doesn’t budge.

“Okay, then you won’t get this.”

At this his ears perk up. “What?”

“Oh, noth- YOU’RE SPEAKING TO ME!”

“!”

“You me or I you?”

“Go those girls!” he spits out.

“But they wouldn’t satisfy me like you do.” Sungyeol smirks and Siwoo wants to throw up. “Besides, I told everyone I’m happy in a relationship and that I’m gonna introduce that certain someone to them someday.”

“Without me.”

“But you’re that certain someone!”

“So?”

“They need to meet you to be captivated like I am!”

Oh, how he hates Sungyeol and his suger-coated words. “Ugh.. fine!”

“I love youuuuu!”

“..love you, too.”

Siwoo kisses him this time because he loves to kiss him and he’s addicted to those plump lips. He grabs his arms and pulls him towards the bed (where he’s been laying while his boyfriend’s been weird again). He isn’t needy, he just wants to get touchy with his lover.

The college student deepens the kiss and crawls on top of him. Siwoo doesn’t like to get to dominated, so he rolls them over to be on top. The kisses get rougher and harder and soon a shirt’s flying and a moan erupts out of one of them.

“You’re irresistable.” the elder says, on the skin that is all his.

“So are you.”