(A/N) Please read my other A/N at the bottom of this story.

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Kibum first thought that it might be a problem when he turned sixteen. It came as a realization as he sat in a dark movie theatre, awkwardly holding hands with his first girlfriend. When he felt her hand slip out from his grasp and settle on his thigh, he didn't think much of it, but when her hand steadily began to inch up his leg, he grew panicked, spouting out several excuses of 'we're in public, 'we could get kicked out', 'we'll make too much noise', and 'it's too soon'. Kibum wasn't sure why he felt so relieved when she retracted her hand. He felt guilt eating at him because many of his friends were becoming ually active, why not them? They weren't that young, it was perfectly doable. But he still let out that silent sigh of relief when she didn't ask to continue throughout the remainder of the movie.

Three months later and six months into their relationship came the day she strongly hinted at Kibum spending the night while her parents were away on business. When he seemed hesitant, she assured him her older brother was planning on going to a party anyway, and they'd be completely alone. With no excuses left, and no way to tell her that that really wasn't why he was so nervous, Kibum reluctantly agreed. His parents, Kibum thought, were much too keen on their only son having a girlfriend so much so that even when Kibum emphasized the "loads upon loads" of homework he hadn't finished, his mother still stressed that the honor student he was wouldn't suffer, and that he should go, even offering to help him pack an overnight bag. Kibum was defeated and he knew it. When he awkwardly stepped out of the car and watched his father drive away, Kibum wanted nothing more than to run after the car and beg his father to drive him home, but he knew he couldn't. He summed up as much of his remaining courage as he could and slowly walked up the steps to his girlfriend's drive. After ringing the doorbell, Kibum had a few seconds to ponder to himself just why he was so hesitant to spend the night. It wasn't that he didn't like her, he honestly thought she was really cool, but there was something so off about them being together that he just couldn't quite put his finger on. He didn't get a chance to think too hard about it though because eventually she was opening the door and ushering Kibum inside and trying to seem like she wasn't hurrying him upstairs to her bedroom.

Kibum really did try his best. He tried to prolong his time at her place as much as possible, but to no avail. When she mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom, Kibum had been relieved that he could have a few moments to himself, but when she returned clad only in red lingerie, Kibum knew he was in trouble. She stood there in the doorway waiting for him to say something, but Kibum's throat had gone so dry he wasn't sure he could even breathe anymore. When she flicked off the lights and made her way over to him, his heart threatened to jump out of his chest. He wasn't excited. He wasn't the least bit excited, he was terrified. She stopped in front of him, where he'd been sitting on the edge of her bed, and stooped down to sit between his legs. As she silently fumbled with his belt buckle in the dark, Kibum could hear alarms going off in his head. He didn't want this, he really did not want this.

Needless to say, she spent an agonizing ten minutes just palming him through the fabric of his boxers, trying and failing for a response. When Kibum couldn't get hard, she took it as a personal insult and immediately got up and flicked the lights back on, hastily throwing a sweater on to cover herself with. Her face was beet red, and Kibum could tell she was incredibly embarrassed. He felt guilty because he knew he had undoubtedly hurt her pride, and when she snapped an, "I think you should go", he couldn't leap up from the bed faster and make his way out the door.

Kibum was honestly surprised she didn't dump him right away, her reasoning being she figured maybe he just wasn't ready and she could wait for him, but two months later with several more failed attempts at getting physical and Kibum's girlfriend eventually left him with a ruthless, "it's not me, it's definitely you." Kibum was hurt, needless to say. He had, in all honesty, tried his hardest to find it in himself to be physically attracted to her. He had even - embarrassingly enough - tried to e to a photo of her once, but when Kibum remained flaccid he gave up and spent the rest of the day disgusted with himself for even trying such a thing.

Eventually, Kibum decided that maybe he just wasn't cut out for heterouality.

He figured that that had to be reason why he wasn't able to feel any urges for her. It wasn't as though Kibum was opposed to being gay, he had just never figured himself to be, but when he turned seventeen and his eyes caught those of a cheeky sophomore, Kibum thought maybe he'd found the answer. His name was Taemin and he was in his AP calculus class, that's how they'd met. He'd sidled up to Kibum one day asking for help with a math question, and although Kibum tried his best to concentrate on the math, he could tell that Taemin had never really needed help with the way he felt his stare never leave his face. Kibum watched Taemin throughout the next few weeks. He was a little shorter than Kibum, and his hair was dyed a sandy brown. He wasn't very muscular, but his smile was genuine and bright and attacted Kibum nearly right away. Kibum felt a surge of happiness. Maybe Taemin was the answer.

Kibum however, struggled with the notion that maybe he was only attracted to Taemin because he was younger. He was, in actuality, quite shy and quiet around others, only really opening up to Kibum, himself, and Kibum wondered if maybe the only reason he felt anything for Taemin was because he knew Taemin wouldn't be quite as forward as his ex-girlfriend. If Taemin wasn't too pushy, Kibum wouldn't have to relive many of the embarrassing events of his past.

Unfortunately for Kibum, he was never a good judge of character.

Taemin proved to be quite adventurous in the bedroom. It started with just kissing. Kibum would invite Taemin over for the weekend to marathon movies and play video games until they fell asleep at the console. Taemin would show up, cuddle into Kibum's side, and the two would start furiously bashing away at their controllers until Kibum eventually won (because Taemin was quite rubbish at games). Taemin, ever the sore loser, would end up wrestling Kibum to the floor and tickling him until Kibum was gasping for air, and then Taemin would kiss him. The first time it happened, Kibum was very surprised, because Taemin was a lot more forceful than he seemed to be, wrapping his arms around Kibum's neck and angling his head more to the side, deepening the kiss, but Kibum obliged because after three and a half months of dating Taemin the younger boy was bound to have some feelings locked up inside him that he needed to release.

So every weekend or so, Taemin would go over to Kibum's and spend a night and the two would kiss until they were tired of kissing and Taemin would fall asleep snuggled into the crook of Kibum's neck. Kibum didn't mind it so much, but sometimes he wondered why he even minded at all.

Things got more complicated after another month into their relationship. When Taemin invited Kibum over to his house instead of the usual video-game-at-Kibum's-place routine, Kibum wasn't that worried. He'd never been to Taemin's house, and after a little over four months of dating, it was obvious that Taemin would want him to go over as well. So he did. Kibum crammed his study material into his backpack, pulled his shoes on and bid his parents farewell as he made his way to Taemin's house. Halfway through his walk, Kibum's cellphone chirped. He fished it out of his back pocket, smiling when he read who the sender was, and opened the text to see what Taemin wanted. When Kibum read the message, the smile dropped off his face.

"If you didn't bring condoms, it's okay, I have some extra."

Kibum felt the blood drain from his face and he gulped quickly, stuffing the phone back into his pocket and forcing his legs to continue walking. He couldn't've avoided this forever, it was inevitable it would happen. He just had to see Taemin and all his fears would dissipate. He was just nervous, that was all. It was only because it would be his first time, there was nothing wrong with being a little nervous. Kibum repeated his mantra in his head the remainder of the way to Taemin's place, hand shaking as he raised to knock on the door. He was met with the oddly familiar few seconds of time to think to himself about why he didn't just tell Taemin that he was feeling sick and couldn't come when Taemin flung the door open, and Kibum's only hope for escape flew out the window. Taemin smiled and pulled Kibum through the door, kicking it shut with his foot and chattering about school, his parents, the upcoming break, and food. Kibum followed Taemin into the kitchen where they began grabbing snacks out of cupboards before shifting to the living room and plopping down on the couch in front of the T.V. Kibum relaxed a little as Taemin popped a movie into the DVD player, settling into the sofa as his fears died down, believing that Taemin had forgotten about the earlier text message.

They were about twenty minutes into the movie when Taemin shifted closer to Kibum. Kibum unthinkingly wrapped an arm around Taemin's shoulders, before slowly realizing in horror that Taemin accepted his gesture as an open invite to swiftly straddle Kibum's hips, effectively blocking his view of the movie on screen. Kibum's heart rushed into overdrive as Taemin leaned forward and kissed his neck, hands working to the first few buttons on Kibum's shirt. Kibum's hands instinctively shot up to grab Taemin's wrists and when Taemin looked at him confusedly, Kibum didn't know what to do. He really liked Taemin, he honestly did, and he didn't want to anything up like the last time, so instead, pushing aside all of his worries and ignoring the warning bells in his head, Kibum brought his hands to Taemin's thighs, rubbing the soft flesh. Taemin smiled and ground forward on Kibum's lap, tightening his hold around his neck and occassionally pressing kisses to Kibum's neck and shoulder. Kibum was terrified, but he wanted this to work, he wanted to overcome this weird fear he had, and although he felt sick to his stomach, he moved his hands from Taemin's thighs over the swell of his , and under the back of his shirt, pressing Taemin's body closer to his chest. He could feel heat emanating off the younger's skin, burning him, and all Kibum wanted to feel was desire pool deep in his stomach for Taemin.

But he felt nothing.

Kibum was so disgusted with himself because he felt nothing but a sick feeling crawling over his skin. He fisted his hands in Taemin's thick hair and when Taemin moaned and moved his hips over Kibum's crotch again, Kibum lost it. He couldn't take it. He pushed Taemin to the side, and stood up, gasping for breath, hand on his chest willing his heart to slow down. Taemin stared up at Kibum in an irritated manner, eyes softening when he noticed how unkempt Kibum looked.

"Hyung, are you alright? Should we stop?" Kibum felt embarrassed because yes, this was really happening again. He wanted to pull Taemin close, and he wanted to push him far away. Kibum didn't know what he wanted and the seconds ticked by as he sought his feelings out, leaving Taemin to awkwardly fix his shirt and stand up. "You know, I won't force you if you're not ready," Taemin whispered, "I can wait, it's alright."

"I'm so sorry Taemin. I don't think this is going to work. I'm sorry. I...I shouldn't've come." Kibum was a mess as his tears sprang forward and he grabbed his bag and hastily put his shoes on before leaving the house. He felt pathetic but he didn't look back as he quickly walked down the drive and across the street, his feet carrying him home to the safety and comfort of his bed.

Taemin didn't call Kibum again, and Kibum stopped expecting him to. Kibum had been the one to run out, it was him who had technically ended it, but he still felt like utter and he was sure he'd never figure out why he was like this. Why was he so afraid? Why couldn't he just man up for one night and get it over with? He felt like an idiot, cowering at the prospect of ual intimacy, but somewhere deep down, Kibum was glad he'd never gone through with it.

A year passed, and at eighteen, freshly graduated from highschool, Kibum was ready to try again. After several months of moping about it to himself, he figured that maybe he just had to accept that he hadn't been ready at such a young age, and that with his newfound hope he could get out there and start dating again, and maybe finally overcome his fear. He had himself convinced that all he needed was practise. Practise would do him good. After all, he'd really only been in two relationships before, it wasn't like he was anywhere near experienced, so it was natural to be so nervous, right? He just needed to warm up to the idea a little more and he would be fine, so when Kibum's college friends invited him to go to a stripclub, despite his initial hesitance, he agreed.

Kibum was sure that he was only nervous because he'd never been to a stripclub before. It was just the fake ID sitting in his pocket that was making him break out in a sweat. It was just the bouncer who looked so serious and scary that had Kibum shifting around in place. It had nothing to do with the prospect that he might encounter another ual endeavor. Kibum was only nervous for normal reasons, he assured himself, so he was wondering why his heart dropped instead of soared when the bouncer glanced at his fake ID before shoving it back into his hands and pulling open the door for him. Kibum so badly wanted to say he was just a kid, he was only eighteen, he wasn't supposed to be here, but with his friends parading him inside the dark club with strobe lights flashing blindingly bright, he knew there was no backing out.

Kibum wasn't entirely excited at the prospect of drinking but when a short, tanned, muscular man sauntered over to comment on his order of an iced water, Kibum figured it wasn't really anyone else's business that he wasn't excited at the prospect of drinking, and he glared at the man.

"Hey, man, not trying to pick a fight. Besides, you don't really look like the type to fight." The man's eyes twinkled when he smiled at Kibum, and Kibum figured maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"I'm really not, no." He replied, sipping his water politely. The man eyed Kibum's frame, making Kibum squirm a little in his seat.

"And as a partnered owner of this club, you also don't really look like you're twenty one." The man commented and Kibum found himself caught, his mouth drying at the prospect of being kicked out. His friends were his ride (Kibum wasn't yet brave enough to get his license) and if he was kicked out he wouldn't know where to go because this was such a different part of town and - Kibum's train of thought was cut off by the man's laughter, "dude it's no problem if you're underage you know, there are so many teenagers who sneak in here, it's not like I'm gonna give you the boot. What are you, like nineteen?" He inquired.

"Eighteen, actually..." Kibum replied. His face grew hot as the man laughed again, commenting on how 'kid's these days are sure getting feisty'. "How old are you?"

"Twenty three, I hope that's not too old for you. I'm Jonghyun, by the way." The man was friendly and wasn't overly pushy, Kibum thought, as his eyes raked over the man's attire. Basic dark wash jeans hugging strong thighs and a plain black tank top, exposing very muscular arms. His hair was a dark brown and gelled in up in little spikes, and he was absentmindedly tapping his car keys on the counter in front of him as he smiled at Kibum. Kibum suddenly found himself wondering if he could fathom with this man, and when Jonghyun by-the-way offered to drive him home, Kibum complied. It's just practise, he thought.

Kibum failed to realize how difficult practise could be, but this time he had his excuses ready. Lying shirtless under Jonghyun in the older boy's apartment, Kibum found himself spilling over with lame phrases consisting of 'it's late and I have school in the morning' and 'I don't really think I'm a one-night-stand kind of guy'. Jonghyun thankfully was very lighthearted about it, offering to drop Kibum back off at his college dorm. When they said their goodbyes, Jonghyun slipped him a piece of paper through the window before driving off. "Just incase you change your mind," he'd said.

Kibum figured Jonghyun had been being nice because he was so much younger and he didn't want to rush him into anything. But several weeks later and Jonghyun was calling him, sheepishly confessing to having slept with someone else. 

Kibum wasn't horribly upset. In all honesty he had never expected for it to go far. Jonghyun was just a handsome stranger he hadn't worked with. The two ended up agreeing to try to maintain contact and try for friendship instead, to which Kibum was relieved, but he was still hung up over his inability to have long lasting relationships. Kibum was beginning to wonder if maybe he just wasn't cut out to be with anyone.

It was then that he met Jinki.

Kibum had finally taken it upon himself to find a part time job to handle his school expenses and was elated to land a little job in a small electronics store. Kibum wasn't very familiar with much about electronics but he was happy for anything and started training immediately. His boss was friendly and the pay was generous, how could Kibum refuse? 

He had only been on the job for six days when the man first walked in. Kibum was busily sorting through some boxes in the back room when he heard the bell on the desk ring, indicating there was a customer. He quickly hurried to shove the boxes back in order and made his way to the front desk, stopping short when he glanced at the man in front of him. He was tall, but not too tall. His chestnut colored hair falling to just barely above his shoulders, his wide, built shoulders. The man leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk and Kibum noticed his hands, adorned with several rings, and the bracelets donning his left wrist. Then he spoke and Kibum felt butterflies rising up in his stomach.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up my laptop? I sent it in for repairs last week and it was supposed to be back today." Kibum snapped out of his reverie, quickly pulling out the large book they had behind the desk that kept track of orders and repairs.

"Yeah of course, um, what's your name?" 

"Jinki. Lee Jinki." Kibum's finger shakily scanned the pages, desperately hoping he could just find the name and the order information quickly so he could just give the man his laptop and have him be on his way, but he could feel the man's stare penetrating him and he fumbled through the pages for several minutes before he finally found the listing. 

"Here it is! One second please, I'll just go grab it for you!" Kibum squeaked as he stumbled over his own legs in his haste to return to the back room. He searched through the aisle for the man's computer, surprised when he found the fancy new, clearly expensive model, and carefully brought it back to the front. "You just have to sign here..." Kibum pointed to a dotted line in the book and the man signed with a flourish and a smile before uttering some parting words and exiting the store.

Kibum found himself staring intently at the signature, dreamily imagining the stranger's hands again. They were strong and Kibum found himself aching to be held by them. The rest of his shift went by slowly, filled with daydreams about Jinki.

He was back a week later. This time Kibum nearly didn't recognize him as he walked through the door, his hair cut short and dyed a deep brown. Kibum absentmindedly his own curly blonde hair, hoping that Jinki wouldn't notice that he was definitely checking him out, quickly averting his eyes back to the computer screen he'd been previously staring at as Jinki approached the desk. 

"Hey, again." His voice was so smooth and warm and Kibum felt it like velvet running across his skin.

"Hi, how can I help you?" 

"I was hoping you could tell me when the new iPhone 6's were going to be in stock? I'm planning on getting one for my cousin's birthday." The man was definitely wealthy, Kibum noted. 

"Um, I'm sorry, I don't know the exact date they'll be in this specific location," Kibum spoke, his mind formulating a plan, "but I can give you the number of the company and if you call, they can let you know?"

"Sure, that'd be great, thanks." Kibum grabbed a notepad of paper from the counter behind him and scrawled the company number down, hesitating for a moment before putting down another number alongside it. 

"Here, they'll tell you everything you need to know." Jinki accepted the paper, glancing at it and furrowing his brows. 

"Wait, which number do I call? There are two."

"The first one is the company's...the second one's mine." Kibum spoke rather shyly, it was the boldest thing he'd ever done, and he mentally slapped himself as he realized he had no idea if Jinki was even into boys. He prepared himself for a brutal rejection when he heard Jinki chuckle.

"Will I get the same great service either way?" Kibum was baffled.

"U-Uh, yeah..." He cursed himself for stuttering.

"Then I'll definitely call." Kibum was still shocked as Jinki left. He'd just given his number to a stranger on a whim and it had worked

And Jinki did call. The first time was on Friday night, just as Kibum got in from work.  He slung his jacket over his desk chair, lazily flopping down onto bed and answering with a tired "hello?"

"Hey, it's Jinki." Kibum sat up as fast as he could, heart suddenly pounding out of his chest. He ran to the bathroom, phone still cradled to his ear, breathily mouthing out an "oh hey! How are you?" and attempting to fix his hair before he realized he was being ridiculous; Jinki couldn't see him. The two ended up staying on the phone for two hours, getting through proper introductions.

Kibum found out that Jinki had just recently turned twenty two and his parents were lawyers. Jinki himself was aspiring to become a professional musician, already having performed several times with many big named choirs and orchestras and was in the process of signing with a fairly well known company. Kibum was impressed to say the least as Jinki went on to mention that he was studying at a pretty prestigious arts school not too far from Kibum's college and how if he didn't mind, Jinki could take him on a tour of the place sometime. 

"I'd love that, I think it'd be a great idea." Kibum said, smiling into the receiver. 

"Great, it's a date then," Jinki said, "if that's alright with you?" Kibum was ecstatic.

"Yeah, that's perfect." Kibum had never felt so at ease with someone before. With his first girlfriend, he was nervous all the time because it was his first relationship ever. Taemin was nerve wracking because Kibum had never been with another boy before, and although he and Jonghyun had never amounted to much, Kibum knew a physical relationship would have never worked for him. Jinki was just different. Jinki was soft and sweet in all the right ways and was sultry and smooth in others. Jinki's voice filled a room when he spoke and his words always punctured right through to Kibum's heart. His smile was to die for and his stare was captivating. 

Jinki was something else and Kibum was sure of it. 

The following week after their phone call, Kibum found himself perched outside his college dorm waiting for Jinki to pick him up and take him to his school. He should've been surprised when the classy Rolls Royce turned around the corner and pulled over, the window rolling down to reveal Jinki's smile, but he had learned to expect it, smiling a little to himself as the whispers of his fellow classmates died down as they pulled away from the curb. Kibum inhaled Jinki's cologne, marveling at how someone could manage to look so good every time he saw him. 

The two chatted warmly on the drive, Jinki even scampering over to Kibum's side to open his door for him when they reached the parking lot. Kibum's heart quickened as Jinki took his hand, leading him into the building, and the butterflies in his stomach flailed wildly when the hand around his gave a gentle squeeze. Jinki led Kibum through the main areas of the building, here is the vocal warm up room, this is the junior stage band room, this is the dance area, the musicians don't use it much unless there's a special event and we need a storage base, here are the bathrooms...

"Oh, and this is the grand performance stage." Jinki proudly spread his arms in a grand gesture with a ta da! twirling Kibum and spinning him around to face the stage. Kibum gasped. The stage was large and draped with dark navy blue velvet curtains. The room was dark and there was a glow of a light illuminating the center of the stage. Kibum had never seen a performance stage before and was struck with pure awe. 

"Get up there and sing something!" Kibum urged. Jinki blanched.

"What? Now? No way, I don't have anything prepared!" Jinki said, but after much pleading and pushing from Kibum and some grumbling on Jinki's part, he slowly climbed the stairs to the stage stopping in the center, body flooded in light. Kibum satisfactorily took a seat in one of the black velvet chairs, front row, hands folding under his chin expectantly. Jinki breathed out a sigh, "what do you want me to sing?"

"Anything, I just want to hear something. I've never heard you sing before and I'm intrigued." Jinki scoffed and then grinned.

"Prepare yourself to be amazed." Kibum was about to let loose a snide remark when Jinki opened his mouth and began to sing and the words died on Kibum's lips. He was blown away. When Jinki spoke his voice glided over your skin and warmed your heart but when Jinki sang? Kibum had never heard something so beautiful in his life. Strong notes the texture of honey and the color of gold filtered through the room, echoing off the walls and bouncing back to Kibum's ears. As Jinki sang, Kibum realized that the song was in English. Jinki certainly never failed to impress.

As Jinki sung the soft slow tune, Kibum found himself growing more and more attached to the man on the stage. Mentally, he kicked himself. It had barely been a few weeks at most and besides, did he really want to go through everything he had endured all over again? Jinki was incredibly sweet and Kibum wasn't sure he would be able to handle rejection from someone as great as him. No, Kibum thought, it's not something I'd want at all. Kibum, however, really should've known himself better by now, and as Jinki finished the last few tender notes of the song before stopping to exaggeratedly bow, Kibum wildly clapping from his seat in the audience, he felt his heart swell and more than anything he wanted to be able to hear that voice for a long time to come.

The tour finished much too quickly for Kibum's taste, and eventually Jinki was pulling back up to Kibum's dorm, putting the car into park, leaving it running. He kept his hand on the gear shift, looking up at Kibum expectantly. Kibum knew it was his cue to get out of the car so Jinki could take off, but Kibum found himself really not wanting Jinki to leave at all and he kept his stare rigid on Jinki's face.

Jinki cleared his throat awkwardly when he realized Kibum wasn't leaving and after a short pause, a slightly hesitant look on his face, he leaned closer to Kibum. Kibum couldn't process what was happening until Jinki's face was mere centimeters from his and he yelped in surprise right before Jinki closed the space between them, his mouth pressing gently on Kibum's lips. The kiss lasted all but two seconds before Jinki jumped back, Kibum's eyes still wide in shock.

"I-I'm so sorry, I thought...when you didn't leave the car...I'm sorry, I thought you wanted me to, I thought it was okay..." Jinki droned. Kibum, still as shocked as he was, found Jinki incredibly adorable and, a light blush forming on his cheeks, leaned over to swiftly peck the older man on the cheek, effectively cutting off his rambles. Jinki touched his cheek and looked at Kibum in surprise.

"Of course it was okay, I was just taken a little off guard...just warn me next time, okay?" Kibum found Jinki's shy, embarrassed smile to be quite endearing. They exchanged murmured goodbyes and Kibum stepped out of the car, feeling the crisp air on his skin, a refreshing smile sprawled across his face.

Several dates later - one in which Jinki had actually made him a spectacular three course meal - and Kibum was getting antsy. They had had a total of five dates, not including the first time Kibum had visited Jinki's school, totalling nearly six weeks of spending time together. Kibum figured that was enough time. He had never really been one to instigate something like this himself but there was just something about Jinki that put him at such ease, something Kibum had never felt with anyone before, and Kibum had decided he was just going to do it. He was just going to take Jinki out on a date, himself.

Needless to say, that was easier said than done.

Kibum had offered to take him to a drive-in movie theater (he had finally worked up the nerve to take his driver's test and with Jinki's patient coaching, he had successfully passed) and he was growing more nervous by the minute as he ran around his dorm room trying hard to find one of the few dress shirts he was sure he had packed and the expensive limited edition cologne he saved for special occasions that he just hoped to god hadn't been finished. Eventually, clad in a black button down tucked into dark grey slacks and dusted with his French cologne, Kibum worked his fingers through his hair a few times and grabbed the keys to his newly acquired car (which had only been lightly used). As Kibum drove up to Jinki's apartment, he found his fears doubling and then tripling. As soon as Kibum received the text from Jinki saying he'd "be right down", Kibum began to panic. What if his hair was messed up? Was he too overdressed for a drive-in movie? Kibum silently prayed he had enough money in his wallet to pay for the whole night because there was no way he was inviting Jinki out and having him pay, and oh god, Jinki was rich, why did Kibum offer to pick him up in his battered little car? And suddenly Jinki appeared through the door and smiled and waved at Kibum as he walked down the walkway, approaching the car. Kibum gulped because wow Jinki looked good. He was wearing a maroon dress shirt with a black lattice pattern adorning it, and a navy blue bowtie. His shirt was tucked into black dress pants and he was wearing white dress shoes. His hair was perfectly gelled and Kibum could smell his familiar cologne before he even got in the car.

"Hey." Jinki's voice was velvet and Kibum shivered as he started the car.

"Hey, so the movie starts in like, twenty minutes, I hope it won't get too cold, did you bring a jacket, or do you wanna go get one? I mean I can wait-" Kibum jumped a little in surprise when he felt Jinki's hand pat his shoulder, and he looked over to be met with his reassuring smile.

"Kibum, I'll be fine, just drive." Kibum nodded shakily and pulled away from the curb, eyes never daring to leave the road in fear he'd crash the car.

When they got to the theater, Kibum pulled up to a section close to the back and pulled the roof back on his car, opting to get out and watch from the top of the hood rather than from the inside. Jinki joined him, wrapping his arm around Kibum's shoulder and Kibum hoped Jinki wouldn't be able to feel the pounding of his heart. The movie started then, and Kibum calmed himself down a little as he concentrated on the movie, until about fifteen minutes in when it started to rain. It came slowly at first and soon it was pouring and Jinki and Kibum clambered back inside the car, Kibum reaching up to sweep the top closed as fast as possible, both boys unfortunately nearly drenched in the process. Kibum watched the other cars roll out of the parking lot and figured they may as well go home too, but after sticking the keys in the ignition, to his horror, the car refused to start.

Kibum was mortified. The one date he'd ever asked Jinki on and they couldn't finish the movie, the rain had soaked them, and now Kibum's ty car wouldn't even start? Kibum felt the burn of embarrassment slowly creep its way from the base of his neck up to his ears and he was near tears when he felt the car seats shake and looked over at Jinki right before the older man burst into laughter. Kibum was confused, what was so funny? This was downright embarrassing, there was nothing humorous about it. When Kibum jabbed Jinki in the side to quiet him down, Jinki fought to stifle his laughter.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry, it's just too funny. This has never happened to me before and I would probably be pretty upset if it had happened to me any other time, but I'm here with you and I'm not mad at all, it's just funny to me." Jinki erupted in laughter again and as Kibum watched him, he thought of how ironic the whole situation was and eventually his bubbly laughter joined Jinki's giggles. Eventually when the two boys quieted, the rain had significantly died down and Kibum was finally able to start his engine, they drove home, Jinki absentmindedly fiddling with Key's stereo. When they reached Jinki's apartment, the older boy smiled and invited Kibum inside offering to get him some dry clothes to wear.

Kibum noted that he'd never been inside Jinki's room before as he walked through the familiar apartment, Jinki towing him gently by the wrist. Kibum took a seat comfortably on Jinki's massive king sized bed and watched the older man start shuffling through his closet looking for clothes for the both of them. Kibum giggled as he tossed out garment after garment, ducking to avoid being hit by the onslaught of shirts. When Jinki found something that he deemed presentable, he tossed another shirt to Kibum, which landed right over his head, temporarily blinding him. Kibum scrunched his nose up, pulling the shirt from his face, a crude remark dangling from his lips when he silenced himself.

Jinki was ing his shirt.

Kibum was a little taken aback. He felt embarrassed to be watching but he was mesmerized, partly by excitation and partly by fear. As Jinki shrugged his wet dress shirt off, his muscled torso and toned arms were revealed, still glistening with drops of water. Jinki seemed to not notice Kibum's gaze fixated on him as he popped the button of his dress pants and let them fall to the floor as well. When he stepped out of them, bending over to pick them up, Kibum's heart accelerated. He disregarded the feeling of pure fear as he gingerly crawled off the bed, inching his way over to Jinki, his back still facing Kibum. He was in the midst of pulling a dry shirt over his arms when he stopped, breath hitched in his throat as he felt small arms slide across his chest from behind him.

"Kibum?"

"Um...yes?"

"What are you doing?" Truthfully, Kibum had no idea. He was eighteen, he reasoned, he was perfectly old enough now, that couldn't be his excuse. Jinki was also basically his boyfriend, so he couldn't use that as an excuse either. Jinki was sweet and careful and kind and endearing and everything Kibum wanted in a person...and Kibum was afraid that Jinki would fade away like all the others if he didn't finally man up. So, talking a mental deep breath, he did.

He started slowly, pulling Jinki to the edge of his bed, still having not answered him, and forced him to sit. Kibum's hands crept up to the hem of his own sopping shirt, slowly discarding it. His face burned a deep red and he lowered it in shame. He wasn't used to this, he would never be used to this, it was embarrassing and uncomfortable and Kibum felt a hundred different shades of wrong as his fingers shakily moved to the front of his slacks, pushing them down a few centimeters. Jinki's eyes were widening at this point and Kibum figured there was no backing out now. When his pants dropped to his ankles and he was left clad in his underwear, Kibum felt his eyes well up with tears. He felt stupid, he felt disgusting and he was ashamed of himself. He had so many beautiful feelings for Jinki, why not this? Why wasn't he the least bit happy, the least bit right now? What was wrong with him? Kibum fought back tears, his hands tightly gripped at his boxers, but before he could remove them, Jinki spoke.

"Kibum, stop." Kibum's eyes flew up to meet Jinki's.

"W-What?"

"I said stop. You don't have to do this." Jinki's voice was soft and gentle, his eyes warm. Kibum was relieved but incredibly embarrassed, standing there in his underwear. When he moved to sit on the bed, Jinki awkwardly stood up to grab his shirt and pulled it on, hastily pulling on some sweats as well. He moved over to Kibum, throwing a blanket across his shoulders and pulling Kibum to rest his head on Jinki's broad shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kibum, I really am."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I really should've told you."

"Told me what?" Kibum pressed. He was beginning to fear the worst.

"I'm...aual." Kibum blanched.

"You're....you're what?" Confused was only one of the many emotions Kibum felt. He was still nervous because for probably the first time in his life, he had been rejected instead of being the one doing the rejecting, he was shocked because Jinki had actually been hiding something from him this whole time, and he was confused because he had no idea what that 'something' even was.

"I'm aual, Kibum. You know..." Jinki made some vague gestures as if he hoped he wouldn't have to explain. Kibum's face was blank.

"No, I don't." Jinki gave a soft sight before pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged on the bed, shifting Kibum to face him.

"Okay, listen. I'm aual. It means...well it means I don't want to have . I just don't feel good about it, you know? I've never liked the thought, and believe me, I've tried many a few good times...it's just not for me, Kibum, I just don't fancy it. I'm sorry, I really should've told you before...before things got this serious, I guess, it wasn't exactly fair to you." Kibum was hardly listening. All he could hear resonating in his head was the word aual, over and over and over...

"Kibum? Earth to Kibum, you still with me?" Kibum blinked and brought himself back to reality. His voice was quiet in the large room when he spoke.

"Jinki, I get it."

"...Pardon?"

"I get it....I understand now!" Kibum stood up, the blanket pooling around his waist. He grabbed a pair of Jinki's sweatpants, pulling them over his legs, laughing joyously. "I get it, Jinki! Aual! It's auality!" Jinki watched as Kibum paraded around his room, jumping around as he tugged a t-shirt over his torso. Jinki's eyebrow raised as he leaned back on his elbows on the bed.

"Okay, but now I don't get what's going on, care to explain?" Kibum grinned and launched himself onto the bed, arms wrapping around Jinki's shoulders, hugging him tightly before letting go and looking into his eyes.

"All these years I've been trying to figure it out. Why wasn't working, why I wasn't okay with it. But I finally get it now. I understand myself now thanks to you." Kibum stood up, theatrically dusted off his clothes and stood in front of Jinki. As realization hit the older man, a large, excited grin plastered across his face.

"No way..." he whispered, biting his lip in his effort to conceal his enormous smile. Kibum grinned widely and extended his hand toward Jinki.

"Hi, my name is Kim Kibum, I'm eighteen, and I am aual. It's a pleasure to meet you."

 

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Hey guys! LifeisSHINee here. This is the first new fic I've published in a long while; I'm so glad I've finally started writing again! The main reason for this A/N is for it to be a disclaimer. I myself am not aual and I hope any of my aual readers will not take personal offense. I have purposely written Kibum's character as one who faces some struggles after having been with very ually explicit partners, and being evasive himself, struggling to deal with all his inner conflicts. Kibum's character is supposed to be one who faces a lot of inner turmoil. I am not trying to speak for anyone who has seriously struggled or hasn't struggled at all with coming to terms with their auality. Hopefully I have portrayed my characters in a positive way (the goal of this story was to have Kibum end up in a good place with another aual partner) and I hope that my readers will agree. That's all guys, thanks so much for reading, take care!