a/n: hello all this is not beta-ed / editted idk what yall call it 

dont expect much its a load of rubbish 1319 words hahaha

sehun never thought this day would ever come. heck he didnt even think it was possible for such a thing to happen. here he was, dressed in a crisp black suit with his hair styled up properly watching luhan, his luhan hyung getting married. not with him of course as much as he wished. 

sehun hated everything about this wedding. he didnt know why he was attending but deep down he knew he was just deceiving himself. he was here with a small hope in his heart that when luhan sees him luhan would change his mind about that marriage and beg sehun to take him away and have their own romantic love story. the first thing he noticed when he stepped into the church was how disappointing the decoration of the wedding was. he hated how it was so grand, how it was so unlike luhan, how luhan went along with it because he wanted his bride to be happy. it was as if those bright colors were mocking him, laughing at how silly he was to think that he would even have a chance with luhan. a chance to stand beside luhan at the altar surrounded by simple and plain decorations. sehun always knew it in himself that he wouldn't be the one putting a ring on luhan's finger, that he wouldnt be the one luhan would spend the rest of his life with. he was just being delusional and enjoyed indulging himself in selfish thoughts. 

it was pretty obvious to him all along that luhan would be standing beside someone much more worthy of loving him no correction, he meant someone that luhan's uality would like. no one could love luhan more than oh sehun does. but oh that did not stop him from feeling the stab in his heart when he watched luhan's eyes fill with love as he watched luhan's bride walking down the aisle with her father. 

sehun like always started to imagine himself with luhan. he started to think that it was him at the end of the red carpet and that it was luhan hyung walking down the aisle. he would be the one putting on a simple ring on luhan's ring finger and then kissing the death out of him. their wedding would be decorated with lilacs and lavenders luhan's favorite flowers. they would invite their family and close friends only. after a year they would adopt a girl and a boy and of course live happily ever after like fairytales. 

but then again in this cruel world fairytales don't exist and neither does magic so sehun has no choice but to just sit and watch the painfully long ceremony happen without being able to do anything.

"luhan are you willing to take jessica as your lawfully wedded wife?"

in his heart he was praying, praying hard for a no, praying hard for a hand to grab his wrist and just run out of here like there's no tomorrow. how much he wishes to stand up right now and tell luhan he loves him but he cant. not when luhan has already found someone else to love,someone much more worthy of his love. 

"yes" was all he hears, and he knows thats the end.

he sees luhan hyung smile a smile that is filled with genuine happiness, something that sehun would probably want to but is unable to give to him. but at least luhan hyung is happy right? and thats all that matters. when luhan is happy sehun is happy and can finally let him go. 

he reaches into his bag and pops open a bottle and brings his mouth towards it, slowly swallowing all its contents.

sehun closes his eyes one last time, not without memorizing how luhan's eyes crinkles when he smiles and how his wrinkles come out, despite the wrinkles it was still a lovely sight. luhan's blissful face was the last thing sehun saw. luhan's happy voice was the last thing sehun heard. luhan's name was the last thing sehun that passed through sehun's mind. luhan's name was the last thing that escaped sehun's lips. luhan was the reason why sehun was on the ground dying with an overdose of drugs. 

//

luhan watched as sehun walked into his wedding looking as good looking as usual. how much it pains him that he wasnt wearing a suit that was matching sehun's. he had always wanted to be in a church with sehun for their wedding. ironic isnt it? how they both are at a wedding but they arent getting married to each other. the more he stares at sehun, the more it hurts.  just looking at how sehun could be so nonchalant about all this when he was breaking apart inside. he probably does not mean as much to sehun as how much sehun means to him. 

luhan never wanted to get married to some random rich girl just because his parents wanted to expand their company, he was gay for s sake. his parents could have at least found him a guy then he would be satisfied. just kidding, only oh sehun will satisfy him. he had no choice but to agree because well his parents knew about his love for sehun and threatened to hurt sehun if he did not listen to them. 

hearing the wedding chimes, he watches as his bride enter in, how much he wishes that he was the one walking on the red carpet and sehun was the one waiting for him at the altar but life does not work that way. he fakes a smile and watches as his future wife glide gracefully down the aisle with her father beside her. he had to admit jessica was pretty with her long wavy hair and button nose but he just didnt like her that way. 

"luhan are you willing to take jessica as your lawfully wedded wife?"

a train of thoughts raced through his mind, if sehun were to just say "luhan hyung" his resolve to get married would crumble, he would escape with sehun, they could live in the woods or just travel around the world, it doesnt matter because anywhere with sehun was home. it was probably a wishful thinking on his part to think that sehun loved him, why would sehun even want him when he could have all those girls who had the curves. who was he kidding. 

he in his breath knowing sehun wasnt going to say anything and put on a fake smile. as much as he hated this wedding he had to at least act like he was  really interested to prevent his parents from nagging at him later.

"yes," no muttering or stammering a loud but clear definite answer was given by him. he tried to sound as genuine and happy as he could, enough to deceive the crowd but not enough to deceive himself. 

a sudden loud thud was all he hears and the rest was in a blur.

he wakes up, he is surrounded by bright lights coming through the open windows, he knows this is not home as much as his drowsy mind wishes it is. he knows his sehun has died because of him. he is filled with regrets and sorrow. his face is tear streaked, eyes sore and puffy from endless nights of crying. he is surrounded by photos of him and his hunnie. his head swarms with thoughts all related to sehun. his table is scattered with drugs of assorted colors. he feels a pair of arms wrap around him, a faint "luhan hyung" was all he hears, and that is all it takes for him to put a bullet through his head. 

he was going to go home. for both of them to see each other once again meant both of them were finally home. 

luhan had no regrets this time around.

a/n: thanks for reading till the end if you did this was utter trash and my english hahahaha :-)