Jiyong.

 

A name that will forever be dear to my heart. He snuck his way in, but he never told me that he wouldn't be staying long. I grew to love him and all the while I didn't know that we were living on borrowed time. He was the love of my life and forever will be, but there are times when I wish that we would have never met, because then I would have never loved and lost. My heart would still be intact, and I think I would have been able to live a little bit easier. Though now, it has been too late for a long time.

 

I met him on a rainy night, the leaves had fallen from the trees, and it had been overcast for days. The bus stop seat was wet with rain, but I didn't care about sitting on a wet seat next to a stranger anyhow.

 

Jiyong.

 

His hair was wet and he was shivering in the rain, at first I wasn't inclined on even acknowledging his presence, but I couldn't be that cruel as to not see how bad the guy had had it, so I handed him my umbrella, and what I got in return was a vibrant smile and a gracious thanks. I think right then was when he pulled me in and I had already lost the battle. Suddenly I became intrigued in the boy sitting next to me, just from a dashing smile, there had to be something wrong with me at the moment.

 

“Why d-don't you have a j-jacket?” it was cold and my teeth chattered every once in a while, it wasn't the right type of weather to be having a conversation with someone.

 

“Don't own one.”

 

I blanked, I hadn't been expecting such an answer, but that was the answer I got, “Why not?”

 

“No money for one.”

 

And just like that I had been drug into something that I couldn't get out of, “And where are you going in this type of weather?”

 

“The bus.”

 

It took me a while to get it, and I wish I hadn't at the moment, because the next thing I did took the cake, “I live some place warm.”

 

He gave me a blank look and nodded his head, “I'm sure you do.”

 

“I mean, I have a warm place and you shouldn't be outside while it's raining like this.”

 

“Oh!” he had a startled look on his face and I saw an immediate frown forming on his lips, “Please no, you don't have to offer me anything. You already gave me your umbrella.”

 

I chuckled, I didn't know why I was being so nice to a complete stranger, but something told me that I'd be okay. I looked up and saw the bus coming and stood up, “Come with me, I'm sure you're hungry and want to get out of the rain.”

 

“I can't say no, can I?”

 

“No, no you can't.” I think the world was trying to tell me that I needed to be with this man. In any normal circumstances I would have never taken anyone into my home without so much as knowing their name. Though he was different, and I couldn't keep myself from taking it one step farther each time, “By the way my name is Seunghyun.”

 

“Mine's Jiyong.”

 

I took his hand into mine in a weak attempt of a handshake, and boarded the bus with him. It was strange taking him into my home, he was the most polite person I had ever met.

 

Jiyong.

 

He was absolutely perfect in every way, I wish more people would have known it as much as I did.

 

“I don't want to impose on you.” Jiyong gave me a cautious look as he stepped into my apartment, it looked like he didn't want to break anything, let alone touch something.

 

“Don't be so nervous, I don't bite.”

 

“But I really don't want to-

 

“Hey, I brought you here, cut it out.”

 

Jiyong rubbed his arm and looked around, “I usually don't just walk into strangers homes.”

 

“And I usually don't invite strangers into my home, so it's a first for the both of us.” I hung up my coat and let out a sigh, “I'll go get something dry for you to wear, just wait right here.” even as I said that I knew that Jiyong wouldn't be moving an inch from where he was standing, he looked like a lost puppy dog and I found it cute.

 

When I came back, I was right, he had not moved an inch and he still looked a little lost and I had to reassure him that sitting down was an okay thing to do, even after he had gotten changed into dry clothes. Jiyong eyed me warily as I walked into my kitchen to make something hot for him to eat. I wasn't really sure why I was doing all of this, but something told me that I should do it. When I was done I set a steaming bowl of soup in front of him and sat opposite of him.

 

I don't really know if it was right there that I found myself deeply intrigued with the man in front of me, or if was when I first saw him, but I knew, that I wouldn't be letting him out of my sights anytime soon.

 

Jiyong gave me a surprised look, “You really shouldn't have, I shouldn't be here, I'm so sorry.”

 

“Hey, why are you so upset? I'm just being nice.”

 

“It's just, I shouldn't up taking up your time, and well, I don't know I should leave.”

 

“And where are you going to go? You didn't even have an umbrella.”

 

Jiyong looked at the bowl in front of him and picked it up, “I'll just eat this and get out of your hair. I wouldn't want it to go to waste after you making it and all, thank you.”

 

I smiled sheepishly, “It's no problem, I just made something quick. You still seemed cold.”

 

“Thank you anyway, thank you.” Jiyong seemed so grateful just for a small bowl of soup, and he ate it greedily. I couldn't help but watch him as he did, and I did feel a little bit creepy, but he was just so captivating, “My doctor always says I should eat more, but sometimes I can't help it.”

 

I smiled, “My doctor always says I should stop eating junk food, I can't help that either.”

 

He gave me a shy smile and set the bowl down, “I think I should be going now.”

 

“Where will you go?”

 

“Uhm, home?”

 

“Stay.” I stood up and made the decision. In just a few minutes I made the decision to keep a practical stranger in my home. I had never met this man before now, but I knew he was harmless and I wouldn't allow him to be out wherever he was. I could tell he was lying about this said home, I could see it in his eyes, “You don't need to lie to me.”

 

He looked down at his shoes, an embarrassed look coming over his face, “I don't want to burden a stranger.”

 

I smiled widely, “Then let's not be strangers.” He looked up at me through sincere eyelashes and a hope filled smile. That's when I knew that I had found a pure man filled with secrets and warm things, and greatness all of the above, Jiyong captivated me. He held me there with his eyes and I was unable to break the spell that he had put on me.

 

“Okay.”

 

Right there is where it started, a brief meeting at a drenched bus stop made me become infatuated with this man and I had yet to know what had come over me. Was it his very essence? Instead of dwelling on it any more I returned his smile, and that was when it all started, me getting to know the most wonderful person I have ever met.

 

At first things started off rocky, he was very shy, Jiyong. I still was coming to terms with having offered for him to live with me, and so was he. He worked long hours and sometimes came back a weird hours, it was main goal to save up money so he could get his own place, but I never minded him staying with me.

 

Jiyong.

 

He was so sweet.

 

“Hey Jiyong, do you want to go out?”

 

“Out?” he looked up at me from some papers he was reading and rubbed his eyes, “Now?”

 

“Yeah, why not?” I stood up and grabbed Jiyong's hand, “Come on, all you do is work, you need a day off. Let's just take a walk.”

 

“Okay, I guess.” he got up and grabbed his coat then followed me to the door. It was slightly breezy outside and there were a lot of people out in the parks flying kites.

 

“This is great.” it had been raining for a while and it was nice to be able to see the sun after the rain.

 

Jiyong grabbed my hand and it startled me, making me look at him in surprise. My heart slowed when I realized he was only grabbing my hand to stop me from walking. Jiyong was staring at a kid on the playground who looked quite upset.

 

“It's not great, look at him. Come on.”

 

I didn't really have a choice anyways as his hand was still in mine and he was dragging me over to the boy on the playground. He let go of my hand once he saw him and knelt down next to the kid and started speaking to him.

 

“Hey little boy, what's wrong.”

 

The kid was reluctant to to speak to Jiyong at first, but even he was powerless against Jiyong's golden smile, “Come on, you can tell me.”

 

“The other kids won't play with me.”

 

“Awe.” Jiyong sat down next to the kid, “And why not?”

 

The boy looked down at his shoes and shrugged.

 

Jiyong frowned and put his arm around the boy, “Well, let me tell you something. Whatever problem those kids have with you, it doesn't matter, because you are better than them.”

 

“Nah uh.”

 

“Yes huh, they sound mean, and you don't want to play with anyone like that. Trust me when I say it may now, but when you get older this will be a thing of the past. Trust me I know. Isn't that right Seunghyun?” Jiyong turned and looked up at me, “Right?”

 

I was startled when he turned to me, but I quickly smiled, “Yeah, trust me, it'll get better.”

 

The kid was slightly skeptical, “How do you know?”

 

“How do I know? Well, believe it or not, I didn't have many friends when I was younger either, but when I got older is when I started becoming more social and gained a few friends of my own.” Seunghyun put his hand on the kids shoulder, “I promise it'll get better.”

 

The little boy chewed on his bottom lip and looked at Jiyong, “Are you sure?”

 

“I'm sure, now why don't you run on home, it's getting late.”

 

I smiled when the little boy got up and gave Jiyong a big hug before running to his house that was right next to the park. I suppose I was staring at Jiyong because he gave me a weird look.

 

“What?” he raise his eyebrow and waited for my response.

 

“Nothing Ji, let's go back shall we?”

 

He just shrugged his shoulders and started walking. The truth was, that was when I knew I was in love with him. My fascination with this man had turned into something more and I knew that now, even if I wanted, there was no turning back.

 

After a while it started to become a little hard keeping my feelings to myself, and I also started to notice that Jiyong became a bit more distant as he worked.

 

“Ji?”

 

“Yeah Seunghyun?”

 

I paused, he had started to look so tired lately, “What's going on, you look so tired lately.”

 

“Huh? Oh, I've just been working a lot lately. I don't want to still be a burden to you, after all you've done for me.”

 

“What? A burden, you could never.” it was bold of me, but I grabbed his hand and took it in my own, “I don't think you're a burden, nor do I want you to leave. I rather enjoy your company, and I'm kind of used to having you here.”

 

He smiled politely and removed his hand from mine, “Thank you Seunghyun, but I know I should be leaving soon.”

 

I wanted to say I love you, and I don't want you to go, but I knew that would have been inappropriate. Our relationship wasn't like that, and I barely knew him even though we had been living together. There were just somethings that had drawn me to him. He was the nicest and most interesting person I had ever met. He was hard working and I admired him, and when we did talk I felt like I known him for forever, but I knew he just wanted to move on and support himself.

 

“Ji, I-” it was hard for me to really say anything to him, I was confused about what I should do.

 

“Seunghyun.” he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a sad look, “I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I'm going to be leaving soon.” his thumb rubbed my shoulder and his hand seemed to linger before he pulled away and went back to some paper work he was reading.

 

“But Jiyong.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

I swallowed my pride that day and decided to let it go. I couldn't make someone stay with despite how I felt for them. I may have fell for him, but he was not mine to keep. As days went passed I seemed to see less and less of him, and it hurt. He would walk out as quickly as he could and I wouldn't see him till late at night. And when I did see him he was stop to say and give me a smile before leaving again.

 

“Are you hungry Jiyong?” I had to catch him before he left this time. I stood up and walked in front of him, “Are you okay, you like skin and bones.”

 

“I'm fine, I-I just can't be late for work.”

 

I rested my hands on his shoulders and gave him a once over, “Ji, you don't look so well, you've been working a lot. Look, I know you want to be able to get your own place, but you don't have to work yourself to death just do it.” He flinched and I had no clue as to what I said to make him do so, but I continued on, “Jiyong, I just want to spend some time for you. I know I may sound needy, but I feel like you need to take a break and, you know just one last time before you leave?”

 

He sighed, and sat down on the couch, “I'll just make a call, and we can hang out today, all right?” he got up and left to make a call and came back, “Well, I'm all yours.”

 

“I don't want to do anything special, how about a movie?

 

“Sounds like fun.”

 

Jiyong sat down as I put a movie on and made some popcorn. I don't know why I was so adamant on spending time with him. I knew about my feelings for him, but I felt clingy and like I was forcing him to do something that he didn't want to do. I sat back down, I had put on a comedy, something to lighten the mood and make Jiyong feel better. He had looked so down lately, and I wanted to cheer him up.

 

I couldn't really focus on the movie, I had my eyes on him. His smile and laughter made me happy, I haven't seen him like that in a while and it was nice to see him like that. He had looked so tired from overworking himself, and I just wanted him to finally relax.

 

“Did you like the movie?” I leaned back on the couch and acted like that question didn't mean a lot to me.

 

“I loved it, I hadn't had a laugh like that in a while, thank you.”

 

He smiled at me and leaned on my shoulder, “I'm sorry I've been standoffish, but I really needed to go to work. I guess I forgot to take a break.”

 

“It's all right, I just knew you needed it.” He gave me his trademark smile and I almost melted, “Jiyong I-”

 

“Yeah Seunghyun?'

 

“I'm glad you're here.”

 

“I am too.”

 

I swallowed thickly and looked away from Jiyong, “I think I should get going to bed.”

 

“Seunghyun it's the middle of the afternoon.” he took my hand in his and sighed deeply, “I know you've been looking at me differently, but I have to tell you that I can't return your feelings.”

 

It hurt, it really did, but I already knew he would never return my feelings for him, “I understand.” I smiled uncomfortably and got up, “Like I said, I'm going to go to bed.”

 

“Seunghyun please, don't be angry with me.”

 

“I'm not, I'm just really tired.” I couldn't be angry with him, I was just, a little heart broken. I heard him sigh again and get up.

 

“Wait.”

 

I noticed the distraught look on his face and frowned, “What is it?”

 

“I... .” he looked down at his shoes and stepped closer to me, “I shouldn't be doing this.”

 

“Doing what?” I was curious as to what he meant.

 

It didn't take long for me to get my answer, as he placed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms around my neck. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do, and it took me a while to actually kiss back. What else could I possibly feel besides happiness?

 

“Wow, Jiyong.”

 

“Yeah, I wanted to do that for a while.”

 

I wish I could say that was the tart of happily ever after but it wasn't. I mean, everything was happy. He hung out more, we did a lot of things together, and we kissed, I could never forget about the kissing. Though that didn't mean that Jiyong stopped working and stopped looking so tired. It just got worse and I begged him to stop working so much, but he wouldn't, and I couldn't see why.

 

“Jiyong I understand why you keep working so hard.”

 

“I need to okay.”

 

“Why?” I though we agreed that you were going to stay with me?”

 

“That's mean I should be a lazy mooch.”

 

“You're not!”

 

“Look-” he stopped and rubbed his forehead then sat down.

 

“Ji?”

 

“I'm, I'm okay.”

 

It didn't look like he was okay, but the more I asked, the more he insisted that he was okay.

 

“Jiyong?

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You don't look so well.”

 

“I'm okay Hyunnie, I'm okay.”

 

His voice was breathy and he looked nauseous, “Ji, please, is everything okay.” there was a long pause of silence before Jiyong decided to speak again, and I wasn't prepared for what he was going to say.

 

“I'm leaving, I found somewhere to go and I'll be leaving.”

 

“What why? I thought everything was going well between us? I thought you were going to stay?”

 

“I'm sorry, I'll be gone tomorrow, I'll get out of your hair, okay?”

 

“But that's not what I want.”

 

It didn't matter what I wanted because Jiyong left the next day, and he didn't say goodbye. I never knew why I had grown so attached to him so easily. Maybe somehow I knew that he needed to be loved, or I needed someone to love.

 

I don't know if it would have been better for him to say goodbye, or if it was the right thing to just leave, all I know is that it just hurts that he's gone, and I wish he was here now.

 

A few months later I got letter in the mail, I was initially excited, it was a letter from Jiyong, but my excitement didn't last.

 

Dear Seunghyun,

 

I know you must be upset with me, but I couldn't stay with you as I was slowly deteriorating. You saw it, didn't you? I don't want you to think that I wasn't grateful for what you did for me, I really am. You were the first person in a long time that was truly kind to me, and I appreciate with everything I have. Seunghyun, I know you must be confused, but just know that as I was living with you I was the happiest I had ever been. It may not have looked like it, but I loved being with you.

 

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything, but I wanted to spare you the details. Seunghyun, that day at the bus, I was on my way from the hospital, I was diagnosed with cancer, and I had been going to the hospital for treatments. The treatments were all I could afford, I just wanted to live as long as I could, but chemo was hard to hide.

 

I don't want you to pity me, I just want you to know that I'm eternally grateful for what you've done, and I'm sorry I couldn't have stayed longer.

 

Please be good to yourself Seunghyun. I'll always be thinking of you.

 

Love,

Jiyong

 

It was short and brief and I still had so many questions, but I became content with it as much as I can. He had a greater affect on me than I thought he would have, I don't think I would have found someone as great as him.

 

I loved Jiyong.

 

But he just came and he left.

 

The last time I visited him was in a beautiful pasture surrounded by trees. I had met his family, I guess he had lost touch with them, but they were there at his funeral too. He had a wonderful gravestone, and I wondered when it would be time for me to meet him again.