They had all been sensing it for several weeks now.

 

None of them smiled that much anymore, the jokes were getting less and less frequent, even their performances seemed off, focused solely on the song and fanservice completely forgotten. But they brushed it off themselves as simply a low time that would pass soon.

 

The day Daehyun snapped at Himchan after he made a good-hearted comment with the sole purpose of innocent teasing -as he had done countless times before- was the day Yongguk knew they needed a change. They needed to stop.

 

Yongguk wasn't one to go around the edges and expect for someone to notice. If he truly wanted to express himself, he was the most straightforward of them. That's why he told his manager what he thought the team needed, being away from Seoul made it impossible for him to speak with the directives, but he would definetely do it if he could. 

 

A couple of days later, Yongguk found out the sad outcome. Their manager had apologized after delivering the news while putting a hand on Yongguk's shoulder.

 

This had honestly surprised him. They had worked non-stop for over 2 years. They had missed birthdays, family gatherings, graduations, all in favor of training and preparing for their next comeback. And now that they asked for this single thing, the company turned them down. Where was the so called communication and flexibility they had been talked about before debut? Yongguk really couldn't believe it.

 

Well, after giving it some thought, he actually could.

 

The rest were just as frustrated as he was. Their atmosphere was thicker than ever, and everyone was careful as not to say the wrong thing that would unleash an argument. Small talk was avoided as everyone isolated themselves with their tablets or MP3 players. That teasing nature, so normal in their everyday interactions, was nothing but a far memory of better days.

 

Everything just kept getting worse after the fans started noticing. He never gave much attention to netizen gossip, but Himchan did. And one day, as they prepared for bed after a concert, the visual dragged him towards his laptop and showed him the comments on their fan café.

 

 

Some comments had pictures of them during the performances attached, and they honestly looked miserable. Not a single one of them looked like he was enjoying himself. Daehyun even looked he might cry on stage, that or punch someone. 

 

Just great.

 

The following week, Yongguk asked their manager to speak with the directives again, now using the fans' comments as prove that they needed a break. He had no idea what drove him to try again, even though it's almost certain the outcome would be the same.

 

As expected, the results didn't change, if something, it was even worse. They threatened to cut their newly-earned Christmas bonuses if they kept going on like that. Yongguk was never one to use physical force over rational, but at that moment, he felt like hitting someone.

 

After getting back to the dorms one late night from the studio (a break from the concerts to train, Yongguk just felt like a circus animal changing cages), Daehyun asked all of them to gather at the living room. As one of the older hyungs, he had the right to use the third spot in the couch, but he made Youngjae use it as he sat on the floor in front of them, the maknaes leaning against the sofa's armrests. He hesitated a bit before speaking, rubbing his hands together and avoiding everyone's eyes.

 

-"I'm leaving."

 

The whole room went silent for a few seconds. Eyes stared bewildered at the vocalist, Junhong even had his mouth slightly open. Yongguk just tightened his already formed fists, knuckles going white. He knew this was bound to happen at some point, but he didn't expect it to be so soon, he thought the team was worth more to them than this. They had agreed that if it came down to it, the six would stick together as long as they could. Even though Daehyun had an outstanding charisma in addition to his heavenly voice -surely capable of going solo- he thought everyone saw B.A.P as something much more important than their personal desires. Although he had seen the vocalist enduring some really hard times the last few months and if what he need was to go...

 

Daehyun's eyes suddenly widened as he took everyone's faces in. He seemed to have realized his mistake in his choice of words and corrected himself.

 

-"I don't mean leaving the team." Yongguk could practically hear them sigh in relief, himself included. "But I need to head back home, even if it's just for a couple of days. I don't care about their permissions anymore, but I care about you. Even if we don’t have any performances until next week, if I go against the company's orders, the whole team will get in trouble and I don't think I could do that to you. I really want to go, but if you tell me you don't want me to do it, I'll stay here."

 

Daehyun looked at his bandmates expectantly. Everyone kept quiet, unsure of what to say, at least Yongguk was at a loss of words. How could he consider that Daehyun would leave for good? As if he didn't know the vocalist, how much he treasured each an everyone of them and how thankful he was for joining B.A.P so soon after becoming a trainee. Yongguk felt ashamed of thinking of his donseng that way. 

 

Finally, Youngjae was the first to speak up. "I really don't want to get a scolding." The older's face fell a little more at his best friend's statement. "But I'm willing to stand it for you, Daehyun. This is what we do, is it not? We look after each other, all of us. I'm in." We finished with a small wink that made Daehyun smirk lightly.

 

-"Yeah, so am I." Himchan said. "If this is what it takes for you to stop being a real brat with me, then it's okay, I guess." Though his words sounded like a scolding, the tone made it clear that it was a joke. The leader knew his friend still resented Daehyun’s snap at him the other week, regardless of how much the vocalist apologized afterwards and how much the visual tried to push that sadness aside. Still, he showed his best face for his dongsengs, like he always has.

 

Jongup and Junhong agreed as well -though Junhong complained a bit about the vocalist not being there for his birthday-, and with each 'Yes', Daehyun's smile was even bigger. By the time it got to Yongguk, his face was almost back to his normal self, except that the smile didn't reach his eyes. 

 

Yongguk gave it a thought before answering, Daehyun's eyes showing more and more concern with each passing second. Was this the right way? They were already in tensions with TS, and this act of defiance could be the last straw. He knew that regardless of what the others had said, if Yongguk denied it, Daehyun would stay. The leader wanted to punch his own face for a second, he was starting to sound like their company.

 

On the other hand, this might mean getting Daehyun back, all cheeky smiles and loud comments. The Daehyun everyone loved. And also the Daehyun no one but them saw, that sensitive but mature Daehyun that they loved. Maybe, this could mean getting everyone back to their normal selves, one by one, starting with who really seemed the most affected. 

 

No, it wasn't the right way. But it was the only one.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *  

 

 

The bus trip to Busan was longer than what Yongguk remembered, although in his defense, Kang drove a lot faster than the bus driver. He was sitting by the aisle, watching the scenery go by and occasionally sparing a glance at Daehyun, who fell asleep by the window with his earbuds on.

 

After apologizing to a giant maknae for missing his birthday, the leader decided to go to Busan with Daehyun. He told the vocalist that they could tell the directives Yongguk was making sure Daehyun didn't do anything impulsive that might put him on the headlines. Yongguk hoped that this would lessen the storm that was sure to come once they returned to Seoul. 

     

They rode the earliest bus at 4 am, two days after their conversation in the living room. On any other moment, they would not have been that tired, their bodies already grown used to the short hours of sleep, but the mental fatigue made Daehyun lose consciousness not even 15 minutes into the trip. Yongguk himself felt his eyelids quite heavy, but he refused to fall asleep. 

 

He tried taking out his notebook and writing something, but he had nothing. At least nothing worth writing, his mind was in a hundred different places and he couldn't put his ideas on paper. He resignated himself with staring out the bus window, watching the scenery change from an urban landscape to small towns and cropping fields. 

 

Now and then, his eyes would land on Daehyun. His sleeping face (or what he could seen behind the younger's snapback) carried the peacefulness that has been absent when awake for a while now. His wrinkles -getting more and more pronounced with each performance or high note recording- were barely visible. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, but didn't look like a couple of bruises as they had last week, the stylists had to put so much make up to cover them they feared it would crack.

 

As they approached Busan, the city-like feeling returned, but even then, there was a different vibe from the one you get in Seoul. The big city still had some traces of being a small town once, and the sea gave it a different charm.

 

Daehyun, being the light sleeper he is, just needed to feel a small shift in Yongguk's position beside him to wake up. When his eyes focused on the window and he saw his hometown, a smile broke in his face. He took off his earbuds and placed his whole attention on the buildings they passed by and the ocean, although they could only catch glimpses of the latter.

 

They finally arrived at the bus station, placing their sunglasses and masks on to avoid recognition. No one was expecting them at the station, Daehyun had wanted to surprise his parents and told them nothing about coming. And of course, there were no fans or reporters (the covering was just habituary precaution). It was nice, Yongguk concluded, to be able to walk around freely without having to control your every facial expression and look fresh and happy when you just want to go to bed.

 

They rode a cab to Daehyun's house, which was just like any other (they really earned next to nothing, their own parents had to send them money sometimes since what the company gave them never lasted for long). Yongguk was about to knock on the door when Daehyun stopped him and produced his own keys. He quietly opened the door, putting a finger on his lips, signaling Yongguk to be quiet.

 

The leader decided to wait at the door while Daehyun slipped off his shoes and sneaked into the kitchen, from where they could hear the rattling of dishes. After a few seconds of nothing, a woman's scream was heard. Yongguk was about to go in when he heard a feminine voice.

 

-"Daehyunnie! How many times do I have to tell you I'm too old for you to scare me like that?"

-"Sorry, Mom." Daehyun said in a voice that showed no regret at all. "But aren't you happy to see your youngest son here?"

-"Of course I am." Daehyun's mother voice carried a certain strain of holding tears back or being hugged too tightly. Yongguk assumed it was both. 

 

 

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He was in the living room, watching TV (if you could call occasional glances as watching), listening to Daehyun and his mother cook. He was suddenly serious when his mind travelled to the rest of s back in Seoul. Being scolded senseless by their recklessness, most likely, and still, not saying a thing about where they were. Although the company directives were no fools and would soon figure out their location, he still admired the loyalty his brothers were surely displaying.

 

Worried about what the others were going through, he decided to turn on his phone (which he hadn't done to avoid the thousands of calls he would most likely get from their manager) and call Himchan. The phone rang three times before the visual answered. 

-"Hello?" It was only one word, but Yongguk could guess by the tone that something bad happened.

-"Himchan, what’s going on? How did everything go?" 

-"Is Daehyun with you?"

-"What do you mean if he's with me? Of course he is, we came where toge-"

-"I mean, is he there next to you?" Himchan interrupted with a hint of exasperation.

-"N-No, he's helping his mom-" 

-"Then I'll wait until you two are together to tell you what happened. And when his family is not around, of course. Call me when you do, okay?" Himchan was surely about to hang up on Yongguk.

-"Wait!"

-"What is it?" 

-"Is everything alright? Do we need to go back before we planned?" Yongguk's voice was barely a whisper. Though the TV drowned the conversation, he didn't want to risk being heard by Daehyun or his mother.

Himchan sighed. "No, it's alright. Trust me, we'll manage for a couple of days. Besides, Daehyun needs this. Just make sure he doesn't get into a lot of trouble, okay? Talk to you later." And he hung up on the older.

 

 

 

 

Daehyun's brother was the first to arrive.

 

The second he crossed the door, the vocalist charged him, and if it wasn't for the strength the older had, he surely would have been knocked to the ground. The older laughed while hugging his little brother back. 

 

-"And what is this brat doing here?" He released Daehyun and ruffled his hair lightly. The younger moved away and frowned while he fixed his hair back in place.

-"I come here to see my family and this is how I get treated?" Daehyun said while sulking lightly, though it was obvious his indignation was fake.

-"Well, I gotta make sure all that fame doesn't get to your head." His brother said as he pulled Daehyun back into a side hug. 

Yongguk had been watching them from the living room, amused at the siblings' funny antics. Daehyun's brother spotted him and smiled while pulling the youngest with him to the living room. 

-"Hey Yongguk, how have you been? Can't stand this pestilence anymore and came to give him back?" 

 

Before he could answer, Daehyun spoke. "Hyung! Why is everyone assuming I'm giving Yongguk-hyung a hard time? I'm well-behaved!" For someone who normally acted like a grown, mature man off-camera, Daehyun was acting unusually childish. Yongguk blamed it on the familiar environment in which he found himself.

His brother laughed at the comment. "You do remember that we actually know you, right?" Yongguk started laughing non stop at the older's reply.

 

Daehyun stared at him helplessly. "Yongguk-hyung can tell you himself if you don't believe me." His proud smile made him look younger than he was. However, Yongguk was still laughing at Daehyun brother's snarky comment, it had been a while since he had laughed so carelessly and it felt good.

 

Mrs. Jung appeared from the kitchen just in time to listen to his older son. "See, Daehyunnie? Even Yongguk laughs at that! You really can't behave yourself, can you?" Both of them then joined Yongguk's laughing fit, while Daehyun just groaned and hit his head against the wall.

 

 

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Daehyun’s brother and father had arrived later than expected, so lunch had turned into dinner -though that gave Mrs. Jung time to prepare a more elaborate meal for Yongguk and her son-. The leader served himself a small portion more out of habit than anything, until Daehyun’s brother told him not to be shy and eat more.

 

-“If the food here is not enough, Daehyun shall be the one left hungry.” The younger just pushed his brother lightly with his shoulder, a smirk giving away his true nature. Yongguk could see they had missed each other and were making up for the lost time in the way any pair of siblings would, teasing.

 

Watching the Jung family talk was really something. They all spoke very fast and with different accents, while their parents held some hints of Gwanju dialect, Daehyun and his brother spoke in their quick and rough Busan own. All those months Daehyun practiced a slower speech and a neutral accent were gone 5 minutes into the dinner. Yongguk saw once again the country boy that joined the team 3 years ago.

 

Daehyun’s family didn’t like to pry into the youngest idol life, they’ve never been the kind of people to care about that sort of thing. They did congratulate them on winning first place, but apart from that, they wanted to know how they’ve been doing. And that was exactly what Yongguk and Daehyun didn’t want to talk about.

 

They played it out smoothly, thankfully, the many anecdotes that come with a world tour served as great conversation makers. They seemed to catch the bait for a while, until their well-being was brought into conversation again, Yongguk caught Daehyun's panicked eyes from the corner of his own and spoke. 

-"Well, we are working very hard, but we are happy. This is what we love to do and that makes everything easier." Daehyun's parents smiled in approval while the vocal's posture relaxed. The leader had avoided a direct response but with that phrasing, it still felt like he answered the question. God bless media training.

 

But Daehyun’s dad still wasn’t satisfied. “Don’t get me wrong, Daehyun, I’m very happy that you came to visit us and that you brought Yongguk with you. But, why did your company let you? It’s not holidays yet.” The younger managed to control his facial expressions this time, but Yongguk caught him fidgeting with his feet under the table. Telling them about their little escape was definitely out of the question, but before he could speak, Daehyun beat him to it.

 

-"They decided to give us a few days off. Yongguk hyung’s family is traveling, so I invited him over." His smile showed nothing but confidence, though the fidgeting continued. Even their parents knew how much they worked and how little free time they had, so this was a bit hard to believe. But Daehyun's charismatic smile could really win anyone over, even the ones already used to it like his family.

 

-"And the company? How are things going on with them? I remember you told us over the phone you hadn't received your pay a few months ago, Daehyun." His brother said. Apparently it was the perfect to day to ask all the wrong questions.

The vocalist looked down on his place, fidgeting with his chopsticks. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible. "No. There has not been any changes." The leader just stared at him sadly. All of their families knew how much the boys struggled with TS when it came to money. Yongguk lost count of how many times their parents sent them money to sustain themselves, since their own wasn't enough.

 

The rest of the dinner consisted on the sole sound of chopsticks against plates.

 

 

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It was little over midnight when they decided it was time to call it a day and go to bed.

 

"We don't have an extra room but there's plenty of space in any of ours or in the living room. You can stay wherever you want." Mrs. Jung said as she carried some spare blankets and pillow for Yongguk.

Daehyun was the one to cut in this time. "Mom, I'm the youngest here, what kind of donseng would I be if I don't give Yongguk-hyung my bed?"

-"Don't worry about it, Daehyun." Yongguk now spoke really fast, before things got out of hand. "This is your house and your room. I'll be fine on the floor or on the couch." 

-"None of that, hyung. And if you don't take the bed, I guess we will both be sleeping on the floor." Daehyun took the blankets and pillow from his mom and entered his room. The leader just stared at him helplessly, when Daehyun wanted to, he could make anyone do what he pleased, even Yongguk. His mom just laughed a but at his son’s childish act and bid Yongguk goodnight.

 

Daehyun was already in his pajamas (which was really just some grey sweatpants) by the time Yongguk got into the room. He then remembered Himchan asking him to call when he was alone with the vocalist. He pulled out his phone and put it on speaker, Daehyun stayed on the floor by the bed, while Yongguk sat on it. The phone dialed barely two times before it was answered.

-“Hello?” The visual’s voice carried the now usual exhaustion, but there was an edge to it.

-“Himchannie, I’m already with Daehyun.” He was cut off by Daehyun’s quick greeting. "What is it that you needed to tell us? What did they tell you?"

Yongguk just heard the younger sigh from the other side of the line, accompanied with a sound that must have been his hand rubbing heavily against his face. “We never said where you were, but it didn’t take long for them to put two and two together. They talked about how irresponsible and impulsive this had been, and that they would talk to you when you return. They also said you should be grateful we don’t have any performances while you’re gone, or they would have filed a damage suit for it.” The leader caught Daehyun’s eyes going wide and then closing again, head falling against the mattress.

-“And what about you, hyung? What happened to you?” Daehyun asked.

-“That’s the thing, Daehyunnie, they’re not doing anything to us. There were no changes in practice hours or scoldings, they even let us celebrate Junhong’s birthday at the practice room.” 

 

Yongguk frowned, this wasn’t how things normally worked. When one of them did something wrong, the whole team had to deal with the consequences. Yongguk feared the worst, that all would be taken out on them, the ones who ran away. Daehyun must have thought of the same thing since his face went a tad pale.

 

-"Alright, I'll deal with that when we return. See you in two days, Himchan." Before he hung up, he remembered. "Oh and please tell Junhong that I wish him a happy birthday."

-"From me too, hyung. And tell him I'm sorry again for missing it, I'll make it up to him once we're back." Daehyun voiced.

-"I will. And guys? Be careful and lay low, that may ease things a bit here." Himchan didn't wait for a reply and hung up. The leader and the vocal stared at each other worriedly, thinking about what running away could have meant for them.

 

 

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It was already late at night, but Yongguk knew Daehyun wasn’t sleeping. They had all been living in a single dorm, he'd memorized the members' positions and breathing when they were lost in sleep or just trying to do it. After failing to listen for a change, he spoke without looking at the vocalist.

 

-"Something on your mind?" He heard a sigh coming next to the bed.

-"I just...I don't like lying to them, hyung, keeping this to myself. They're my family and now I can't even trust them with things like this? On the other hand, I don't want them to think that I don't belong there because I do and..."

-"Hey." Yongguk cut him off. "I get what you're going through, I've been there too. You want to protect them but by doing that, you're placing a wall between you." He then turned to face Daehyun. "You're not a bad son for trying to do that, Daehyun. And you don’t have to carry all the burden by yourself, that’s what we’re here for, okay? We ease each other’s problems, carrying them together, that’s why I’m here. I’ll talk to them, hopefully they won’t go that hard on us.” 

 

 

 

 

As soon as Himchan was taken to the hospital, Yongguk returned to the company and went straight to their director’s office. It had been enough.

 

The ridiculous diets Himchan was put under in addition to their already hectic life had taken its toll on the visual. They were practicing for a broadcast when the younger collapsed in the middle of the room. They had tried waking him up with fresh air and water but nothing worked, panicked, they rushed him to the nearest hospital. He knew things like this could happen, it wouldn’t be the first time an idol has fainted while practicing (including themselves), to some, it even happens on stage. But what drove Yongguk over the edge was the company’s employer who went with them.

 

-“He needs to be up and going by 6 so he can perform tonight.” He had told the doctor. Everyone’s eyes were about to pop out of their sockets, including the doctor’s, who spoke with a barely perceptible lack of confidence at the employer’s intimidating stare.

 

-“We still don’t know what could have caused the fainting, and until then, we can’t settle a specific-"

-“I don’t care what’s wrong, he needs to perform. Just make everything necessary for him to be fine for tonight." From the corner of his eye, Yongguk caught Jongup approaching the employer and their manager holding him back. The dancer rarely got angry, that’s why he was “the angel” of the group, but his eyes were hard on the employer. The leader didn’t blame him, he was tempted to give him piece of his mind as well.

 

He was about to make his way out the door when a hand grabbed a hold on his arm, despite the general weakness and temperature, it was a strong grip, whose owner Yongguk had known before he turned around.

-“What is it Daehyun?” The vocalist eyes burned with the same anger Jongup’s and surely Yongguk’s, did. But there was a hint of nervousness and concern as well.

-“You need to talk to them. Himchan-hyung needs to rest, he won’t get better by tonight. Trust me, I know how that feels.” 

 

Yongguk’s stomach dropped because he knew Daehyun understood. He had collapsed the exact same way a couple of days ago during practice. Their vocal coach had been particularly hard on him for days, and the stress, combined with the exhaustion, caused him to faint in the recording room. He had been rushed into the ER as well, thankfully, they had no presentations until the next day, giving the vocalist some extra recovery hours -though he had also been dragged out of the hospital-. Yongguk caught Daehyun shaking his head several times and gripping it the next day. Junhong and Jongup practically carried him to the van, hands cold as ice and skin 5 tones paler than usual.

 

The leader wasn't one to be paranoid, but he couldn't help but wonder if all that pressure had been a punishment on Daehyun for running back home.

 

Yongguk's guilt over the matter still didn't fade. It was a lingering and unpleasant feeling of failure every time one of them suffered, to the team as a leader, to his brothers as the oldest hyung. He had failed to protect them and were suffering the consequences. 

 

Sometimes, the guilt brought him to angry tears, but Himchan was always there, a shoulder to lean on, someone to release his frustrations with. Yongguk wasn't sure how he could have been B.A.P's leader without Himchan there, except now he wasn't, but he wasn't going to allow this to repeat again.

 

-"I'll talk to them, don't worry." He reassured Daehyun. “You’re not feeling that better yourself, are you?” The lack of proper recovery left Deahyun weak, his face was covered in a thin layer of sweat even though his hand was cold. Still, the directors had made it clear that Daehyun -as main vocal- could not miss a single presentation, no amount of negotiation was going to change that for now. It all just made Yongguk feel angrier. “I’m okay, Himchan hyung is more important right now.” Daehyun said. He smiled weakly and gave the leader's arm a small squeeze before going to Junhong, who wouldn't stop fidgeting on his seat. 

 

After making Youngjae promise to keep him updated on Himchan's condition, he asked their manager to drive him back to the company's headquarters. He went up to the last floor, and stormed into the director's office. He knew the action made him look like a spoiled brat, but at this point he didn't give a damn. 

 

He walked on the director talking to some people Yongguk recognized as members of the board. At the sight of the leader (and surely the angry look on his face), the director told the board members to continue some other time and asked them to leave. Yongguk waited until they were gone to walk up to the director’s desk.

 

-“What is it Yongguk? I don’t have much time to spare, you know that." Yongguk's fist clenched at the statement. The tone of indifference the man had spoken with didn't help either. He crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to control himself.

-"Himchan's at the hospital, he fainted mid-practice." He voice was low and definite, full of anger.

-"Is he? But you guys have a schedule for tonight, don't you? I hope he gets better by then." The leader's eyes sparked in fury. This was too much. He slammed his hands against the director's desk, startling him lightly.

-"Himchan's in the hospital because of how much all of you have been pushing him!" Somehow, the rapper's voice still managed to be incredibly low even though he was speaking with such emotion. "And Daehyun before him. When is it going to stop? When Junhong collapses in the middle of a performance? We can't go on like this, director. Please, cancel the rest of the presentations this year, we need it." The demand had slowly changed into a plead, maybe, he could talk some sense into the man that had promised them so much when they joined.

 

The older just stared at Yongguk, unfazed by him. "When you signed the contract, you knew you were being tied to a schedule. Do you know what canceling your activities for this year would mean? Demands from all the organizers, and your solo concerts? Or your Japanese single? It would all fall on you, guys, and you salary, of course." Yongguk felt like scoffing, their pay was so little, their part of the tickets profit wouldn't make much of a difference, although a demand would.

 

All of a sudden, it was as if a lightbulb had the leader's head. He hadn't talked about it with the member for some time now, but desperate measures were needed. Yongguk removed his hand from the desk and crossed them over his chest.

-"And how would a demand from our part fall on you, director?" He voiced his thought slowly, as if considering each word carefully. The older blinked a couple of times in confusion. "To nullify our contracts, we have considered it, now more than ever. And we won't hesitate on going through. Are you willing to let go of your biggest investment that easily?" 

 

Much to Yongguk's surprise, director started chuckling. "Come on, Yongguk. Don't make me laugh, you don't really mean that. Do you even now the implications that a demand would have on you? If you remember what you signed, you would have to pay us a considerate amount of money if you decided to end your contract. An amount of money, which you obviously don't have. And if you decide to go for a lawsuit, what’s your guarantee that you’ll win? Or if you do, then what? You’ll hope for another agency to pick you up? Why would they when they surely have lots of trainees willing to work for them, trainees that meet each agency’s standards, which are all different, by the way. There’s nowhere else you guys can work but here, you have all been trained and shaped to be here, even if you don’t see it. You can’t even afford a lawyer."

 

The older man eyes the leader triumphantly. Yongguk looked down for the slightest of seconds. It was true, should they end the contact, the team would have to pay TS as compensation, and that was something they didn't have. The director managed to fill his head with uncertainties. Leaving the company could mean giving up on their dreams if they didn’t find another one. And what if it was true, and they didn’t fit anywhere else?

 

The leader quickly shook his head to clear his head. Whatever they chose, it wouldn't make much of a difference right now, so Yongguk spoke again. "It has been thought through by the six of us, all implications considered." Who cared if that wasn't the exact truth, he needed to show they weren't afraid. Even if he knew they weren’t ready to take such a big step, he needed to use it as cohesion. "It's your choice, director, you either change they way things are going or we will by our own hand." 

 

The businessman sighed heavily and leaned on his desk. After some thought, he spoke again. "Alright, we'll do this your way, Yongguk. Himchan won't perform tonight, but I won't cancel your concerts in China and Mexico, there's too much at stake there. As I told you, if there were to be a demand, it will all fall on your shoulders." Yongguk crossed his arms again and focused somewhere behind the director's chair. He couldn't agree to such responsibility without consulting the others, a lawsuit falling directly on them is more than what they could handle right now. At least Himchan was spared.

 

-"And the solo concerts? And the single?" The leader inquired.

-“I’m willing to be flexible on those. If you want to cancel them, it's all on your paycheck." The director shrugged, but Yongguk knew the older actually cared about what was going on. If not for them, for the loss of money that this represented.

 

Should he agree to cancel their American Tour as well? One of the things that kept them going this year was meeting their international fans, it was a beautiful experience for the six of them. Babyz were everything to them, and they would disappoint so many. But he also knew that they were on the verge of breaking, and going to China, America and returning to promote in Japan would be too much. He needed to act before it was too late for them.

 

-"Do it."

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

Nobody slept a blink the night before the announcement was made. Before they officially announced their first hiatus since debut. It was late at night and Yongguk could only hear the faint tossing and turning of the other members through the open doors.

 

The leader wasn’t doing much better himself, he tried turning the A/C on and off, adding extra blankets only to be disposed a couple of minutes later. He fooled around with his pillow, pressing it a little, then changing sides and finally discarding it too.

 

This was foreign territory for them, B.A.P who had more comebacks than any other rookie in 2012, possibly more than any other group in general. B.A.P who always gave the 110% in each performance. That group was now going to take a break. Yongguk's mind kept debating with itself even though he knew it was the best for the group.

 

Sighing, he gave up on his bed and slowly stood up. He exited his room as quietly as he could to avoid disturbing the others and sat on the couch, turning the TV on in hopes that the sound and pictures would lull him to sleep. They didn't.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

Their trip to Mexico was full of anxiety, but no one said a thing about it. The news of the very much needed rest had ended in a bittersweet note when they read some of the fan’s replies. Most of them had actually been happy for them, and wished a good rest. Others expressed their disappointment, although no one blamed them, but the agency. Some showed concern, something about rumors regarding one of them leaving B.A.P, leading to the imminent breakup of the group.

 

The leader knew none of these were true, but his mind couldn't help but wonder if they were. If any of them ever grew so sick of the idol life they would find no other way but to leave the group. They all struggled in their own way, but their passion kept them going. But this year in particular, the pressure was winning over the passion. A few months ago, they had considered leaving the company, but had made it clear that the six of them would stay or leave together. But what if it couldn't be done?

 

Yongguk hated admitting it, but on late nights where the producer's need to keep his creative inflow contained made him feel like a caged animal, he couldn’t help but wonder. Would he be going through the same, had he remained as an underground rapper? What if he found his true nature outside the idol world, outside the flashy outfits, the cameras? He was certain his life would be different than as an idol, but what if it was better?

 

Those thoughts only assaulted him late at night after drinking a bit over his limit. And everytime they resurfaced, a pang of guilt ran over the leader’s body. He owed everything to s, his brothers, he couldn't imagine living without them anymore, and even less by something as selfish as leaving on his own. He ran a hand through his messy black locks, pointing in every direction as he had fallen asleep on his plane seat. He rubbed his eyes to awake himself and was met with 5 sleeping faces on his left, barely illuminated by the faint light inside the plane.

 

They had always sat like this on the planes: Yongguk and Himchan, Daehyun and Youngjae, Jongup and Junhong. And seeing them all asleep together brought old memories back. Like getting to their single-room dorm and watch the 5 of them talking in their sleep, answering to each other. If only he had recorded it. Back then, they were only six boys with a passion for music stronger than any feeling. Their wish to debut made them sign a contract full of disadvantages, they didn't fully understood what they were getting themselves into. Within their first year, they were exhausted, but happily doing what they loved. How had things changed since then. The comparison made Yongguk feel lost for a moment.

 

The vocals and the maknaes switched places to get window seats, but the two oldest always got the privilege to seat where they pleased (“Perks of being a grandpa” Himchan had said), so Yongguk always sat next to the window. He opened it to find only darkness, he was floating around in a sea of infinite darkness. And the only people in the world who could understand that feeling were sitting next to him.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

They had promised themselves to be at their very best during the concert, and they did. They waved at the fans, talked to them, smiled, they did everything an idol is supposed to do at a concert. Except for Yongguk.

 

He tried to, he really did, he tried to enjoy himself and drown in the high that being on concert gave. But there were too many things going on in his mind at the time. He was still exhausted as ever, though the idea of finally getting a break was more than welcome. Still, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about it all, this could be their last time on stage, as much as he tried to deny it. K-pop groups could easily get lost in that saturated market, what if they weren’t relevant anymore by the time they returned? What if their fans had moved on, and today was the last time he stood on stage with the rest of s?

 

This wasn’t their own concert, but Yongguk still caught glances of their light sticks, supporting messages and pictures. When he approached the crowd, one of the girls at the front smiled so brightly her eyes shrunk, he may have caught a tear slipping past her eyes. Their fans were there, cheering for them. And as long as there was one of them, B.A.P would perform.

 

Yeah, it was going to be okay.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

The sound of footsteps along the dorm woke Yongguk up. He tossed around his bed for a while, stretching his arms in an attempt to remove the sleepiness. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, focusing them on the white ceiling above him.

 

Something was different, but the leader's still fuzzy brain couldn't tell what it was. It took him a few seconds to realize that, for the first time in God knows how long, he didn't need to wake up to meet a schedule, he didn't have to hurry and get ready for another hectic day. Today, he could do what he wanted. Yongguk felt compelled to voice it out loud for it to feel real.

 

 

 

Somehow, they ended on there practice room, again.

 

The leader supposed it was only normal, they had grown so used to that space, after all. Or maybe they hadn't grasped the idea of freedom yet, and couldn't come to terms with the idea of handling their time on their own and for themselves. At least they weren't dancing (except for Junhong and Jongup, but they were doing it for fun).

 

Yongguk was going through his SNS on his phone when Himchan pulled him up for a selca in front of the mirror. The older had barely started fixing his hair when the visual took the picture, giving Yongguk a stunned appearance. Himchan was staring at the camera with piercing eyes, and he left a gap between them wide enough for Daehyun and Youngjae to be seen, sitting on the couch, watching videos on their computers. The maknaes were not in the picture.

 

Himchan uploaded it and Yongguk spent the next 10 minutes staring at it on his phone. Not one of them was smiling, each on their own thing except for maybe Yongguk and Himchan. If the leader didn't know better, he could have said the vocalist were just bystanders who happened to appear in the picture, not two of his closest friends.

 

Uneasiness settled on Yongguk's stomach, without their idol life, they seemed to start falling apart. It didn't even last a day, did they really have so little in common that the second their leashes were looser, they walked in opposite directions?

 

                                                          

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

It was Himchan’s last night in Korea before he embarked himself on a trip to America and he had made Yongguk stay with him. They weren’t doing anything extraordinary, just a movie night with pizza. Jongup and Youngjae had decided to stay with their families for the weekend and dragged Junhong and Daehyun along. They had picked the first movie they found on the shelf, turned off all the lights in the dorm and created their personal cinema.

 

The familiarity of the situation made Yongguk remember their trainee days, when it was just the two of them, none of the kids had arrived yet. Back then, B.A.P was still an intangible idea, they were just two guys who happen to met each other at the agency, hoping to debut and become artists. On days when their energy hadn’t completely ran out, Yongguk and Himchan would go out to some cheap restaurant, or stay in and spend the night eating ramen and watching movies, sometimes drinking as well. 

 

The effect that the few days off had on Himchan was amazing. His skin was still milky white, but the ghost-like parlor was gone, the bags under his eyes were almost gone, too. His cheekbones were not as prominent as they used to, giving his face a much healthier look. Even his voice seemed to grow stronger with each passing day. The visual was munching on his second slice of pizza, laughing at whatever happened on the TV screen.

 

It was during moments like this, that Yongguk was convinced they made the right choice, but it also sparked an uncertainty. There was always uncertainty.

 

-"Bang Yongguk! This is the third time I called you!" Himchan called for him, drawing him out of his thoughts. "Hey, you've been weird since the break began. What is it?"

-"Nothing. Just tired."

Himchan scoffed. "We've used that excuse so many times we know when someone's lying, even with our eyes closed. So?" He inquired further.

 

Yongguk laid his head against the couch's headrest. "It's just that, without having to spend every waking moment together, we don't actually spend any moment together now. At all. Everyone's just doing their own thing and I respect that, of course, they have every right to do so. But it makes me wonder, if our bond as a group is...frailing."

 

Himchan paused the movie the second Yongguk voiced that thought. He left his pizza slice aside and sat straight, eyes piercing Yongguk's. "Now you listen to me, Bang Yongguk. Our bond can never frail, get that through that thick head of yours. Yes, right now everyone's too wrapped up on their own thing, but it's just because they all needed to catch up on what they've missed. On family, friends."

 

-"But that doesn't mean we've grown tired of the group, or that we don't need it anymore. Give it some time, I assure you we will all be here, as close as always. This is not as delicate as you think, we've all worked to make this bond between the six of us strong, we treasure it too much, so nothing can break it. Okay?" Yongguk was left speechless, because Himchan spoke nothing but the truth. The visual clicked his tongue at the leader and resumed the film.

 

Sometimes, one tends to forget things you've known all along. Thank God Yongguk had Himchan to remind him of what those things were.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

Yongguk stared at his paycheck for who knows how long, sitting on the floor in the middle of his room; a million things going through his head. And to think that he actually hoped things could be solved before taking more serious measures. 

 

They were all home, except for Himchan who was still in America with his friend. But they weren't exactly on their best selves. Yongguk was actually reacting pretty well, considering the fit Daehyun was throwing in his room after he ripped his paycheck in half and closed the door. The vocalist's frustrated grunts and the sound of falling objects were the only thing breaking the silence in the dorm. Youngjae had tried convincing him of coming out, but gave up after 15 minutes and was just sitting outside Daehyun and Junhong's room, waiting for his friend to calm down.

 

The maknaes, as far as Yongguk knew, were in the living room. They knew how angry everyone was, if Daehyun's actions didn't give it away. But they were still young and unsure of how to react, they were still digesting the fact that the team had been deceived again. Their first pay was so low, even though they had doubled their work, that money was so little, it didn't make much difference from how they were at the beginning of the year. He didn’t expect an enormous amount either, he was realistic and knew that canceling the tour and the single didn’t make the company too happy, but he didn’t expect this either.

 

He had put up with everything for too long already, they all had. They had sacrificed years, family time, education and even health for this. In the end, they were nothing but rebel puppets and the pay was a way of showing them who was actually pulling the strings. Yongguk felt like a cornered animal, with people closing up on his space. He had no choice but to bite back in order to be free. It was now or never.

 

After he heard Daehyun coming out of his room he exited his own and found the two vocals there. "Come to the living room, are Jongup and Junhong still there?" Youngjae nodded faintly and the leader walked to meet the youngest members without another word. But he would have to be blind not to notice Daehyun's red eyes.

 

He waited for the four of them to settle on the living room to phone Himchan. He knew the visual was on a time zone with more than 10 hours of difference, and that he was most likely asleep. But this was too important to drag on any longer. He dialed the number and placed the phone over the table, speaker on. Junhong was on the floor, holding his amazingly long legs with his hands. Youngjae and Daehyun were already sitting on the couch and moved over to leave a space for the leader, but Yongguk signaled for Jongup to take the place while he remained standing. Just then, the dialing tone was interrupted.

 

-"Hello?" A groggy voice sounded over the phone, Himchan was asleep. But Yongguk had more important matters to attend to right now.

-"Himchan you're on speaker, the rest of us are all here." When Yongguk finished, various "Hi, hyung" and "How have you been?" came from the members.

-"Is everything alright?" Yongguk would always be amazed by how quick Himchan could read into the group's emotions, even if he wasn't there. All he needed was a couple of words out of them to know something particularly bad had happened.

-"We got our paychecks today, they should give you yours when you return." Yongguk said in a monotonous voice, arms crossed over his chest.

The visual said nothing for couple of seconds. "And?" He finally asked.

Yongguk sighed heavily and told him how much they’ve received. He caught Daehyun leaning forward and covering his eyes with his hands, Jongup’s knuckles going slightly whiter than normal and Youngjae looking down.

On the other side of the line, Himchan remained quiet. After a few seconds, it was Yongguk who spoke again. “I gathered you because…” he took a deep breath before going on. “Because I think it’s time we go through with what we talked about in May."

Four pairs of eyes stared at the leader in surprise for a second before moving elsewhere, surely thinking of the implications of what the oldest said. No one needed to ask, they knew what Yongguk was talking about, but it wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly. Their lives could change forever because of it.

-“Do you think it’s the best idea, hyung?” Junhong asked in a small voice.

Yongguk crouched a bit so Junghong wouldn’t feel intimidated by the height difference -the leader was standing, after all-. “I can’t take anymore of this Junhong. Not what’s happening to me, but to you, to all five of you. They treat us even lower than animals, push everyone over the limit. And now they do this? You’ve turned 18 already, we can do it now. This needs to end"

-“But hyung,” it was Jongup this time. “What if it’s the end for B.A.P as well?”

Those words fell like a bucket of ice cold water on everyone.

 

Yongguk was about to speak when Himchan interrupted. “It won’t be the end, Jonguppie. As long as we stick together, B.A.P will still be alive, even if we have another name or never stand on stage again.” It was true, their bond was something beyond that of bandmates, they were a family. 

The still remained silent. “Look,” Yongguk started again, “I know you might hesitate, I know better than anyone how much you’ve worked to get here. And this will put everything on the line. So if anyone doesn’t feel like going through, there will be no hard feelings. But I’m not willing to leave if the five of you aren’t coming.” His voice was very low, lower than what everyone is already used to. But somehow, it managed to reflect his inner conflict, the sacrifice that he must make if any of them decided to stay and the one he must make if they all decided to leave with him.

 

Youngjae stood up from the couch and stood in front of Yongguk. “As I told Daehyun before, hyung, we protect each other. We’re in this together and you’re right, it has been enough. I’m with you.” The younger’s soft eyes showed nothing but understanding, Yongguk placed his arm on Youngjae’s shoulder and smiled at him.

 

-“I’m with you too, hyung.” Daehyun said as he stood up next to Youngjae. “B.A.P is one, is not? My place is with you, guys, so I’m in.” After a grateful smile, the leader turned to look at the maknaes.

 

Junhong was the first to stand up from the two of them. “I can’t stand seeing you suffering, hyung. When Himchannie-hyung and Deahyunnie-hyung were taken to the hospital I…” His voice was cut short by the tears that threatened to fall, Daehyun rubbed the maknae’s back until he calmed down. “Let’s do this." Yongguk ruffled Junhong’s hair affectionately and turned to the main dancer. 

 

Jongup looked down for a moment and focused on Yongguk. “I won’t say that I’m not scared, but we’re a team, a family. And we stick together until the end.” Youngjae pulled him off the couch and received him with a hug. Only Himchan was missing.

-“What about you, Himchannie?” Yongguk asked, though he already knew the answer.

-“You think I would leave you like that? You’d be all lost without me.” That’s the ever-confindent Himchan who Yongguk knew so well.

 

Back in May, they all seem a bit reluctant, if not afraid, of leaving. But now, he saw the difference in their eyes, a new determination.

 

They were ready.

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

They had just finished having dinner at a small restaurant, the five of them -Himchan hadn’t returned yet-. It wasn’t anything remotely luxurious or out of the ordinary, but it felt like it. They could eat what they wanted without worrying about calories and take as much times as they needed for there wasn’t a schedule to follow. They had joked around and laughed. It reminded Yongguk of how they were before debut, before things went downhill. How much had changed since then, Now they had grown, they had matured way before than they’re supposed to. Now they had things to lose, regardless of how little their material possessions were, their dreams had joined them and set them on this path. But if things were wrong, they could lose even that...

 

-“Hyung?” It was Youngjae who had called him. “Is something wrong? You seem kinda off today, well at least more than usual.” The vocalist laughed a little and Junhong followed, Daehyun and Jongup just smiled while the leader shook his head. “No, but seriously, hyung. What’s on your mind? You know you can tell us.” Youngjae inquired.

 

Yongguk looked down, suddenly finding his hands fascinating. “It’s nothing, just, wondering if I did the right thing.” He looked up to find them all staring at him with confused eyes. “I’ve accepted the consequences of whatever may come, but I can’t help but feel sorry for dragging you with me. I feel like I’ve failed you again, as leader, as hyung. I failed to look after you like I should before and now we’ll be putting everything at stake, with no certainty that we’ll be okay."

 

The whole table went from cheerful to dead quiet in a couple of seconds.

 

-“You know, hyung.” Daehyun broke the silence. “My brother spoke to me when we were in Busan. He knew.” Yongguk’s eyes  -as well as everyone else’s- focused on Daehyun, who kept going. “He knew everything we had been put through, well he guessed after he saw our faces, heard us during dinner and overheard us speaking to Himchan hyung over the phone. He didn’t tell my parents because he didn’t want to make them worried. He asked me to stay, to leave the agency and my life as an idol behind, and go back home. He told me I would be happy again if I did.” 

 

Yongguk tried to imagine the picture, imagine B.A.P without Daehyun, or any member for that matter. He came up blank, his mind couldn’t conceive the idea of B.A.P as any other thing than the six of them. Even when Himchan had injured himself and couldn’t take part on the promotions, the visual was still there, in the dorms asking how they’ve been and even giving feedback on the broadcasts.

 

Yongguk recalls Daehyun saying the leader was B.A.P’s heart at an interview. But just like a body couldn’t live with only a heart, the team couldn’t go on without the members. In the leader’s eyes, they were just as important as he was.

 

Deahyun spoke again, interrupting his thoughts. “But I told him I couldn’t. I can’t leave the team just like this. The five of you are part of me and I can’t leave that behind. My fate is tied to B.A.P’s and yours. And you know what? I’m glad we stood up for ourselves, together.” He spoke with a certain shyness, one that Yongguk was familiar with since he struggled the same way when speaking of his deepest feelings. But the message was crystal clear.

 

Surprisingly, Jongup spoke next. “You feel like you failed us hyung, but it has never been like that. You’ve always been the best leader and hyung we could have had. You’ve taken great care of us on your own way and have given yourself completely to the team. You didn’t drag us into this, you woke us up, we couldn’t go on like that. And if you remember, we all willingly decided to file the lawsuit.” The dancer almost always stated the obvious, but sometimes, it was the obvious things which were easily missed. Yongguk looked down again in embarrassment, he wasn’t sure what to say so he just bro-fisted Jongup.

 

-“And if everything fails, at least we’ll have us, right?” Junhong asked.

 

-“Of course! How can you even ask that!” Youngjae had pushed him, making the giant maknae lose his balance and the laughter resumed.

 

Yongguk was really lucky to have these boys with him.

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *  

 

      

The clock on his nightstand marked 3:42 am. Once again, he couldn’t sleep.

 

They had handled in the format to their lawyer yesterday, who told them it should be submitted to court by tomorrow. They had done it, they had filed a demand against the company that made them B.A.P but also the one who made them lose themselves in a way.

 

He headed out his room to get a glass of water, but found a particular sight. Daehyun and Youngjae, sitting on opposites sides of the couch. Junhong nestled between them, head lying against Daehyun’s legs and feet stretched across Youngjae’s. Jongup was sitting on the floor, head leaning against the armrest.

 

The light from the TV was the only thing illuminating the room, the faint shadows from the projections dancing across their faces. They were all watching intently, and Yongguk even caught Youngjae blinking furiously keep some tears back. And when the leader turned to the TV, he understood, they were watching themselves. Junhong noticed the oldest presence and started moving to leave him a place on the sofa, but Yongguk just motioned for him to stay were he was and sat against the other armrest.

 

They were all old reruns of their performances, showcases, concerts, even some variety shows. Yongguk marveled himself on how happy they looked, even if they’re supposed to be that way for the sake of the camera, he knew the feeling was real. He noticed there was something in their faces that faded as they moved to newer presentations, a certain energy. But there was also something in their eyes that remained, a spark. Even in some performances where he knew someone felt like fainting. 

 

No one said a thing through the entire rerun, the only occasional sounds were the faint sniffs and sighs from one of them, although no one commented on it. They knew that, on the inside, they were feeling the same way. 

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *    

 

 

Time certainly passed slower when you weren't on a constant rush to get to the next schedule. And it passed even slower when the five people you had grown used to share every waking minute with were not with you either. He had been reluctant in leaving, especially considering their current situation. But the members had assured them they would be okay, that he needed some time to get away from everything.

 

The new scenery was like a breath of fresh air, something pure and untouched by everything Yongguk has been living with these past years. Prague carries a different life pace than Seoul, much more peaceful, less overwhelming kind. It gave Yongguk’s clouded mind a moment to clear, and think better.

 

He borrowed Youngjae’s camera for the trip (in exchange of souvenirs, of course) and planned to make the most out of it. He took pictures of rivers, trees, historical places, even people and animals. An old lady reading by park, some young lovers riding bikes together, a toddler being lifted up in his mother's arms. 

 

If he were to pick a favorite of everything he's seen in Prague, he would have to say the buildings.  Yongguk had seen little of Europe when on tour, but this city seemed to be frozen in time, full of building that belong in another time, but somehow still fit perfectly in the 21st century. They stood proud and unmoving, making them more imposing than any skyscraper.

 

 

A church in a small facing a square made Yongguk pull the camera out for another picture. His friend insisted on appearing on it, and the leader didn't mind. When he finished, he turned around time and time again, taking in his surroundings. Much like the buildings in this wonderful city have stood up for years, B.A.P would do the same. They would go to the end of the world and back, and they could do it, if they remained together. They would pull through, and shine again.

 

 

 

                                                                         *          *          *          *         *      

 

  

Everyone seemed to be even more nervous than on their debut showcase. It didn't make any sense, they knew the steps, the lyrics, they knew what to do to wrap their audience around their pinky finger and have them asking for more. 

 

And still they were barely breathing right.

 

Daehyun and Youngjae were warming up by going through scales and drinking lemon tea. Jongup and Junhong were practicing their dance intro for 1004. The four of them were doing perfectly each time but still decided to go at it once more to get it confidently. They had been going on like that for 6 rounds already, but Yongguk knew better than disturb them as it puts them even more on the edge.

 

Besides, Yongguk was dealing with his own emotional crisis at the moment. It was all masked under a perfect poker face (what kind of leader would break down in front of s?), but still there, nonetheless. They had been assured that the tickets for their first concert after their hiatus had sold well, but Yongguk's mind was determined to make him doubt. What if nobody was there and they had been lied to all along? Or worse, what if they got on stage to a black ocean, full of disappointed Babyz for being left behind all this time? New groups debuted every year, and anyone could take their spot. The leader's insides were consuming themselves with nerves, it took all his willpower to keep his hands in place and not all over his perfectly styled black hair.

 

It had been a long time without them performing as a team, more than Yongguk would like to admit. The constant legal encounters with the company representatives were stressful but necessary. The court had become a regrettably familiar environment for them, how much Yongguk wished he could have spared the members from that, from having to give their testimonies and remembering their time at the agency.  

 

But it had all paid off the day the court ruled in their favor, nullifying their exclusive contracts, holding the company to a strong economic compensation. That night, the six just laid on the floor in Himchan’s living room, lights off, talking and crying tears of happiness. The rights to their name, logo and songs gained them another round of visits to the court. They lost that one and absolutely no one could be any more upset than Yongguk. Those were the songs he spent endless hours working on, they were a window to his own soul. Fortunately, they managed to legally buy the rights from TS, thanks to a new company who offered them to work together. This time, they had read the contract with their families carefully, the terms were much more agreeable, the amount of work within the normal standards. Only time would tell if this company did stick to the contract as it should. If they didn’t, they won’t wait for things to get better and will take the matter into his hands again, but for now, they would trust these people. This time, it would be different, this time, they too, would do things right.

 

Himchan's hair had just finished being styled (he'd insisted on being the last so the stylists could take their time with him). He casually placed himself on the black couch Yongguk was sitting on, but the older didn't seem to notice him. The visual then placed a hand over his friend's shoulder, who suddenly turned to look at him. 

 

-"Hey." Himchan said while he shook Yongguk's shoulder gently. "It's going to be alright." 

Yongguk chuckled at that. "How can you be so sure of everything?" He asked in wonder.

-"Oh, trust me, I'm not. I'm scared out of my mind just like everyone is." The visual focused his attention on the younger four, who were still practicing. "But it's best to think positively, don't you think?" Yeah, typical answer for Himchan, always looking his best for everyone, regardless of how he felt inside. He really belonged in the idol world.

Himchan extended his hand towards Yongguk, the leader then meet it with his own in a brother-like greet, a small smile across his face. 

 

The coordinator pulled them out of their reverie at the sound of "B.A.P, on stage in five!" The six of them turned to look at her in perfect sync, but she was already gone. They looked at each other and Yongguk wasn't sure if the uneasiness he saw on their eyes belonged to each of them or was a reflection of his own. 

 

He took a deep breath and gathered the six of them. He made them hold each other's shoulders in a circle. "Alright, just like when we started, okay? We can do this. Let's remind them why were the Best. Absolute. Perfect. Let's go!" They broke the circle, their loud cheers breaking the tension. As they walked through the tunnel and towards the stage, Yongguk was reminded of their debut showcase, their heads dyed the same yellowish white, their baggy clothes splattered with paint, strength in their muscles and a dream in their hearts. The situation was not that different today, and that feeling spread a warm through the rapper's chest that made him smile widely. 

 

They stood on the platform that would lift into the stage once the show started. He was standing at the far left, everyone arranged by age. The lights went out and Yongguk's heart made a double beat at the sounds of the fans' screams. 

 

And once the platform leveled up, there they were, the green lights. It was a whole ocean of green lights, shaped like their matokis. Some whistles could be heard too, and many were carrying banners with messages, pictures and the member's names. Their fans had waited for them, they had understood and now were back to stand by them, by B.A.P. The leader felt the smallest of tears pool in his eyes before he quickly cleaned it. The screams got even louder when the spotlight fell on them, and the leader got a little overwhelmed by it -it.

 

However, when he looked to his right and saw Himchan, and Daehyun next to him, and Youngjae, and Jongup and Junhong, he gained his strength back. That was his place, on stage, leaning on his five brothers and having their fans cheering them on. Regardless of how manufactured this industry was, they were meant to meet, and be here, as B.A.P. All those years of injustice and exhaustion had paid off, since he found a new family. This realization made him happier in than he had been in a long time, and although he couldn't pinpoint the exact reason behind it, he didn't care. Today was no day to worry about trivialities. Today was their new beginning.

 

He faced the crowd and started counting, waiting for s to join in perfect coordination as he knew they would. 

 

-"1, 2, 3. Hello! We are B.~ A.P! Yes Sir!"

 

Yeah, this is how is supposed to be. 

 

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A/N: So, yeah, not much but here it is. It's a bit repetitive but I think that such an important decision is bound to rise uncertainties, at least I know I would have them. And yeah, maybe too much Daehyun (guilty for that, since he's my bias).

Hope you liked it :)