Himchan stares up at the starless night sky as a single tear drop trickles down onto his cheeks. One by one more tears flowed down his cheeks as he burries his head into his hands. As he quietly sobs to himself, a figure that was watching him from afar with a heavy heart. He couldn’t even go up to his best friend to comfort him.

A sigh escapes his lips as the tears dried. Sniffing he raised his head, staring ahead with his mind blank. *What am I supposed to do without you?* Himchan thought as he lets out another sigh. Just as Himchan was about to get up and go back into the house, a hand reached out to him holding a few tissues.

His eyes travelled up and then saw who it was. It was Yongguk, his best friend since elementary school.

“Sorry.” He said as he crouched down to Himchan’s eye level. “I’m sorry. I should have stopped her from going.”

Himchan shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” His voice came out as a shaky whisper. Taking the tissues from Yongguk’s hand, he wiped away the tears then blew his nose then throwing it into the trash bin beside him.

Yongguk soon sat down beside Himchan but hadn’t said anything. He didn’t know what to say to Himchan. He felt guilty for not stopping Layla. He felt that the entire car crash was his fault because he didn’t stop her from leaving the party the other night. A heavy sigh escaped from his lips.

“Himchan –” Yongguk said but stopped when his best friend gave him a look.

“Yongguk, it’s not your fault. How many times do I have to tell you?” He gave Yongguk a tired expression. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine actually.”

“What do you mean?” Yongguk frowned. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“Yeah… a little,” He sighed. “It was her parent’s death anniversary but I couldn’t come with her since I promised Jongin to tutor him maths. She was upset that I went with Jongin and not together with her to visit her parent’s grave.” Himchan sniffed again before leaning his chin on his knees. “I should have gone with her. If I had, we wouldn’t have been so awkward on the night of the party. Just before it was time to leave, we had another small fight.” Himchan shook his head. “It should have been me to stop her but I didn’t.” Himchan broke out into another sob as Yongguk listened to every word Himchan said.

Yongguk hadn’t expected Himchan’s confession. Now he had understood why the two had been so awkward with each other that night. A soft but long sigh left Yongguk’s lips as he leans back on his arms. He didn’t know what to say to his best friend. In fact, Yongguk had never been the type to comfort others when they’re in this type of situation. He’s more of the type who would just listen to your rants.

“You should go home.” Himchan said softly. His eyes were puffy and red as his nose was bright red. “It’s getting late.”

“You go in first.” Yongguk nodded to the front door. “Kim Himchan, don’t you dare do anything stupid.” He gave his friend a firm gaze before getting up. He patted his friend’s shoulder and went back home.

Another sigh left Himchan’s mouth before he stood up; taking his keys out and went back into his house. Upon entering the house, it felt so empty to him. He was too used to the fact that Hyemi would welcome him back home, hug him and give him a peck on the lips.

Himchan lets out a shaky breath before taking off his shoes and went into the kitchen. Images of him being with Hyeri flooded his mind as he collapsed onto the floor, letting out another sob.

“Hyeri, I’m so sorry.” He muttered repeatedly as he hits his chest as he chokes out and tries to breathe normally again.

Two months has passed and Himchan’s condition hasn’t gotten any better. He had looked so terrible that his friends were dead worried about. They were afraid that he’d do something stupid even though he hasn’t done anything for the past two months.

Himchan has being locking himself up in his own house, barely going out to meet his friends. He would stay inside all day and think about Hyeri. Guiltiness and Hyeri was the only thing on his mind. The only time Himchan had actually left the house was to buy groceries. That was the only time he would dare step out of his house.

Hyeri’s relatives had tried to get inside Himchan’s house and tell him that it wasn’t his fault; however everything they tried had gone down the drain. They had almost given up but due to the pleas of his friends and especially Yongguk, they tried even harder.

It was a Sunday afternoon. Once again, Himchan sits down in the living room, on the white armchair, he stares ahead. He just blankly stares ahead, as if he would hear Hyeri’s voice. Upon turning on his IPod that he had received from Hyeri for his 21^st birthday party, the song Heaven sung by Ailee started playing.

Where you are, I will be there too
Where you go, I will go there too

 Himchan closed his eyes as he remembers the time he was first introduced to Hyeri. His other best friend, Park Chanyeol was the one who introduced him to Hyeri. On the first meeting, the two of them seemed to click.

He remembered the times he would always call or text her and asked where she was. He was always seen around Hyeri. He smiled at that memory.

I smile for you every day, I pray for you
with thoughts of you, I fall asleep I open my
eyes as I call for you
you protect me by my side and you embrace me
you are my heaven

There were times Himchan would just stare at Hyeri and just smiles. He remembers the time Hyeri would ask him “Why are you always smiling?” and he would always answer “I’m smiling because I’m happy with you by my side.” Himchan would always pray for Hyeri to be healthy, to be safe and to always be happy before he sleeps. He remembers that very well.

Himchan would always be on Hyeri’s side no matter what. He would always be there when she’s down. He would protect her when things aren’t right. He would hug her when she gets scared. He would make her smile when she’s down. To him, Hyeri was everything to him.

You’re my only one way
Only for you I am thankful that I am next to you
You’re the only one babe
You taught me love in this harsh world
I am happy with you alone

Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven
Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven
If we're together we will never cry never never cry
Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven
Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven
Forever, together never gonna be alone

Himchan was always thankful to Hyeri. If he had never met her, if Chanyeol had never introduced her to him, he wouldn’t have lived a happy life. Hyeri was Himchan’s ever first girlfriend. He had always been single and he cherished her more than anything. She had taught him many things, which included love.

He was never the type to be affectionate towards another but ever since he dated Hyeri, he began to show more affection towards her and his friends. Even if he was alone, he would remember that he has a girlfriend and even if he was alone, he knew he was happy with her.

I breathe in your arms, we kiss in your arms
when I hear your voice, it feels like I'm dreaming
I can tell from your eyes, I can tell about your love
you are my heaven

Opening his eyes, his eyes were sad but they had mixed emotions. He remembers all the time he had shared kisses with Hyeri. The times he would just hug her from behind when she was in the kitchen cooking. Himchan chuckled at the one memory. He remembered there was one time, he was so tired due to work, he thought he had heard Hyeri’s voice telling him to sleep.

You’re my only one way
Only for you I am thankful that I am next to you
You’re the only one babe
You taught me love in this harsh world
I am happy with you alone
Heaven my only person, yes the person you will protect me
Any sadness, any pain if only I’m with you
I’m not jealous of anyone else
Hold my two trembling hands
Because the reason I live is you

You're my only one way
Only for you I am thankful that I am next to you
You're the only one babe
You taught me love in this harsh world I am happy with you alone

Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven x2
If we're together we will never cry never never cry
Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven x2
Forever, together never gonna be alone
Oh, so alone

Once the song ended, it repeated and a sigh escapes his dry and cracked lips; he stands up and heads to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of water. His tummy growls as he finishes the last drop of water in his cup. Another sigh is heard as he looked around for any food in his house.

“Damn it.” He mutters to himself.

There weren’t any food left in his kitchen; which meant he had to leave the house to buy more food. He knew he was making his friends worried and especially Hyeri’s relatives, but he couldn’t face them. Not after they found out and that they weren’t even angry at him. He felt even guiltier towards Hyeri’s younger brother; Hyesung.

As he tiredly goes back upstairs to his room to change his clothes, he didn’t even make an effort to actually change. All he wore was a worn out gray tank top with a black cardigan on top and black 3/4 shorts. He went back downstairs after looking for his house keys for about 10 minutes. Heaving out a long sigh, Himchan could only shake his head in disappointment. He was disappointed in himself.

He lets out a short bitter laugh. “What kind of boyfriend was I?”

Before he could even put on his shoes, the door bell rang once, then twice and then for the third time, Himchan stood there thinking whether he should open the door or not.

“What the hell,” He muttered and shut his eyes for a second. “I have to go buy food so might as well open the damn door.”

After slipping into his black winter boots, Himchan opened the door to find all of his friends and Hyeri’s relatives standing at his door.

“You finally opened the door!” Hyesung sighed in relief. “If you didn’t, we would have done the second choice.”

“What second choice.” Himchan eyed Hyesung.

“Breaking down this door of yours,” Hyesung said with a silly grin. “I’m just joking.” He suddenly said with a serious talk.

“We have to talk.” Jongin said from the back as he squeezed his way through.

“Can I get food first?” He sighed.

“No,” Hyesung said. “We can order pizza later. Now get back inside and let us in.”

Himchan sighed in defeat. He knew he couldn’t fight them back in the condition he was in. All he did was nod, took a step back, took his boots off and went back into the living room to sit on the armchair. He waited for them to take their shoes off as he closes his eyes. *What did they want?* He thought as another sigh came out.

“Himchan,” Yongguk started as he sat down on the other armchair across Himchan. He observed Himchan closely and lets out a sigh. “What have you been eating for the past two months?”

“Noodles, ham, pork… I don’t know.” He shrugs and his stomach growls again. “Can’t you just order food now and then we can talk?” He said through clenched jaws.

“Fine,” Jongin sighed. “I’ll go make an order.” He stood up, taking out his phone and went to the kitchen to make the order.

“Now when will you stop moping over her death?” Hyesung snapped. “How long are you going to be like this?”

Startled, Himchan could only stare at Hyesung who was like a stranger to him at the moment. He had never seen Hyesung so, so angry before. He didn’t know what to say as his lips just parts open.

“I mean, not only you’re making your friends worry about you. You’re making me worried!” He exclaimed. “I even promised Hyeri-noona that I’ll look after you!”

“W-What,” Himchan stutters at the mention of his girlfriends name.

Hyesung sighed. “After noona left the party, uncle was the one who picked her up. I was also with uncle. She told me about the fight and she told me that she wanted to apologise to you.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “She knew she was wrong to make you come with her for our parent’s anniversary even though....” He paused and looked over to Jongin, who was still in the kitchen. “You had already promised Jongin to tutor him. She knew she was being rash but she also felt guilty for making you choose over her or Jongin.”

Jongin went to the front door, taking the two boxes of pizza and a 2L bottle of coca cola. Then he sets them on the table as the four of them began eating.

“How did she get into the car crash?” Himchan swallowed the lump of saliva stuck in his throat and whispered softly.

“A drunken truck driver rammed into us head on.”

“Oh.”

“Himchan-hyung, please stop doing this. I’m sure Hyeri-noona wouldn’t like the way you are now.”

“Hyesung is right,” Yongguk gave Himchan a look. “We’re not telling you to forget her but you’ve got to move on Himchan. You can’t dwell in the past forever.” He sighed. “If Hyeri was here I’m sure she would have scolded you.” He chuckled. “Like that time when you got into a fight with Joonmyun.”

Himchan chuckled at that. “I guess you’re right.” He admitted as he took another bite. He looked up and glanced at his two friends; Yongguk and Jongin, and Hyesung. “Sorry for making you all worried.”

A year later, Himchan was the cemetery with Hyesung. The two have decided to go together for Hyeri’s death anniversary; Saturday 10^th, November 2013. In his right hand were a dozen of roses as he stands behind Hyesung who was talking non-stop to his older sister in heaven. After Hyesung was done, he bid Himchan goodbye and drove off to meet his girlfriend.

Himchan laughed before placing the bouquet of roses down beside Hyesung’s one. Taking a deep breath and exhaling it, he looked up at the clear blue sky. A smile found its way up Himchan’s mouth. Even though Hyeri was no longer beside him, he knew that Hyeri was up in heaven, watching over him and protecting him.

“I’m really happy to have you as my girlfriend Hyeri and I’m still happy. Even if you are no longer here beside me, I know that you’ll watch over me while you’re up in heaven. I will never forget you.” He smiled as the wind blew and tousled his hair. “I love you.”