“Jaehwan?” Taekwoon frantically searched the room for his lover. He recognized nothing. Not the white walls that surrounded him, not the bright fluorescent lights above him,not the tiled floor, or the weird almost hospital-like smell. He didn’t recognize the single, heavy-looking door with the tiny window to the outside of the room.

“Jaehwan?!” He called out, louder than before.

He certainly didn’t recognize the people in the white coats entering the room. “He seems to be having another one of his fits...”  One man commented to the other, sighing heavily.

This only confused him even more. “What fits? Who.. Who are you people? Where’s Jaehwan?!”

Before he knew it, he was being restrained, strapped down to the bed. The last thing he saw before blacking out was a man advancing towards him with some kind of needle. Then, bam, he was out like a light.
 

Taekwoon woke up with a jolt. In a moment of panic, his eyes scanned the room. His abnormally quickened heart beat only came down to a normal level after seeing Jaehwan next to him, laying asleep on the bed. Closing his eyes, he let out a deep breath, one he’d been holding in since he’d first woken up.

It was just another bad dream.. But.. It felt so entirely real. Just like they always do...

He looked down at the sleeping figure next to him, at his precious Jaehwannie. His lover, his favorite person, the only one he’d ever let close enough to break down the barrier he put up around everyone. The only one Taekwoon really needed. Really, he looked so innocent and peaceful when he slept. It was kind of nice to see him like this, considering the fact that when he was awake, he couldn’t get him to stop running his mouth. Taekwoon smiled slightly before reaching out and tenderly touching the younger man’s soft cheek, then leaned down and gently kissed his forehead.

This action caused him to stir slightly, and no more than a few seconds later Jaehwan was looking up at him, with a cute half-asleep expression. “Hi.” Taekwoon blushed scarlet before retracting the hand that was still positioned at his cheek. He’d been caught in what, to him, was a very intimate act, and it embarrassed him to the ends of the Earth. His lover, however, didn’t seem to be too fazed by it.

“What’s wrong, Taekwoonie? Why are you awake at this hour?” Jaehwan moved up to a sitting position, so he could look at the other man more easily. “Did you have another nightmare?” Taekwoon, after a brief moment of hesitation, only nodded in response. He didn’t want cause any worry, but he definitely didn’t want to lie either. There wasn’t a good enough reason to.

“Aww, you should have woken me!” He pouted slightly before wrapping Taekwoon up in his arms, embracing him tightly. Technically, I did. Almost as if he had spoken the words instead of thinking them, Jaehwan quickly added, “And I mean on purpose! Not on accident like you did.” He nuzzled himself into the other man’s broad shoulders, making himself comfortable. “Did you want to talk about it?” Though he couldn’t see his face from his current position, Jaehwan felt Taekwoon shake his head in response.

Jaehwan pulled back from the embrace and kissed him sweetly on the lips, intertwining their fingers together and looking at Taekwoon seriously. “I can help you, Taekwoonie. That’s what lovers are for, isn’t it?” The older man’s gaze fell down to his lap. It was difficult for him to open up about his troubles and worries, sometimes even to Jaehwan. “In the dream.. I.. You weren’t there. Just being with you right now, that’s enough to make it better.” He looked back up at Jaehwan. “Please, can we.. Can we just lay here together?”

Jaehwan nodded. “Of course we can.”

They laid back down, facing each other, each studying the other, reading the other’s expression. Speaking without any words. None were needed. Taekwoon wondered how he was so lucky, how he had ended up with someone that, despite getting on his nerves sometimes, was utterly perfect for him. He couldn’t resist leaning forward and laying a tender kiss on the other’s lips.

“I love you, Jaehwan.”

He smiled. “I love you too, Taekwoon.”

Half an hour later, they were peacefully asleep in each other’s arms.

Taekwoon woke up once again in the strange room with the strange white walls and that had the strange men in white. All of the ones from before were no longer there, though. One similar looking man remained, but he seemed different, somehow. More calm and patient. More familiar, somehow.

He thought about yelling, causing a scene. However, he was conscious that he was having another nightmare. There was no reason for him to panic. He could always wake up.

“Good, you’re awake.” The man spoke to him. He wondered how long the man had been waiting for him. “Do you know who you are? And where?”
Taekwoon blinked. “Um.. Yes, and yes. My name is Jung Taekwoon, and I’m in a dream. I don’t know what this place is, or why I’m here, but I know it’s fake. You’re fake, too. Nothing here is real.”

The man didn’t have the reaction one usually would have when they were just accused of not existing. Instead, his demeanor remained unchanged as he scribbled something down on his clipboard. “I see.”  He looked at Taekwoon, as if wondering how to proceed with the conversation. “Well..” He spoke slowly, hesitantly almost. “What else do you know, Taekwoon?”

“I know that.. This is a dream. I know that I will wake up. I will wake up to Jaehwan. I will wake up, and will be away from this weird place once again. And I will be with Jaehwan.”

The man only sighed. “I see.” He wrote something else on his clipboard before standing up. “Well, thank you for your time.” He nodded slightly before leaving the room.

Taekwoon wondered why, out of all the re-occurring dreams he could have probably had, it had to be this one.

Bright sunlight poured through the venetian blinds of the apartment, causing Taekwoon to wake up, yet again.

What? Where.. Where did that man go? And the white room? It was all.. Just right here.. Wasn’t it?

He looked around. It looked.. Different. Blue walls replaced the plain white ones, beige carpet replaced white tiles, a full bedroom replaced an empty room, and beige curtains pulled apart to reveal the window, which replaced the single door in the room. He heard breathing that was not his own. Following it back to it’s source, he discovered it was Jaehwan’s steady breathing as he slept. Jaehwan is in my dream? He shook his head. No.. I’m awake now.. How can I be so stupid? It was that weird dream again..

But Taekwoon was confused. He knew that he was awake. He knew that his dream had ended.. But he also knew that his dream felt very real. Every vivid detail he recalled like he had actually lived it. Like it was an actual experience, not just a dream. In his head, he was getting details confused. He was mixing up items from his dream and thinking they were real, and vice versa. It took him what seemed like forever just to sort out his thoughts, and get the facts straight in his head. Why was this so damned difficult?

 

It felt as if he was half asleep. There he was, conscious in his very real apartment with his very real lover. But he could hear the men in the white coats. He could hear them discussing him, right outside the door. This confused him even more. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, the two rooms morphed together as one inside his head. He could hear Jaehwan’s even breathing beside him. But he could also hear the voices of the men in white.

“How is the patient?” A voice Taekwoon didn’t recognize spoke.

“No progress. He’s still hallucinating, and.. Well, he brought up Jaehwan again.”  It was the vaguely familiar man speaking now.

Jaehwan? Taekwoon thought that Jaehwan hadn’t appeared at all in his dream. Sure, he had mentioned him to the man, but did the man know him, too?

“What did he say about him?”

“Same as last time. That this is just a dream, and that he’s going to wake up to Jaehwan.”

What? Taekwoon didn’t remember ever talking to the man before his last dream.. It’s impossible. He would definitely remember if he had.

He heard the sound of a third man sighing. “Somebody needs to remind him. If we let him keep thinking what he’s thinking, his condition is only going to get worse.”

“No! All that will do is re-traumatize him. Remember the state he was admitted in? I don’t think any of us want that again.”

Remind him of what? What condition? Taekwoon was seriously confused. He wanted to try and shut them out, but he had to keep listening. He was compelled to the conversation.. He had to know what they were talking about.

“Excuse me, but somebody needs to be direct with him, doctor. Somebody needs to tell him the cold hard truth. Somebody needs to remind him that Jaehwan is dead. That he’s not coming back. This has been going on for two years now, it’s getting ridiculous.”

Taekwoon’s eyes shot open. The image of the small apartment room filled his vision. Jaehwan… D-Dead? He replayed that in his mind a few times, trying to get a handle on it. He couldn’t be.. Just then, he felt rustling beside him and suddenly Jaehwan was sitting upright, smiling at him. “Morning, Taekwoonie.~ Did you sleep well?”

“Keep quiet! We’re right outside of his room, he’ll hear you!”

“Well, maybe it would be for the best.”

Taekwoon heard the men speak in his head, but he saw his lover right there. Right in front of him. He was hearing one thing and seeing another. Both felt real. Both were overwhelming.

He just wanted to sleep. But he knew, if he tried to sleep, he would end up in one world or the other. Or even a mixture of both.

Dammit.. How the hell was he supposed to tell the difference?

Which one is reality? Which one is in his head?