Taeyeon’s POV

“Well… How about coming to stay with me?”

Wait… What?

“I’m not going to let her throw you out in the cold. You’ve already been to my place before so you’ll stay with me until we come up with a plan. No buts either. We have a guest room, albeit full of junk, but we can clear that out and get you all settled throughout the week.”

I quickly scribble down a rebuttal but she snatches the napkin up, crumpling it in her hands and tossing it into the nearest bin.

“I said no buts Tae. Now come on, let’s go get my car so we can gather up your things before she gets back. I wouldn’t want you to-- Yah! Don’t cry!”

She hurriedly wipes up the tears trailing down my cheeks, chuckling as she admonishes me repeatedly.

I can’t help it. No one has ever been this nice to me before.

I slide her the note as the tears become heavier, soaking the entirety of the napkin Hyoyeon has been holding against my cheeks.

“Well get used to it. You are officially under my care from now on. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Got it?”

I can only continue nodding as Hyoyeon rambles on about how awesome living together is going to be and how she promises to protect me from the erts, who I’d honestly forgotten about before agreeing to this deal.

Seohyun shows up once again and Hyoyeon has to explain why we’ve gone through over twenty napkins. She then goes on and on about how the three of us should have a sleepover now that I’m moving in and Seohyun groans as the blonde ticks off a list of childish activities she has planned.

“Hyoyeon, for crying out loud you’re scaring the girl. Slow it down alright,” Seohyun laughs as she taps the tray against her best friend’s head, conceding to visit some time tonight to assist in the cleaning process.

“But I am not planning on spending the night. Some of us have work in the morning.”

“Yah! I work too! Oh, that reminds me. If we have time I’d love to show you the restaurant Tae. Krystal is managing today but I always like to do a surprise check in to make sure she isn’t slacking off.”

I nod again as we exchange goodbyes with Seohyun. We take another order of our drinks to go and head back into the streets of Seoul to commandeer Hyoyeon’s car for the moving process.

Hyoyeon’s POV

It’s only a few minutes drive from my complex’s parking garage to Taeyeon’s, or rather, her ex-girlfriend’s apartment building. The structure itself is quite similar to Jessica’s and mine; around fourteen stories high, a dark shade of gray with an adjacent garage. Although this building is much wider, the rooms either extremely spacious or with several small apartments per floor.

The trip with Taeyeon was surprisingly laden with conversation. Now that Taeyeon has her phone she has been utilizing its speak application to communicate. Talking this way has been much more efficient but, strangely enough, I think I actually prefer the handwritten notes. Maybe it’s the curled, feminine swoop of her penmanship or the feeling of intimacy the monotone robotic voice detracts from, but it will definitely be useful when driving. I mean, I can’t very well read and drive simultaneously.

She asked a plethora of questions about my restaurant; the cuisine, location, décor, etc.; and she seems quite excited for our visit later tonight. I wanted to press more into her interests, specifically that magnificent piano performance from earlier, but all too soon she was already ushering me into the parking lot of the complex. Taeyeon tells me that her apartment is on the far side so I find a fairly close parking place since we’ll be in and out a number of times. Seohyun gave us a few boxes from the shipment that arrived earlier today so we both grab a few and head towards the stairwell.

Thankfully, the elevator here is actually working; unlike that unreliable piece of crap our building manager refuses to have repaired. For most people, this wouldn’t be seen as too much of an inconvenience, but my leg is still trying to recover from the past couple day’s escapades.

I’ve carried her up seven flights of stairs, slept on the most uncomfortable inflatable mattress in history, slipped on water and busted my on the ground, and spent almost an hour bent over on nearly a foot of snow searching for her phone, and now my leg is reminiscing these events with added fervor. Normally I’d just apply my prescription crème but I foolishly left it on the dresser at home.

There’s also Taeyeon to consider.

I don’t like people knowing about my leg. It’s just… I don’t want anyone to see me as weak I guess, like I’m less of a person because of this handicap. It took long enough to get Jessica to stop babying me after the accident and I don’t feel like going over that again with her. Taeyeon is the first person that has looked at me like a normal person in so long. In fact, she looks at me like I’m something more than that. I think she sees someone dependable in me, someone she can rely on in moments like this, when her life seems to be falling apart. I don’t want her to lose that mentality. I want her to look at me like I’m made of something more than broken bones and shattered dreams.

But that’s silly I guess.

She’s just a person, someone who is ignorant of who I really am and what I’ve been through.

I should be happy that things are the way they are.

I mean… Shouldn’t I be?

Hyoyeon?

I look up to see Taeyeon’s deep brown pools filled with a look of concern.

Are you okay? You spaced out for a second.

She’s holding her phone close to my ear as if the distance between us were immeasurable. I guess for a moment it was.

“Yeah, sorry. Shall we then?” I gesture to the elevator door as it slides open.

She giggles at the action, stepping inside as I follow close behind. She presses the button for the fourteenth floor and the elevator shudders to life. The doors open once again and I follow her into the corridor. Pulling a key from her pocket, she unlocks the apartment door and steps inside.

This place is ing huge.

That’s the first thought that comes to mind upon entering the doorway.

Taeyeon seems unfazed, of course she did live here, as she kicks off her shoes and walks into the living room, which in itself is larger than the entirety of my apartment. It’s furnished with an enormous flat screen television, two red leather couches, an expansive collection of DVDs stacked in rows next to an incredibly expensive looking system. On the far wall is what appears to be a reading nook, complete with rows of bookcases filled to the brim with hundreds of volumes, all next to a window that looks down on the streets below. My mind loses track of Taeyeon for a moment as I step over to the area. I press my hand against the glass and gaze out upon my city.

The view is beyond incredible. From here you can see the entire Western side of Seoul, from the skyscrapers to the parks, the streets to the ever expanding blue sky, even the Han River is visible, if only slightly. It's still the early morning, the sun high in the azure sky, but I can imagine Taeyeon and her girlfriend spending their nights here, gazing out on the city as the sun begins to cusp the horizon, waiting for that moment, the split second the world seems to be bathed in darkness before the glimmering lights begin to flicker and pop up all around as the city comes alive at twilight. Just thinking of the way the lights illuminate the Han River, glowing with thousands of indescribable colors as the water shifts and distorts their image, must have been the precursor to many romantic evenings for the two.

All too soon I feel Taeyeon’s hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to my senses. That look from earlier is present on her face once more so I give her a soft smile and grasp her hand, using it to guide her toward the window.

“Sorry Taeyeon, your view distracted me… The view from your window I mean!” I laugh in embarrassment as the reality of my earlier statement hits.

She giggles again and turns her eyes to the city.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?”

Her eyes are tinged with confusion and she gazes at the city again, her gaze much more intense and focused.

“No no Taeyeon, I didn’t mean anything in particular. I mean, not like an attraction or a landmark or something. Just… Everything ya know, everything that’s out there. There’s so much we haven’t seen and so much that we haven’t done. The world out there is so large and so beautiful, just like the people in it can be. You could go out there and be a million different people and live a million different lives and we still wouldn’t understand anymore than we did before. And even further than that, after the sun sets we’re showered by millions of bristling balls of light that transcend into billions of nebulas and trillions of galaxies. There could be a billion worlds out there. We’re just so small ya know. We’re so small and yet everything we do we view as being so important and amazing, and it is. Humanity and what we’ve accomplished and are trying to accomplish can be so beautiful and inspiring. But there’s still so much more and I wish I could experience all of it. I just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all wordy and philosophical on you. This must be boring and silly and I ju-“

Stop thinking everything you say is silly and boring to me.

Taeyeon has her phone clasped in her hand again, her other hand grasping mine and giving it a gentle squeeze.

It’s okay for you to get wordy and philosophical with me. I like hearing you talk about things like that. When you talk about something you care about something you get this look on your face that’s so deep and thoughtful. I could listen to you talk like that for hours. Don’t assume you’re boring me, okay?

She wipes tears from my eyes, that I was completely unaware were even forming, and cups my cheek gently.

Where are these tears coming from?

Is it because of this reminiscence of you or her kindness that I feel this way?

It’s all so confusing.

Taeyeon’s POV

Hyoyeon’s tears are startling to say the least. I mean, first she’s gazing out that window with that far away look in her eyes, then she’s spouting these, albeit beautiful, lines about the existentiality of humanity, and now she’s crying in this quiet, haunting way that makes me feel like I’m intruding upon my own home. Her eyes are so misty and distant that I’m not even sure she feels my hand caressing her cheek, removing her tears in the same manner she took away mine, gently, softly, tenderly.

I just, I don’t like seeing her sad like this. I’m not even entirely sure what’s causing it, I mean this is my ex-girlfriend’s apartment after all, shouldn’t I be the one crying?She has appeared so strong these past few days but right now she just seems so impossibly young and incredibly fragile that I would do anything to make her smile.

An idea strikes me suddenly and I grasp her hand, pulling her into what I’ve been calling a study since Tiffany refused to find any other use for it. She hesitates for a moment before leaning into my touch, conceding that I wouldn’t just drag her around without good reason when she is so visibly upset.

The study is my private sanctuary. Nothing that belongs to Tiffany adorns the walls or decorates the small allotted space, making it rather sparsely furnished, but it’s cozy and it’s mine and that makes it home. The walls are rather tall and grand for an apartment; decorated with posters from the shows of the many famous musicians and musical productions my mother would take me to see in secret from my father and the ones I went to by myself when I could manage to sneak away. I’d like to have them all with me but I doubt I’ll be able to hang them all in my new room. Hyoyeon’s apartment is much smaller but it already feels more like home than this place ever has. It’s much too large and the halls echo like lost souls and rebound the suffocating silence that usually inhabits its walls. Even the pristine white walls cannot abate the darkness I’ve been known to skulk around in in the wee hours of the morning, unable to sleep when the bed is much too cold and the night is much too young.

In the center of the room is one of my most prized possessions, the only one I will have to leave behind. My grand piano, a gift from Tiffany and her overfed trust fund.

Hyoyeon has taken a step in front of me, gesturing toward the piano with a child-like excitement.

“You have a piano? Could you play? I mean if you want to play of course but It’s just so-“
I don’t know where all this sudden confidence is coming from but I place a finger to Hyoyeon’s lips, the second time I’ve genuinely wanted to end the girl’s normally enthralling conversation.

I don’t want this moment to be ruined by conversation.

She stands motionless as I slide onto the polished white piano bench, lifting the dust cover and lightly tinkling the ivories, checking to make sure every sound rings clean and pure through the air. I pat the bench for her to sit but it takes a little bit of coaxing before she finally obliges. Her hands are folded awkwardly in her lap so I take them in mine and guide them along the keys, leading them into the intricate notes of the song.

“Oh no, Taeyeon I-I don’t know how to play,” she laughs, attempting in vain to return her hands to her lap.

She must sense my stubbornness because she sighs before relinquishing control once more.

It takes a little bit but a flash of recognition, accompanied by a ridiculous goofy smile, spreads across her face as the song transitions to the chorus.

“I never would have taken you for a Frozen fan Miss Kim,” she laughs and begins humming along with the song.

I shake my head and tap two fingers against .

“What?” Her eyes widen as I repeat the motion. “You want me to sing?”

I nod and she turns to face the far wall, hues of red just beginning to blossom on her features.

I prod her a couple more times and she laughs, “I don’t know the words Tae.”
I glare because that is the worst lie in the history of humanity, I mean, who doesn’t know the words to Let It Go? That’s right, no one.

“Okay okay, sheesh. Just stop glaring like that.”

She smiles as my expression softens and I begin the song over again, this time using my own fingers to strike the keys.

She takes a deep breath, eyeing the ground nervously as she twiddles her thumbs in her lap. Her head is still bowed as she begins.

“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside, couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried.”

She starts off so low, her voice so husky that it sends a shiver down my spine. Her head is still drooped so I nudge her with my shoulder, encouraging her with the sweetest smile I can muster. She loses some of the tension in her body and her expression softens.

“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. Well now they know.”

I feel myself becoming lost in the song as she continues. Her voice is smooth and thick like honey, sickeningly sweet and utterly adorable as she goes into the chorus. I instinctively try to join along but my voice catches in my throat, burning and itching like a fire has been lit inside of me. She must notice my change in expression because I feel her hand on my back, using her fingers to rub small circles along my shoulder blades. Our eyes lock for a moment and her eyes sparkle with fascination and excitement.

“Don’t force yourself. Keep playing, I’ll sing.”

I nod and begin playing my personal favorite, In Summer. She giggles and clears , taking on a deeper voice in an attempt to imitate Olaf’s jovial tone.

“Bees a buzz, kissable dandelion fuzz and I’ll be doing whatever snow does in summer.”

She taps her fingers on my thigh, mimicking the way my fingers dance on the ivory keys. Both of our faces are flushed as we continue through my entire repertoire of classic Disney songs. We go from Frozen to The Little Mermaid, The Lion King to Mulan, and lastly, since we really do have some packing to do, I end up finishing off with I Won’t Say I’m in Love from Hercules.

“Oh-ohhhhh. At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love.”

She hums along with the last few notes and as I hit the last key she heaves a contented sigh.

“That was a lot of fun,” her face is beaming as her eyes crinkle into a crescent shape. “Ya know, I had a serious crush on Megara when I was little. I would constantly re-watch that part because I just love her voice. It’s husky but still soothing in its own way. Not a lot of people really like my singing voice,” she frowns for a moment, casting a glance at the hardwood floor. “She made me feel like even a strange voice like mine could be beautiful. I have learned since then that there are many kinds of beauty.”

You would think I’d be focused on the insecurity in her voice and actions but the first thing that catches my attention is that Hyoyeon just admitted to once having a crush on a girl.

Could she be…?

“So I guess we should start packing then,” she laughs, rising from the bench and helping me to close the piano’s dust cover. “I’m umm… I’m really sorry we can’t take this with us. It’s gorgeous but I don’t think we could move it by ourselves and my apartment is so much smaller than this gargantuan place of your- I mean hers. But I’m sure Seohyun will let you use hers. I know it’s not the same but it’s something right?”

I chuckle slightly because gosh it’s amazing how she can ramble so much and still look so cute.

Don’t worry about it. I don’t want to take anything from this place that reminds me of her.

“I understand. So why don’t you pack everything and I’ll carry the boxes to the car.”

Something I’ve learned about Hyoyeon in these past few days is that she’s incredibly thoughtful. I mean, this is my ex-girlfriend’s apartment. There are so many memories and personal effects that shouldn’t be seen and packed away by someone who could never come to understand them. She knows that there would be questions and uncomfortable silences when she sees things she shouldn’t and she’s choosing not only to take the harder job, but also to avoid making this anymore uncomfortable than it has to be.

That sounds great. We should pack this room first. Is it okay if I bring all these posters?

I must have really distracted her earlier because the sight of the near fifty posters clearly startles her.

“Oh, yeah uh… I’m sure we can find a place for all of them. Whoa, did you really go see Wicked?” She runs over to the framed poster and removes it from the wall. “I’ve always wanted to go see this.”

I’ll definitely have to take you then.

“Really? Assa!” She runs around with the poster in her arms and yells excitedly. “TaeTae is gonna take me to a show!”

Geez, this kid.

Suddenly she stops, her back turned to me as she reaches her hand down to grasp her thigh. I hear a near silent hiss of pain as she massages the muscle up and down.

Hey… You okay Hyoyeon?

“Yeah umm, just got carried away for a second. So we should start taking these down then?”
Yeah, alright. You sure you’re okay?

“Of course, just a cramp, nothing to worry about. Alright, so let’s put these in a pile and I’ll take them downstairs about ten at a time.”

I want to press more into her strange behavior because I know she’s already fallen once today but she quickly begins removing the posters, cutting off the line of communication.

The silence makes me somewhat uncomfortable so I walk over to the stereo and slide in my Frozen soundtrack, hoping to bring back some of the warmth that has seemingly left the atmosphere.

It works rather well as I can already hear Hyoyeon singing the lyrics under her breath. She smiles as she walks past me, playfully nudging me as she hands me a few of the framed posters.

“Come on, we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

It takes about thirty minutes to clear out the study. Hyoyeon has finished carrying down all the posters, files of sheet music, the stereo system, CDs and the few novels I had stacked up in the corner and now she’s carrying down the small black desk I’ve been disassembling. I look back into the room, taking a last glance at the solitary piece of furniture left, the white grand piano stationed in the middle of the room. The morning sun is shining through the room’s single window, its rays resting on the instrument, giving it a soft glow that juxtaposes the eerie darkness of the room as I flick off the overhead light.

Goodbye old friend.

I close the door and head into the living room where Hyoyeon is waiting for me.

“So I’m guessing the bedroom is next?”

Yeah. I’ll just bring the boxes out to you if that’s okay.

“Of course. Take your time,” she says, leaning back onto the couch and propping her leg up on the ottoman.

Normally Tiffany would say something about scuffing the leather, or something trivial like that, but I don’t live here now so Hyoyeon’s snow soaked boots dripping on her precious furniture actually makes me chuckle. Hyoyeon looks to me for confirmation, since normally shoes aren’t okay in the apartment, but it would waste a lot of time if she had to keep changing every time she came in the house so I nod and head into the bedroom, giving her a chance to relax from all that running back and forth.

Our bedroom is, of course, mostly Tiffany’s stuff. The closet is packed with a mass assortment of this season’s fashion items, the rest in storage in the side room, with mine tucked to the side. Everything of mine is mostly dark in color, contrasting Tiffany’s bright, fluorescent clothing. I manage to fit all of my clothing in one box and my shoes, all girls have a lot of shoes so don’t you judge me, into two. There are some assorted items in the dressers and drawers and I end up dumping most of those into the same box. I have a few books and CDs next to my side of the bed and I sort them into the same box. I sit back on the side of the bed for a moment, allowing myself to take in the emptiness of the room.

This place was never mine, I realize that now. I was nothing more than a toy, a pretty little porcelain doll on her shelf of expensive collections. She took me in because I was tragic and in some sick and selfish way she wanted to save me, like saving me would validate something inside of her. I thought that was what I needed. I thought that pretty little words like “I love you” couldn’t be stated falsely. I believed that every time someone told me those words that they meant them, and maybe that was my mistake. She loved me, I won’t argue that, and I loved her, but neither of us loved the other in the way that the other needed. She wanted someone to dress up, a trophy to decorate her arm and make a good impression. I’m not that kind of person. I can be depressing. I can be quiet and sullen and I can make people uncomfortable. She didn’t like those qualities, in fact she hated them, and you can’t love someone that can’t love or at least tolerate all of you. She wasn’t willing to put up with the bad so that she could enjoy the good. She wants a life that’s plastic and scheduled. She wants something that she can control. I wasn’t built for that life. I am strange and unpredictable and sometimes I screw things up in the worst of ways, but that’s okay. It’s okay to be unpredictable and to act silly and be crazy because there are people like Hyoyeon and Jessica and Sooyoung who never seem to do the expected and always do the crazy and silly and they enjoy doing it and they enjoy each other. Sure, it hurts to leave here. I’m never going to be the same person once I walk out that door with Hyoyeon, and honestly, I can’t wait. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find that version of me that can express herself with more than just notes, key , and pen flicks. I want to find my voice again and I need people who aren’t going to give me an ultimatum to do so. They’re my friends now, all of them, and I want to get better not just for them, but for myself.

“Hey. You ready?” Hyoyeon holds out her hand and I grasp it without hesitation.

I’m more than ready.

We take the last remaining boxes from the room and I hurl the key into some unknow area of the apartment before turning the bolt and closing the door behind me.