I shouldn't have come here.

Looking around I started feeling more and more uncomfortable and pulled my cap deeper into my face.

Trying to hide my head in between my shoulders I kept my eyes fixed to the floor. I was feeling happy and lucky that no one had recognized me yet.

The line in which I was standing was slowly moving forward and my nerves started to play up. Keeping my head low I carefully and attentively watched my surroundings and the people around me. In my line there were loads of girls talking exitedly and happily.

It looked the same in each line actually. Girls were lined up in long rows and waited to be let inside. I didn't see many men in the lines and the few that were seemed to be here with their girlfriends.

I pushed up my sunglasses and slowly walked with the line. I had been waiting for a long time already and wasn't far from the entrance anymore. The closer I got to the doors and the guards the more anxious I got.

'I shouldn't have come here. What if someone recognizes me? What If they recognize me?!'

I knew it was impossible for them to actually see me in all the masses but i was still feeling anxious.

Once more I let my eyes wander over the people around me. Luckily the fans were so caught up in their little talks about their favourite band member that no one seemed to recognize me.

''Waaah... I cant believe it I will finally see them! For real! I'm soo excited!''

''I know right?! I cant wait until it finally starts! It's just sad that he isn't here anymore... But I hope he's doing ok... If he's happy I'm too.''

''Yeah I know right? But what you said is right. It is more important that he is feeling well and if he wasn't happy anymore in the group it's good that he left.''

Tears started to form in my eyes at their words. When I had left not so long ago I was sure that they all would hate me and I had been too much a chicken to actually check all the fansites and news. Hearing their words now made me feel happy but sad too. I didn't know that they all supported me that much. I had always believed that they had me. Knowing that I had been wrong lifted a huge weight of my shoulders. Lost in thought about my leave and the guys I didn't notice that I was first in line now and the guard was waiting for my ticket.

''Hey, don't fall asleep here there are more people waiting in line!''

My head shot up and I looked into the security guards face. His eyes narrowed and he looked at my face intently. After a few agitating seconds he lightly shook his head and just reached out with his hand. I gave him my ticket with shaking hands and finally let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. He just looked it over, handed it back to me and let me through to the next guard.

''Please stretch your arms out and open your pockets, I need to check if you have anything with you that you're not allowed to take inside.''

I just nodded and did as he said. After he looked into my pockets and came up with nothing he let me through. As I walked through I looked up at the big stadion in front of me.

There were big banners hanging everywhere which had fotos of the band printed on them. My chest started to ache as I looked into the familiar and well known faces.

I lightly shook my head and shook off my numbness. I made my way into the stadion with the masses of people around me.

Once inside I didn't know what to do since I still had about an hour or so until the show would start. Since I still felt scared that someone would recognize me I started to make my towards the restroom and held close to the walls, always turning my head away from the masses. When I was still in the band I had learned to make my way through places without attracting attention and getting recognized.

When I arrived at the restrooms I pushed the door open and slipped inside. I made my way into one of the stalls, sat down on the toiletseat and just burried my head inside my hands. After taking a few deep breaths my nerves started to calm down and I slightly relaxed.

'There is no way that they will see me anyways. There are thousands of people here, how could they see me?'

I tried to calm myself with these thoughts.

I'll just see them and have a look if they are doing ok. They won't notice me. I'll just check up on them.'

I nodded to myself and opened the stall door. I stuck my head out and looked around. No one besides me was here so I made my way towards the mirrors and fixed my cap, scarf and sunglasses. I looked like a weirdo wearing all of these things combined with an oversized hoodie, jeans and combat boots. But at least this way no one would recognize me. No one was expecting to see me here anyways.

When I was happy with my disguise I made my way back to the auditorium and moved through the double doors.

I had never been on this side, had always stood on the stage and now I realized how insignificant one felt inside, standing with all the masses. But since I knew the choreo and everything by heart I had known which section to book and where I would have the best view of them.

As I made my way to my section, I again observed my surroundings. Many people were already here talking and gushing about them, taking selfies and finding their seats.

Making my way to the front, I found my seat slightly to the side but still an full view of and to the stage. Sitting down I made myself comfortable and waited for the show to start. To pass time I took out my phone and started to play games and listen to music. Our music... Longingly I listended to the beats and to their voices. Soon I would hear them again... See them again. Excitement mixed with my anxiousness.

Faster than I thought the lights started to dim out. Now the stadion was full and I was once again overwhelmed with the sheer masses of people. I knew I should have been used to it but sitting in between them and feeling the energy radiating of their bodies was a total different feeling to standing on stage and performing. It was dead quiet in the whole stadium.

I had never regretted leaving because of my health but right now I was missing them like crazy. Lost in my thoughts the loud screams that errupted out of everyone's mouth startled me. My eyes shot up to the well light stage and my heart started to squeeze tightly in my chest.

'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I shouldn't have come here.. I should just leave.' I thaught to myself lowering my head as I started to get up.

Then the screams got even louder if possible. My head shot back up to the stage and finally they were standing there. Dazed I slowly sat back down and but kept my eyes fixed on them.

''Love are you ok? Do you need some water?'' a slightly older woman asked me.

I cleared my throat and shook my head. ''Uh.. No thanks I'm fine.''

She just smiled at me and turned her head back to the stage where they were introdusing themselves.

''Annyeonghaseyo WE ARE ONE, EXO !''

My breath got stuck in my throat and I felt like I was suffocating. Tears started to form in my eyes as I watched them perform. My eyes followed them around the stage. Only EXO-M was performing right now and it hurt me to see them performing only as 4. They were fiercly dancing and lost in the music and movement. Soon enough EXO-K joined them on stage.

I was still hurting over the fact that I had left them alone that I didn't notice that HE was on stage until he was standing right in front of me, dancing like his life dependet on it. He had always been an amazing dancer, moving his body in the most seducive and pulsative ways. I was filled with longing and my eyes were glued to him.

I suddenly realized more than ever that I had missed this. I had missed him. The way he moved his body, following the steps precisely, the way he turned his head to look into the crowd, the way his eyes sparkled with excitement and energy, the way he smiled as soon as his favourite part of the song started, the way he wiped the sweat from his forehead when the song was finished. The way he smiled at Kai when he handed him a waterbottle to drink from, gosh I wished that smile was directed at me instead. The way he drank and poked Tao in his side just to annoy him. The way he wispered in the latters ear and giggled. I wanted to hear that voice so badly right now I nearly couldn't bear it anymore. The way he linked his arm with Tao and just looked content in that moment right there.

Throughout the whole show I kept watching him with longing eyes.

Soon the concert was nearing the end and the boys just finished singing their second last song. They were all standing comfortably on stage, smiling and throwing balls into the crowds which they had kissed before. The girls went crazy and screamed at the top of their lungs.

Sitting there I had my eyes still glued on him watching his every step.

He started to walk towards the edge of the stage and slowly came closer towards me. It hadn't been the first time this night and like all other times my heart started to speed up and my breathing quickened. He stood there arm in arm with Tao and waved at the crowds. He let his gaze wander over all the people in the auditorium and I tucked my head in between my shoulders, hiding my eyes behind my bangs which i had dyed back to black and had started to get longer since my last official apprearance.

His gaze flickered past me and he suddenly turned around, swinging Tao, who was still holding onto his arm, around.

I started to feel a spark of jealousy as i watched these two walk away. Tao had a pout plastered on his face and was hitting him lightly on the arm. He just laughed at him and patted his head, which looked quite ridiculous considering the fact that Tao was still taller and had fierce features.

I envied him. I was feeling so jealous right now, I wanted to be the one standing by his side, holding onto his arm and pouting at him because he would probably have pinched my cheeks or pocked me in my side. I wanted him to look at me with that adorable smile of his... Again I regretted coming here for a second time that night. It felt like they didn't miss me, like I never really was there or they hadn't even noticed my absence. He too seemed so happy and content, dancing on that stage and singing at the top of his lungs.. It hurt so much seeing him like this. Had I been the only one hurting these last few weeks? Didn't he miss me at all? Had I never really mattered to him anyways?

I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice that their last song was over and soon I would have to get back home and probably not see them again in a long time.

I didn't want to leave. Even though I had always believed that I had made the right choice, I didn't want to leave them behind at all. It did hurt to see them again but the feeling of happiness was even greater.

Their last song was over and they all breathed heavily into their micros and smiled in a satisfied manner. They all started to form a line and once again made their way to the edge of the stage. They all smiled at the crowd and bowed for the first time. Lost in their proud smiles and sparkling eyes I forgot to hide my face and openly stared at them.

Of course my eyes were fixed on him, I wasn't able to lift my gaze of his body for the evening so why would that change now? Again staring at his gaze I analyzed his features. His sharp jawline,  his soft small lips, from which his pink tounge darted out, wetting them. My eyes followed them and i had to gulp down a lump which had suddenly started to form in my throat. As his tongue disappeared back into his mouth where it belonged I was able to breathe normally again. My eyes then followed the lines of his nose up to his eyes. My favourite part about him. They had so many appearances, they could look warm and caring and in a matter of seconds shoot daggers at you so that you wished you had never stepped into his line of view. They could be big and look at you beggingly as soon as he wanted something. You could read his whole soul in them. If you knew how to read them that is. Right now they looked confused and were fixated on...

... Me.

Lost in his features I had forgotten to hide my face and now here I was. Sitting in my chair. Staring back at him like a deer caught in the headlights of a car driving straight at it.

That was how I felt actually.

Trapped in his Gaze. Slowly his eyes turned from confused to recognition and then to disbelieve.

'!'

He had seen me and obviously recognized me. That was the thing I had tried to avoid the whole freaking night and now a few minutes from them taking their last  curtain call he had seen me and recognized me.

. Oh Sehun was looking at me. And he looked doubtingly at me.

I just kept staring at him as he let go of the hands of the two next to him.

Xiumin looked at him with questioning eyes but Sehun didn't even spare him a glance. He followed the latters line of view and fixed his eyes on me. Slowly tears started to form in his eyes and he quickly turned away holding his hands in front of his face.

Sehun though hadn't adverted his gaze at all. It was burning holes into my eyes but I could do nothing but stare at him. Suddenly he started to walk forward, closer to the edge and towards me. He closed his eyes and lightly shook his head as if to clear it from distracting thaughts but when he opened them again they fixed right back onto my face.

He was still making his way towards me and the crowds and soon reached the edge. Since I was sitting quite close to the stage I had to tilt my head so that I could still look at him.

All of a sudden the emotions in his eyes started to change from disbelieving and doubting back to confused but also happyness and surprise. His eyes were glistening and I realized that tears had started to form in them. Seeing him in this state, looking at me as if he was doubting reality but nevertheless hoping that it was true and in need of reassurance I just nodded my head lightly. As soon as he saw that his tears started to fall freely down his face. I followed the trail one of these diamond droplets had formed on his cheek and back up to his eyes.

He was looking at me with concern and had his brows furrowed together. I didn't understand why he looked at me like that but then I felt something wet fall onto my hands which lay in my lap. I lifted one of them to my face and touched my wet cheek. I hadn't realized that I had been crying up until now. I lifted my eyes back up to him and he lightly shook his head as it to say 'Please dont cry, itll be alright' I just scoffed at him and shot him a look saying 'You are too, you pabo'.

He quickly lifted his hand towards his face and touched his wet cheek. He swept the tears away and smiled softly at me.

It might have felt like ages but this whole thing happened in a matter of seconds. Besides me girls were screaming his name and jumping up and down just to gain his attention.

Then something happened which I did not expect in the least. Sehun started to sit down on the edge of the stage and let his long legs dangle over. I saw the measuring look in his eyes and then he did something that let the whole arena errupt in screams and screetches.

I didn't know people could scream that loudly.

When he landed on the floor below the stage after he had jumped down, security guards came rushing to his side and tried to urge him to get up onto the stage again.

By now every member of EXO had made their way towards where Sehun had been sitting just a few moments before and shot him questioning looks.

Xiumin had now calmed down and quickly whispered into their ears, explaining the whole situation. The members all looked surprised at least but luckily didn't all stare into my direction. They knew what it would mean for me if anyone found out about me being here.

Sehun had by now convinced the guards that he had to stay where he was and got them to accompany him into the crowds.

Surprisingly the people in the lines before me, even though they had screamed loudly before and had sung every song by heart, stepped back and let him walk through without him getting bothered just even once. As he made his way towards me I started to feel more and more anxious. Sitting in my chair and keeping my head hung low I fidgeted around and played with my fingers staring intently at them.

"Hey.."

My head shot up and looked straight into his eyes. Had he always been that tall?

Oh right... I was sitting.

By now the guards had moved around us and shielded us from any unwanted attention. It also helped that it was still quite dark in the whole arena and as soon as there were flashed the guards were able to detect the photographer and tell them to let us be.

I blushed furiously as I finally heard his voice again after such a long time. I had been longing for this moment to happen and finally it had arrived. He tilted his head in amusement and looked at me with a smirk.

Just now it came to me that I hadn't given him an answer to his greeting.

"Ah, Hello."

I whispered in a small voice once more letting my head fall and intensively staring at my legs.

Now sitting here before him i was ashamed and scared. Ashamed because I had left them without saying a word to anyone else other than Lay and Xiumin. Not even to him. That I had left him, the one who should be most important to me without as much as saying good bye. Ashamed because I had given in to my desire to see him again and come here. And scared of his reaction to me being here. On one side I was scared that he had forgotten all about me and was not affected by my presence at all, on the other hand I was scared that he would shout at me for leaving, not understanding my reason and hating me for it.

Sitting here I kept my head as lowered as possible and didn't dare move a muscle as I felt his gaze locked on my body. I didn't want to notice my surroundings. I just wished I could vanish in thin air and disappear forever. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly I waited for him to say something. To say anything. I kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut and flinched at the contact of a hand to my face. As the hand forced my head to tilt back I slowly opened my moist eyes and stared at the owner of the hand on my face. Sehun was intently looking at my face as if he was memorizing, lost in thought. His hand let go of my chin and he softly cupped my cheek.

"It really is you."

Slightly nodding at his words, my eyes never leaving his.

"I thought I'd never see you again. After you left without saying a word I... I just didn't.."

Right in this moment he looked so hurt and vulnerable I couldn't bear it. I quickly got up from my chair and hugged him tightly, holding him close. Swiftly his arms made their way around my waist and he hugged me back just as tightly, burrying his head in the croock of my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.."

I whispered over and over again patting his hair, rubbing his arms and desperately trying to hold in my tears. After we stood there for some time I lifted my eyes to the guys on stage and saw how they had finished their goodbyes and slowly making their way backstage.

The people in the auditorium also slowly made their way outside, curiously shooting us glances but only seeing a solid wall of bodyguards and security staff not allowing them to see what was happening behind them. Again I was surprised at how fast the fans decided to leave and let us be.

After a few more moments Sehun squirmed his way out of my embrace and I saw him sweep away some tears sheepishly that had found their way out of his eyes.

My heart hurt at that and shame and hurt washed over me again. He took my right hand in his and started pulling at it. I looked at him questionately.

"Come on, I'm sure the others want to say hello to you too."

He pulled again and I stumbled beind him towards the door leading backstage. As soon as one of the guards pushed the door open we stumbled inside and made our way towards the room in which the others would be changing out of their stageclothes and back into normal ones.

I wasn't sure how they would react to me being here after I had left them without telling most of them.

As soon as Sehun pushed the door open 9 pairs of eyes were fixed on us. I froze in the doorway just waiting for them to react to the situation. The first two that actually made their way over to me were of course Lay and Xiumin, tightly hugging me and pinching my tearsmeared cheeks.

"Ah I can't believe it. You really are back. I'm sooo happy to see you! You have no idea how much I missed you! How much all of us missed you!"

"Xiumin, freaking move over, I want to hug him too when he's still alive and not when you've squeezed him to death!"

Gradually the others also started to move towards me, all of them greeting me, some wiping away happy tears. Seeing how much they had all missed me filled my heart and body with warmth.

"I missed you too, Baozi!"

As he let go of me Lay swiftly took his spot in my arms squeezing me tightly knocking the breath out of my lungs.

"I missed you Lu-ge!"

"I missed you too unicorn, but please let me breathe or you won't be able to talk to me soon."

He just chuckeled, gave me a last tight squeeze which let me groan and moved away making space for the others to greet me. Soon most of them had hugged me and greeted me welcoming me once again in their group.

All but one.

Tao was still standing where he stood as I had entered the room. Frozen in his position and just looking at me. I slowly let go of Sehuns hand which had somehow found mine again and slowly made my way towards Tao. The tension was raising again in the room. The others were watching us with expecting eyes and followed every one of my steps.

Soon I had made my way to him and was now standing in front of him, looking up into his eyes.

"You are really here. It's really you."

The surprise and doubt soon vanished from his eyes and was replaced with something I had feared all night from the members. With anger and hurt. I thought I also saw the flash of something else but his features were soon taken over in anger. His eyes were blazing and in that moment right there he looked the scariest I had ever seen him. He looked intimidating all the time that was true, but he always compensated it with his childish actions and clingy behaviour. I had never seen him this angry in my whole life.

He was glaring at me and held his hands clenched into fists at his side. His whole body was shaking and he had his head lowered a bit to my level and was staring into my face.

"Tao, I..."

"No, don't. Now it's my turn to talk!"

I flinched at his loud voice. I lowered my head and cowered into myself.

"Do you have any idea what I have been through?! How hard this was for me? After Kris left I... I just."

His voice broke as soon as he said his name. We had all known about their relationship and never expected Kris to leave just like that.

Now of course I understood why he had done it, leaving without telling anyone. We had both done it like that because we both knew that we couldn't handle their hurt if we had told them.

His hand shot up and I flinched away. He grabbed hold of my chin and tilted my face towards his forcing me to look into his eyes. His eyes were shimmering in the light from the tears he so desperately tried to hold back. The hurt in them nearly knocked me of my feet.

"I thought you had understood. I thought you knew. I trusted you with all my feelings. I talked to you about it. You knew how much it hurt me. And then you did the same thing?! You just left me like he did?! How could you do this to me?!"

He shouted at me, letting go of my face and turned his head to the side hiding behind his bangs. His hands were back by his side clenching and unclenching, his whole form shaking in anger. Then he suddently went still.

"How could you...?" he whispered out.

His voice sounded so broken, so lost. I couldn't take it anymore and lifted my hand, turning his face back towards mine. The tears which he had managed to hold back before were now freely streaming down his face. He looked like a kicked puppy, not understanding why someone had hurt him that much. His lips quivered and he let out a small sob. Then all the strengh left his body and he fell to his knees, putting his head in his hands and sobbing like a child that had lost his mother.

That action was breaking my heart. Not even after Kris had left he had reacted like that. I knelt before him and slowly lifted my hands patting his head and rubbing over his back. He looked up to me and I started to wipe at the tears on his cheeks.

"Lu-ge!" he then screamed out and threw himself into my arms, knocking us both over by the sheer force. I just hugged him close and tightly, letting him cry into my shoulder and patting his head in a comforting manner.

Tears had started to form in my eyes as well and they were slowly running down my face, dripping into my hair and onto the floor on which we were lying. I lifted my head and looked at the other members still standing in a little group where I had left them.

Some of them were dabbing away tears, others hugged but all of them had a warm smile on their face.

After a few minutes or so Tao had finally calmed down and only the occasional hiccup was heard from below my head where he was resting on my chest.
He then lifted his red and puffy eyes to meet mine again. I just patted his cheek lightly and pulled us both in a sitting position and then to stand up.

Tao was still clinging onto my arm as I pulled him over to the little sofa standing in the corner, pushing him down onto it and letting his hand go to be able to search for some tissues. His head shot up.

"No! Dont leave again Lu-ge."

I turned towards his frightened expression and patted him on the head. He leaned into my touch like the little kitten he was.

"It's ok Tao, I'm just going to find some tissues for you ok? I won't leave just yet."

He nodded and let go of my hand which he had hold onto after I had patted him.

I turned back around and nearly stumbeled into Sehun who was standing right behind me holding out a box of tissues for me to take. I smiled up to him and took them thanking him.

I turned back around and pulled out a few of then, dabbing away the tearstains on Taos face.

Suddenly I felt two arms wrap around my waist. I would always recognize his touch and I hadn't realized just how much I had missed his warmth. I leaned back into his embrace and just enjoyed his presence. I felt a soft kiss on my cheek and my whole body started to warm up from where he touched me.

Lay had by now moved onto the sofa next to Tao and hugged him close rubbing soothing circles onto his back.

I turned in Sehuns embrace and draped my arms around his neck hiding my head in the crook of his shoulder.

A/N

Weeell and thats that I guess...

I hope you enjoyed my first ever Oneshot.. Yey me! The idea came to me when I was sitting in the bus so I wrote all of this on my phone...

I really hope you'll like it and maybe even leave me a comment :D

Well see you laaater