“Are you okay?”

Three words, mangled by the phone connection.

“Yeah.”

One word—an enormous lie—mangled by a shattered heart.

Lu Han continued rambling off on a tangent about all the “painfully super cute” outfits he got to take home from his latest modeling gig. Somewhere in the middle of a rant about itchy woolen socks, Minseok suddenly thought out loud.

“I miss you.”

Silence from the other end. A sharp intake of breath. A strangled laugh. “You can’t say things like that, Minseok. You know I—”

“I miss you.” Minseok choked on a cry and cleared his throat. “When are you coming back?”

“I’m…”

“You’re not, are you…?”

“Minnie, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m…”

Nothing more had to be said. Lu Han wasn’t coming back. The lawsuit made it final over a month ago. There was nothing he could do at this point. Minseok knew this all too well, but he couldn’t accept it. He had been the most prepared, finding out first. Being the eldest. Being the strongest. But after weeks of tears and arguments and pain, Minseok was the only one who still isolated himself. After meals, he’d immediately take shelter under his covers, wishing he could fall asleep. He didn’t watch movies or go shopping or play games with the rest of the members like he used to. Everything that used to be normal and routine suddenly felt unnatural. Forced. Just like the next words that Minseok mumbled out.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay, really. I’m just getting overly emotional.”

“Do you really think I don’t know you well enough to know that you’re lying?”

Silence. A crackled sigh.

“Really, Minseok. After all this time, do you think I could ever forget how to read your voice? Don’t try to fool me. You know I speak fluent baozi.”

Something heavy weighed down Minseok’s chest.  It was instinctual for him to retort with an equally sarcastic quip, but the painful reminder of Lu Han’s absence stopped him. Things weren’t the same. They would never be the same, and Minseok didn’t have even a bit of control over any of it. So, he let out a half-hearted laugh and tried not to start crying.

“Hey, so I have to go soon, but I want to talk later, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Minseok…I love you. Call me later!” Lu Han hung up without waiting for Minseok’s reply.

“I love you too…”

And with that, Minseok returned to the suffocating warmth of his comforter cave, allowing salty tears to stain his cheeks, and deleted Lu Han’s number from his phone.

It’s not like he had it memorized or anything.