Trouble in Paradise?

Rumors surrounding iKON’s leader B.I and his girlfriend Jung Soojin have surfaced. Most of these rumors maintain that the two have been broken up for months while others say that she cheated on him and ran away to America. Yet others state that she is in hiding from sasaeng fans.

The truth is unknown but what we do know is that neither B.I nor his (ex?) girlfriend have spoken out against the rumors. In fact, insider sources revealed that no one has seen Ms. Jung in months and her whereabouts are unknown.

YG Entertainment recently released a statement claiming not to know anything about B.I’s private life. It seems we will just have to wait before any official news about their relationship is confirmed.

Netizens appear split on the issue. While many lament the loss of Ms. Jung—including comments such as “They were so cute together!” and “How am I supposed to believe in love now?”—others are ecstatic, seen through comments like “Good riddance!” and “Oppa belongs to the fans!”

“Hyung, stop.” Junhoe shakes Hanbin by the shoulders and quickly exits the browser with the gossip articles. “Stop doing this to yourself!”

Hanbin just looks blankly at the younger boy before returning his empty gaze to the computer screen without a word.

“Bobby-hyung, Jinhwan-hyung,” Junhoe chants, trying not to get angry again. “Do something! He’s self-destructing and at this rate, he’ll bring us all down with him!”

Jinhwan sighs heavily and looks at Hanbin. “There’s nothing we can do. We can’t force him to move on if he doesn’t want to.”

Junhoe exhales angrily and storms to his room to calm himself down. After throwing countless tantrums in the past few months, he understands now that his anger will only make things worse. When he returns to the living room, he finds Bobby glaring at Hanbin.

“Yah, Hanbin,” Bobby barks, surprising everyone except the person in question, who remains as stubbornly motionless as a mountain. “You think being depressed is gonna bring her back? Huh?”

“Bobby,” Jinhwan warns.

Bobby ignores the older boy and scoffs before standing and shoving his way past Hanbin. “If you’re gonna be like this, why didn’t you just chase after her?”

The rest of the boys are shocked into stillness, feeling completely blindsided. Bobby has been as supportive as he always is when one of the members is down. This explosion of wrath is completely unexpected and indicates a serious problem.

Jinhwan rubs a hand across his face. “Come on, guys, let’s give him some space.”

All the boys slowly get up and follow the oldest out of the room except for Donghyuk. He hasn’t said much in the months after everything fell apart so Jinhwan is pleasantly surprised to see the boy walk up to their leader and stand quietly, as if composing his words, thinking that Donghyuk must have something comforting to say.

“It’s your fault, Hyung,” Donghyuk says softly and Hanbin’s eyebrows twitch. Jinhwan gasps and is about to jump in when Donghyuk continues in an emotionless voice, “It’s your fault Noona left. You know that, right? She was the one hurting the whole time, not you. You have no right to sit here like this, pretending to be heartbroken. I can’t respect you anymore.”

Then, just as quietly, he shifts and walks away, giving Jinhwan an unreadable look.

“Donghyuk!” Jinhwan hisses in horror but the other boy ignores him. “Hanbin, you know he didn’t really mean that.”

Hanbin continues to stare blindly ahead without any acknowledgement of Jinhwan’s presence. Jinhwan has never wished more fervently for the ability to read minds. What is Hanbin thinking about? Why won’t he say or do anything? Just what is going on in that genius brain of his?

But Jinhwan would be disappointed if he knew the truth. The truth is that nothing is going through Hanbin’s mind. It is completely and utterly empty because he can’t afford to think. All of his focus is on clearing out his mind because the tiniest crack in concentration will cause memories to seep into the forefront of his thoughts.

And thinking about her, about the good times, would break him. They would simply crack him so cleanly that nothing would be able to fix him again.

Hanbin can’t forget. No, but he can suppress. And he is doing his utmost to forge that mental lock on the happiest times in his life.

What should he do? What can he do? He knows there is no chance of getting Soojin back. For one thing, he doesn’t even know where she is and all of her friends politely hate him now and refuse to speak to him. And even if he knew where she went, he can’t just go and take her back. Because she doesn’t want him anymore. And he really can’t blame her.

Even now, he doesn’t know what the hell he was thinking when he didn’t run after her. There she was, telling him about her months of silent suffering, even a hospital visit, and how much she loved him, and all he could think about was practice. It was information overload: there was just too much for his brain to handle. He couldn’t process anything she said, not even “I love you.”

But that’s no excuse.

He saw the way that Park Jimin guy looked at her and supported her and chased after her. That guy had been the one to save her when she was attacked and he was the one by her bedside when she woke up in the hospital. He was there for her the whole time while Hanbin…where was he? Was he in the studio, making music? In the practice room, training? On stage, performing?

No. No, he was simply in a whole other world. He had left her behind in their apartment filled with memories. He had hid behind his work, too afraid to face her and his burgeoning love for her. He loved—loves—her, he’s quite sure, but he’s also sure his father loves—loved?—his mother, and yet look what he did to her. He stole money from his company and shamed her. Is that love?

Hanbin acknowledges that he was afraid but had he truly allowed that fear to overpower his love for Soojin? To the extent that she felt he didn’t care about her anymore?

He can’t go on like this forever, he knows. He can’t bring his brothers down with him, he knows. He became so invested in his dream that he let her go, so he shouldn’t let go of his dream now, he knows.

And yet.

“What do I do now?” his voice, hoarse from use, grates out like sandpaper on wood for the first time in months. With that, the dam is broken and his bitter tears pour down his face quietly. His shoulders shake almost imperceptibly.

He cries alone, noiselessly, wondering when his choices went so wrong.

A lifeless month passes. Then another, and another, and slowly Hanbin’s soul returns to his body. The rest of iKON don’t really talk to him anymore, except Jinhwan, but even that’s just a fleeting “Morning” and “See you later.”

He’s less mechanical now but still unapproachable so it shocks the other members completely when he voluntarily walks out of his room one day, pulls on a jacket and announces purposefully, “I’m going to the studio.” And then he leaves.

The other members exchange looks but shrug and decide to let him do what he wants. The CEO gave them a break so they’re just waiting and hoping for Hanbin to move on.

Eventually, Bobby and Jinhwan notice that Hanbin hasn’t come home in over a week.

“He’s probably been living in the studio,” Junhoe says, shoving a piece of bread into his mouth. “He does that sometimes.”

“Did,” Yunhyung corrects. “He hasn’t been working since Soojin left.”

Jinhwan and Bobby look at each other and nod. “We’ll go check on him. Give us some snacks to bring,” Bobby says and they’re off.

They arrive at the studio to find Hanbin awake and immersed in writing a new song. He doesn’t notice them come in—or if he does, he doesn’t care.

The song is slow and sad, crooning a haunting melody. Hanbin jots down lyrics furiously, scratching out words and writing more and scratching them out again.

Bobby gets it. Their heartbroken leader has decided to channel all his emotions into music. It’s not inspiration, but rather an outpouring of his heart. Unfortunately, probably none of these songs will be suitable for iKON, but at least Hanbin is writing again.

“Yo, Hanbin,” he greets, tossing the snacks down.

Hanbin looks up at them, nods, and returns to his lyrics.

“Hey, how are you?” Jinhwan sits down on one side of Hanbin and Bobby follows suit on the other side.

Hanbin continues scribbling. “ty. But I’m writing.”

“You know we can’t use any of this, right?” Bobby points out. “It’s too personal and not iKON’s style.”

Hanbin nods. “But it’s all I have right now.”

Jinhwan nods slowly. “Okay. Come home once in a while. The boys are worried.”

“No they’re not.”

Bobby grins. “You’re right, they’re stuffing their faces, but they miss you.” He slaps Hanbin’s back. “We miss you, too, okay? Jesus, stop making me say mushy things and just come home. We’ll be waiting.”

They lay reassuring hands on his shoulders before leaving him alone again, with only his music, his thoughts, and a pile of snacks.

Hanbin sighs and looks at his lyrics. He stares hard and calculating for a few moments. Then with another sigh, he rips the page out, crumples it, and tosses it perfectly into the trash can behind him without looking. The words are all wrong.

If only he could so easily start over with Soojin too.

He tries to write for another hour but nothing usable flows from his pen.

Frustrated beyond exhaustion, he throws down his pen and exhales angrily, ruffling his hair into a wild mess before sighing and trudging outside for fresh air. He pulls his beanie as far down over his head as far as possible without covering his eyes and adjusts his face mask over his nose. He hunches down into his black sweater and walks glumly with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

He is the picture of misery.

Feeling cold, he walks into the first restaurant he sees and sits down. When a waitress comes by his table in the corner, he orders coffee, black, and continues gazing stonily out the window.

“Enjoy your coffee, sir,” a smiling voice says, followed by the clink of china. Hanbin turns to thank the waiter but his eyes widen when he recognizes the man in front of him.

Park Jimin.

The man Soojin was with the last time Hanbin had seen her.

“You,” he breathes, slowly standing.

Jimin frowns. “Kim Hanbin?”

“Do you—do you know where Soojin is? I-I’ve been trying to find her but her friends and family won’t talk to me, and—and I guess I shouldn’t expect you to tell me either but—I need to tell her so much—”

Jimin holds up a hand to, interrupting Hanbin’s tirade. “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m in the middle of work right now. I get off in a couple hours, so we can meet somewhere and talk after.”

“I’ll just wait here.”

“Are you sure? It’s at least two hours.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “I…I’ll feel better being here, knowing that you’re here. It makes me feel like I still have a chance.”

Jimin gives him an unreadable look. “Okay.”

The time crawls and yet Hanbin barely notices. He stares blankly ahead as chaos reigns in his mind. Will Park Jimin tell him where she is? If not, what happens? If so, what happens?

By the time he remembers the coffee he ordered, it’s ice cold, but he gulps it down anyway and checks the time. Only—still?—an hour to go.

Finally, Jimin returns in casual clothes and sits down across from Hanbin. The two men stare inscrutably at each other for several moments before Jimin sighs and looks away.

“I’ll be honest. I never thought I’d run into you but Soojin specifically told me not to tell you anything if I did.”

Hanbin slowly deflates, though he’s unsure why. He expected this. Any other answer would have shocked him to his bones. Still, finding Park Jimin had been a ray of hope, but clearly it was just too late.

“I see,” he says quietly. He nods and slowly rises.

“But.”

Hanbin stops.

“I think you’re both idiots. Clearly you’re both suffering alone, so why not just be together? I don’t understand,” Jimin mutters angrily.

Hanbin says nothing, just looks at Jimin.

“So! That’s why I’ll help you.”

Hanbin’s eyes widen. “Are you…serious?”

Jimin nods. “I won’t tell you where she is, because I promised her, but I’ll try to let you know where she’s going. Aside from that, it’s up to you.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I…I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.” Hope is blossoming timidly in Hanbin’s heart.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry. Once you two are happily being idiots together again, I’ll consider the debt repaid.” He stands as well and pulls out his phone. “What’s your number?”

Hanbin quickly rattles off a list of numbers and then saves Jimin’s number in his own phone.

“I’ll probably text you when an opportunity comes up. Until then, try to get some rest. I’ve seen drug addicts more energetic than you,” Jimin snorts and holds out his hand.

Hanbin tilts the corners of his lips for the first time in months and firmly shakes Jimin’s hand. “Thank you. Seriously.”

Jimin waves and leaves.

Hanbin stays in the restaurant till closing and then slowly makes his way back to the studio. He stops outside the building, hand on the handle, before shaking his head and turning towards the dorm. He walks in to see the other boys sitting around the table, talking and eating. They immediately fall silent when they notice him. Donghyuk doesn’t look at him.

Hanbin attempts a very sorry smile. Yunhyung almost faints at the sight of it, he’s so surprised. “Hey.”

Then he shuts himself in his room and passes out.

The following week is tense and cautious between Hanbin and s. Donghyuk is especially evasive, which Hanbin notices but can’t afford to care about right now. After he finds Soojin, after he brings her back, then he can apologize and Donghyuk will forgive him.

“He seems…happier?” Bobby whispers to Jinhwan one day while watching the boy in question pace around the room.

“Not quite happy,” Jinhwan disagrees. “But…excited? Like he’s waiting for something big. Did something happen?”

Bobby shrugs. “Don’t ask me.”

Every time his phone makes any sort of signal, Hanbin lunges for it and scrambles to unlock it but each time he sighs in disappointment and tosses it back down. He almost gives up and decides that Jimin was lying about helping him when he finally receives a short text from Jimin.

She’s visiting me at work today. 5 pm.

Hanbin immediately sends back his gratitude before frantically running through different scenarios in his head of how the meeting will go.

Okay, he tells himself, the first scenario is that she doesn’t show. Or that for some reason or other I don’t catch her in time. Okay. Don’t be too disappointed. Jimin will help you try again.

What if she’s there and then she sees me and she runs right away? Should I go after her or wait for an opportunity when she doesn’t flee at the sight of me? Maybe I should run…I might still lose her among the pedestrians. But if I don’t then I’ll have to wait longer…no, I have to be patient. Fine. Okay. I won’t chase her. I shouldn’t force myself on her.

Then if she doesn’t run…but if she refuses to talk to me, what do I do? I guess I could just talk at her and hope she listens to some of it. Or is that also forcing myself on her? Okay fine, I won’t talk if she doesn’t want to. I’ll just order something to go and make do with the time I have to be near her until next time. But what if I can’t hold back? No, I have to. I can’t scare her away again. No…

But what happens if she’s willing to talk? Maybe she’ll just say she never wants to see me again. Okay. Can’t blame her. Nothing I can do if she doesn’t feel the same anymore. No, I should expect that her feelings have already faded. That’s right, I shouldn’t be going there to get her back…what am I even thinking? I should just go beg for forgiveness! God, if she took me back, I’d wonder if she’s forgotten all the I put her through.

That’s right. It’s my fault. I’m the reason she was hurt. I’m the reason the fans hurt her and I’m the one who made her feel like she couldn’t trust me with her problems. What the hell am I expecting? I should just go and apologize until she leaves and the next time Jimin lets me see her, I should keep apologizing.

Hanbin drops to the floor and lays there, unmoving. What is he supposed to do without Soojin? The only reason he’s as successful as he is now is because of her support and encouragement and sacrifice. He doesn’t deserve it. How can he continue his career knowing she was the one who helped him get here? How can he ever stand on stage again without the crippling guilt?

And even if he could, how could he ever love his fans again?

He falls into a fitful sleep and when he wakes, it is 4:50. He scrambles up and hurries out the door, practically sprinting to the restaurant. He checks the time when he arrives. 5:02. If she’s here, she must already be sitting inside.

Suddenly, he is more scared than he’s ever been in his life. He thought he was prepared to bear her rejection but now that he’s here, so close to her, he doesn’t think he can survive it. If she refuses him in any way, how could he bring himself to face her again?

His heart feels like it’s trying to hammer itself out of his chest. His hand trembles against the door. Just as he’s about to chicken out, the door opens and he stumbles, his hand grasping air.

“What are you doing?” Jimin hisses. “Hurry up!”

He pulls Hanbin inside and shoves him forward. Hanbin catches his balance and looks up.

His breath catches.

Her back is facing him but he would recognize her posture anywhere. She looks beautiful. More beautiful than any image his memory could create. She takes a sip of her drink and plays with her hair, tilting her head to look out the window.

Hanbin takes a step back. “I can’t do this.”

“What? Nonsense. Go talk to her before she leaves. Come on, don’t make all my hard work go to waste. Do you know how much begging I had to do to get her to come here?” Jimin gives him another light push. “Go!”

“I…I can’t. I can’t face her. I—sorry. Not today.” Hanbin stares for one more moment before turning and pushing past and outraged Jimin.

Jimin groans and slaps his fingers over his face. “You leave me no choice. Soojin!”

Hanbin freezes. No. What is he doing? No. Stop.

Just go, he urges himself. Just go before she recognizes you and tells you she hates you. Go!

“Jimin, why aren’t you working? Who is—” Soojin’s voice cuts off.

Hanbin wants nothing more than to turn and look at her face but he can’t move. He should go…no, he should stay and apologize…no he should go and wait until they’re both ready…no, he should—

“Hanbin?” Her voice is barely even a whisper, but just the sound of it makes Hanbin want to cry.

Instead, he takes a step towards the door, only to be held back by Jimin’s harsh grip.

“Running away again?” Jimin chuckles humorlessly. “And here I thought you were being sincere.”

At his mocking tone, Hanbin rips his arm away and spins around, his gaze on his feet. Slowly, his eyes rise, moving up her familiar figure until finally locking his gaze with hers.

He immediately looks away. “Soo—Soojin.”

The three of them stand awkwardly for several long moments. In the end, it is again Jimin who saves the day by clapping them out of their stupors and saying, “Okay, I have to get back to work and you guys are attracting attention. Either go sit and talk or talk outside. Don’t just stand here.” Then he claps Hanbin on the back, comfortingly squeezes Soojin’s shoulder, and disappears into the kitchen.

Hanbin fidgets with his sleeve. He eventually gathers enough courage to clear his throat and ask, “Should we…sit?”

Her eyes flit over him and she hesitantly turns and leads the way to her table.

Okay, so far so good. No immediate fleeing, no angry looks. Maybe I’ll actually be able to apologize.

They sit across from each other. Her hands and eyes immediately fly to her mug of hot tea; he continues fiddling with his sleeve and stares at the table.

“How…have you been?” She surprises him by speaking first. Her voice is soft and unsure, but still as soothing as ever.

He panics. , I didn’t prepare for this question. I didn’t think she’d ask! What do I say? !

“Okay,” he replies, wanting to smack himself. “You?”

“Terrible,” she admits, “but better lately.”

His heart twinges.

“The kids miss you,” he tries. “Especially Donghyuk. He’s still angry with me.”

Her maternal smile is fleeting and he would have missed it if not for her peripheral vision. “I miss them too.”

They fall silent again. Hanbin tries to think of something else to say, but comes up empty. He sighs and decides he might as well just apologize, since that’s what he’s here for.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I—I have no excuse for anything. I’m just…sorry.”

“I forgive you. And I’m sorry too.”

Hanbin’s eyes fly up to her face and he gapes at her in shock. Did she just—? “Wait, what did you—why would say that? Why are you forgiving me so easily? And why are you sorry?”

Her lips curve slightly and he wishes he could just put her in his heart and keep her there forever. “What happened, it wasn’t all your fault. I’m to blame too. I made bad decisions. A relationship needs two people and ours, at the end, had zero.”

Hanbin winces. It hurts to hear directly from that he hadn’t put enough effort into their love but he can’t deny that it’s true. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know…it was mostly my fault. Do you think…is there a chance…could you ever love me again?”

Soojin visibly flinches and Hanbin hastily corrects himself. “I mean—no, forget I said that! I have no right to ask that of you.”

“Do you really think,” she says quietly, “that I’ve stopped loving you? Really?”

“You—you must have. After everything I’ve done—”

“That’s not how love works, Hanbin.” She stares at him with teary eyes. “I didn’t fall in love with you because you never hurt me. Don’t you know that you’re the one who can hurt me the most? No, I fell in love with you because I trusted that you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But I did.”

“And,” she continues as if he hasn’t spoken, “I won’t stop loving you just because you’ve hurt me. Because I trust you. I trust that you would never hurt me on purpose. Even if you never loved me back”—her voice clogs up—“I knew you would never try to hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. Soojin, I’m so sorry, Soojin, I love you, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you but I was—I was so scared because I love you and you know how I feel about my parents, I’m sorry, please…” Hanbin’s voice is nearly inaudible. “Please don’t leave me.”

She uncertainly slides her had across the table and rests it on top of his. He stares down at it like it’s a foreign object, but his hands turn and grasp it like a lifeline. He stares at her. She stares back.

“I love you, Hanbin,” she finally says. “But I don’t think I can do this again. Not yet. Not so soon. Maybe…maybe.”

He gradually looks away and nods. “I understand.”

They sit in a sad, comfortable silence for a long time. But all too soon, she pulls away and gets up.

“I have to go now,” she says. “Goodbye, Hanbin. I’ll…see you around.”

“Can I,” he hurriedly asks, “have your number?”

She looks at him, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, and he is reminded of the first time they met, years ago, and the first time he asked for her number.

He shyly scratched his head. “Can I, uh, get your number?”

She ducked her head with a bashful smile and blushed. “Okay.”

Her expression clears and in its place is the same brilliant smile that he fell in love with so many years ago. “Okay.”

iKON’s B.I: Single Again

Recently, B.I, the leader of the popular idol group iKON, released an official statement about his relationship, proving that the rumors of his breakup were actually true. However, specific details regarding the breakup are still hazy. An inside source believes they broke up due to sasaeng fans bullying Jung Soojin, B.I’s now ex-girlfriend.

B.I’s own statement was ambiguous at best.

“We’re not together anymore,” B.I admitted. “But we’re still friends and, if she’ll have me, I hope to be with her again.”

So it appears the charming leader of iKON is single again but still off the market. YG Entertainment still refuses to release a statement, asserting once more that they will not interfere in the personal lives of their idols.

Once again, netizens are split on the issue. While many are ecstatic that the breakup is confirmed, many more are sad and pray that B.I’s own hope to reunite with Jung will come true.

A/N: Holy crap, I'm so sorry this took me forever! I actually wrote most of it today, though I started it like a month ago. It's just...it's winter break now but I got my grades back for the fall semester and they are just...hideous. I don't even know how I let myself slack off so much, they're that bad. I couldn't bring myself to write because I felt like literal . Still do but I'm able to suppress it a little better now that some time has passed. I'm really sorry if this chapter is so not up to par but I haven't been overly inspired latey. I'm going to try my best to update every ongoing story I have on here though. Wish me luck!

And finally, enjoy! I left the ending open on purpose (possibly inspired by the very unsatisfying and open-ended mini-dramas I watched today, lol) but I think it's pretty hopeful? Make of it what you will :P

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