Jongin doesn’t understand the hype.

He spends his adolescence surrounded by friends and acquaintances that can’t stop talking about their soulmates. What they’ll look like, how they’ll meet, what kind of life they’ll live. Jongin was done talking about it, to be honest. He’s not arrogant; he finds himself daydreaming about his soulmate and can occasionally be found tracing the cursive name on his left wrist during class.

Still.

Jongin never found it particularly necessary to endlessly discuss soulmates and destined paths and love. He knew there was going to be plenty of time to discuss that after meeting his better half. He felt obsessed with freedom. He could do as he pleased without having to worry about another person and he wanted to savor that. Jongin felt like settling down on the mere thought of his soulmate was dangerous and claustrophobic.

Jongin wanted to build a personality outside of fawning over his future. He wanted to bathe himself in individualism and adventure. He wanted to have a long lasting conversation that didn’t involve his friends wondering what their soulmates were doing. Jongin didn’t want to lose himself. He could care less about when he was going to meet his soulmate.

Do Kyungsoo.

Jongin, despite the underlying love of his independence, finds himself mouthing his soulmate’s name in the dark of the night. He finds himself writing the name on post-its to stick in his text books and on his desk because someone out there was his.

He finds himself on train rides to distant towns without a reason. Away from bustling activity in Seoul, away from the prying eyes of the dancing studio, away from his friends’ thoughts on their soulmates. Jongin liked being far away from everything. He loved being alone with just his thoughts to accompany him. He hated to admit it to himself, but he was terrified.

He wanted to meet his soulmate as much as the next person, but he didn’t want to lose his sense of individuality. He wanted to continue living like he had been: free, untamed, happy. There was no doubt that he would be happy, but Jongin wanted to live for so much more than his soulmate. He didn’t want to turn out like so many before him, only capable of finding happiness through their better halves.

Jongin didn’t want to end up like his mother, who quit her dreams simply because she wanted to devote her entire being to her soulmate. He wanted to continue dancing until his heart was full and content because throughout his entire life that’s what made him truly happy. Jongin wasn’t keen on giving up one part of his life just to devote himself to another. He didn’t want to forget the years he spent before meeting Kyungsoo.

Jongin wanted to be happy through his job, through dancing, through so much more than his partner. He didn’t want to be one dimensional. He wanted to be important and distinct. He didn’t just want to be remembered as ‘Jongin and Kyungsoo’. Jongin didn’t want to exist, he wanted to live.

He wanted to allow Kyungsoo that much as well. He was sure Kyungsoo had hobbies and big dreams outside of meeting Jongin.  Jongin didn’t understand why everything had to be so romanticized. He just wanted to immerse himself in his dancing and what made him feel the rush of life.

Jongin poured his soul in to dancing because it made him happy. He wonders if, maybe, Kyungsoo would like to see him dance. He wonders if Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind that he’s so indecisive with what he wants.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Kyungsoo. Jongin doesn’t tie himself up in the whole soulmate business because he knows he doesn’t have to. It’s a waste of time. Kyungsoo was his soulmate. They were destined to meet and be with each other until the end. He wanted to build himself up as much as he could before being brought back down.

Jongin knows that once Kyungsoo comes in to his life, there are no rash decisions and frivolous actions. He would have to settle down and take in to consideration Kyungsoo’s feelings as well. There would be no more ‘Jongin’. It would be ‘Jongin and Kyungsoo’.

So he pours his remaining individuality in to his dancing. He takes trips so often that they can hardly be described as vacations. He lets his mind imprint all over Korea because he wants there to be enough of himself, and only himself, left in the world to last a generation. Once he meets Kyungsoo there’s going to be enough of them as a whole to last a millenium.

The day he does meet Kyungsoo, Jongin realized that there was enough to last an eternity.

They bumped in to each other outside of a library. Kyungsoo had tripped and dropped his newly checked out books on Jongin, who was just passing by on his way to the dance studio. Kyungsoo apologized adamantly but Jongin was staring at the cursive on the shorter male’s right wrist.

Kim Jongin.

His vision blurred as he nearly shoved his hand in Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo had blinked in confusion, backing up in surprise before he realized what was happening. Jongin took that time to drink in everything that was Kyungsoo.

He was dressed in pastels. A sky blue sweatshirt, pale yellow pants, white sneakers, such a heavy contrast to Jongin’s forest button up, navy blue jeans and black dress shoes. Jongin was twenty three and he felt like he had been alive for centuries.

“I’m Jongin. I dance.” His words came out calm and collected but his heartbeat contradicted all sense of stability. Kyungsoo smiled up at him and Jongin suddenly understood why people gave up their entire world for their soulmate. Kyungsoo quickly gathered his books in his arms and stood up and Jongin debated fixing his stray pieces of fringe.

“I’m Kyungsoo,” Jongin found himself smiling as Kyungsoo straightened his posture and huddled his books tight against his chest, “I write.”

Jongin quickly discovered that soulmates were destined to each other for a reason. Both men had lived their lives in fear of the unknown, of losing themselves, but fate was too far ahead of them. Kyungsoo wanted as much independence as Jongin did and both were willing to find a way to make it work.

“I’m Kyungsoo and you’re Jongin, just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean we have to give that up.”

Jongin understands the hype.